drama

I've been remarried for about 20 years and my ex-wife was pretty frantic when I met my second wife. I'd really recommend not jumping at shadows about what she says she will do. React to what she act…

Think of the comments as inverted Uber ratings. (click to find out what this means) — I last posted a variation of this a little over 5 years ago. We're a little overdue for a repost. --- You know how every Uber rating is right on the verge of 5 stars unless something's particularly …

New people — Hello, I am fairly new to Joseph Murphy's teachings, coming over from studying neville for a while, my life has changed dramatically and continues to change each day. If you are new here as I am, REA…

What would you be willing to pay for at your company? — Over the years, we’ve seen several licensing dramas and ongoing debates even on this sub — the latest being Redis becoming open source again. Someone once said: “I'm fine with companies making money …

Built Artificial Intelligence driven accounting prototype for small businesses — struggling to find beta users. Any advice?(Tried LinkedIn as well) — I’ve recently developed a prototype of an Artificial Intelligence powered accounting tool tailored specifically for small businesses — the kind that typically have just one in-house accountant or rely…

Turns out I needed a "middleman" to have a successful relationship with a DA — Now the title may sound wild, but stick with me. # The Story So I (26M) have been dating someone (24F) who, as I came to realize, is a dismissive avoidant. It's been about a year now - though truthf…

Think I found a secure woman, and almost immediately self-sabotaged. — In my social club, there’s a woman who had consistently shown signs that she was into me. I was direct and asked her out. She said she was interested but couldn’t date for a few months because her j…

Pouncemonial: 9th Kill - 30 Successful Trades — **Mission**: To accomplish 30 successful trades **What I achieved**: Accomplished 30 successful trades and learned how to execute and manage trades well. **Background**: With the previous kill, …

I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …

Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…

For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? — For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? I began therapy 4 months into our situationship because of how strong he came on,…

This situation is too messed up — Hi everyone, I (20F) really need some guidance about my SP (19M). We’ve been on and off for the past 2.5 years, and our relationship has always been very messy constant fights, unnecessary arguments, …

Can a FA-DA relationship work? — My partners have been dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant, so I have always leaned anxious ig. In my last relationship, I felt secure at the start, it was nice, we set boundaries.. till it happene…

READ THIS if you want to POST here — This is a new thread with the SAME GUIDELINES as the previous post which is now archived. THIS THREAD IS ONLY FOR APPROVAL TO POST. You don’t have to be an approved user to comment or lurk. ONLY som…

A letter to my FA Ex — I don’t even know why I’m writing anymore. I don’t know why I still pour my feelings onto paper when the person they’re meant for has emotionally switched off. Maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe it’s jus…

Can I get some assurance from reformed people pleasers 🥲? — And some advice? Not necessarily on "what to do" because I know how to set boundaries in theory. It's managing the guilt and fear of fallout that I struggle with and I do because all my life any time …

Meta Dating Monday - Flowers, Candy and Wrestlemania — Welcome to Meta Dating Monday! With Valentine's Day just around the corner and my kids now old enough that I no longer have to sit there trying to write names on lumpy candy bags, I can finally focus…

Specific Person (SP) Manifestation: No Magic, No Supernatural Forces. Just Proven Science — Hi everyone, It’s been a long time since I last posted, and honestly it was overdue. I keep seeing the same recycled LOA bullshit everywhere. Endless manifestation porn, more unqualified people calli…

Feeling “off” after trust rupture — attachment system or intuition? — I have been dating my current partner for about a year now. Long post incoming. I’m posting because I’m noticing a significant avoidant shift in myself and I need perspective specifically on my own at…

Did anyone elses parents correct your reality growing up? — I just realised that whenever i would be upset and overwhelmed because of my parents pressuring me constnatly they would instead tell me that i am feelig overwhlemed because i am just too overwhelmed …

I (28F) cut off my in-laws after how they treated me before and during my wedding, but I get anxious when my husband (27M) still talks to them. How do I move on? — TL;DR: My mother-in-law and sisters-in-law insulted me, fat-shamed and color-shamed me before our wedding and caused major drama during the wedding itself. Now they act sweet in front of my husband. I…

Reflection on over friendly therapist? — Hi readers. This is something that has been on my mind for months and I don't know how to wrap my head around it. Some professional insight might be helpful. I left therapy a few months ago. I had …

Six Months of Dating in Europe as an East Asian Guy — Honestly Better Than I Expected — Today marks my sixth month living in Europe. Looking back at the past half year and all the European girls I’ve interacted with, I thought it would be fun to do a little reflection—what I did well, wh…

Community — What's your honest opinion of the lucid dreaming community right now? For those of us that have been around since the Dreamviews and ~2006-2012 forums era, things have changed quite dramatically sinc…

