cognitive

Absolutely this. I would like to add to it. Parents are meant to "buffer" their children's emotions. When the child's emotions are spinning out of control, the parent should keep their emotional cen…

The "and" theory... — I saw this a few days ago and started to implement it, I can't tell you how much it has allowed me to have more compassion for myself, create a clearer head and process my emotions. The and theory is…

Set out to launch my first e-commerce brand, feedback? — Looking for advice on a health and wellness business, A transdermal nootropic patch designed for biohackers, deep workers, and anyone looking for clean, all-day cognitive enhancement without the stim…

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

The most painful relationship/breakup I've ever had, cracked me open for healing. Plot Twist: The text message llm tool said I was an FA, I ignored it for 5 months before I figured it out. — For five months I was absolutely certain I was dismissive avoidant. Monthly attachment coaching—as a DA. Studied obsessively, could recite every AP/DA/FA trait. I even built this text analysis tool, a…

Half Day Meditation Workshop For Anxious Preoccupied and Fearful Preoccupied: Focusing on the sense of "unpredictable threat" or "uncaused anxiety', this Sunday 7th of December 2025, Donation based. — Half day meditation workshop on healing "anxiety without cause". It's this Sunday December 7th 2025. Donation based. If you can't make a donation due to finances then you can apply for a scholarship…

If your avoidant ex discarded you: go no contact immediately. — writing this as someone who only figured out I'm avoidant/what avoidance truly is post-breakup: the kindest thing you can do for yourself as the ex of an avoidant is respect yourself enough to have t…

Processing my NDE and the paranormal experiences that followed — I can’t sleep and i’m feeling the need to document a sequence of experiences I had from February 2019 through 2020 that forever changed my life. I’ll try my best to keep each section somewhat brief, b…

I can’t do it, been trying for years. The gateway tapes don’t help as well — Maybe it’s because I listen to them on my sony wh-1000xm4 bluetooth headphones (talking about the gateway tapes) but I never seemed to catch them helping. The guy in the tapes keeps talking and tellin…

Could use some compassion - I broke up with my ex of nearly two decades last fall. I was codependent on him for everything. — TW: a depressing and heavy post, self blame, neglect I left him last August after realizing we were holding each other back. I wanted to get married but he just… never proposed. At one point we did …

I Don’t Think It’s Just Depression… My Brain Feels Like It’s Shutting Down — Lately I’ve been wondering if what scares me most isn’t even the sadness. It’s the brain fog. I can handle feeling low. I’ve lived with that for years. But this mental blankness is different. I’l…

Asian-Americans say they are still seen as foreign, study finds — Survey shows more than half face ‘perpetual foreigner’ bias, with higher stress levels and exclusion across daily life **Like many Asian-Americans**, US-born Tiffany Chin has faced her share of sligh…

Do you think narcissists experience "variable empathy" or do they simply pretend to experience empathy? — I was recently watching a Dr. Ramani video in which she talks about the confusion survivors of narcissist abuse feel when they think about their experience with the narcissists. For many survivors, at…

Post traumatic cognitive decline affecting speech and conversational ability. Can meditation help? — I had an extremely traumatic event occur to me 8 years ago. I was able to recover emotionally after about 6 months to a normal emotional state. However, I noticed a significant decline in my ability t…

Has anyone noticed any changes by doing only the first orientation tape again and again? — Hello. If someone has done the orientation tape again and again for weeks or months, could you share your experience? Did you notice any change in your mood, in how people treat you, your cognitive ab…

Schopenhauer's cessation of striving and Marcus Aurelius's cognitive clearing: is there a Stoic equivalent of deliberate emptying before decision-making? — Schopenhauer argues that the continuous striving of the individual will produces only horizontal progress, and that the complete cessation of that striving opens a qualitatively different kind of perc…

Struggling with Brain Fog? How 'Attention Restoration Theory' (ART) can reset your focus in 20 minutes — **Hi everyone,** **Most of us think that taking a break means scrolling through TikTok or checking emails, but psychology suggests this actually increases 'directed attention fatigue'.** **I’ve been…

