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You're the same age as my LDR partner, who I met on this sub. We've been together for 14 months. We've definitely had those ups and downs regarding the afterlife of our respective ended marriages. Ou…
The song “I love you, I’m sorry” by Gracie Abrams makes me think of the POV of a DA — I'm DA, and I just listened to this song. It feels like a DA talking about how they sabotaged a good relationship, and they regret it. This line particularly hits: "I like to slam doors closed, trust…
Interviewing for a UX job when you have a UX job is annoying — I know, I know. I should be grateful to have a job, I should be grateful to land interviews. But the amount they're asking is insane. I'm sorry, I cannot dedicate my time to a 50 sometimes 60 hours w…
The song Wicked Game by Chris Isaak sounds like an AP singing about falling in love with a DA — A few weeks back I wrote about "I love You, I'm sorry" by Gracie Abrams sounding like the pov of a DA. Well, I was listening to Wicked Game by Chris Isaak today and it occurred to me that the lyrics …
My DA bf broke up with me Saturday morning. — We’ve been together three years, living together for two. He (38m) wouldn’t ever give me (43f) emotional depth or physical connection. (I had to *ask* for hugs. Anything more was off the table.) Pri…
I posted a while ago about being Fearful Avoidant and, since so many people reached out about how to overcome that style, I've decided to compile a sort of list of things that are helping me become more secure — (based on what is working in my life, what I've observed, what i've read, etc. They may not apply to everyone but even if it helps a couple of people I'll be happy) **These are things to practice in …
A Splash of Cold-Water for you — **Background** Hey everyone, I'm a contributor to this subreddit, and spend time lurking from time to time. I'm quite familiar with every attachment style. I, myself, had to earn security from my ow…
Saw the same man I've been seeing as a kid — I'm sorry about the use of A.I but my drawing skills are bad and I don't know how to explain this but I've seen this man in my dreams ever since I was a child. I remember seeing shows like Tom and Jer…
My Fiancé kicked me out with only a few hours notice — This is the situation I am in. About a week ago my fiancé (25 M) brought up how he has some problems with me (25 F). We have been together for almost three years. He said he cant bring up sensitive to…
A woman complimented my aura. — One time I was working in a second hand store, it was a very busy store so I was constantly on the go, putting things back, helping customers, etc. I was called over to help a lady who was looking a…
Update to my previous post. Tis not a good one. — [https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/1q4sw3v/before\_i\_43m\_delete\_her\_44f\_number\_and\_move/](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/1q4sw3v/before_i_43m_delete_her_44f_n…
I'm sorry, I just want to get out of this mental hell — I'm sorry if I keep making these extreme venting/screaming posts.... i'm just tired of all the bad news in the world I'm a graduated artist and animator looking for a job and goes to therapy, but I c…
I texted her. Here's what I said. I hope this was honest and vulnerable enough. — OK so, this will be a long one. I fucked up. I have some many things to tell you, so many regrets with a heavy heart. I'll start with I miss you. I've been missing you for a long time now. I haven't t…
My parents wore my friend out in 10 minutes flat. — Hi all. I'm currently stuck at home recovering from surgery. Trying to put my health first ahead of my demanding parents is hard, but has to be done. Anyway, I had some validation today. A friend of …
A person who DMed me for support replied to my latest problem with "LOL". I am livid. — I can't believe people are still acting like this to me whenever I feel low. This is the reason why people are hopeless nowadays, you treat them like a punchline. I'm sorry, but this is absolutely un…
Girlfriend(26F) of 3 months slapped me(32M) in the balls for a third time — I (32M) previously explained to my girlfriend (26F) the immense pain that being slapped in the testes caused a man. We've been dating for about 3 months. The first time she said it was an accident a…
First Stage Separation [Success] - Wave 3, Exercise 6 — First thing first, English is not my first language so if I make mistakes I'm sorry, I won't use any AI translators for my experiences. I've done Wave 3 a few times and my first experiences with "Fir…
Narcissistic collapse is terrifying — TW for suicide. I fully believed he would realise he needed to change when he was forced to hold a mirror up to himself. That the man I love would see that the way he was treating me was wrong and he …
07/2013 — I may have finally found a place to talk about my experience, but if this doesn't belong here, I'm sorry and please point me in the right direction to another thread. First, thank you to anyone who …
Did anyone else's narc apologize, but not specifically? — Whenever my narc would "apologize" after I had confronted him about something, he wouldn't say like "I'm sorry for discarding you without warning" or "I'm sorry I yelled at you out of nowhere a few da…
did i overreact? — I don't use reddit often, so I'm sorry in advance if there's any issue with this post. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for around 8 months, and we're both in high school. We've re…
