book
reactive abuse
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Citations (47)
1. How did you start finding your identity again? Day by day. Some of it comes naturally, some of it you have to work for. There is a lot of healing that comes after this and I encourage you to look …
I’ve been with a narc for 5 years and I don’t recognize myself anymore. How do I get "me" back? — I’m writing this because I feel completely lost. I’ve been with a narcissistic partner for 5 years, and looking in the mirror is scary because I don’t know the person looking back. I used to be jovia…
Think them being in therapy is a good sign? Think again. — Mine was in therapy for 10+ years. He even invited me to a couples session at 5 months in (red flag here) but she basically called him out and said yeah you treated her bad, you are wrong. He backed i…
Reactive Abuse is the Worst — I always thought reactive abuse is the worst and is always the action I did where I convinced myself I was the Narc. I always regretted it and was never proud I did it. I apologized for doing it but s…
You're not allowed to be angry. You're not allowed to feel your emotions. — Does this fall under reactive abuse or something else? When the narcissist/s have done you wrong so you just step away and become distant, because speaking with them wouldn't work. So when they see t…
Am I overthinking this, or were my in-laws always expecting my marriage to fail? — I’ve been reflecting on my marriage and a lot of things aren’t sitting right with me. I don’t know if I’m connecting dots in hindsight or if this really is a pattern, I’d really appreciate outside per…
Another one from me: should I seek closure from our ex couples therapist? — I went to couples therapy with my ex who I believe is a narcissist (or at least shows a lot of traits). The therapy was useless - harmful, even. I gave up after a few months because I was hopeless abo…
True, but it really depends on why they're reacting that way. There's a term, 'reactive abuse', which can happen when you continually push someone else and react in what you're calling 'emotionally ma…
Of course a lot of us have. Ten years to an addict. The highs and the lows the cycle that got worse and worse and worse. But the good times, man he was my other half I was never and I think never will…
The first thing you should do is get in touch with the friends you left or go into social situations and find new ones. If not, you'll end up drifting towards the narc out of solitude. 1. I never did…
That’s what I’m doing. Trying to change the pattern. Reactive abuse is still abuse, and in some cases can escalate beyond the original offense.
I didn't understand the first sentences sorry for my english Yes it's dirty, reactive abuse as well coercive control. These two nasty things. For reactive abuse it depends on the perpetrator. And…
Exact same, you're not alone. I get needled, pushed, abused... then sometimes when I've had a drink I actually stand up for myself -- just a little too much -- and, boom, I'm the villain. I absolutel…
I think a lot of therapists in the field are no longer calling it reactive abuse. It’s not at all Im the same category of abuse they put us through and should not be called as such.
Reactive abuse is not real abuse in the same sence that narcissistic abuse is abuse. I used to feel very bad of my only reactive abuse episode, too. My covert had emotionally hurt me for days and fina…
Reactive abuse is THEM pushing you to the edge. The abuse is on their end. You’re just being a normal human being, they’re being a predator and you’re reacting as anyone would after a long build up. F…
Did they ever also try to claim that their part was the actual reactive abuse? Like, an example pattern: You make the original mistake (to them) -> they react and escalate quickly in unacceptable w…
Reactive abuse sure is a SOB. It took me a lot of therapy to regulate on a normal level, after years of it from my ex spouse.
I wouldn't at all call what's happening "reactive abuse" - I don't shout at people, or do the things they're doing in the sense of me being equally aggressive. It's moreso me just responding in kind.…
Sounds like possible reactive abuse. Look it up if not familiar!
oh really? Wow! Mine brought me to that due to a reactive abuse reaction during a fight. I suppose they feel exposed that you know now about their inner core.
Not reactive abuse (that's when the victim reaches their limit and lashes out, and a term I find icky, imo it's defending oneself), just regular abuse. Specifically it's about control for them I think…
Reactive abuse? I don't know. "Don't talk, don't think, don't feel". In the family dynamics around me certain people in the family are allowed to emote (those who have the money have more rights). …
Reactive abuse is the term used for the type of abuse that is inflicted on the victim, not a term for what the victim does in response. So the abuser is committing reactive abuse if the victim lashes …
1. Dated a narc coworker (I know I know terrible decision) she was inquiring about hanging out outside of work March 2024 while she still was in a relationship she labeled abusive. That was my first…
omgggg this is spot on. Then they want to call you crazy and focus just on that, but it’s literally from years of reactive abuse, feeling trapped in an environment that is unsafe emotionally (and or p…
I just want to interject that just because with YOU he wasn’t that way doesn’t mean he isn’t this way with her. Even if she is the aggressor, reactive abuse is absolutely a thing. I say this as a surv…
Im not victimizing myself. Im well aware its not okay to lash out but a human can only take so much disrespect. He kept lying, kept treating me poorly and promising he'd change. He wasnt abusive in an…
Oh seriously. They don’t get the attention they want when they spin the craziest stories. People are just like ‘ok….’ My nex triangulated me with my family and it didn’t stick. It got awkward, but …
I just need to vent. I’m tired. It’s been a long year. He (37m) called me (39f) bipolar during a fight so I kicked him out of my apartment and ended things. For the record, I’m not bipolar. It’s be…
My family engaged in a lot of reactive abuse through my teens until I was grown. And the reality is it stopped temporarily after my father got old/got cancer and realized I could physically kick the s…
Reactive abuse is normal
I feel like I could have written this. I thought my ex just was FA but then as I talked with people both online and in real life, they started suggesting that I look into narcissistic traits (not to d…
Like obviously I know now it was a public discard, reactive abuse attempt on a supply to show dominance to the mutual friend.
It's called "reactive abuse." They try to rile you up so that you get upset or say something, and then they can "react" to what you did by playing victim and saying things like this is how you always …
this sounds like the reactive abuse my own mother out me through. Their entitled behavior agitates you until you're the one who blows up and then they play the victim. You're not crazy. Believe me I k…
Loners and outcasts are misunderstood and deserve compassion and care. many people fear being alone or feeling rejected, ostrasized and excluded, and they project that insecurity on those outcasts bec…
SO FAR.. the embarrassing behaviors have been the way I deceived my myself.. gaslit myself- the way I begged and cried every time he said “he was done with me” or that “he had met someone” or left to…
I’m so sorry you went through this. Your yelling back was called reactive abuse. They push you so far and then blame you for your reaction. “You yelled back” in their minds now you are as bad as th…
A relationship takes two, but don't take all the blame. Look up 'reactive abuse.' You need to get out of this. You aren't happy and life is too short to waste.
That's not ragebaiting, that's being a really crappy boyfriend. It also could be considered reactive abuse.
The Background: in 2024, my husband and I entered a "collective agreement" with my mother to move in together. The goal was for her to have a 1-2 year "bridge" to get on her feet, find a job, and secu…
It's essentially reactive abuse, even if the person shaming us for our reaction isn't our initial abuser. It's so ridiculous because what happened was a billion times worse and anger is completely ju…
You’re right about the conditioning and the way anger gets reframed, but I think there is another layer to why it works so well. Abusers do not just silence you. They provoke the reaction. They push …
You know more than us about her circumstances, but for instance a person is who is being abused can snap under pressure and have an outburst. This is called reactive abuse.
Nah, threatening extreme violence like that is so much worse than everyone talking about "having the thought is fine" in these comments. This was much bigger than thinking it, she threatened him, and …
reactive abuse. don't ever marry him. you've seen how cruel he becomes when you need to rely on him. this is not someone who you can trust to protect you, or your peace.