20 years of a "loving" marriage, then a 6-month double life. Seeking to understand this mindset from folks who have 'lived experience' — I am hoping to seek perspectives from folks with "lived experience" with the most difficult situation I am going through to help me process the cognitive dissonance of the last few days. I have firmed…

Stop trying to "think" your way out of burnout. You need a physical boundary. — For a long time, I believed that surviving immense pressure just required more willpower. Between running a tech startup, trying to expand our business into the US market, tackling the massive learnin…

Has anyone reached out to their nex’s exes for the truth? — I’ve been thinking a lot about how my ex framed all of his former partners as mean, crazy, narcissistic, or toxic, and now that I’m out of the relationship, I’m questioning how much of that was ever t…

Seeking support with emotional regulation and anger. Will meditation help? — Hello, hope everyone's doing well today. I've never really found myself on this subreddit before, but I've been thumbing through it this afternoon and really feeling intrigued and inspired by a lot of…

I went to a Physical Therapy intake appointment today, and part of the protocol was asking "Do you Feel Safe at Home?"...........and apparently I said "no', but had no Conscious memory of saying that. OMFG. — I f'ing hate trauma bullshit CPTSD so f'ing much. I thought I was doing fine, wore my best workout outfit to my First PT apointment, so I didnt look like the hot mess that I feel like inside. I…

Meditation for Insomnia — Lifelong insomniac. It’s perhaps the biggest issue in my life. It’s related to hyperactivity and anxiety. I can calm my body, but I cannot shut my mind. Are there any meditative practices that are …

When I’m half asleep I cognitively believe I can play a video game without looking at it, then proceed to lucid dream playing that game whilst knowing I’m not looking at it — Has anyone else ever had this before? Often when this happens, I usually haven’t exerted much energy that day either or just played games that day. Funnily enough though, the lucid dreams are always c…

The moment when everything clicked after the discard. Does this pattern strongly point to NPD? — Hey everyone. After a recent brutal and totally blindsiding discard by someone who I thought loved me, Im trying to understand what I experienced (almost 1 year relationship and attempt at reconnectio…

Do discrete developmental stage models cause harm when clients internalize the stages as self-judgment? — If you use a stage-based developmental framework in clinical work (Kegan, Loevinger, Cook-Greuter), have you seen clients weaponize the stages against themselves? A client who believes they should be …

Cbt is humillating — I am leaving my current therapist. Cbters can't treat us. They have zero survival insticts. Treats my gut feelings as exaggeration or irrational fears. I told him I can detect if a man is a rapist and…

I ignored my self-critic for a full week and boy was it exhausting — A week ago I decided that since behavioural activation therapy, CBT, other therapies, and trying to find ways to be productive or find meaning with others or by myself, and even low pressure advice we…

How did you cope when you realized that the person you loved was never really "there"? And that what happened between you, was mostly in your head? — An eerie and disturbing feeling crept in the moment the mask slipped. At first I was confused, but during the next days I came to the harrowing realization that she was wearing a mask all along, and t…

Ditching productivity apps for a cheap paper notebook is the best habit I've built this year. — I run a 3 person tech micro-startup. My entire day is spent staring at screens, context-switching between a hundred different digital tools, and trying to keep our project from crashing. For a long ti…

Looking into the Abyss — ​ For 15 years I lived with a man I considered responsible, honest, hardworking, and who loved me in a profound way, so profound that even facing unemployment, financial setbacks, what I thoug…

Does anyone else build an “inner system architecture” instead of a personality? — I’m neurodivergent — ADHD, autistic, highly sensitive, and gifted — and my inner world doesn’t behave like a personality. It behaves like a system. I’ve been developing something I call “Identity Arc…

Short term relationships and new sub users post here — This is a safe space for individuals to seek advice for relationships lasting shorter than 1 year or for any individual that is seeking general advice on infidelity that just started an account. We, …