Become Indifferent Neville says. But it's easier said than done. My Tips. — If you want to be in charge of your creations you have to become indifferent to your own reactions. And it sounds easy until someone triggers the bejeezus out of you. Politics, your mother in law, pe…

I’m very good at staying composed. I’m less good at noticing what that composure costs me. — I’ve realized something recently. I’m very good at staying composed in certain conversations. I stay steady. I smooth things over. I choose my words carefully. I keep things readable. From the outsid…

Every time I post on social media, I feel less and less like there’s space for me on the Internet. — I grew up on social media, beginning on Xanga and MySpace at 10 years old. Then, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, as I grew up and entered adulthood. I’ve always over shared my life on the Inter…

My mom called my son’s birthday party “f***ing embarrassing” because she cares more about what people think than celebrating him — **UPDATE:** Thank you to everyone who commented and shared advice. A lot of people suggested going no contact with my mom to protect myself and my son. I understand why people said that, but I want …

[Prove Me Wrong] Bruce Lee was the last English speaking Asian that represented us well — Bruce lee was: * Well Articulated (and spoke good english) * Confident * Smart * Masculine * Good in fighting I feel that the \- kpop/kdrama: more girly/pretty/gentle boys are famous \- china: …

No contact year 6 update: — Hello everyone! I’ve made some update posts in the past and figured I would make one for year 6 as that anniversary is coming up soon, and with context it will make sense why I still specifically reme…

My [30F] husband [34M] may be a functioning alcoholic — Buckle in because this is a long post. Tl;dr my husband drinks and I am sick of it. (TW: mention of miscarriage) Throwaway account because I need advice and I am at my wits end. I have been with my h…

Fed up with this — Hello, As the title really. Fed up of manifesting, the only thing that is manifesting in my life is shit. I've tried everything, LOA, living in the end, reading 'the secret '. Subs, self concept…

She started hooking up with multiple guys right after our break-up... — My ex (F25) and I (M29) were together for almost 4 years. She broke up with me on the first of March. I respected her decision and we said goodbye with respect and love. The past few months were defin…

What We Really Need To Heal — Not sure if anyone else feels this way: but I'm kinda over all the "healing" stuff. Because it doesn't work. And I think there's too much pressure on survivors to "heal". The only way that we can …

I think my 32F 36M boyfriend lied about me passing out during sex — My boyfriend and I have been dating about 6 months. While having sex last night things got more intense than normal. We both enjoy things a little rough but its always been sometimes we've discussed a…

I tracked my dreams every day for 6 months. Here's what actually worked and what was a total waste of time. — So I've been into lucid dreaming for a while now and decided to actually get serious about it. For the last 6 months I tracked everything. Techniques, sleep times, supplements, all of it. Figured I'd …

Sunken Cost Fallacy — Married for almost 27 years. Got married at the ripe age of 19. Funny thing, I thought it was a mistake on my wedding night when he got out of bed to jack off because I was so exhausted from the long …

My (M38) wife (F34) has been very quiet since a conversation we had of why I love her. Confused about her silence. — So I'm a little bit confused about this. A couple of days ago, my wife came to me asking the question that has been asked many times during our marriage. "Do you still love me? And why do you love me?…

I finally figured out how to manifest — For context I’ve been manifesting for a really long time. I’ve taken this lifestyle up for over 5 years. But it used to be tough to know exactly what I’ll get and when I’ll get it in the past. I usual…

UPDATE: How do I (28M) tell my girlfriend (28F) a prenup and keeping my inherited house separate are non-negotiable? — TL;DR: I had the conversation. She brought up moving in first. She completely agrees the house and inheritance should stay separate, supports a prenup, was impressed I’d thought it through, and confus…

Did anyone else feel like their nervous system was completely out of whack after a breakup? — One thing that surprised me after my breakup was how much it messed with my nervous system. Not just emotionally but also physically. My sleep was off, my mind kept replaying things, and there was th…

codependency quiz wrecked me - turns out my "helping" was actually controlling — I took a codependency quiz last week on taro's tarot and i genuinely feel like the floor dropped out from under me. I've always been the person everyone comes to. The fixer. The one who drops everythi…

My girlfriend tells long, detailed work stories every day after I get home exhausted. 25M-23F, 6 months. — After I come back from school and work, my girlfriend and I usually get on a call and talk about our day. I usually finish talking about my day in about 1–2 minutes. After that, she often starts telli…

I finally went to therapy and I'm angry at myself for waiting so long because of stupid stigma — For five years I told myself I didn't need therapy. I told myself I could handle everything on my own. I told myself that going to therapy meant I was weak or broken or dramatic. Meanwhile I was bare…