Just trying to gain closure on my own... — This is something I wrote in my journal, trying to process emotions and gain closure. Lori, Since you would not give me the opportunity for closure, I'm going to do what I can to get it here. This…
Fiancé ended our 12 year relationship after meeting a new guy — Caitlyn, I'm sorry, and I miss you and still love you. I can't function. I can't sleep. I don't know what to do, and I don't know how much of this was me, and how much of this was him. Everyone has to…
Why you feel drained. — \# emotions For the longest time, I couldn't figure out why I was so exhausted. I’d finish a day where I technically didn't "do" much—no big projects, no heavy lifting—but I felt like I’d been in a f…
How do I (35F) handle my soon-to-be-ex-husband (38M) asking me to change my name back? — Throwaway. Not to be dramatic but last year was the worst year of my life. I got unexpectedly laid off from my job of 8 years in June, and immediately things with my husband of 6 years / partner of 1…
Need to write out what I've been dealing with for 3 months now — I cannot believe how much has happened in such a short amount of time. I met this guy back in mid-December and we had both recently gotten out of relationships in which we were both burned. At first…
Thinking about my ex constantly — ​ I haven't stopped thinking about my ex since we've broken up. I've been with my ex from the end of February to half of August last year. Since then, she's been on my mind almost non-stop. I …
I'm fourteen and I've been in a really weird situation my entire life. I don't know what to do. — trigger warning for sensitive content such as abuse (only financial abuse is really explicitly stated), alcoholism, s icidality (in the past, censoring in case it gets the post removed or something)?…
I'm already behind in life at 18 — I wasn't sure which flair to use, because I think I need advice on a lot of things. I also want to preface by saying I do not blame any of this on my parents, schools, mental health, etc, and this was…
36 M Stonewalling me 36 F — I (36 F)had a conversation with my partner (36 M) over the weekend and I expressed I that I was feeling a little lonely and unwanted the past few weeks, due to always making effort to plan things, nev…
I did it.. — I blocked him. Everywhere. No doors left open. Because I can't take it anymore. I'm in love with someone who could not give the slightest shred of a fuck less about me. Somebody that destroyed me em…
Should I apologize to my ex? and if so, is this a good way to do it? — About two weeks ago, my (18f) ex bf (18m) (we dated for a year) broke up with me for a variety of reasons, most of them being because he didn't have time anymore/was too busy/didn't have the emotional…
My mom put my family in a dire financial situation and I don't know what to do — She hasn't worked a legitimate job since June and decided to try to make ads for things on tiktok shop. She also started taking bootleg ozempic she's getting from a friend somehow, about $500 a month,…
My mom is ruining my life and I feel helpless — I hope that this is the right place to post this. I'm sorry if this is too long to read. I want to know whether its my fault or hers, me and my mom fight a lot. I feel like my mom hates me and is tryi…
HELP ME UNDERSTAND — Hi everyone, I've been reading a lot about the subject and i'm also in therapy since 3 months. I'm already non in the relationship with this woman but i sort of need to make clarity and hear other…
My (23F) husband (26M) gets offended over EVERYTHING and I don't know how to handle it anymore? — We have been together for 4 years and married just last year. We also have a child together (unplanned but very loved). For some background, I grew up in a very insensitive family and I know I still …
My really weird experience shifting? — My experience attempting to shift? I won't lie. I wasn't expecting to mini-shift anytime soon but I did. And it really was something else. Along with ah...side effects? I think. I'm not sure. I us…
Things I want to tell you. — Todays the first day I haven't cried. It's been a month since you left me, I can't believe it's been this long already since I last saw you. You told me to move on from you and I guess that's what I'm…
Experienced a lot of stress, paranoia and anxiety in a brief period and now my head feels fuzzy — I'm sorry the title is so long. I had an episode the other day where I wasn't sure of something's safety and I was terrified that my negligence might have hurt someone. I needed a ton of reassurance f…
how can i help myself when i constantly feel like i deserve to never get better to atone for my past mistakes — hi, i'm sorry for making this post, i hope it's ok. my entire life i've struggled with fitting anywhere, or being anywhere. i don't have a good relationship with my family and have been bullied to the…
Why is healing from a discard taking longer than the relationship itself? It was only 2 months — I'm 3 months out from a discard with a suspected covert narcissist, but we only dated for 2 months. Is it normal for it to take longer to get over the discard than the time we dated? It feels kind of …
Does anyone else's nmom lack physical boundaries as well? (TW) — TW- molestation My nmom has no boundaries and is very enmeshed with me, she thankfully isn't very touchy-feely but has had some moments and tendencies which make me feel (kind of) afraid of her in a …
