book
kindness
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Citations (101)
Hello, I had a similar perfectionist mother. Mine was a covert narcissist who secretly enjoyed pitting people against each other, but always under the guise of "kindness" and "what's best for her chil…
This is a support sub. Be kind to each other. — Almost everyone who comes here is here because they are going through a very painful and difficult time. We're not all at our best. If you go into someone's topic, remember that they came here askin…
Description liquid block not working — Im trying to fix this error where the shopify API doesnt seem to work when I add a description liquid block. All the other block seem to have proper code and work perfectly fine. Please dm me out of t…
I posted a while ago about being Fearful Avoidant and, since so many people reached out about how to overcome that style, I've decided to compile a sort of list of things that are helping me become more secure — (based on what is working in my life, what I've observed, what i've read, etc. They may not apply to everyone but even if it helps a couple of people I'll be happy) **These are things to practice in …
"I want you to make yourself welcome in my life and in my heart" — These were the words that had me crying like a baby. I realized I had never heard or felt it in my life from anyone before, not even my own family and especially not my own mom despite the love I know…
Unsent letter to a prior ex, in the midst of a current breakup. — I am in a crash course on my own nervous system while in the midst of a breakup with a dismissive avoidant man I've loved for almost five years. I'd known about the anxious-avoidant trap for some time…
I'm so tired of people. — For reference, a couple of years ago, I was in an abusive relationship that kinda changed who I am. I won't go into too much detail, but let's just say that I used to be outgoing and fun, but also I h…
True kindness is displayed under circumstances where being unkind would have been justified. — I am currently reading Marcus Aurilleus' *Meditations* as my first Stoic book. > When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, …
I have done absolutely horrible things. I might be the worst human being to ever live. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years. It started as a fear of adult…
Job hunt anxiety — I have had a very, very challenging job hunt over the last year. I have developed some pretty intense anxiety as a result. These are the things helping me to get through it. I'm wondering what has wor…
Gray rocking for over a year has made me see how really crazy he is — I still have to stay in touch with my ex covert narcissist because we have a child together. On my end I keep things extremely civil, I only talk to him about things that I have to talk to him about r…
My mom flipped out on me for buying second hand clothes — I (16f) just bought a second hand jacket off of ebay that was really nice quality and in good condition. My mother saw me put it in the washing machine and freaked out on me. Saying it was dirty and d…
Some Pointers after 12 Years of Meditation — Meditation is an invisible skill, which makes it especially prone to confusion and obfuscation. I wanted to jot down some pointers and opinions about meditation that have served me at one point or an…
What We Really Need To Heal — Not sure if anyone else feels this way: but I'm kinda over all the "healing" stuff. Because it doesn't work. And I think there's too much pressure on survivors to "heal". The only way that we can …
Not feeling like myself - suddenly cold & not sure why — I, 26F have always been quite positive and friendly. And even on my worst days I’d keep a level of kindness and respect to others. But lately I’ve just been feeling so different as if nothing matters …
My (19F) Boyfriend (18M) Called Me His Managers Name During Sex — UPDATE: wow I really did not expect this post the get the traction it did. thank you guys so much for the kindness you have shown and a lot of you guys gave some really good advice. the first thing I'…
People Pleasers Make the Worst Partners — I'm a Codepedent in Recovery. My partner is also a Codependent (Severe) and he's refusing healing and is a Chronic People pleaser. Being in a relationship with a people pleaser is exhausting. You sl…
I spent years trying to fix my life with discipline. Therapy showed me why that didn’t work — **My Journey** I can’t remember not being depressed. I have some memories of the time before, but they are pictures, frames of a child enjoying life. But I’ve struggled with depression almost my enti…
Using Stoic learnings to get back on track — What Should I do? I’m a 17-year-old student in Turkey preparing for the YKS exam—the exam that will decide which university and major I get into, so it carries a lot of weight for me. I’ve always be…
Something mentioned but not talked about, Serotonin. — What do we know about Serotonin? \-Its produced in the gut, \-Low levels often correlated to anxiety and depression \-Happy hormone, not to be mistaken with dopamine , the pleasure hormone where …
Apologies for posting again. Apparently I am the abuser and narcissist - I am beyond devastated. No more sharing stuff online for me. *TW - unaliving mention* — I apologise for posting again but this may well be the last social media post I ever make. I am totally devastated and feel close to unaliving. I know that sound dramatic and I am deeply ashamed but t…
Processing my NDE and the paranormal experiences that followed — I can’t sleep and i’m feeling the need to document a sequence of experiences I had from February 2019 through 2020 that forever changed my life. I’ll try my best to keep each section somewhat brief, b…
