traits

Man I feel like we could be the same person (in some ways)! I've been in therapy for ten years with many different kinds of therapists and many were helpful. The most helpful ones had backgrounds in u…

Victim Blaming will not be tolerated — Hey all, Codependency can lead to a ton of behaviors and relationship styles that are less than healthy, but as we all strive to better ourselves and shed these old habits that no longer serve us, it…

How do you create a custom multi-stage checkout? — I am trying to figure out how to create a multi-stage checkout process. Companies like [https://westandwillow.com/pages/custom-pet-portraits](https://westandwillow.com/pages/custom-pet-portraits) ha…

What makes an anxious attached person feel loved? — I’m a dismissive avoidant in recovery. That means I have been working on myself. I would consider myself slightly secure but not secure enough to call myself secure Anyway, my boyfriend is anxious…

READ THIS if you want to POST here — This is a new thread with the SAME GUIDELINES as the previous post which is now archived. THIS THREAD IS ONLY FOR APPROVAL TO POST. You don’t have to be an approved user to comment or lurk. ONLY som…

Studying attachment theory — I’ve been studying attachment theory for a couple of months now, and I’ve only recently started to REALLY look into it. I started reading a book called Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for…

How do anxious attachers know when they are truly ready to date again, rather than just trying to soothe anxiety or loneliness? — I was talking with a friend recently and we were comparing how hard it is to get an honest gauge on your own readiness to date again when you have anxious attachment tendencies. Everyone tells you to…

PSA: Posts to RBN must be about your parent(s) and/or primary caregiver(s). — Folks, For a while now, we've been getting a steadily increasing amount of posts that we consider to be off-topic. As our subreddit name suggests, submissions must be centred around your parent(s) or…

What is my core wound when I don't worry what others think about me, I'm not afraid of being alone, but still no boundaries with closest people — I want to heal my wounds and spot and correct the false truths that I have about myself and others, but I'm finding it quite difficult. It is because it seems to me that I lack some essential traits o…

Jupiter in Aquarius and the impersonal nature of this placement — This is one placement I genuinely struggle to fully understand. Jupiter, as a principle, feels conceptually misaligned with Aquarius and its traits. The expansive, benefic, growth oriented nature of J…

Coming to terms with possible childhood emotional neglect - curious how others turned out — As I’ve gotten older and started reflecting on my life, I’ve slowly worked backwards and realised that I might have experienced childhood emotional neglect (CEN). What’s funny is that it actually sta…

Recommend podcasts / videos about healthy male roles and positive masculinity — Early thirties male and I feel my brain needs some intel on being a better male role model. Emphasis on role model. Things I never learned or observed growing up. Can you recommend a podcast host or …

Unexpected gift of healing — The unexpected and awesome gift of healing from codependency (or rather the trauma that underpins it) is the gift of time. I have so much more time for myself now when I: * don’t get involved in th…

Therapist told me I was a narcissist during a session, completely shutdown. — Hi everyone. I have been actively looking for a psychiatrist or therapist to take me seriously when trying to pick through cPTSD, and autistic shutdown. The services in my province (Canadian) only of…

It's not lovebombing. It's grooming. — Adult grooming is a pattern where someone gradually (or rapidly) builds trust, lowers boundaries, gathers leverage, and conditions an adult target to tolerate confusion, dependency, secrecy, or sexual…

Ladies: What makes you swipe RIGHT? (inspired by today's recent post) — What are some things in men's profiles that make you swipe **RIGHT**? I'm looking for positivity here. The stuff that makes you say "ooh," not the stuff that made you say "eww." We hear about dealbre…

It Was Always About You — I thought I would share an experience I had a while ago that really changed my understanding of Neville’s teachings and manifestation in general. **How it started** In 2022 I was very into occultism…

When it’s finally over with a narc or NPD person — I said this in a comment to someone else’s post but I feel like I should post it here, just in case it helps someone. There’s no way of truly knowing whether or not a person with narcissistic traits…

