make it work

I appreciate your story and hear you, but ture incompatibility implies there's no will to "make it work", tolerance for differences, and desire to coexist in a mutual beneficial and "fair" relationshi…

Micro investors, where to find them? (i will not promote anything in this post) — I am trying to get an e-commerce store without a bugdet, originally that would be hard, but i thought about getting people together to invest in micro amounts and pay them with a % and 3x there invest…

Every day I try to do things right. Every day they say no. Now I duct-tape and maintain the mess I warn them about — Hey folks, Just wanted to drop this little gem of corporate masochism So I work at this company where we develop software for real state agencies, in this 'properties' sql table we have a field cal…

What I learned building a quoting system for a construction company doing $10M+ a year — I recently finished a project for a construction company doing roughly $10M per year. They were quoting jobs using Excel and email threads, and while it technically worked, it was slow, error-prone, a…

The most painful relationship/breakup I've ever had, cracked me open for healing. Plot Twist: The text message llm tool said I was an FA, I ignored it for 5 months before I figured it out. — For five months I was absolutely certain I was dismissive avoidant. Monthly attachment coaching—as a DA. Studied obsessively, could recite every AP/DA/FA trait. I even built this text analysis tool, a…

Dismissive - Anxious dynamic catch 22, how could we make it work? — I'm having issues with a relationship that's really important to me. It's someone who I dated last year for 6 months. We have very intense and wonderful attraction and connection in a way that is rare…

Bf of 14 months hasn’t said I love you — My bf (35M) and I (33F) met December 2024 on a dating app and became exclusive immediately after our first date. On our first few dates he asked what I was looking for and I said I was looking for som…

Girlfriend told me she was going to kill herself on my birthday. My attachment was almost healed or so i thought - all of that is in shambles now. — There were a lot of other red flags I have previously chosen to ignore, but this is what made me wake up. I suppose after hiding from people and feelings for so long, I felt like if I just broke it of…

My boyfriend and I had an argument over his marriage demands, and now he claims he means none of it... — Tl:dr: My boyfriend of two years has a list of requirements from me after we get married, and after our argument over it, which lead us to break up-- he said he didn't mean any of it and wants to go …

Friend said something that shocked me and explained everything... — Edit: added an extra story to the bottom since this post seemed to resonate with people so much. Be strong folks, you're no one's NPC. You can go back and find a lot of my story on my page, but essen…

Why is casual sex so hard? — It took me 3 years to find a man that I had explosive chemistry for a consistent casual sex partnership/FWB. Start having weekly meetups and then I turned into a crazy person dealing with the highs fr…

After 30 years of being a people pleasing, peace-keeping, manipulative, caretaking, dysregulated, codependency "addict," I've finally reached a point where I have enough control to simply STOP. In a very short amount of time, my whole entire life has changed. It's nearly impossible to describe. — The first part of this post is just context, and you can skip it all by scrolling down to **The Proof** I'm not going to go into much detail, but just for context: I experienced some pretty major chi…

THINGS TOXIC "SHIFTERS" SAY/DO (they are more normalized than you think) — Soo days back I made a post voicing frustrations about my shifting experience and mentioning a few a of my roadblocks. Two days ago I shifted successfully to the Odyssey and when I came back to my cr…

I'm going to meet AP for the first time — I divorced my husband 1.5 years ago after discovering his affair, not only once but twice (with the same person). The first time he confessed everything and was commited to make it work but after some…

I (34m) have been with my partner (34f) for 8 years. I have supported us financially for 8 years but want her to contribute and I'm made to feel like the bad guy — She had just quit her job when we met and dated for a few months before she moved in and I agreed to support us until she was able to find work. She has had a part time job here and there over the yea…

Boyfriend anxious about being with one person forever — I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (30M) for a year. This past year has had its ups and downs with a lot of personal changes happening like moving states, starting a new job, etc. Overall, our relat…

If you were the dumper you need to be the one to reach out if you want a relationship with that person again. — PSA for all you dumpers out there, if you’re experiencing a breakup and are in your head about them not reaching out because they “don’t love you anymore” or they “never cared” your in the wrong. Thi…

My ex broke up with me 4 months ago. I sent a message breaking no contact. Her response destroyed me. — International relationship — she's Brazilian, I'm Arab. We truly loved each other, but the distance, cultural differences, and wanting different things ended it all. It was the right decision, but the…

MILD UPDATE: Struggling right now with feelings — Hey everyone. Don't have much of an update right now. I haven't forgotten about the comments or updating everyone as I can. I am personally going through a rough patch about our marriage. We really…

Just trying to gain closure on my own... — This is something I wrote in my journal, trying to process emotions and gain closure. Lori, Since you would not give me the opportunity for closure, I'm going to do what I can to get it here. This…

