book
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Evidence
Citations (101)
"or people", read the whole thing at least. Let's theoretically say there are no kids attending then, they are banned from visiting. I still don't want to see that stuff. Sorry i don't want to be exp…
Donation-Based: Visualization Meditation Workshop on Repairing Insecure Attachment: Sunday 13th of April — The course will cover basic Ideal Parent Figure Protocol (IPF)/attachment repair. This course is good for people who want to learn about IPF/Attachment Repair. 9am to 1pm this Sunday 13th April on…
Time-based permissions — What tools are you using for managing time-based temporary permissions, such as AWS/GCP accounts, database, SSH access, etc. ? Looking for a solution for managing permissions for people accessing res…
Restricted access for employees (I will not promote) — What tools are you using for managing time-based temporary permissions, such as AWS/GCP accounts, database, SSH access, etc. ? Looking for a solution for managing permissions for people accessing res…
Plan to build the healthiest farm-to-table meal delivery service. Seeking advice. I will not promote. — I WILL NOT PROMOTE. Plan on building what I believe can be the cleanest and most transparent farm-to-table meal delivery service brand, and I’d love feedback from anyone who’s worked in DTC, food or j…
SEO vets - what actually works for ranking nowadays? — Hey, So I’ve been diving into SEO for a bit now — took a dozen free courses (Semrush, Hubspot), read some articles by people like Brian Dean, etc. Thought I was starting to get the hang of it. But a…
A/B tests zero-effort app — Thinking out loud... Most merchants don’t have time to test if “Free shipping” or “Fast delivery” converts better. They don’t A/B test button colors. Or hero headlines. They’re busy running a busine…
Common sense from an actual founder [fully boostrap 10M$ company] about startup studios' playbooks [i will not promote] — I don't post on reddit but I've recently seen an increased influx of post or people talking about X or Y playbook about how you should startup. i will not promote Let me get this straight, I won't cr…
A Modest Proposal — A Manifesto for Metrics-First Everything — Picture it: Q1 FY 2025. A Medicaid patient opens an app to request mental health services. The screen is sleek—gradient buttons, playful microinteractions, and conversion-optimized flows. A calm anima…
Finding Like Minded Business People — **TL/DR :** Looking for people who are stuck with unsure with what business they want to pursue and end up learning a little bit about all of them; that want to partner up to stay focused with each …
Americans working in majority Indian workplaces. What do you need to know to succeed? — I’ve been working at my company for a year or so and it’s been great. I’ve learned a lot of new tech as well as practice old tech (Django). My team is also quite strong and I can’t really complain. I…
Small Business Case Study: How We Grew Our Instagram & TikTok with an AI Social Media Assistant (No Ad Spend!) — **Post Body:** Hi everyone! I co-own a small business (a boutique cafe + online store) and wanted to share our experience using an **AI “social media assistant”** to grow our Instagram and TikTok. W…
How do you actually feel safe believing and knowing when it comes to an SP manifestation? — Brief context: I've studied the law on and off for 6 years. Tried to manifest 2 old SP's with varying success, then eventually having them both try to contact me, but I realized that I was shooting so…
🛑STOP HIJACKING POSTS🛑 — 📣Saying it loudly for the people in the back. I know this post is going to have a “vibe” but being warm and fuzzy has never worked so I’m trying to be crystal clear and firm here: Recently there h…
A message to earnestly curious skeptics and non-experiencers: How to engage experiencers within this community and learn about the topic. — We are seeing an increase of activity from people outside of experiencer circles in threads as time has moved on and more and more people are starting to understand there really is a "there there" and…
Any support groups out there for preoccupation with dating? — I think the obsessive thoughts and rumination around dating (status, ongoing situations) is a common thing in anxious attachment so seeking support here. Has anyone found any support groups or what l…
how to deal with an avoidant's freeze response in hard times? — my partner is FA, I've known him for a long time. He has made a lot of effort and has changed for the better. He's the more secure one between the two of us honestly, and he's pretty good at fighting …
Being DA but really wanting kids — Ever since I was 5, I’ve known I’ve wanted kids. I spent my teen years fantasising about having them, and felt like having kids was the best thing ever. I love the idea of caring for kids and helping …
Visualization issue — Whenever I start visualizing my scene the images start getting messed up. For example I see the floor crumbling beneath my feet or people's faces become disfigured or things that I'm holding break.. e…
How do avoidant dynamics move forward — and when do they not? — I’m trying to understand where the line is between someone genuinely moving slowly due to avoidant attachment, versus someone who just doesn’t have the capacity (or intention) to move forward. I’ve b…
PSA: Posts to RBN must be about your parent(s) and/or primary caregiver(s). — Folks, For a while now, we've been getting a steadily increasing amount of posts that we consider to be off-topic. As our subreddit name suggests, submissions must be centred around your parent(s) or…
Trading book recommendation! For those trying to fix attachment issues. — “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” -by Lindsay C. Gibson, PHD This book helped me realize that, at my core, I struggle with dating and attachment because it’s hard for me to comprehend …
Anxious Attachment Injury - Nervous System Stuck in Fight/Flight — TW: attachment injury, trauma-bond withdrawal, panic attacks, obsessive rumination I think I’m in severe attachment-injury / trauma-bond withdrawal and I’m struggling to function. I’m asking for nerv…
RULES: PLEASE READ — *POST REMOVAL: Understand that all posts are instantly removed into a queue to await mod approval. Please allow 24 hours, though usually it is much less. Your post will either be approved, or you will…