Has astrology ever helped you understand your energy levels, not just your personality? — I've noticed the most useful part of astrology for me hasn't been personality traits. It's been noticing that my energy, focus, and even social openness seem to shift in patterns. Some days I can ma…

codependency quiz wrecked me - turns out my "helping" was actually controlling — I took a codependency quiz last week on taro's tarot and i genuinely feel like the floor dropped out from under me. I've always been the person everyone comes to. The fixer. The one who drops everythi…

How can I build a personal life that doesn’t depend on other people? — Hi Reddit!! I really need an outside perspective on my situation, because I feel like I’m completely lost in where I’m going and what I actually want from my life… Maybe people who have learned to man…

Worth the wait — About 6 years ago, I (34F) hit rock bottom. My life was in shambles after an abusive relationship, so I had no other choice but to go back to live in my mother’s house for a while. At this point, I wa…

A Narcissus is an empty shell with no real existence — "A Narcissus, such as Ovid's Narcissus, is someone who thinks he has found himself by looking in the mirror. His life consists in searching for his reflection in the gaze of others. The other exists, …

Did your partner/ex cheat with someone who had traits they previously said they disliked or hated? — How do you process the contradiction? I look back at all the times she told me she hated tattoos and will never be with someone who has them. Also very toxic masculinity and harsh or rough voices were…

I am so done with narcissistic people — I just can’t deal with that anymore. For me it all started with a narc father. As an adult, i have dated three people with npd/bpd or strong traits I and just can’t take that emotional and physical ab…

Unable to understand what people mean when they say “libra moons are scared of being alone”. — Hey y’all! I‘m a bit confused about what people mean when they say that Libra moons have a “fear of being alone”. As a Libra moon I don’t relate to that sentiment at all, and I really love my solitude…

Dream or Real? — I’m curious if anyone has had a similar experience. **TLDR:** Saw a grey in my room. Communicated I wasn’t afraid. Instant paralysis. Felt three taps on my forehead. It showed me images. At the tail…

Chiron as an aspect, and as a Jungian archetype. — I’ve been really interested in trying to understand Chiron’s full role in a tropical chart, as the ‘wounded healer’ and subsequent traits. I’m also interested in correlating that to Jung’s theory’s o…

Why are my intimate relationships so rough? (unhealthy relationship w/ the masculine?) — I have a pattern of being in highly codependent relationships and usually I’m the one displaying avoidant toxic traits, and I can feel very strong masculinity even as I identify as female. My current …

Be careful. Avoiding conflict has made me more resentful, not less — I used to pride myself on the fact I hardly ever argued with friends or in relationships. I thought it meant I was chill, patient, understanding, whatever. Now I think a lot of it was just conflict a…

Why does it take years to realize you’re traumatized? And why does "standard" therapy often miss the point? — I’ve been thinking a lot about the "lost decades." For 30 years, I thought I was just "the nice guy." I thought I was just "lazy," "unmotivated," or "heavy." I went through life thinking these were m…

As an ardent follower of Astrology - I now find it very dehumanising. — People are people - they are actual people with families, friends and personalities they've developed over time. They have redeeming traits and they will have areas of improvement to work on. To box a…

1.5 Years Update 💀 My predictions became true — No, I do NOT want my ex back—like ever 😭 but I do have a story + some lessons from how everything played out. So basically, about 1.5 years ago, my ex randomly broke up with me out of nowhere. Like……

Leaving, but it is complicated — This may or may not be in the right sub. I'm not sure if I fit into al-anon, nar-anon, or NAMI, but what I am struggling with right now does fall under the work I've been doing to break codependent tr…

The nature of dreams & the abilities therein — **Note\*** The following is not an experience, I repeat it is not an experience nor a collection of experience. Instead it is best to think of it as background information that pertains to some of my …

