fixer

I wrote something, but re-read what you wrote and now I have some questions: you expressed that you were the "fixer" for years, but it's been a year since she was diagnosed and (presumably) began her …

UPDATE: My (32f) fiancé (28m) repeatedly does not clean the house — Hello lovely reddit. First relevant links. My first post I deleted (so you can peruse the comments if you are interested): [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/18yjl0g/my\_32f\_fianc%C3%…

codependency quiz wrecked me - turns out my "helping" was actually controlling — I took a codependency quiz last week on taro's tarot and i genuinely feel like the floor dropped out from under me. I've always been the person everyone comes to. The fixer. The one who drops everythi…

Stop being a fixer, and get the relationship you truly want! — The biggest lesson I've learned in love is that it's ok to be selfish. People come on this subreddit because they want to learn how to walk perfectly on eggshells so their sisuationship won't end. I'm…

My partner (f34) “quiet quit” our relationship and I (m37) need closure. — We had been together for approximately 4 years. Engaged for the last year. Bought a house. Had big plans to ride off into the sunset together. It was the best 4 years of my life; we were absolutely cr…

[Partner] Wife’s suppressed severe trauma surfaced. She’s in extreme ‘flight’ mode, refusing therapy, and I am burning out. Need honest outlooks. — \*\*Added some new context at the end Hi everyone. I’m hoping to find some perspective, hard truths, or shared experiences from those who have navigated severe PTSD/CPTSD dynamics. I am completely e…

How did you know your marriage was over? — How did you know your marriage was over? For context, this is all very new to me and I am a child of divorce myself. I never believed I would be in this situation, especially given my age (28). I am a…

My girlfriend [19F] told me [18M] she is still in love with her ex. — My girlfriend \[19F\] told me \[18M\] she is still in love with her ex. Me '18M' and my girlfriend '19F', have been dating for around 6 months now. We began dating in December after she had broken up…

I feel responsible for my mom — For context, I’m 31 male, unmarried , my parents are in early 60s. My father is a covert narcissist and has damaged especially me and my mom a lot. I want to keep my distance, but I feel like I am bet…

Feeling lost in the “feeling” of love and looking for input — First, let me say I (42M) love My family and my gf, and even friends. But I don’t “feel” it. I get more feels from a silly rom com. I can disassociate from everything IRL while in the moment but when…

I, too, like to "fix" people so I can have a relationship with them. Because I'm a codependent fixer. Which I had to learn to stop doing because it doesn't really work in the long run. It's best to ta…

Same. Codependent fixer here.

So instead of replying individually and repeating myself, I'm just going to make a comment addressing it all. Firstly, it was interesting to read all these perspectives. I see where some of its comin…

Codependent fixer, I read this with wide eyes filled with hope, and got to this comment and remembered my FA/DA leaning ex partner ghosted me 3 months into our relationship. We cannot fix them no matt…

Though as I can guess from any other attachment style (or even mental health issue/relational pattern in general) every person is different, I imagine clarity and communication are key here. I would o…

I don’t have an answer to your question but, you’re not alone. My relationship history and upbringing are very similar to yours. My therapist told me I’m a fixer and need to be needed by people to fee…

You likley attract many types of men but choose to engage with men who are fixers. The minute you realize someone is not what you want you have to end it immediately and not hope for improvement. Stay…

In true Co-Dependency, both people in the relationship are part of the abuse. Both could technically qualify as both abusers, and victims. Thats what makes this so aweful. "Fixer" is a better name …

This is a very integral part of the co-dependency cycle. I would not say that this is "bad actors" but I would say this is very characteristic of this abusive patern. The fixer is going to both cont…

Anxiously attached people aren’t really looking for a relationship built on mutuality. They’re kinda looking for someone thats similar to a parent figure to fulfill their needs. Because they emotiona…

I get it, I always wanted my belongings back and most recently the jerk I just ended it with a month ago would without good reason block me as a manipulative crappy thing to do. Hence why he’s an EX.…

I believe the point in radical honesty is to also be honest with your partner in establish boundaries when those “faults” harm or affect you. I don’t believe “radical honesty” means consistently and b…

Another take I have on this is that I think a lot of emotionally neglected people (especially women/mothers) deal with their own emotional neglect by becoming the fixer/helper/caregiver. They base the…

My nex was very good at hiding his true self. Never once did his mask slip until I was neck deep into the relationship. My problem is that once I'm in, I have dificulties leaving. That's when my inner…

Such a great book, I felt the same way while reading it and I am definitely 100% a Fixer. It was so spot on. If you liked the psychology and overachiever patterns from the book, especially around th…

lol I like to complain about my coworkers. Otherwise my only conversations with my husband would be about more work coming up or admin items in our life.  But we also have work, rental properties we…

Mercury is our thinking, yours is in Cancer with ruler of cancer (moon) in Virgo (analyzer, perfecter, fixer). Plus you have Gemini placements so your mercury is significant. Anyone with heavy Gemini …

I read this post while at work today. And I noticed that I'm very similar. I'm also the fixer, the helper. My ex gf was a hot mess, at least she didn't let me help her financially, this would have b…