Seeking advice about my wife's actions — Seeking advice I’m posting here because I need honest input from people who understand limerence/crush dynamics, especially if you’ve experienced it while in a committed relationship or from the part…
i just got broken up with my first ever bf — i'm (18m) not sure if my bf (17m) has redddit, so i'll be making this as vauge as possible. i could be posting this in the wrong subreddit, and i'm sorry. we've been best friends for 4 years. and …
Being emotionally unavailable — (29f) (34m) we have 5 years together, moved in together last year and the lease ends in a month, I had some trauma from previous relationship, I always thought my current gf would leave me like the pr…
Night terrors? — I'm not sure if they're called that (english is my third language, sorry), but I keep getting these really awful horror dreams, where I wake up twitching uncontrollably, breathing heavily, sweating an…
I don't know what to do. — Hey, I'm 14 and stuck in such a bad spot. I was crying to my mom (My super manipulative mom) about issues I have with my dad never being here for us. She took that situation and my vulnerability as a …
Was SA in some way as child I'm sorry for asking if it's too triggering i will delete the post — I'm F 18 almost 19 i suspect i might been sexualy assaulted as child but i don't know if my brain is not making things up but their are just a lot of weird things around my sexual life i mean i thou…
I figured it out — I've known about emotional neglect for a while now, but despite knowing this I've been stuck in this deep dark pit for a decade. I've been living at home with my parents ever since I dropped out of co…
Am I in the wrong?? (16 y/o) — I just want to get the opinion of the public because I feel like I'm going insane. I try to be a really good kid (straight A's, no drugs/drinking, always willing to help out) and I still get treated l…
My money bowl experience — First of all, English is my second language so I'm sorry in advance for any mistakes. I made my money bowl in December 2025. I was kind of expecting to receive money out of nowhere, like some type of…
Yeah, it's fucking hard. I don't think I'll ever get closure because she's never been the sort of person to really make an effort to give that to me. I obviously can't be inside her head and speak for…
None of it *should* stop you from moving forward and healing, but for some people it still nevertheless does. I'm sorry, I know you said this more than half a year ago but I'm going through my situati…
That's not how relationships work: they don't come in waves or at your convenience, for a short time. And, no, relationships are not 10% of most secure people's lives. It's more like 50-50, otherwise…
Sounds like a DA. They will start to treat you differently for months and then suddenly blow up on you and go cold or straight up just dump you without any reason. I'm sorry they're so messed up there…
Did you try and address the concerns or did you just "forgive them" until you decided there's one last straw that you may or may not tell them about and bail? If so then that's toxic and unhealthy; I …
I totally relate to the awful feelings of seeing an avoidant ex move on super quickly while you are still reeling from the triggering and retraumatization of that relationship. Going through it right …
I've been in this exact situation when I was an FA in a LDR with another FA in another country. And our f2f time was very little like yours but we spoke daily, intensely and talked and had plans. I kn…
I don't know your situation, but it reminded me of my own, so I'll share in case it might be relevant. (Also: I'm sorry you had to go through that-- that sounds horrible. There's no excuse for that ki…
No intention to offend, but unless you have the trauma that leads to avoidant behaviors ofc you wouldn't be having the same experience as him. Anxious is not better by any means. I'm disorganized so I…
"If my communication style is painful for them" Say I feel entitled to treat people like shit and play victim without saying it. I would never throwaway a friendship where the other person said "Hey…
I'm sorry you are dealing with this, and I understand that point of desperation. This was me, and some days still is. I still feel invisible and isolated a lot of the time. But me aside, I feel terrib…
I'm a neuroscientist and I know a conditioned puppy when I see one. I will continue to meet what I sense being 110% wrapped up in classical conditioning and subjective emotions with 110% mental clar…
So instead of replying individually and repeating myself, I'm just going to make a comment addressing it all. Firstly, it was interesting to read all these perspectives. I see where some of its comin…
Before I say anything else, I want to say that there's no excuse for abuse, including emotional abuse. Ever. I'm sorry to hear you've experienced that. I also don't think an anxious person should sac…
Ahh, man. I'm sorry to hear that. It sucks big time. I empathise with you. I have found understanding attachment theory & limerence helpful , too, but only up to a point. I sometimes think, regardless…
Ahhh, I'm sorry to hear that. Thanks for your sympathy : ) How did you handle no contact? I found the short, sharp disconnect (after something that had initially seemed so promising) extremely diff…
Ahh, I'm sorry to hear that. I would say just take away from it all that she loved you, but, was too terrified or overwhelmed to go further with you.