Are my "corrective emotional experiences" all fake? I've developed a deep attachment to my therapist, but I feel so lost. — I'd love to hear your thoughts or see if anyone has had similar experiences. As my therapy goes deeper, I find myself becoming more and more attached to my therapist. I feel like the baby monkey cling…
Strangers are kinder than my ex — My husband said it was over 6 weeks ago. I was blindsided, and of course there was someone else. It’s been a rough 6 weeks and I’ve been alone in figuring everything out for the divorce. Today I had h…
Update: Tried to set boundaries, now they want to be paid 25k — It's been a few months since my \[last post here\] (https://www.reddit.com/r/AsianParentStories/s/lXVFmvyxxM), but its mostly come to a resolution. I wanted to do an update because I got some really …
Update after miscarriage and blindside divorce from STBXH — Two months ago my STBX husband (39M) blindsided me (34F) while I was pregnant. I was abroad doing a graduate course when he ended our marriage by text. Three weeks after he dropped me off at the airp…
What do you do when you feel annoyed and angry with someone for no reason — This is a vulnerable post, so please no judging...it's an honest question for inner exploration to find the love and compassion for others. There are some people who seem to instantly irk me. It's o…
I know that I'm better off, but it still hurts. — I'm on day four after being broken up with by my avoidant partner of three years. He broke up with me last year and we ended up getting back together... Last time, I was willing to do anything to be w…
Just trying to gain closure on my own... — This is something I wrote in my journal, trying to process emotions and gain closure. Lori, Since you would not give me the opportunity for closure, I'm going to do what I can to get it here. This…
20 years of a "loving" marriage, then a 6-month double life. Seeking to understand this mindset from folks who have 'lived experience' — I am hoping to seek perspectives from folks with "lived experience" with the most difficult situation I am going through to help me process the cognitive dissonance of the last few days. I have firmed…
the veil dropped — So, I am in a new layer of integrating my dimi break through (3 months ago), and the experiences and lessons (hell) I had are revealing themselves to me in new ways, expansive ways, however there is e…
Just broke up with partner because we were becoming codependent — Hello, I (26F) broke up with my girlfriend (25F) earlier this week. I’m really struggling because I did really care for her and we cared about each other, but ultimately, I could see our relationship …
Kindness starts within yourself. True or not? — I’ve decided to stop being so harsh on myself this year. Not a big transformation, just… talking to myself a little kinder. Has anyone tried this? Does it actually help long term?
I don’t know what I’m doing with my life — just ended a 2 year relationship with someone 8k miles away and kinda started things with a doctor in the same healthcare practice I work for. We had our first date last night which mostly was spent …
Should I apologize to my ex? and if so, is this a good way to do it? — About two weeks ago, my (18f) ex bf (18m) (we dated for a year) broke up with me for a variety of reasons, most of them being because he didn't have time anymore/was too busy/didn't have the emotional…
This can't be happening — never wrote on here or done anything like this. I apologize if its to long or has bad punctuation..I'm F 35 hes 44 M. together for 10 years. He left 2024/2025 after admitting to cheating on me. claim…
How to deal with Trauma and depression from Asian parent — So I' am a filipino and 19 years old student I have a big brother and a little sister who is 5 years old I had a huge fight with my mom. While my dad was working in different state in Australia so he …
I still feel like all the abuse was normal — Three months ago I had a realization that my mother was abusive my entire life. Verbally and physically. Silent treatments. Emotional neglect. Hitting me in public as an adult. About a week after tha…
"When trust is lost, traumatized people feel that they belong more to the dead than to the living." — "The sense of safety in the world, or basic trust, is acquired in earliest life in the relationship with the first caretaker. Originating with life itself, this sense of trust sustains a person throug…
The fact that someone as terrible and disgusting as me has been allowed to live this long is the world's worst joke. — **(This is a repost of a post I made a while ago, which I am reposting because I'm back in a slump again. There aren't any major changes other than the ending bit.)** 20M. This might be the longest p…
You have the answers — ​ Hello folks, hope your day is going well! Below i'll post the final chapter to a short work I put together. while out of context it does provide some useful tips on how to be. A dedicated …
Lessons from a relationship with a narcissist — I posted this a year ago but deleted after my narc ex found this post. Posting again because this helped me find a better partner for myself, and can help others as well. 1. When a man says they don…
Black and white thinking — Hi, how do you guys deal with black and white thinking? I didn't know what this was until recently. My therapist suggested that I make a pros/cons type of list to get a better understanding. For me,…
Recommendations for YouTube Guided Metta Loving Kindness Meditation — I’ve tried several but I haven’t found what I’m looking for yet. I like the Dan Harris meditation as he explains it well and I like the sequence he uses however I feel like I want to try a meditation …
