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Citations (101)
Absolutely this. I would like to add to it. Parents are meant to "buffer" their children's emotions. When the child's emotions are spinning out of control, the parent should keep their emotional cen…
Victim Blaming will not be tolerated — Hey all, Codependency can lead to a ton of behaviors and relationship styles that are less than healthy, but as we all strive to better ourselves and shed these old habits that no longer serve us, it…
Think of the comments as inverted Uber ratings. (click to find out what this means) — I last posted a variation of this a little over 5 years ago. We're a little overdue for a repost. --- You know how every Uber rating is right on the verge of 5 stars unless something's particularly …
My arguments against manifestation — 1. **Maladaptive daydreaming proves that manifestation isn't real**; Manifestation doctrine teaches that what you focus on expands and manifests in your physical reality. Do not split hairs and try to…
Welcome to r/ecommerce! Please Read Before Posting — **Table of Contents:** I. Account Requirements II. Content Rules III. Linking Policies IV. Dropshipping Guidelines V. Reporting Violations VI. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) VII. Encouraged C…
Sick of Spam? Use the Report Button! — Annoyed by AI-written posts full of stealth promotion? We are, too. Whenever you see it, hit that report button! The majority of spam that makes it through our ever-evolving filters is never reported …
Meta won’t let you control impressions, so I trained an RL model to do it — One thing that always annoys me with Meta campaigns: you can’t just say “give me X impressions.” It’s all budget-based, and if you’re trying to hit specific visibility goals (like consistent daily del…
Announcement Regarding Community Safety — Dear SEO Members, We are reaching out to address a serious issue that affects the safety and well-being of our moderation team and our community as a whole. It has come to our attention that the CEO …
Business scaling up - what cloud provider should we use? — Our business is scaling rapidly — we’re currently handling millions of unique requests per week, and this number continues to grow. At the moment, we’re hosted on DigitalOcean, paying approximately €4…
Behavioral psychology ruined most UX tips for me (in a good way). — I used to follow every UX “rule” simplify, reduce clicks, make it obvious. Then I started reading more psychology, and things flipped. Stuff like loss aversion, commitment bias, and the labor illus…
Thoughts on a platform that can give AI suggestions layered on top of product documentation (i will not promote) — **AI suggestions layered on top of product documentation** Hey r/startups, I’m exploring a product idea and would love to hear your thoughts. **The problem:** Many users land in product documenta…
I designed an AI-powered path planner, but users lean toward heavy learning goals — need help rethinking the UX direction — Hi UXer! I’m a solo founder & designer, currently building a lightweight learning platform that uses AI to generate custom learning paths and micro flashcards. I designed it to support curious, self-…
Why did it take OpenAI 24 hours to roll back a faulty model? — Hi everyone, I read through [an article by OpenAI](https://openai.com/index/expanding-on-sycophancy/) and stumbled upon the following segment: >With the recent GPT‑4o update, we started the rollout …
Getting into digital marketing — Hello everyone, I have some questions about how to build a proper portfolio for getting an entry level position in digital marketing. I graduated with a behavioral science degree and my first job is i…
Weird behavior with display grid and overflow — Please help me make sense of the fact that we need to set overflow to hidden to .right for the layout to respect the grid-template-rows property in this example: https://codepen.io/Jcbz/pen/XJJYKRg …
Marketing Digest: Google tests new AI mode outside Labs along with more features, ChatGPT introduces shopping features with personalized product recommendations, Google confirms search signals used to train Gemini AI — Hey guys! A new week means a fresh batch of marketing insights. Google’s keeping us on our toes as usual, and AI is busy finding new ways to take over the digital space. Let’s read: **SERP features /…
Do we overestimate usability and underestimate motivation? — I used to obsess over UX friction, fewer clicks, better layout, no confusion. But lately I’ve been thinking more about *why* people even care enough to use a product in the first place. Sometimes i…
ELI5: What is TDD and BDD? Also, TDD vs BDD? — I wrote this short article about TDD vs BDD because I couldn't find a concise one. It contains code examples in every common dev language. Maybe it helps one of you :-) Here is the repo: https://githu…
"Mastering Content Creation with Real-Time Optimization, Competitor Analysis, and Smart Editing Tools" — Content is still king—but not just any content. Today, high-ranking content is the result of a strategic balance between creativity and data-driven precision. To climb the search engine results pages …