My father is sabotaging my career and medical treatments through "smear campaigns" and monitoring. I feel like I'm living in a Truman Show nightmare. — I (25F) am an Indian doctor currently preparing for NEET PG, and I am living with a family led by a malignant narcissistic father. My mother and brother are complete enablers. I’m writing this becaus…
DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…
I have done absolutely horrible things. I might be the worst human being to ever live. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years. It started as a fear of adult…
Married 5 months after 10 years together (M32 / F29) — she started talking to another guy right after the wedding. We’re now on a 30-day separation and I don’t know what to do. — I’m looking for honest advice from people who have either been through something like this or have perspective I might not be seeing right now. My wife (F29) and I (M32) have been together for about …
54M – Going through a separation and just looking for people who understand — I’m a 54 year old guy currently going through a separation and I’m having a harder time with it than I expected. Some moments I feel okay, other moments it hits pretty hard. I’m not looking for anyth…
has teletherapy actually felt “real” for you or does it feel distant compared to in person? — I’ve only ever pictured therapy happening in an office with a couch and awkward water fountain in the waiting room but lately most of my local providers are suggesting teletherapy instead of in person…
Lack will dissolve when you realise: Manifestation starts from irony, and feeling it real starts from memory. — I said it. This post is for people whose brains are very logic driven. Those who think: “I need to see proof before I believe something.” i have something for you. Let's go. We all know the key: The…
Imposter syndrome? — I went to the therapist last Tuesday, and I have another session tomorrow. When I went, she asked me to tell her about myself and my family from ages 0 to 5 up until I turned 24. When I first started …
Does anyone else feel like this fixation on "trauma dumping" stinks of toxic positivity? — It literally feels like the onus is on people with really challenging life experiences, to hold that all inside and only talk about good things, for fear of burdening people who have objectively bette…
Effective ways to get lucid dreams 80% — A way that you might think is contrary to the ways on the internet, but this is actually the most effective way according to me, how? This is the way. The first way, this method often allows you to h…
Cheated on after 10.5 years together, divorced at 11 years together. — Hi Everyone, This is half venting and half hoping for advice or people to listen. I'm at a low point right now so I thought reaching out to a community might be beneficial as opposed to holding it…
Coworker with anxiety simply stopped talking one day — I don't have anxiety disorder myself. But in Dec I randomly started talking to a coworker from another team (our work and teams are completely unrelated to each other) who does. Apologies in advance f…
Developer here building a shifting app — I'm a software developer, I'm not a shifter myself, but I've decided I want to build something genuinely useful for people who are, and I'd rather do that by actually listening to the community than b…
Self scrying on Ketamine — Are there any others out there who use ketamine alone, lay still and let the open eye visions overwhelm you till you get in touch with your deeper self ? After a couple of lines over time to get to a …
Questions for people who have shifted :> (or just have done a lot of research) — This is just a bunch of questions Ive had. I believe in shifting, I’m just curious about some specifics (sorry if these are absolutely idiotic) 1. Can you script you forget about this reality? Will i…
Some men have questionable hygiene and it has made dating even more challenging than it already is. — Dating is already challenging enough. I (43F) am completely exhausted from conversations about hygiene before a date - because I don’t want something like hygiene to prevent us from getting to know o…
When it’s finally over with a narc or NPD person — I said this in a comment to someone else’s post but I feel like I should post it here, just in case it helps someone. There’s no way of truly knowing whether or not a person with narcissistic traits…
Saturn in the 4th House – How to Overcome It? — Hi everyone, I’m posting here because I’m trying to better understand a placement in my natal chart that has always felt quite heavy to live with: Saturn in the 4th house in Gemini, conjunct my Moon …
I was in Barbados… Well actually it was Turks and Caicos but close enough! — I was in Barbados… Well actually it was Turks and Caicos but close enough I just came back from a 4 week long vacation in Turks and Caicos in the Caribbean. This was the 10th year in a row I have don…
Months later and still stuck on my ex… does it ever fully go away? — I’m about 3–4 months out of a breakup and I feel like I’m going backwards instead of forwards. The first couple months were rough, but more in an expected way. Lately though, it’s like she’s on my mi…
A simple example of how narcissists create no win situations. — My fil is a narcissistic abuser. I want to mention he did MUCH worse things than what I’m depicting below. But the example is so simple I wanted to share for people who maybe stuck in similarly confus…
For guys who have no trouble getting dates on OLD, how do you filter for good personality? — I see this question asked of women a lot online, but less so of men, I assume because far fewer men have this problem, so I wanted to get other guys’ take on it. I’m finding that I could get a first …
“EASIEST AP TECHNIQUE IN HISTORY!” (Update) — “History’s simplest projection technique” (Tweaked and updated for better results!) I posted the 30 second head lift technique a few months back and I wanted to update it hopefully to add to y…
Cure Avoidant Attachment by Watching TV — Can watching TV help treat a dismissing attachment pattern? In Dr. Dan Siegel’s book "Mindsight,” he presents a case study involving Stuart, a 92-year-old attorney with dismissing attachment. Stuart,…