It’s so hard to move on — And I mean it. We met in the most exciting chapter of our lives and we absolutely glowed the first year and half together. Exchange students in Japan, and by a miracle found ourselves together back in…

Betrayal trauma anyone? — found her being sneaky hiding things and messaging my old friend who she was just being way to weird about in front of me in 2022; and some weird things happened I was always unsure about. Anyways, w…

Do you think we could do more to support each other professionally? — I’ve been thinking about this and wanted to get some perspectives from people here. A lot of the discussions in this forum are around personal experiences, challenges, and broader social topics—which…

I'm fourteen and I've been in a really weird situation my entire life. I don't know what to do. — trigger warning for sensitive content such as abuse (only financial abuse is really explicitly stated), alcoholism, s icidality (in the past, censoring in case it gets the post removed or something)?…

How do I get over the feeling that maybe someday we’ll get back together. It’s been 2 years since the break up — My ex broke up with me over 2 years ago. Stupidly, I agreed to stay friends for almost 1.5 years until I decided it wasn’t helping me and I needed to try and actually move on and went no contact. He w…

DA ex's new relationship is going strong — TLDR: my DA ex's new relationship is going strong, and it makes me feel like i was the problem. its been less than 2years since i was dumped by my DA ex. we dated for a year and i was the longest re…

I 33F confused on whether to terminate pregnancy with 33M ex? — I 33F was with my ex 33M for 7 years. We discussed having a break in our relationship however did not actively do this. He often became depressed and was suffocating me at times I could not wait until…

UPDATE: I found out my fiancé slept with his ex a year into our relationship 3 years ago — [Here is a link to my original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/s/2ArIlwSYpf) A while back I posted about a relationship filled with betrayal- sexual, financial, and emotional. We t…

was it the wrong decision? — I am f18 was dating m21 for 10 months. he’s my 1-st body and 1-st bf. I broke up with him literally few hours ago because recently I’ve been thinking a lot that I want very much to get to know more pe…

I [31M] am seeing a woman [28F] I really like, but we're moving to different countries soon and she's a virgin- how do I handle this responsibly? — We're both from an Asian country. I've been seeing this woman for about a month, and we're really into each other. There's a strong emotional and physical connection, and whenever we meet we're very a…

My ex hooked up with a literal model weeks after the break up. I still love her but I have no hope. — My ex of 1.8 years broke up with me in January, we both made our mistakes. Mid-January, she reached out, we kept seeing each other to make It work since she missed me but she said we couldn't be seen …

I need help with a sensitive conversation of the NSFW variety (late 20F) (mid 30M) — I (late 20F) need some advice on how to have a sensitive conversation with a man (mid 30M) that I've been seeing consistently for about 2 months. It's about sex, and I know that this is a "just talk t…

My experience losing the love of my life — Sorry for the long post, I usually just read everyone else’s posts, but I felt like I wanted to share my story. I feel like I just had this realization the other day that everything would be alright …

Day 6 — 6 days since. Today was another pretty good day. Still think about her/us all the time. I try to listen to music as much as I can to drown out those thoughts but they still come in. If you are reading…

I feel hurt and don’t know what to do. — \*\*TL;DR;\*\*: Girl is making relationship difficult . Me (22M) and partner (22F) have been dating for 4 months now. When we first met is was very nice and the freshness of it all made it exciting, …

Not everyone is able to leave a wayward — Just want to shout out to those who’ve been betrayed and can’t leave. I see so many judgmental comments where people share stories and are trying to reconcile because for one reason or another, they…

LDR struggles — I've been dating a 40-y/o guy exclusively for more than a year. We see each other every 2-4weeks & I really like him. We did our STD/HIV test April last year so we can have unprotected s\\\*x. We both…

he’s in my state right now — i ended it 34 days ago even though things were good and i loved him. bc he said his family would never accept me and he knew marriage is impossible from the start but “intentionally avoided that conve…

How do I shake off the feeling of revenge and that’s it’s my loss — I am leaving the city in 2 days I have stayed for last 5 years(even before my marriage) because I can’t take it anymore. I have resigned from my job, planning to travel and find myself. I got a notifi…

I (49F)finally asked me spouse (50M) for a separation (after 20 years)and I am reeling a bit — My husband (50yo) has been an emotionally abusive and difficult partner for a very long time. I’ve (49F) been with him for over 20 years and have spent most of it trying to make it work with him but h…

Ex said i had grown and he hadn’t — When my ex broke up with me, he said how much I had changed, he told his parents how much I had grown since the day he met me. But he hadn’t grown, or changed but I had. It seemed like he didn’t feel …

He didn’t change, I hate myself. (D-Day 2) — We’ve been trying to make it work on and off since the first D-Day 2 years ago. This time I find out he’s been leading on 3-4 people at once, online AND in person. I have never felt such shame and emb…