No one should suffer because we have trauma. — I see a lot of people accept harmful behavior, because their partner has past trauma, but in my opinion, that is wrong. I know I can come off as harsh sometimes, but we have to have honest conversatio…
Think I found a secure woman, and almost immediately self-sabotaged. — In my social club, there’s a woman who had consistently shown signs that she was into me. I was direct and asked her out. She said she was interested but couldn’t date for a few months because her j…
Feeling smothered by an AP friend… — This is part reflection/observation, and part question at the bottom. It’s interesting and a bit funny to me, I rarely feel avoidant in my attachments. The test I took for this sub, showed all secur…
I despise myself for having avoidant tendencies. — I'm dating someone right now, and things are actually going well. She moves a bit slower than I'm used to, but that's probably a good thing—my last relationship moved way too fast; we slept together …
I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …
Struggling after “healing” is challenged — I’m a late 20s AA, I have put a ton of work into myself over the years to become secure (as secure as I can be at least). Recently I was seeing a guy, likely DA, who needed some space and we agreed …
Self-soothe tips during ruptures? — I am the anxious partner, and my husband is the avoidant partner. He is also an addict, which has been traumatic in our relationship and in my trust in him. He is currently sober and working recovery.…
Help me understand-anxious now ex bf + part avoidant ex gf — My anxious ex and I met in ‘22. Online I was a full dismissive avoidant I began to work on myself in October’23. Since October ‘23,I have been a dismissive avoidant in recovery Recently,I have …
Help me to recognise my attachment style please! — I (26F) am struggling with this a lot, since my patterns of romantic behavior don’t seem to fit neatly into any of the four categories (AA, FA, DA, SA). On the one hand, I clearly crave intimacy and…
The most painful relationship and breakup I've ever had, but it cracked me open so that I could heal. I created a text message llm analysis tool that revealed insecure attachment. — EDIT - TLDR; 8-month, high-intensity relationship. I was DA-leaning; she showed a lot of push–pull/negative lensing. We loved each other and still couldn’t repair, so we went NC. Post-breakup I focuse…
I need some FA to give me insights on this situation — Break up with a FA need some insights Hi guys, i really need some insights as someone whos desire is to be a safe space for a FA girl. Breakup context: I (M, 23) was in a 2-year relationship with my…
Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…
For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? — For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? I began therapy 4 months into our situationship because of how strong he came on,…
Losing (F23, AA) my mind in my relationship with my (F22, DA) sister. — We’ve had some real struggles, and I’m at a loss for what to do. I feel generally pretty secure outside of this one relationship, but recently it’s been making my AA flair up in my romantic partnersh…
Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…
What are good books or podcasts to consume if I’m early in a great relationship and trying not to let me anxiety ruin it? — I’ve been dating a really amazing and supportive partner for the last few months. I thought I had done the work to heal my anxious attachment style, but I’m quickly learning there is a lot more work …
Emotional numbness. What happend? — I've been together for 5 years now with my DA (2 earlier break-ups 4 years ago). Every time we have an argument or a fight I go in complete AA-mode; cry, scream, chase, beg to resolve it right then …
Unsent letter to a prior ex, in the midst of a current breakup. — I am in a crash course on my own nervous system while in the midst of a breakup with a dismissive avoidant man I've loved for almost five years. I'd known about the anxious-avoidant trap for some time…
The most painful relationship/breakup I've ever had, cracked me open for healing. Plot Twist: The text message llm tool said I was an FA, I ignored it for 5 months before I figured it out. — For five months I was absolutely certain I was dismissive avoidant. Monthly attachment coaching—as a DA. Studied obsessively, could recite every AP/DA/FA trait. I even built this text analysis tool, a…
Recovering DA trying to reconnect with FA wife — For context: * I (40M) am a DA, my wife (41F) an FA. We have three children. * Together for 17 years, married for 13 years, distant/no-touch for over 10 years but stable and no deep conflicts. * Cont…
Both best friends got engaged — I (27F) have never been in a relationship and struggle to form emotional attachments at all. I've gone on dates and forced myself to keep seeing a guy because he's perfectly nice and there's nothing w…
For those hurting, advice for your 2026 and my story — Hello everyone, **Preface** I am an anxious attacher, so my experience by-and-large is with dismissive avoidants and fearful avoidants. It is not my intent to villainize these attachment styles; thi…
Does anyone else have extreme urges to reach out to people from your past and explain past behaviors? — Interested to hear y9ur story.