April 2026 Astrology: Key Dates, Weekly Forecast and Mundane Astrology World Events — April is one of the most active months we’ve seen. Not one planet is in retrograde. Aries fire and cardinal energy sets the stage for initiation, assertion and spontaneous energy. There is a bit of na…

26[M] and my 23[F] me and her just recently cut things off. — Things were going really good in the beginning, she was sweet and nice but I realized she was a very different and strange. Like maturity wise, she had so many issues she was very controlling when I’d…

Anxious (me) + Avoidant (her) breakup — still stuck after 1 year, need honest perspectives — Hey everyone, I really need some honest advice. I’ll try to explain this clearly. I was in a 2-year relationship where I now see a strong anxious (me) + avoidant (her) dynamic. Looking back, I also …

breakthrough trip & the bigger picture — Hello, it's me again. I know that there are people here who enjoy reading my experiences so thus my posting. Obviously a disclaimer is this experience is under the influence of a psychadelic, but it t…

My dad (66M) started making sexual “jokes” about me (20F) after I turned 18. — I’m 20F and I live with my dad (66M). Something changed so drastically in the past two years. For context: he’s not a “bad father” in the traditional way. He’s responsible, financially and kind …

Why don’t I relate to my sun sign (Aries) at all? — As a kid I didn’t believe in astrology for the sole fact that aries didn’t describe me at all. I am 25 now and that still hasn’t changed. I’ve learned about moon and rising signs and both fit me perfe…

Free self help book and romance novel — FREE FREE FREE I have 2 self help books to get rid of toxic traits and 1 romance novel, the shaving mirror series and the cabin that fit, romance novel. message me with the book you want and an email…

Needing reassurance — I need someone, anyone, to please tell me that I’m doing the right thing by going no contact (praying that it’s for good) with this parasite of three years. It’s the day before my birthday and I’m fee…

I just watched a video on how ADHD makes us prime targets for abusive/narcissistic behavior, and I feel so defeated. — Hey everyone, I’m writing this because I really need to vent and see if anyone else here with CPTSD and ADHD has experienced this. I just finished watching a video by a creator named Danish Bashir a…

6 months into no contact — I am 6 months into no contact with my ex partner/fiancé. He left very suddenly and relapsed back into his habits (alcohol, went back to live with toxic family that he doesn’t see as toxic) I’ve forgiv…

How do i improve myself after a breakup? — How can I improve myself? I’ve noticed that in my past relationships, they seem to gain good traits or grow because of me, while I feel like I don’t really gain anything from them and I can’t quite ex…

losing empathy for avoidants (rant) — I'm starting to not care about avoidant feelings at all. Speaking generally about them, if you really wanted to make a believable point about how much you're also hurting after being the one who cause…

Uncertain of how or who I am — Hi, I'm a 16 year old who desperately needs answers. It's been 4 years since my identity problem became apparent, and gradually formed some personality issues too. I feel like I'm never myself anymo…

Does anyone else build an “inner system architecture” instead of a personality? — I’m neurodivergent — ADHD, autistic, highly sensitive, and gifted — and my inner world doesn’t behave like a personality. It behaves like a system. I’ve been developing something I call “Identity Arc…

How to keep manifesting what you want in bad days? — Hello there, I recently started my manifestation journey toward something REALLY big. Since I began, I’ve been feeling really good overall, because visualizing myself already having that thing that w…

27F — Should I Marry Someone I Don’t Trust Will Change — I’m 27F and feeling really confused and honestly a bit scared about my future. My fiancé has some traits that are worrying me a lot — he can be very selfish, narcissistic, and quite stingy. He also d…

Thank you so much for this, it’s cathartic to see the traits childhood emotional neglect can cause. I always just thought well this is how I am like I was just made this way, and seeing them as result…

Late reply, but FYI for anyone reading this from here on...every two hours will change your rising sign and rotate your whole chart another 30 degrees. So while all the planets will still show up in t…