Very well said!!! And I lived out almost the exact same scenario as you did. I feel for you. Reading this was like reliving my marriage as well. You and I are the same people, and your ex and mine …

I know why ex cared about me. And looking back esp with the cptsd and her fixer role i understand that sge is just a frighten child and i am mad at the people who shaped her that way esp her explosive…

Most emotional fixers are usually like that because they’re uncomfortable with other peoples emotions. Also, I really cannot stand how this is framed as another anti-avoidant post. As I don’t think y…

This is one of the most underrated shifts in attachment work. Most people come to attachment theory trying to understand their avoidant partner better so they can get them to stay. Very few come to it…

This is what OP wrote and I pull from this that he was busy with both house and job > I can see why she became unhappy. I became busy at work right after we bought the house (it’s a fixer-upper). Wi…

Hard to say as their seems to be missing information. 4 years and she never told you her plans or you never asked? You better have that info down like a science before marriage and doing a fixer upper…

You bought a house that was a fixer upper & up were fixing the home. She never helped contribute fixing the home with you? Sounds like, she traveled and you worked, & fixed up the house. She didn't…

Maybe when, for the umpteenth time, she asked him to please travel with her because it's something she loved and wanted to share with him. How she had agreed with his plan to purchase a fixer upper - …

My wife gets 6 weeks vacation, I get 2. I love to travel but she obviously does things on her own. It’s not ideal but we make it work. We’ve talked about it. Sounds to me like she didn’t talk to you b…

as someone who bought a fixer upper and did the work with my partner at the time, i feel like him taking on ALL the house stuff is license for you to be too tired for a few months. the summer we were …

\> I can see why she became unhappy. I became busy at work right after we bought the house (it’s a fixer-upper). With my job and the house, I will definitely admit that I neglected the relationship, b…

I’m seriously wondering how he got her to buy the house. A travel bug doesn’t usually get along well with a fixer-upper where the money and energy is going into the house. I can see where not having a…

> I can see why she became unhappy. I became busy at work right after we bought the house (it’s a fixer-upper). With my job and the house, I will definitely admit that I neglected the relationship, bu…

You are currently navigating a "Karmic Reset." In the past, your Scorpio Mars led you into intense, "fixer-upper" relationships where you gave 100% of your soul to partners with heavy baggage. Because…

Dealbreakers? Maybe not in the usual sense. But things I just don't mess with anymore? Lots.  Someone telling me how good they are. Good people are just good. It will become self evident. If the who…

"Fixers. They're performative. ASK if I need help. Don't just DO. I'm capable and competent and can handle my own problems. If I cannot, I will ask for help or seek out resources. Don't use me to feel…

"He gets one, maybe two, "Hey can you please ask before " Fair enough....  I will agree with you that if he's literally taking stuff out of your hands, not cool. That's not guy who's a fixer, th…

You said yourself that you will be describing a problem. To a guy who's a fixer, if you describe a problem, that means you're looking for an answer or asking for help. They do it with men and wome…

Yes, we agree that the problem is guys who hear "I'm working on a problem" and their brain completely short circuits to "how can I make this about me and my ego". Saying "he doesn't realize he's obliv…

It sounds like your superpower is spotting a fixer-upper from a mile away.

"His parents are toxic af". You do realize that you can not fix him? Both women and men need to stop thinking their partners are some kind of project. You can't be the hero and repair the damage his p…

Most emotional fixers are such because they’ve been conditioned through trauma to believe they have to earn love through service and emotional labor. This post doesn’t strike me as anti-avoidant (eit…

So, I’ve been where your wife is. And I’ve been in a similar place to where you are. The simple reality is that for her, the discomfort of not facing her trauma will have to be greater than the “com…

54 m .......I has serious reservations before the marriage, but didn;t have the awareness, self love, and communication skills to do anything about it. I didn't even tell my parents ahead of time, or…

You can't save your marriage if she doesn't want to be a part of it anymore. As a "fixer", that's not what you want to hear, but you have to be willing to give her space, let her make choices for hers…

this comment makes no sense. The op said "I became busy at work right after we bought the house (it’s a fixer-upper). With my job and the house, I will definitely admit that I neglected the relations…

Don’t be his mother or his “fixer”. As someone else said, tell him I’m sorry but your choices put you here and your disregard for me when it was happening and the way you actively hurt me means I hav…

Oh man I love/hate reddit. The best advice of the thread is dead ass at the bottom buried in down votes. It might be reaching a bit too far for op's situation, but this is a legitimate take. I'm the …

As a recovering compliant codependent/people pleaser who's been on the receiving end of a lot of (very much unwanted/unnecessary) "fixer" behaviors, likely, in part, due to having chronic health strug…

Are you someone that is a “fixer/helper” or puts out that energy to folks who are struggling emotionally?

That's cool that you did a deep dive on this! Omg the sundown towns and lived experiences with gangs is crazyyyy. Did people try to recruit? Was it common to be in gangs? Did ppl get in trouble with …