How do you decide how to act or what to say in daily life situations? — The question may be a bit vague, so let me expound on it. I’m very mindful in daily life — I’m very aware of not only my internal monologue and cognitive movements but also the present moment and th…

I want to give medication a try to improve my mental health and so i can be safer. — I'm currently at a crossroads and could really use some perspective from others who "masked" their way into a high-stakes career before hitting a total systemic collapse. On paper, I look like I have…

Do narcissists know what they're doing - an answer. — A question victims of narcissistic abuse often ask is, "does the narcissist know what they're doing?" This is a completely reasonable and understandable question. From my own lived experience with a …

Where Did you Go to Find Your Therapist? — I am a very experienced clinical psychologist with a PhD from a very strong university. I have recently left an agency where I was pressured to do unethical things (for example: record things in the m…

Parents recorded Csam of me - don't know what to do — I'm not sure if this is too graphic but I feel that I need some validation because I keep questioning my reality and if it was really abuse. When I was 10, I was watching home videos with my parents …

How do I (38M) tell my GF (41F) my true feelings about love? — The other night my girlfriend (41F) was discussing philosophy with me (38M), which is really sweet of her seeing how she knows it's one of my big interests and I'm a deep thinker. I have been with her…

Attachment and intelligence — [https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Marco-Del-Giudice/publication/365106961\_A\_new\_look\_at\_the\_relations\_between\_attachment\_and\_intelligence/links/637e2eb92f4bca7fd084f79c/A-new-look-at-the…

i did a lot of things today — i think i did a very good job today. i woke up pretty late - at 2PM but that dosent matter cause i washed my hair for once. then i started reading my beatles biography and called my friends. at the en…

Overcoming emotional blindness — I think I’ve started to overcome some of my emotional blindness, and it came out of a really traumatic conflict with someone I care about and lost. I’m alexithymic, and I tend to experience emotions …

MECHANISMS OF CONTACT, “PRIME CONTACTEES”: A SPECIAL KIND OF CONTACT EXPERIENCER & WHY THEY ARE IMPORTANT. J. Burkes MD, edited 2020, 2026 — **MECHANISMS OF CONTACT, “PRIME CONTACTEES”: A SPECIAL KIND OF CONTACT EXPERIENCER & WHY THEY ARE IMPORTANT.** **J. Burkes MD, edited 2020, 2026** **2026 INTRODUCTION: Before “Psionic Assets” I work…

I think I finally found out why my vision boards werent working — Hey guys, I just wanted to share my success story. In the past, I've made vision boards but they never seemed to stick or have lasting effect. Cutting pictures and phrases out of magazines was too tir…

Do narc parents head into retirement in a disastrous way? — This post is extremely spontaneous. Basically, my personal life and that of my parents are completely messed up. My dad is going to retire in less than a year, and my mom is more of a homemaker than s…

I'm the bad guy! And I admit it! But I'm growing. — TL;DR I did dumb shit but I've learned & grown & I want some insight from guys who've accepted accountability & made the best from the worst. So I'm gonna get this started with some backstory. STBXW …

I believe dual n-back could be an effective tool for lucid dreamers — **Edit:** Dual n-back is a brain training game popularized by Susanene Jaeggi in [her 2008 study](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18443283/). Here is a link to the free open source version of dual n-b…

Intense trauma externalisation integration experiences? Gestalt chairs — I have started with gestalt so it is still my preferred trauma coping tool subset, it's pretty aligned with how I feel and with ig how I work in general. I have been going to psychodrama workshops und…

Ndad has gone half-silent and will only reply if I take the initiative. I am worried and I am done. — Hello everyone, I need to vent a bit and some advice is needed. For the last year my relationship with my Ndad has gone very badly. Everything went wrong since I was trying to help him think about hi…

Should I accept my narcissistic parents’ job offer as a scaffold out of financial dependence? — TLDR; My wealthy parents have a sordid and calculated history of financial abuse, but are offering me to pay me to help manage their investments. I am disabled, possibly for life, and don’t know if I …

There should be tracking for therapy progress, not just «I feel better» — I’ve been in therapy for over five years now and I know it helped me \_a lot\_ in many different ways. At the same time, I have no idea how much it helped exactly, what parts helped the most, etc. We …

I guarantee you that dreaming and precognitive or prophetic abilities are connected. I knew how long it would take for Kurt Cobain to die and even that it would be specifically him when I was 7 and 1/…

I'm doing the same right now. I read the list of symptoms, and isolation and cognitive distortions made me say "oh god" and start crying, lol.