Preparing for IMS unification of mind/concentration retreat — I'm planning on taking the IMS [unification of mind retreat](https://events.dharma.org/en/5f7ITk77/g/dF22C48yn6/unification-of-mind-concentration-retreat-5a2xVI3mybF) in July (So 3 months to prepare, …
Self isolating for 40 years. I'm more at home when I'm alone. — I have worked almost entirely alone (and at times completely alone) for the entirety of my working life and home life has been much the same. My childhood was marked by isolation and emotional negle…
My Experience as a Beginner — I was introduced to meditation as a teen, when I went through a productivity phase. Just starting university, was going through some stuff, and I wanted to find a "better" version of myself, whatever …
I responded to an ex of mines no contact breach, with a link to Good Luck Babe — So i 18(M) had a 2 year long weird homoerotic friendship with a guy (20M) who had a boyfriend (22M) (i know stupid ofc) but in my defense, he pretty much introduced himself to me as "tortured guy stuc…
THE ONLY ANSWER TO ALL YOUR QUESTIONS! (manifestation and neville) // PART 2 — SELF-CONCEPT (roll those drums caz i got my tea and i got to PREACH) i can claim to be the GOD of self concept i swear on me i got it baby and i got it sooooooo goooood (please take what you will …
THE ONLY ANSWER TO ALL YOUR QUESTIONS! (manifestation and neville) // PART 2 — SELF-CONCEPT (roll those drums caz i got my tea and i got to PREACH) i can claim to be the GOD of self concept i swear on me i got it baby and i got it sooooooo goooood (please take what you will caz…
Continuous thinking and dialogue in brain — How can I reduce it ? I’m new to meditation as in 2-3 yrs. I do breathe meditation and body - main source is thich naht Han videos on YT. I’ve been able to do 25-30 mins sitting meditation a year …
>Lizard brain. Don't get me wrong, on one hand I do appreciate you doing what you do, but on the other you are just another spawn of devil, promoting life as if it isn't self balancing, as if you ain'…
Tysm for posting this compendium and summary. I can feel your sense of kindness and willingness to share with others when so many might gatekeep or be hostile. ❤️
You're allowed to feel anger. If that's how you feel it's how you feel, it's healthy to express anger if it's authentic to your experience. People deserve kindness and compassion, AND it's not wrong t…
I never said they tried, but who wants to find out that someone else emotional regulation depends on your constant presence. Again I’m talking about anxious attachment because secure people are secu…
What have you done to resolve your fear of commitment, your emotional unavailability and the inferiority complex? Why are you searching for excitement from a partner? What does that mean to you? Is i…
I question myself, for sure, which only leads me to ignore the initial red flags (love bombing, rushing to intimacy and commitment, neediness, etc.) I tell myself that I am being paranoid, that I am…
I’m really glad it helped you! I think DAs involuntarily push people away because of the unconscious fear of engulfment. They are predisposed by their childhoods to feel encroached upon, so any kind o…
Agree with these. With mine, there was just a general lack of sweetness or playfulness. Anytime anything veered to something romantic, he’d say something casual and offputting to change the moment to …
I say this with kindness because reading through your posts, you remind me of me from 5-6 years ago. I think your feeling of shame is clouding your judgement a bit here. It sounds like you were just i…
I'm not suggesting that sub is 100% bad (nothing is all bad or all good). But it's absolutely an echo-chamber that frequently becomes toxic and dehumanizing, conflates every negative behavioral trait …
Aside from the fact that she has not behaved fairly - what else are you trying to gain from this? And I say this with kindness. What point are you trying to prove? Who else has abused your trust i…
So the solution to "jumping to conclusion" is not "giving the benefit of a doubt": it's learning to investigate with kindness and with non-violence communication. From a neuroscience perspective, you …
I don’t think that you are FA. Someone who is FA would not have given that much love to someone for six years nor would be willing to work on themselves in therapy or want to build something emotional…
I'm still very new to this forum, but from I can see people here tend to explain the totality of events solely based on the attachment theory. While it does explain why someone with insecure attachmen…
Yes, I edited, and yes, my comment contains some judgement (besides mostly description and perception, ie. judgement-free language). Non-violent, 100% judgemental-free Rosenberg communication, to me…
OP your self-insight is great and this on/off again pattern (while unique to each individual relationship in its own way) is reassuring to read because of just how many similarities we all share. Th…
Thank you for prioritizing those that need it most. I totally understand there to be doubt and criticism, but these spaces should also be fulfilling and uplifting. As a new member, it feels very muc…
Great post Oak. I have been trying to treat skepticism with more respect, even if the person isn't showing me the most respect. I think it's really important for us to try and do our best when it come…
Text of original post by u/bleepbloooopity: These were the words that had me crying like a baby. I realized I had never heard or felt it in my life from anyone before, not even my own family and espec…
You’re really doing great - this is just so hard! I’m gonna say something that might sound counterintuitive and blasphemous, but I hope you’ll stick around to read my long winded explanation of why 😅…