Ahh, gosh!! What a coincidence. I'm sorry you have such poignant memories associated with this image, but, perhaps it would be helpful to see them as a source of strength: that you care so much about …
As others have mentioned this is called, "Hoovering". In attachment theory, particularly with someone who is dismissive avoidant, they may feel threatened by too much intimacy and push you away (brea…
The only phrase that would make this message work would be, "Losing you shook me up enough to get me into therapy and I'm sorry my issues hurt you."
I'm sorry mate, but this is a break up. She says so plain as day when you ask about being faithful, and she says you're not in a relationship. The thing about recovering from this style of attachmen…
This. Also try to answer yourself is it first time your friendships feels one- sided. If it lasts just because of you carrying it on and on. I'm sorry it is happening to you but if she is really avoid…
I'm sorry this happened, I have been with many DA's. It throws your mind and body into a drug addicted limerant state. Takes a while to break free but when you finally do you realize the only thing sp…
Ugh, I'm sorry. After having my DA experience... I'm never dating a man like that again.
I'm sorry to hear that, it's incredibly painful to go through this dynamic. I like to believe they can change, but I just think unfortunately they have to: 1) Want to change 2) Do the consistent w…
I'm sorry to hear your experience, but I'm glad you learned and could heal. I guess ultimately I believe we had to go through it for a reason. We had "unfinished buisness" with that person and we need…
Oh I'm sorry. Sounds like our situation is similar. I know that my ex is definitely FA leaning dismissive for sure. I think if he had leaned AP I probably could have dealt with it better, honestly. I …
I'm sorry but until this person works on these issues awhile...you might very well be crazy,
In my possession, I have a lot of antique guns passed down from family members. Like the Derringer my great grandmother carried as a traveling nurse in the early 1900's. And the 38 special her daughte…
I'm sorry for the stress you feel and everything about it. It sounds like your life now revolves around him: \- You continue to have regret and remorse about the past. \- You are actively checking…
Hey OP I remember your previous posts. I'm sorry you're going through this. Expecting warmth from someone who's gone cold is a punishment in itself, so stop punishing yourself and stop waiting for som…
That's a really difficult load to bear, I'm sorry that you went through that. I don't think it's because you meant nothing, that's exactly how dismissive avoidants work, they only process the loss muc…
I'm AP, there is something which helps me detaching (it might be unhealthy though) I basically try to think how wrong other person did to me. Objectively speaking, your friend is at fault here. Confl…
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I wish I had advice to give. You can only meet someone to the extent they've met themselves. I hope you find more peace in this relationship.
I'm sorry it didn't work out. It's not your fault. Sometimes even if you do everything "right" it still doesn't work out because the other person have their issues as well. We can't control everything…
I'm sorry to hear that. I saw your post about it, that sounds rough. I was going through it in a big way when I wrote this comment. I'm back to some level of stable, if heartbroken lol. I did reach …
I'm sorry, I totally missed this somehow. I think the pain and loneliness was needed to trigger the reflection. And the reality that being single was a lot shitter than being together. You can't do it…
This hits to the core. I'm sorry you're going through it right now, OP. Sending hugs and well-wishes. If you ever wanna chat, my inbox is open.
This. I'm sorry but you'll need to work on reframing the stories on your head first, as I do.
I'm sorry, I meant to write "good friend".
I think it's normal in anxious attachment style. That doesn't mean it feels comfortable for you - nor for him, to be honest. It sounds like you could both benefit to do work around your attachment sty…
I'm sorry you've been cheated and gaslit multiple times. I hope you are able to heal those wounds and learn to trust again
Just to start with, I'm sorry this happened and I hope that you're feeling better now x Next ... while what you're describing is a freeze response, it has nothing to do with attachment theory or avoi…
I'm sorry for what you went through and that your ex-partner was horrible to you. You didn't deserve that. I have a lot to be thankful for with my partner which I am, but I'm not gonna act like I'm …
That's ok if he's sad about it. It sounds harsh, but people get dumped and have to move out every day. Pain after a breakup is normal and natural, not something to be prevented. He's allowed to be dis…
It sounds like we are definitely in similar patterns of mindset. I'm sorry about your struggles and loss and hope that you can heal in a way that you need to
Update to the situation: two days ago he stopped texting me after three days of barely texting. I sent him stuff, he didn't open the chat, but he was constantly online. I asked him hours later if ever…
I'm sorry that person hurt you like that, that really sucks.
just from my own experience, not to bash and i don't know your exact situation, but: the fact that he confirms but still shows the same behavior as before already indicates that he didn't really chang…
I'm trying to explain that the intentional exclusion is likely due to your manager status. And while it's okay at your company, your direct reports may feel differently. If I were to spend lunch tryi…