Right. It’s starting to feel like a circle jerk (that I am definitely a part of). I think people get confused because of the cognitive dissonance of them being caring and love bombing and then neglect…

>Not saying you’re entirely wrong but that wasn’t the point of the ladder experiment. The point of the ladder experiment was to teach about awareness. > Ah. Conscious awareness. Complete rubbish and…

I cried when I first time heard Cognitive Dissonance by Sophie Holohan, I am FA but lean avoidant "Get too close, build a wall Miss a friend, never call".

Before I say anything else, I want to say that there's no excuse for abuse, including emotional abuse. Ever. I'm sorry to hear you've experienced that. I also don't think an anxious person should sac…

I was in a similar position, ruminating for more than a year excessively about a relatively short relationship, feeling guilty about not being understanding and patient enough. And that’s the point I …

I think skepticism is always warranted. But I would make the case that psychological processes like cognitive dissonance and projection are likely magnified in insecure attachers.   Plus some peopl…

I would say becoming self-aware, reflecting about own unhealthy tendencies and applying secure behaviours definitely does something good however point of your comment is by my understanding that earne…

You both have to develop more metacognition. That’s the first step. Then, you need boundaries — DBT will help you do the opposite. Then do the body work with the nervous system while cognitively restr…

From the purely bystander's perspective, ie. the rational and adult brain perspective with 0 emotions involved, him telling you to "act normal" was yet another of his defense mechanisms. From the po…

Reducing therapy as a concept to a script of a two person conversation is a misunderstanding of what therapy is and what makes it effective. Here are three links for you about the danger of AI therap…

Never experienced this, but my advice is that you should learn to express yourself when things bother you in the moment instead of keeping things to yourself. Your inability to be vulnerable with othe…

No one has an attachment style. You engage in behavior strategies that are effective for that specific relationship. People do end up dating others that are familiar that allows for that behavior to b…

I experience exactly the same thing. I recommend looking into cognitive distortion to help name what’s going on in your head & cognitive defusion techniques to try and stop the thoughts. I find that r…

Hey. There's a lot there. It sounds like you just want more connection with your partner and also to know that they aren't going away. If the digital self harm is making you feel worse, perhaps try no…

Well, it is a book that essentially expands on attachment and shifts the focus to behavior patterns instead of 'styles.' It acknowledges that people use attachment behavior strategies towards attached…

Here are some CBT exercises worth trying: Cognitive Restructuring:  Identify automatic negative thoughts and challenge them by looking for evidence for and against them, considering alternative expl…

I do do the cognitive restructuring, like reminding myself of all the things my partner has done to show care. It helps in the moment but like I said, once we break up I wonder if I should've listened…

I'm the opposite, i tend to lack initiative during non critical situations, i could comfortable manage "directing" people and doing what is needed during lets say a car crash, but my dishes can spend…

curious how you react when similar situations happen to you and only you? sometimes we codependents think we are empaths because of how much we feel but actually we lack cognitive empathy and, in some…

> The sub doesn't let me post That's weird. There are auto-rules that limit TOP-LEVEL comments for posts tagged as "Seeking Personal Stoic Guidance". You have to be tagged as a "Contributor". I do…

I don’t know you, so this was a general statement. You speak from cognitive empathy, I speak from lived experience (anxious and avoidant, if that fact matters).