Today marks 6 months since we last saw and spoke to each other — As the person on the receiving end of testing behaviors, ghosting, and a discard, I would love to hear that my former flame is doing well or even an apology. We have known each other for almost…
Did I make my Avoidance worse by pushing through it? — Hi all, I’ve been aware I have issues with commitment/avoidance my entire conscious life, but despite it I’ve always wanted to find love I didn’t meet my first boyfriend until I was 22, and it was l…
Is casual sex compatible with secure attachment? — I feel like I have a solid grasp of attachment theory after reading a fair amount of the literature over the years, but there’s a philosophical question I can’t quite resolve. Can someone who is secu…
What do secure bids for connection and co-regulation look like? — I am a dismissive avoidant trying to get better about reaching out to others for connection, co-regulation, emotional support, etc. I am really struggling to figure out what's normal/healthy/reasonabl…
8+ Months of LOB practice ( Update from my 1st post ) — Hi everyone, Some of you may remember me from my last post where I did an update of my situation at 4 months in, practicing LOB. After that post, I decided as was recommended to lower the progress g…
What is my core wound when I don't worry what others think about me, I'm not afraid of being alone, but still no boundaries with closest people — I want to heal my wounds and spot and correct the false truths that I have about myself and others, but I'm finding it quite difficult. It is because it seems to me that I lack some essential traits o…
"Love bombing" and anxious attachment — At tonight's Anxious Attachment Healing Group meeting, we read the following reading: **1. “Love bombing” and anxious attachment** “Love bombing” is a pattern of excessive, intense affection and at…
Feeling friendless — Hey guys, Sorry long vent, you can skip to the bottom if needed. Recently I have been doing great attachment-wise on the romantic relationships front. But for some reason I feel like I can’t mainta…
Considering to quit therapy — I have been with my therapist for a little over a year. Up until now, he was very comfortable and not confronting me. Last session, he started to point out the various ways I push people away, and th…
What if I ruined the chance of possibly not getting back together due to me being an emotional abuser??For example, she broke up with me because of unhappiness, goal of finishing her college degree, a…
Easier said than done. I have no motivation to do anything. She was a big motivation for me in life. I’m going on 13 days NC now, and I have a very very strong urge to reach out. She reached out 3 tim…
So I just wrote a comment today on another post that might help too: You’re being too hard on yourself. Your divorce is completely fresh and you need to give yourself grace and allow yourself to feel…
Chiming in additionally as a Mod here - let's not drag a gender either based on behaviors of "your" ex. That legit evolves into a flame war none of us need or want to see.
My ex broke up with me, I only sent him one message and link discussing ED. Stated "read it or don't". After that I muted all possible ways he'd contact. Had fair share of bitter tears and lost weight…
Omg I relate SO much to what you are saying. When my ex's affair was discovered he was remarkably cruel to me. He wasn't sure he wanted to continue in our marriage and refused to cut things off with h…
What does that look like??? Find a new hobby. Anything. Try learning to knit. Learn to build robots. Take a class in 17th century blacksmithing. Join a woodworkers guild. Join an improve troupe. Volu…
Really solid points and then there's space for legitimate concern regarding abusive relationships. Basically, the “Power & Control Wheel”, like instances of sexual harassment/ assault, emotional abuse…
Yeah because the only thing believers do is insult you and blame you for the fact that you never manifested anything. Typical cult behavior
Tbh you’re allowed to have your viewpoints but this is attention seeking behavior judging by your posts meant to get a reaction out of the people here. Also, why go on a Murphy sub for this? You alrea…
\>Tbh you’re allowed to have your viewpoints but this is attention seeking behavior judging by your posts meant to get a reaction out of the people here. Also, why go on a Murphy sub for this? I invi…
Okay logic and science- so your RAS reticular activating system is basically the minds way of filtering and processing the insurmountable data that it takes in from the environment 24/7 as well as pro…
I have many, many personal anecdotes that prove our beliefs create reality. Some goals/desires achieved are beyond the realm of mere coincidence and far exceed a free cup of coffee. My response to th…
Thanks for all of the above. I can relate in that I may on occasion turn inward a bit when I’m super tapped out socially or like physically don’t have the reserves left, but I socially exhaust a lot l…
I get where you are coming from. I feel like though, at least for me, it can be a false sense of security trying to overanalyze things. It is masking the fear of being rejected if I ask a partner some…
Agreed. The best and healthiest relationships to pursue as someone recovering from a disorganized attachment style is a slow burn. Recognizing everything you have in yourself is a tremendous accompl…
I am saying crushes, when the other person is not also choosing you, are unhealthy and to please stop that behavior.
Therapist will navigate with you your core wounds which will help you to identify your fears and patterns, learn healthy boundaries, learn about attachment in deeper and learn more about yourself, wor…
It is extremely difficult to *start* the healing process while in a relationship as you would be required to balance other factors (is the other party willing to work too? What is their level of healt…
I've been in therapy for over a year for various reasons, and for me the first thing I needed to work on was my self image. Understanding and accepting myself, building confidence and a stronger sense…
If people are being ghosted repeatedly by different people, they need to reevaluate their own behavior, and I will die on that hill. And not just “oh I need to stop picking bad partners that ghost me”…
I think the point is that once you really get into the work and realize your role, giving them and their behavior so much energy is no longer enjoyable.