Hey there! It’s great that you’re so self aware. I would say (since you asked for advice!) is that you could work on your anxious type behaviours, otherwise they tend to just push us avoidants away ev…

What have you done to resolve your fear of commitment, your emotional unavailability and the inferiority complex? Why are you searching for excitement from a partner? What does that mean to you? Is i…

I definitely have much less and less tolerance for dismissive avoidant individuals once I identified those traits in my mother, realized they’re a root of pretty much all my lifelong trauma, and start…

I don’t relate to attaching to my therapist, but I certainly was blindsided by some of the anxious traits that have popped up after I started healing. It was pretty disconcerting until I read in a boo…

It’s not enough. And it’s not diagnosing if you just count the traits. There are NPD and BPD traits, and you can do inventory check and discernment. Throwing labels on someone isn’t useful even in the…

I don't think it's hate, it's just a 'ok that's done now' door close moved on. Heidi Priebe on YT (video: avoidant blindspot) talks about the idea in her videos about avoidant behavior of having the …

Not sure why people down voted you. FA stands for Fearful-avoidant aka a disorganised attachment style. People who have this attachment style likely grew up in emotionally/physically abusive household…

I feel so seen. I had to take breaks from dating due to that built up resentment but also from sensitivity to rejection that I projected onto my worthiness. I’ve mostly dated FA in the past I felt l…

It's very, very painful. I'm so sorry. I went through something similar 2 yrs ago. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, felt incredible low self-esteem and rejected. I never pegged him to ghost me, and we ha…

When you shame them for becoming distant, or misconstrue that distance as them hating you. Being too emotionally overbearing, *without explanation*. Being narcissistic or abusive, which is a given. Re…

Sorry, the more correct term is fearful avoidant leaning avoidant, and DA and FA are their own categories. However, there are a number of variations among FAs, including whether we lean anxious or avo…

God, I relate to this SO much. Meeting people in person leads to me idealizing that person but anytime I match with someone online, I get the ick and ghost (not proud of it but that's the truth). Do …

FA here. While not full-blown DA, I can share some insight since I have avoidant traits. Not feeling good enough, like my efforts aren’t enough. That my authentic self will be shunned if I express it…

First, I think this is the wrong question to be asking. You can’t completely know someone’s attachment style until they attach to you. I think a better question would be “how can I identify relationsh…

Some of these comments are saying silly (and heteronormative) things like "weird around children" or "checks out other women when they think you're not looking". Obvious reminder that being uncomforta…

I don't think the playfulness is a bad thing. In this video Ken Reid talks about positive qualities of avoidants and why we tend to fall for them, if you're interested in someone more knowledgable exp…

That's fair if ya take my post as a description of all FAs. I'm not sure what it means to be 100% disorganized. Fearful avoidant is the label for people who utilize a mix of AP and DA strategies. I wo…

I did a course with PDS a few years ago to help get over a break up. It was something like overcoming grief. In the course she discusses something called the Golden Shadow, traits in another person th…

Love this comment. I’ve found it to be so true. For a regular ex I was with for nearly a decade and we had a fairly normal/stable/secure attachment to each other, maybe a little bit dependent on each …

Though I'm neither the OP this is so interesting and good on you taking those steps. I too will check out the link. It did make me think that even the few friends I have, possess strong traits that I …

I feel for you, I’m in a similar position at the moment. I’m caught up on what was a relatively short lived but very intense connection I shared with a guy late last year. It ended with him ghosting m…

When I learned about attachment theory I thought I was AA bc of my relationships with/attraction to DA partners. That was before I recognized my avoidant traits (being single for years between relatio…

Exactly! The core belief of someone who has avoidant traits is "no one will see or meet my needs" whereas the core belief of narcissists or those with narcissistic traits is "I need to use others to f…

I see where you’re coming from and can understand why it’s hard to see such vilification of FAs. However, just because it may have been difficult for him to express his feelings doesn’t mean that his …