I go back and forward between ending my relationship every week, even though it's essentially perfect — My boyfriend \[22M\] and I \[22F\] have been together for over two and a half years. It was originally going to be a summer fling. I had gotten into a different university and was planning on transfer…

What things are healthy and unhealthy in a relationship? — I’m (28F) In a 5 month relationship with my bf (26M). I want to know the answer to this question because my only real adult relationship is was really toxic and traumatizing. So I want to know what’s …

Break up - 2 years togther — I am 29yr and she is 25yr we dated for 2 years. So me and her broke up a week ago. I came home after class and she was standing there and said we are done. I was completely in shock. She said the reas…

I need your help pls — I’ve been in therapy for a while now and I feel kind of stuck and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’ve seen multiple therapists, and with my current one I’ve been going for about 5 months. The thi…

Have (35F) dreams about ex (40M) multiple times a week — I (35F) have been married for 3 years (32M) and we’ve been together for 7 years. I previously dated/hooked up with a guy (40M) from 18-27. My ex and I grew up in the same small town, worked together …

Help — Hi everyone, I am looking for feedback and advice.. Here is some content: I have been married for 5 years, with my husband for a total of 7 years. I was 21 when we met and he was 29. He struggled with…

Please give me some advice on this — This is gonna be a long story, so bear with me. I will add some background to make things as clear as possible for you guys. I'm in my late 20s now, my first and last serious relationship which laste…

This is no way to live for me... She insane and she makes no sense at all. — As I said in comments here, my mother can't be trusted with anything. She always says, "We'll find a way! I promise!" What lies... Like, "If that's what you really want, we'll find a way to make it w…

Living with my best friend (27) and her boyfriend (29) is making me (27)feel deeply unhappy, am I being unreasonable? — TL;DR *Living with my best friend and her boyfriend makes me feel like a third wheel and an outsider in my own home. There are still nice moments, but overall I feel lonely and like I’m orbiting thei…

Interestingly enough we don’t see that though. We see post after post of people wanting to fix their ex or figure out how to make it work. I rarely see posts with people venting about the issue while …

Ever looked into how ‘kubectl cp’ works and what basic Linux package is required to make it work?

Cloudflare is fast, cheap and easy. Fastly from what I know offers more as it's based on Varnish but very few people need that level of complication. I only worked on one project that needed Varnish.…

There is a lot of middle ground before you hire an employee. You could contract out for a personal assistant. They work for themselves and usually have several clients. You could contract with an over…

Sorry if this is not the applause you may have expected; but to me a translation of your title is "Turns out DAs are DAs, and we need to bend over backwards to "make it work" with them, and that's ext…

Haha, I'm not looking for an applause, just sharing what worked for me. Maybe it might help someone else, maybe it might not. Anyhow, for me, bending over backwards would be to give into their needs …

Send them a message back on how their behaviour affected you, so they know. They will act like this again without therapy. They need the realisation that something is wrong. This won't come from ignor…

I’m in agreement with you (upvoted lol!). Yes, sad to see all the FA bashing. His text and reaching out with attempts for reconciliation are showing he wants the relationship but doesn’t have the know…

Obviously it is not simple and easy for them. There is a switch that doesn’t turn on for them. Gotta learn to speak their language if you want to make it work.

Thanks for sharing this! I know it must have been and be hard, especially with kids. I hope you sleep well at night knowing that you did a great job truly trying to make it work. In the need you didn’…

Hey, thank you for your post. I spent years in a relationship with a fearful avoidant so I know how hard it is to admit all of those things and write them down and I thank you for it. In the end we co…

my therapist also knows i have an anxious attachment. we do a workbook together to help mine out. maybe i should look through it all again. i’m probably going to order books to try to get to a secure …

We have been dating for about four months now. In the beginning three weeks we could only meet once, because he was away and then I was away. So we had really intense feelings for each other but could…

Two Fa trying to make it work and she’s labeling things that aren’t related to attachment style as FA Of course they not compatible.

Both things can be true. It sounds true that he is emotionally unavailable for a healthy relationship and could never give you what you needed. It is also true that the lack of deep connection activat…

As people said, both are the real her. But it can change as she gets more secure, and she may get more secure as she sees she can consistently count on you in her relationship. If you want to make it …

You should check out the book Nonviolent Communication!! There are free PDFs online if you want to try before you buy. I'm moving from AA -> Secure and it has been super helpful. The basic idea is: …

I am navigating a post-breakup friendship. I really thought long and hard about keeping this person in my life because yeah I know myself and the last thing I wanted was to spiral into an insecure dyn…

I’m really struggling to feel the same way about my partner since our disagreement last week. I feel disconnected from them and I’m not wanting to spend as much time with them. I feel like I’ve had to…

Yeah, I just started opening myself up to dating again because of this. He’s a really great person except this obviously very huge issue. And when he’s present, he’s one of the most loving, understand…

Yup, i thought he was the greenest flag, a really secure maybe just a bit anxious leaning person for like 6 months, then in the matter of 2 weeks it was like someone shut down his 'feeling button' , w…

Sorry. I don’t think this is a healthy dynamic. I (DA) was married to an AP man for 27 years. We tried so hard to make it work, but in the end we were still oil and water.