I think that problem equally applies to everyone with an insecure attachment style. Avoidant people don’t become less avoidant by naming their behavior either. A lot of people are able to identify th…
Right. It’s starting to feel like a circle jerk (that I am definitely a part of). I think people get confused because of the cognitive dissonance of them being caring and love bombing and then neglect…
That depends on where you’re reading. I see plenty of attacks on AP. It’s not a contest. You’re reading here, and like you said, folks most likely to want to post about issues are AP. Head over to the…
Interestingly enough we don’t see that though. We see post after post of people wanting to fix their ex or figure out how to make it work. I rarely see posts with people venting about the issue while …
"Your feelings are your responsibility" as gross misunderstanding equating to "you should not have an emotional response or request based on my behavior"
Yes I agree it’s an important topic. My issue with how you’re addressing it is that you’re creating some sort of behavior hierarchy that simply doesn’t exist. I’m not AP, for the record. I am in the…
They can be self critical, but that's actually the opposite of being accountable and aware because typically it's just another way to ruminate. I also think that tendency in general is what drives the…
This is not a competition who is far less irritating or who is more evil than the other. Its about both parties should be taking accountability. I am more than agree with you that AP’s biggest challen…
Seriously. I've seen more avoidants that wake up to their own issues than AA's ever do. Like, it's 50/50 folks, everyone has to do their own work. Wake up and see how your own behavior ruins your rela…
I agree- but also (at least in my situation), there was definitely some cartoon level villain behavior. But I also don’t think that my case was just avoidance. I think other mental health issues were …
>I’m here to get perspective and work on myself. What are some of the maladaptive behaviors that anxiously attached people display?
Stop projecting lady, Jesus christ. What you're describing is nothing like the average anxious attachment behavior. That is a stalker.
I think when I see AAs post, they’re told not to try to understand why a DA did something or what something means, but rather to just let it go. Good luck with that advice. As someone who’s a mix, so…
I didn’t like the book attached bc he basically denigrates avoidants & says the only way forward is to be jn relationships w secure people- which js statistically not possible & ignores the vast treas…
To me, the book doesn’t so much denigrate avoidants as it highlight their challenges in relationships, to help anxious types recognize patterns and seek stability—often with secure partners as an idea…
I do understand and I can agree it’s not a behavior that can cultivate a long standing relationship with someone who is secure or anxious. But the same can be said about other attachments aswell (no…
Hey I understand what you are saying. I’m with you. It’s a battle of who is more damaged. I look at it this way. No matter what the DA or AA has done, both attachment styles are insecure. Digging to f…
They are where you "draw the line". They are things that are unacceptable to you. For example, a boundary of mine is that I will not tolerate anyone yelling at me - I don't care how angry or frustrat…
Take time to actually get to know someone, go slow, keep things light at first, don't jump into a relationship. Instead think about true compatibility in things like communication, lifestyle, values, …
My best friend used to say he "couldn't imagine" not texting someone back quickly. Then, *in his own words,* he ""got a life"" and understood that, **yes,** people really can and do get that busy and …
This is largely because people would rather avoid the discomfort of being honest about how someone's behavior impacts them, and let somebody else continue to struggle forever, than let themselves be u…
I think your question is valid. You showed vulnerability by posting it here. I’m sorry so many adults in this sub choose to use their inside voice when responding. I think it would be different if we …
Sure! Some happen in conversation Let's take the example of a simple question to which you can answer with a yes or a no Example 1: Question : - " Do you want to go to the movies tonight? " ( You…
Thanks for the encouragement, and yes, I know it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. I have scheduled an appointment with a therapist and am trying to be mindful of any potential toxicity in my own be…
Interesting that you have this experience and your therapist is suggesting that you’re now leaning anxious. I wonder how often this happens with DAs that are becoming secure, such as yourself. In m…
Your word choice is really interesting. As someone who has an anxious attachment style, constantly wanting to contact your therapist sounds to me less like anxious attachment on a personal relationshi…
This is not standard. Maybe the person has other stuff going on making them act hateful. Or that’s how they cope with their decision to leave. An avoidant deep in the trenches does not want to look li…
Worst thing I heard my FA say was their excuses for the silent treatment and stonewalling. "Can't you just enjoy the silence for once?!" Trying to make toxic behaviors a positive is a red flag for me …