> I still have a hard time accepting this amount of kindness and love, I don't always feel like I deserve it and so sometimes it makes me act out my anxious attachment and insecurities If you're at …
a lot of posts and comments that are similar to what (i think) you're discussing, OP, seem to me that they would be non-issues if people were less inclined to be texting about stuff like this.. it re…
You might benefit from a combination of 1. reducing "enmeshment" by strengthening each person's individual interests, by say, taking separate evening classes at a community college and talking to ea…
Text of original post by u/f1rstpancake: I am in a crash course on my own nervous system while in the midst of a breakup with a dismissive avoidant man I've loved for almost five years. I'd known abou…
Giving her gifts is not the answer you’re looking for. If you give someone when they’re in a emotionally charged state can feel like a love debt, like they have to repay it or like they have to do bet…
Yeah, let’s talk about that. I am speaking from my own experiences only, and Im sure there are many types of children with temperaments that I havent yet encountered. From my experiences, I don’t thin…
i wouldn’t consider it splitting, but yes to a certain extent. like you said i get triggered which causes emotional dysregulation, especially in response to feeling disrespected, rejected, or betrayed…
I just had an issue with an fa today this is why I feel like she hates me; this is our third goal round of no contact in a relationship that never happened. We had sex one time and a bunch of text con…
It means a lot to hear from someone who sees FA patterns clearly for the wounding that they are without calling for their public execution. I have no doubt that your kindness and patience are going a…
Hi there, I’m F16 and I have attachment isuess. In childhood I didn't receive enough love from my parents ( abusive, emotionally unavailable father and a toxic mother, and I don’t intend to repair tho…
Hi, just wanted to say you're not alone in this. I'm aroace (my attachment style comes to play in platonic relationships) but for the longest time in my life I denied being aromantic because I wanted…
Thank you so much for this. It really means a lot. I know it will suck for a while, and I’m allowing myself to feel it instead of fighting it. Venting here has helped more than I expected. I do hope t…
Thank you, truly. Your words mean more than you know. I can feel the kindness and empathy in them, and I’m really grateful they resonated with you. I’m so sorry you’re hurting too. Even if neither of …
Throwaway account but 30f. I’m currently on a weight-loss plan, working more and really enjoying myself. I have so much more weight to lose but I’m starting to feel confident about myself again. I’d l…
I’m sorry you have so much pressure to find someone. It’s possible he did like you but didn’t want a relationship. I think two things can be true; he liked you but also was not interested in commitmen…
It's not that there *isn't* talk about interdependence or co-regulation. I agree that more conversations about community and the importance of social bonds are taking place now. How we metabolize cult…
This touched me. Thank you for your kindness. Me and the guy are still and will always be best friends, with so much love and happiness between us. I know one day we’ll stand at each other’s weddings.…
Oh, this is beautiful. There's real intimacy in sharing your deepest fears and being met with kindness and compassion and acceptance. I'm so happy for you!
Not really to all of the above. But, I am 43 and I can honestly say that my son is the best thing that ever happened to me 💙 You will meet someone better suited. Honestly, talking a better job oppor…
These threads have helped me so much. I just want to say thank you to this community for your kindness, wisdom and support. 🫶🏻💜
... Really? Because the parent comment is referring to people who haven't committed to each other. One of them is anxious, and is putting a lot of effort into the relationship, and is upset that they'…
Wow, this is well articulated. I've speculated for a while that the reported numbers of people in western societies with avoidant attachment aren't reflecting reality. There's this number bandied ab…
Oooh, yeah, I like "tangential speech," as "word salad" implies that it's healthy for you to consume in any way 😜 lol I kid, I kid. There's nothing inherently wrong with *social* contracts, it's the …
Yeah, never really got a response. No, I shouldn’t drop the friendship, right after I posted it my friend texted me because I hadn’t chosen walking dates with him for the next month. Every time I “tes…
With kindness, I think you should do some internal exploration over why you keep hitting this same problem and how you can get over that.
my reco is to swap out the fish picture & the couch selfie. best one from your new pics set is the one with the stickers in the background. i say this gently and with kindness but your selfies look a …
Hinge definitely seems better so far. I got my one and only match ever. She never responded, but it felt good. Hopefully it was a real person. I just started dating basically my entire life, so I gues…
I really appreciate your responses and apt username as well lol. I think even though I still oscillate between breaking down and quieting myself, I was starting to do less crying and more being silent…
Agree, they are over romanticizing this past relationship and still wearing the rose colored glasses, and until they overcome this they will not have success in future dating. I say that with kindnes…
Broke up with my gf two weeks ago. She wasn't treating me right, like she switched up on me real fast. I managed to make the ending positive for both of us. However, when my mind feels nostalgic, I …