Poly works great for two people with avoidant tendencies, and with people that are secure, or a mix. It is always challenging for people with anxious tendencies, but can be a REALLY uphill battle when…

I’m going on a date with a guy I met through speed dating last week. We’ve been talking everyday, I’m excited to see him tonight. He’s emotionally available and has been open and honest with me, this …

Avoidance is your current attachment system. Meaning, the bad news is your avoidance will be inevitably triggered. The good news is... who am I lying, its not really good news lol. BUT the magic lays …

So, I think I might have found the right person, but with the wrong timing and it's just... crushing. We met a few months ago at a mutual acquaintances party, had a great convo but I chickened out on …

My (f38) bf (ish, m39) has a really good relationship with his ex, the mother of his kids, and describes them as best friends. They do hang out sometimes - not alone but around the kids. We’ve only be…

All posts are manually reviewed before being approved for posting. This usually takes less than an hour, though it can take longer depending on moderator availability. While you wait for your post to …

I know it's hard not to think "I'll never find better," but tbh, from experience, it really is better to be single, and nothing you describe about this man sounds great to me. Being nice, thoughtful, …

I agree - 5 years is a very long time and you seem like a genuine person - they are not going to think you stayed in contact only because you wanted more. I would definitely do it via phone call since…

I think it’s healthy to take a break right after the break up. I know it’s hard but you need to re-learn doing life without the constant emotional support of that person. I had 2 amicable break ups, …

I’m not going to do it, it creates an expectation that I don’t like nor plan to maintain. Ideally the relationship doesn’t need to happen through text, you’ll be around each other enough day to day to…

I have dated non-monogamously in the past and came to the realization that it wasn't for me. I tried my best to make it work, but ultimately, I only had the bandwidth for one person. One person I date…

I don’t know if people are settling, like what does that even mean. That you’ve dated and experienced ups and downs and you have a relationship that’s pretty darn good and want to keep it, even though…

Thanks a lot 🥺 I am volunteering for an animal association. I don’t know why I want to make it work. I guess I just want feelings from people who cannot give me that …

It’s going to sound a bit naive, but he checked all of the boxes in the beginning. Except one that I hadn’t had, which was actually liking me as a person. So there were a lot of criticism and backhand…

hmm i would take a long hard think about if it is worth making the living situation workable. and then, if you are willing to make it workable, is he? if so, go and make it work! if it is workab…

Currently in a relationship (for a month and a half). We started in a strange way, kinda from friends to lovers, but I’ll spare a lot of details. She had broken up with her girlfriend around a month…

There are only so many men who are outdoorsy and experienced, so I keep trying to make it work with any guy that seems mildly fit and open minded, but I keep getting frustrated. They suggest absurd, s…

It’s likely the long distance thing preventing her from seeing you as long term potential. Long distance CAN work if both parties are fully on board, my partner and I live at opposite ends of our coun…

I really don’t have the answer you’re looking for. Because I’m experiencing the same thing. I’ve been separated from this person for over 6 months and am seeing someone new. I’m annoyed that the old…

Yes, I'm working very actively on understanding myself better, including my deactivations. Journaling and interactions on Reddit helped me immensely, and I think I now have a pretty coherent understan…

Got my profile on OLD started up again after 8-9 months off. I feel like a lot of sketchy guys match with me -- some guy who literally lives 2k miles away matched with me. I was trying to be open mind…

So at first I was like, WTF, why not just say no and don't worry about it? But I'm growing soft in my old age, now that NDad has been gone (checks math) for almost 12 years. I guess I'm losing the mem…

I’m six months post-breakup, and it has helped me a lot. I’ve been using it mainly as a tool to understand my grief and to reflect on what the breakup revealed about me things I hadn’t fully seen bef…

I feel this from a long time ago. I was with a woman that had a beautiful figure, and the sex, we both made it amazing, I just tried different things until I lit up HER world for her. It was a trying …

Man, I relate to this so much. I was with my ex for 3.5 years, and our relationship was really volatile as well. We were really close, did everything together & saw each other all of the time during t…

It’s the realisation that you lost your person. Your forever. Your everything. And when I say my everything people are quick to say “you should never make anyone your whole life”. But how can I not. W…

Hi. So let me start by saying I'm almost 40 and I've been where you are. It was hard. But after time I healed. I thought I lost my person when my (at the time fiance) left me. Out of the blue. Kicked …

Yeah I feel like this was the case with my relationship as well. I ended things because he was so distant and we were starting to see our friends more than each other … but then I realised I wanted hi…