Is it true when a woman ‘mentally checks out’ before they break up, they never come back? — I have been watching a range of YouTube videos, and a there seems to be some agreement amongst some of the videos that once a woman checks out she never comes back. Is this dramatising or is there t…

Anxiety coming back and the physical symptoms are ruining everything — I used to struggle with anxiety last year — not super severe, but I had quite a few anxiety attacks and a couple panic attacks. The main symptom for me was nausea, and I hate it so much. It actually g…

Apologies for posting again. Apparently I am the abuser and narcissist - I am beyond devastated. No more sharing stuff online for me. *TW - unaliving mention* — I apologise for posting again but this may well be the last social media post I ever make. I am totally devastated and feel close to unaliving. I know that sound dramatic and I am deeply ashamed but t…

PsychoCybernetics Visualization — Based on the teachings of PsychoCybernetics, I started visualizing every morning and evening to optimize my personality. I've noticed profound positive changes in my personality over the past week. A…

I meditated for 10 years. Here is how life changed — This is a personal anecdote of daily (99.5%) meditation practice spanning 10 years. I hope this will be helpful for those looking for motivation for their practice. Personally, I found external motiva…

Processing my NDE and the paranormal experiences that followed — I can’t sleep and i’m feeling the need to document a sequence of experiences I had from February 2019 through 2020 that forever changed my life. I’ll try my best to keep each section somewhat brief, b…

I Can't Stand My Mom — When I was younger, my parents basically used me as an emotional punching bag. Most of the memories I have of my childhood are them screaming at me over some minor mistake that I made. A lot of the ti…

Just wanted to say that my first lucid dream was successful with the "piano key" method. I forget the actual terminology but basically you wake up in the middle of your sleep (3-5 hours) and you're no…

Late reply, but FYI for anyone reading this from here on...every two hours will change your rising sign and rotate your whole chart another 30 degrees. So while all the planets will still show up in t…

Thanks! Crazy how we are conditioned to think this anxiety and nervousness as genuine attraction and love. I've calmed down since then and getting to know this person with clear mind. Yes, the wrong…

Hate might be dramatic, but when you’re left in the dark it feels like hate.

I've been reading people's experiences with partners who have borderline personality disorder, and I keep wondering... Is it possible for someone to not have a meltdown for a whole year before it happ…

Wow, that’s… I mean, that’s seriously sociopathic behaviour. I can’t even imagine how you felt. It’s such a mindfuck. I hope you kicked him out and never looked back. What a toxic piece of bovine excr…

And yet you did it anyway. How dramatic.

Increase your php-fpm worker pool. There's a dark art to finding just the right number, since fpm shares memory a lot. Look online to find out how to set that number. Then monitor performance and if y…

" Within every 24hrs, both of us had to answer whether we wanted to continue the connection. No pressure, no drama. " Sounds a lot like pressure to this DA. 

I'm definitely not a philosopher by any means, but here are my thoughts. The article references previous research by Monroe & Malle (2009), where it's said that people's concept of free will consists …

100%. I think narcissism seems to have become this, honestly quite toxic, fad label that gets thrown around all over the place these days to label anyone who has hurt them I feel. The way I see it bei…

Maybe? :) We love each other like crazy. We just have ZERO drama, because we are both mature and look after our own sh!t. The other day he snapped at me, when we were trying to check our new (big)…

"The FA in me wanted to run wild and send a dramatic text, but I stopped myself. I reminded myself this was protest behavior." Wtf?! You had never even gone on a date with this woman but when she sho…

As someone who is a few days on the other side of the “I need space” deactivation, withdrawal whatever you want to call it. This will only end with an ugly break up (past week) I wish I had been stro…

I'm the same but also with the avoidant tendencies. So i pull away dramatically for what looks like no reason. I spiral, I get in my head, I misread signs, I misunderstand, im shit at boundaries, I …

Yes, but I'm also an avoidant so... As I age, more and more I don't want to play their games, I don't want their drama, I don't want to pretend to be someone I am not to please them. I find it all too…

I actually feel that I'm only slightly anxious leaning and relatively secure but I got triggered more when he was avoidant and I think a secure person would have a very hard time staying secure. I thi…

In my possession, I have a lot of antique guns passed down from family members. Like the Derringer my great grandmother carried as a traveling nurse in the early 1900's. And the 38 special her daughte…

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you might be describing the 'Drama Magnet + The Citadel' trauma attachment patterns, which often come from emotional neglect childhood experience for you, and con…

I've been on the other end of this.. the push and pull was exactly my ex-girlfriend.. thank you for explaining your side. It's like you're speaking for her. She will never admit any of that in the day…

FA's can really lean into DA and bail when true intimacy is on the table. Committing to a relationship can really freak them out. ***To an outside observer***, FAs look like they can discard just as e…