The thing is the more I have aged and worked on myself getting higher self esteem and confidence, the more I have self reflected and become more aware of myself, the more I have slowly recognised the …

It might be a moderately common DA request, especially when younger, but it wouldn’t generally be acceptable for a secure partner and it’s a sign of the competing needs of the DA - the need for space/…

You should be allocating your resources towards finding secure people who are also into you. Nothing good will come out of this. Leave DAs alone immediately the moment they show dismissive avoidant tr…

Yes I know this feeling. A big thing that helped for me was to actually notice when I'm picking my partner apart in my head or feeling some ick. I have to objectively observe those feelings and ask if…

I’ve dated someone who was in your mental state before, I haven’t had a chance to say anything to her as I’m keeping her in the no contact zone. Now that I understand more and put a lot of effort into…

All due respect, you know nothing about my "mental state", just because you read a vent after I was discarded by an avoidant with narcissistic traits. > The problem she had was she always chose comf…

I mentioned before the breakup that I thought I was AP and that he was DA which he originally denied and said he was secure, then 6 weeks after he reached out regarding returning items. I knew it was …

on the surface here, it seems you two argue too much to be together, FA/AP aside secondly, i use to always think i was secure, then met an FA woman than made me feel AP, so i questioned myself. aft…

That is interesting. I would say he is also leaning avoidant, but during the relationship, maybe because I lean anxious. Once we broke up it seemed his anxious side took over and he missed me. Do you …

Agree with most everyone else who has commented here. I don't know that the act of giving 3-4 weeks of space is either secure or AA. Instead, I'd look at the motivation behind it and what the space fe…

I absolutely agree! And in regards ro different expressions, traits, etc -- *everyone* has avoidant tendencies from time to time. *Everyone* (except, maybe, people with ASPD?) has anxiety from time to…

This sounds like shame, and it's not at all surprising that it's coming up for a DA when you're trying to connect with others since that's one of the core traits of this attachment style. Heidi Prieb…

You can learn being secure! I certainly removed a lot of anxious traits and through therapy there’s light at the end, I promise! Another thing I would say is that attachments are not fixed. You are …

Ah I totally get where you're coming from. I find it confusing when people do that because it feels like I'm having to respond to an absence of something rather than a presence. Conflict avoidance is …

If you come off desperate for love/affection/a relationship and move quickly because of said desperation, people are gonna run the opposite way. That’s just how it works. No one is interested in despe…

Do you have health insurance? A lot of therapists accept health insurance. Mine was only $15 a visit with mine. There's also income based/sliding scale community clinics that offer affordable or even …

I would like to share my story too. An FA myself, I got into a relationship 4 years ago, and that too with an anxious type. I got highly triggered by her needy behaviour and fear of abanoment. She wou…

I have been on a journey after coming off Lexpro after 10+ years, and experiencing all my issues with no meds. Scary. I am anxious and my partner of 10+ years is secure but leans avoidant. Over the…

Its an illusion that we can be fully categorized by an attachment style. In truth, most of us have a primary, secondary, and even overlapping traits that shape our patterns. In attachment therapy, we…

Thank you for sharing this it really echoes my experiences! I too was anxious in my past relationship that in retrospect was very unhealthy and my ex was avoidant with downright narcissist traits. I h…

I feel that this is a good sign! I see it that way too - behind the dismissive walls sits an anxious little kid who's been trapped for a long time and gone a bit feral. Once we let that kid out, we …

I have seen that there is a lot of overlap due to the trauma so I guess it makes sense that there can be traits. I guess its about severity and whether there's the other diagnosable traits like identi…

I’ll add I would snap out of it at some point and realize I reacted disproportionately or maybe didn’t treat someone as they deserved somewhat soon after this kind of thing. Like my head would clear a…

I understand. I can relate to these feelings *a lot.* I understand not wanting to label someone you love as an abuser, I think it can prevent so many people from actually healing because… I mean I cou…