The Key to Being — The most potent drug is (within) you. It is your previous experiences, your memories! **What memories of yours contain the greatest love, joy, gratitude, etc. ?** Memories of a certain person (or p…
Stop being a fixer, and get the relationship you truly want! — The biggest lesson I've learned in love is that it's ok to be selfish. People come on this subreddit because they want to learn how to walk perfectly on eggshells so their sisuationship won't end. I'm…
33 year old therapist for people like us: It gets better when you're financially independent. Just hold on<3 — This sub has been such a validating place for me unlike my own South Asian friends and family members for SOME reason. Idk why they're so in denial of how our parents actually treat us. Long story s…
>“A good start”, LOL. ​ Ah. A chortle. Clearly, not much money in your bank. Must be because you know the law. lol ​ >I’m not reading POSM anytime soon. I already have a formula that…
“Lucid dream”is when you wake up in a dream just like when you are awake in real life,you have the ability to think get things done do what you like and look for people or just navigate in it just lik…
This is bullshit and has nothing to do with beginners The only efficient and quick way getting into devOps : a lot of practice and googling from day 1 None of these endless videos From 1 s…
Yeah I tend to agree with you, but the commenter above was saying they do think about you, often miss you and could still love you. Those things can be true in rare situations, but I don't think it's …
well the origine of our body parts , or people who look exactly like we do originate elsewhere in the lyra constellation , not earth , the lyra constellation is our true home and has planets with …
So I just wrote a comment today on another post that might help too: You’re being too hard on yourself. Your divorce is completely fresh and you need to give yourself grace and allow yourself to feel…
Another green flag (on reddit in general honestly) is anyone willing to ask for info/context before giving their thoughts and anyone willing to provide more info/context when asked. Those are two thin…
The longer I hang out here, the more astounded I am how easy it is for people to throw around 'break up/divorce/dump him/her'. Almost as if they found some wicked satisfaction in pushing real people i…
I learnt never to trust a person with 100%. I always have rules for people and myself that I date. 1. Rule if you or I cheat then leave 2. If you are angry don't shout but talk it out. 3. Always be …
I talked into detail about it in another comment [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/DecidingToBeBetter/s/D75lHngukc). Also, most if not all the porn/masturbation addiction posts are just bots or people…
Not to mention most of these posts are just bots or people trying to advertise their app. One bot would make a post, then another bot would post the link to the app. It was so aggressive
I did notice there are occasional “I am an abuser/racist/sexist” posts nowadays, although more time will be needed to observe and decide whether a rule about that will be necessary because as of now, …
As I said above, it's for people who has tons of disbelief, to start small and BUILD up. You, as in most people need faith to be built. Well.. My first moneymission I had 80k out of the blue, it's one…
How is it not a law when it’s always true? Why are there multiple religions and ways of life? Because things have worked for people and have been proven to be true to people for centuries; millennia. …
I don't think this is a fair comment. It is extremely common for people to lie about their availability instead of simply saying "im not interested" and when it happens to someone often enough it beco…
Attachment styles are not the sole factors for attraction we create. But cutting off people we have known for a long time - especially family members, to which we are bound to biologically - is a sig…
Happy for you. Nobody asks to have an attachment style that’s dysfunctional. I’m working through mine and try so so hard to have compassion for others. But a big part of self love is learning how to h…
I disagree because I think long distance can work. I've seen it work. But I agree that the time lines are different. I'm seeing a guy long distance. We aren't dating, we aren't exclusive, but I hope…
Thank you. This research at least is not wedded to what is seems to me to be a very over simplified model. I've just read the abstract and will chew through the rest of it. Then look at what else …
Your partner sounds Fearful avoidant, is he aware of his attachment style? I think all you can do is let him know in as blame-free way as possible that you notice a pattern in his behaviour that con…
" But I just keep losing interest or get unbearable anxiety around guys I meet on dating apps. As a man who has been on over twenty dates from dating apps I can say you are not the only one and you m…
I have anxious attachment but I get over people very quickly if I feel their interest wane. I think U could have a bit of romance/fantasy addiction. For people suffering that, they tend to fantasis…
I stopped solo founding. I found the limitation is your own skillset, and if you have a down day the whole company is down. Now I look for people with complimentary skillsets and it lets us cover mor…
Your CIO doesn’t have the slightest goddamn clue what you should do 🤣🤣. Stop trying to create some leverage over your teammates and better yet, why not spend time with more senior people on your tea…
I can't ever develop anything for people I meet online because my attraction doesn't grow that way. If I meet someone, like their vibes, and there's chemistry, I'll like them. On an app? It's appearan…
All insecurely attached people tend to show up the same early on in relationships. They're usually all persistent at the start, which is a sign of someone that is insecure. Secure people don't priorit…
That's fair if ya take my post as a description of all FAs. I'm not sure what it means to be 100% disorganized. Fearful avoidant is the label for people who utilize a mix of AP and DA strategies. I wo…
Personally I don’t date people who can't communicate their needs. I also think it's immature for people to assume their partner will read their mind and know what they need.