As someone who is currently quitting smoking and has had partners worry/stress about it in the past, the biggest place that I see this go wrong is that partners focus on the *act* of smoking and mista…

Okay, thats fine that you believe that. However, I rely on actual scientific research to understand how the attachment system works. Using pop psychology and observational behavior to determine someo…

No, I am not inverting the two. The avoidant attachment system is dismissive towards the internal self. There is a common misconception within mainstream pop-psychology attachment theory that dismiss…

The anxious behavior strategies are fairly more obvious. >C1 (Threateningly Angry): They use anger to coerce attached figures into proving care and comfort. >C2 (Disarmingly Desirous of Comfort): Co…

Yeah, I think the way they manage that cognitive dissonance is what actually pushes them to work. The fact that they crave intimacy even tho they are scared of it is a huge motivation for them

Due to the preoccupation of feelings that come with an anxious attachment, yes they can come across as self-centered. Since anxiously attached people are so focused on their internal feelings and how …

I've been recently trying to better myself into being more securely attached for my ex and I's relationship. I found an influencer by the name of Margarita Nazarenko ([Instagram](https://www.instagram…

This is great advice, even for someone just wanting to better themselves cbt and dbt therapy are great cognitive tools

DA here. Have a work friend that was easily the most generous, consistent, positive force in my life (only dethroned a hair by my husband). I would find myself pre-emptively grieving him and evaluat…

Spiritual concepts appeal to me, but the Christian framework does not. "Deserving" is a dangerous concept. The world operates on cause and effect, and a sense of what we "deserve" can put us at odds …

hi everyone, sorry for the long post - myself (26F) and my partner (26M) of 6 years have broken up less than a week ago and i've never such acute visceral pain. i'm riddled with the worst physical anx…

I think her perspective on 'if they like you, you will know' is a bit of a reach. When someone attaches to another person is highly subjective. I don't agree with her perspective on anxious = fear of…

Okay, I will look into this person more but Steph Anya is an LMFT. You might want to search again bc dismissiveness pulls right up as an avoidant trait only. Cognitive empathy is very limiting in true…

I assume you're talking about the hyper vigilance where someone 'reads between the lines' with text messages and automatically assumes the worst about things? Understand that this is nothing about yo…

I actually have no clue what the poster above is referring to because I think it makes a ton of assumptions that I don’t necessarily agree with, but I can explain the empathy thing generally. Some emp…

My information comes from the DMM. Based off what OP wrote, they don't align with what's classified as a Type A attachment in the DMM. I'd recommend reading Dr. Crittenden's work on attachment if yo…

It is simply a pattern that shows up in anxiously attached people. The emotional enmeshment does make it hard for them to hold space for other people’s feelings. Since they have high affect empathy, …

There is no direct correlation between low cognitive empathy and anxious attachment. I could not find a study that explicitly drew that conclusion. Studies do report that securely attached people show…

That meta analysis addresses empathy in general. As stated by them >We did not differentiate the dimension of the empathy; both cognitive and emotional dimensions were included as a general measure o…

This is extremely relatable for me too. I'm actually just learning about attachment theory now at 36, and reading about all the thoughts and behaviours and feelings common to anxious attachment style …

Well, attachment is internal. Avoidants engage in cognitive attachment strategies. Anxious is affect driven attachment strategies. It’s what fuels the behavior that matters. Affect driven attachment…

You'd need to understand what a cognitive driven attachment strategy is to begin with before asking what they need to feel safer in a relationship. I'd recommend reading about Type A attachment strat…

That’s super interesting, thank you! When you were experiencing those AP patterns, were you able to have enough insight to know that changing yourself for somebody wouldn’t be sustainable long term, b…

But you must have looked at somewhere that people with anxious attachment go to vent, so that's not really fair either. I think what you have to remember is that people on that side of the spectrum …

On moving in together while being Covid-cautious: **TL;DR:** I am high-risk and I mask up, partner generally does not. Thinking about the possibility of moving in together. He'd be someone least like…

One: stop defining yourself as an "avoidant." It's a self fulfilling prophecy. The attachment styles are not diagnoses or set schema governing your life, they're traits that exist within all of us and…

What type of therapy do you go to? With how you describe your internal thought process, and correct me if I am wrong, but it sounds like you're very consciously aware of how you feel internally. Whi…