Separation/space/distance triggers feelings of loneliness and abandonment and even though you aren't breaking up, you may self sabotage to either reconnect to feel connected or to breakup first. Here'…

Thank you for this. I agree, I need to grow trust in my own ability to ask questions when things come up. I have tended to assume that another person just needs to go through their own their internal,…

I am working on my Anxious attachment. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed. I have constant panic attacks and suddenly I feel like my efforts to be secure amounted to nothing, that I am back to square one.…

Children should not be adjusting their expectations to their parent's comfort level. That does cause damage, and teaches the child to suppress their needs and choose "the right timing" to express that…

Same!! There are also people who don’t want “drama”… and I have to wonder what the heck they mean by drama. Because children *are* drama and relationships can be “drama”, but … is it because they asso…

Literally this, as a DA. I know why and don’t know why we’re like this and I’m sorry. We’re not trying to be offensive in being so nonchalant. Sometimes I can be very much “chalant”, in fact. But afte…

I relate to what you’re saying. I’ve spent most of this last year alone and it’s been very difficult but honestly, I had no other choice. For me, it was a matter of “I can’t force people to be in my l…

I can’t relate, as I have only ever dated secure people, or other DAs. It’s very drama free and doesn’t feel like a threat to my nervous system. I find anxious behaviour really repelling and have nev…

An incredible poem — thank you for sharing. Here's a contribution. Vibe is a little more optimistic, perhaps speaking of the moment before beginning healing. Everything is Waiting for You David Why…

Good to hear that poly seems to have given you a good support system! Honestly, I don't argue that you should drop poly if you feel like it's good for you, however I would argue that a lot of the lon…

I think her perspective on 'if they like you, you will know' is a bit of a reach. When someone attaches to another person is highly subjective. I don't agree with her perspective on anxious = fear of…

Okay, I will look into this person more but Steph Anya is an LMFT. You might want to search again bc dismissiveness pulls right up as an avoidant trait only. Cognitive empathy is very limiting in true…

Notice that what you’re describing are your thoughts about some sensations in your body that were bound to change with time. These sensations are not you, this is your reproductive system overtaking y…

I am a secure leaning anxious. A girl I built an amazing bond with told me she caught feelings after a couple of really fun, emotionally intimate days. She genuinely enjoyed my company and confessed t…

Hi there, I’m F16 and I have attachment isuess. In childhood I didn't receive enough love from my parents ( abusive, emotionally unavailable father and a toxic mother, and I don’t intend to repair tho…

Great recommendation! Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents is a cornerstone for understanding why validation can feel tied to self-erasure. What really stands out is you checked in with your…

I'm sorry you're going through this. I can relate to a lot of your post. I don't have many friends either. I'm introverted though and it doesn't really bother me that much anymore. I've lost so m…

Reset the algo bro, I fell in the trap of reading the comments sections of those posts to see the drama and it's totally destroyed my feed 💀

I’m getting a certain vibe from you saying dude isn’t fun. Without judgement, I’m only asking the question, but is this a case of him throwing water on things you want to do or a case of you relying o…

If she didn’t respect your boundaries then why keep pursuing her? You didn’t respect your own boundaries. It doesn’t matter what she was doing or if she was jealous, etc. Seriously so much of what you…

Omg that's why I can't find it. I'm so nosy I was looking for the drama. Kinda petty of me tbh lol 

OP deleted all the drama when enough of us asked her to spell out why the guy deserved an attachment diagnosis for not acting exactly how she wanted him to. https://old.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/…

I didn't know attachment styles even existed until I started browsing this subreddit a few months ago, and it's absolutely wild how people are apparently going around constantly on guard watching out …

> so if we don't like who we're on a date with, we can just keep on swiping to find the next one Yes... you've described the purpose and process of dating... You meet people, and, if you don't like t…

Yes and No. I think there are a few interpretation of this sentence : - the fantasy one, where your partner is waiting on hand for every mention of your desire and whim. It is approached by how coupl…

Oh god it’s so mortifying. I showed up at his place, I know he doesn’t lock his doors so I went in and he was sleeping. I don’t remember a lot of what was talked about, I think was being super dramat…

Omg this is the most dramatic misinterpretation I've seen. It's hilarious, even. 🤣 I guess once people decide something, they stubbornly stick to it. So they have decided all people with avoidant at…

As of now, I… - have non-valentines dinner plans just coincidentally this weekend with a local guy friend (who I initially met off a dating app years ago) - am sitting on a text from an app guy who I …

Just a vent. I guess romantic relationships are not for me. It never works. When I am single I feel fine, never lonely and never bored. But then whenever I start having feelings for a man sooner or…