I get what you're saying with respect to people taking responsibility for their actions, but I think it's unrealistic to expect everyone to be at the same point in their healing journey as you are. If…
Avoidants can also be extremely resentful though? Which is common for people who don’t communicate well. Plus, If they’re on a fault-finding trip or a phase where they have one foot out the door, it’s…
I relate mostly to being anxiously attached or AP and tend usually to score most in that category. But I really relate to everything you described still despite not being DA so perhaps it’s a sign of …
Why can't they stop experiencing love like they say they do and start experiencing it like I think they should??? >Avoidants should swear off dating forever and leave us who are actually capable of l…
One of my biggest and longstanding issues is that I do not/did not involve anyone. It’s not even like I lay something at their feet and then rip it away suddenly and blame them. I simply never asked. …
Even if she wasn’t though your approach could make anyone feel uneasy to be honest. You are way too focused on the future when you need to be focused on the present in my opinion. Why do you want to …
No I don’t and while I think you have some fair and good points, for some reason you’re very emotionally attached and aggravated by this.This is just a personal rant on some perceived grievance you ha…
Everyone on these boards has healing to do, so that's not some "gotcha", my friend. >for some reason you’re very emotionally attached and aggravated by this.This is just a personal rant on some perce…
Look I’m not go back in forth with you after this, I mostly answered because for someone who said some good points you got quickly derailed and started projecting your own trauma. It wasn’t a gotcha. …
I see where you’re coming from and can understand why it’s hard to see such vilification of FAs. However, just because it may have been difficult for him to express his feelings doesn’t mean that his …
Yeah, I think this is definitely one of the challenges of healing. The vast majority of people are simply not that self aware about this sort of thing because these psychological concepts aren't that…
You know you're healed when you stop dating / entertaining people who are not. I am an FA ( leaning DA) who became secure in time, after years of learning about me and the others. And, while a few ye…
If you had truly followed this sub,studied and read the index, you would have learned to use the search bar to find previous posts concerning a similar topic as well as an assortment of advice on how …
I do have issues with Sam Altman, yes. He is pushing unregulated technology that perhaps has a great usecase for many but he's pushing it so hard that it's deeply hurting every day people so he can ma…
Never experienced this, but my advice is that you should learn to express yourself when things bother you in the moment instead of keeping things to yourself. Your inability to be vulnerable with othe…
Try to get to the heart of the matter, if something is pulling you into this type of dynamic the solution can only come from you. Abandonment issues usually do well with therapy. And in the meantime l…
I'm a FA in therapy (although with another FA/DA was leaning anxious). A lot of people don't have the skills and guts to communicate uncomfortable things. Here comes ghosting, which is way easier to d…
I don’t have a perfect answer to this but sometimes changing your thoughts and beliefs is very difficult and exhausting work. It can be hard for people to do that successfully. But jumping from one re…
That makes a lot of sense. If it causes too much inner struggle or turmoil then it might be best to let go and try a different approach. Such as for people in a difficult work environment they might h…
So I (38M)'ve just been dumped again by someone who picked up on my attachment anxiety, and I'm extremely frustrated because I'm pretty far along my healing journey, but not finished yet obviously, an…
Its very simple but not easy. For starter, you try to find the longest time you can go without losing your mind and ask for reassurance. Then add +30 minutes each time. Do it like how you lift weights…
Yeah that's because you were in a shitty relationship, I don't know enough about op to judge their relationship, but in a truly healthy relationship it doesn't matter if take some time to breath for a…