Socially Acceptable

> Personally, what I do is weigh the cost of my actions on myself and others, and when there is a net gain that's what I do. So I hold the door open for a stranger whose arms are full, because it cost…

We should keep in mind that its a spectrum.. — I realized something in my relationship and it is not much shared in this way so maybe it helps someone else I am anxious and my fiancee is avoidant. He is very introverted and trying to deal with hi…

My [30F] husband [34M] may be a functioning alcoholic — Buckle in because this is a long post. Tl;dr my husband drinks and I am sick of it. (TW: mention of miscarriage) Throwaway account because I need advice and I am at my wits end. I have been with my h…

My (23F) husband (26M) gets offended over EVERYTHING and I don't know how to handle it anymore? — We have been together for 4 years and married just last year. We also have a child together (unplanned but very loved). For some background, I grew up in a very insensitive family and I know I still …

Any Asians figured out how to make social circle game work for meeting women? — Most of my results come from online dating + cold approaching with good friends/fellow Asian bros. I rarely get results from social circle from white women, mainly black arab and sometimes Asian but …

I don't know what to do anymore... — I just graduated from high school, i didn't go to college because my parents ruined my opportunity to go to art school because i didn't want to go to med schools or a school that looks socially accept…

“NGL, I wish I could have a FWB but just for cuddling on the couch while watching a movie and to cook for or something.” I’ve had this wish too! I think it’s possible - there are groups/sites for fin…

Honestly you made a really good point. That is what brought me back to the dating apps - I can only meet so many people in my local area even having a bunch of healthy activities and hobbies. I am one…

Tbh I think also a few men will also assess a woman based on approval from other men, whether consciously or unconsciously and maybe you didn’t have “the look” he thought would be socially acceptable …

aww hey fellow 19 year old :)) as a people pleaser and someone with extreme conflict avoidance i have wound up in many a situationship (and a couple "relationships"). they lasted longer than they sh…

it’s always nice/comforting to know people our age are in similar spots :) I think QPRs with the right partner are cool. No crazy expectations from each other. You get all the benefits of a relations…

This really depends on what is motivating your behavior. Not the behavior itself. If it’s purely your feelings influencing your behavior, then you just need cognitive behavioral therapy. Affect attac…

I have a few different things to say in response: First, I should answer your direct question: # What is Kindness I'd say that's just a semantic thing. The real question is what you think is the ri…

Also, setting boundaries and respectfully asserting yourself in these situations is a SKILL. It’s one I never learned. I am in the thick of it right now! I am in a leadership position with a person wh…

A quote in my “Therapy” photo album: “Having a traumatic childhood means you cannot talk even objectively about your basic foundational experiences without it being ‘venting’, even if you're not actu…

Thank you for sharing this, I feel the same way and you put it better than I could have. An additional point of heartache is that my one and only positive thing, in many ways literally my lifeline …

Same. Or i have to pause to think about it...i genuinely have no clue how I'm feeling/ how my day was, etc because i hadn't checked in with myself recently. Then i get grilled about my hestitation ans…

Haha I'm into it.  That's the thing, so many people don't work either but in "socially acceptable ways" and it really is no different. Could even be argued it's less valid than having a broken nervo…

I’d say it’s emotional/neglect. What led to the CPS call is they have a work friend who’s in their 40s-50s who has a young Asian girlfriend in her early 20s. He was very touchy with me, and made inapp…

It's possible it's the same entity... I've learned they tend to adapt to your beliefs to condition you more easily. hahaha But many lucky people have positive and socially acceptable experiences. Mine…

Oh holy shit you've kicked off such a thought spiral for me, thank you so much for this post!!  Really, us being "healed" instead of just existing as we are, who wants that? People who don't want …

Aries can persevere too but they persevere for their own personal reasons. Capricorns are all about what they think is right and socially acceptable. Aries don't care about socially acceptable.

I made an offhand comment to my godmother (my dads sister, so, also my aunt) shortly after I turned 19 (drinking age where I’m from), about how I already knew how to cope with my depression with occas…

It’s hard because I too feel I was dealt a shit upbringing but I figured things out enough to become better, so why didn’t my parents do the same? I think part of it was the culture at the time. To be…

My mother calls herself a “wino” but even 35 years ago she was a functioning alcoholic. She used to take me to wineries so SHE could drink and have a good time and I could sit on the floor by myself (…

100%. I think so much of this ENM thing is absolute bullshit but it gets twisted to make the rest of us normies look like uncultured rubes. Can’t eye roll enough. It is highly overrepresented on the a…

This reminds me of my experiences, although for me it started after I graduated high school and moved back in with my grandparents because my mother wasn't financially or emotionally stable enough to …

And they suck up like mad to imporant people as they are deeply hierarchical. Important people or people they see as their equals will never see their cruel face, only their socially acceptable mask.

I think for a lot of us who are Gen X, they hadn't (and haven't!) done the research so didn't know that giving trauma survivors coping mechanisms to be more socially acceptable didn't actually help us…

>But I think a lot of men aren't gazing at what you think they're gazing at.  Or it's a socially acceptable thing to say when facing potential criticism.

I go into a mild panic when someone asks me where I'm from and went to school. Like "woah we are strangers. I don't want to get into it." Yet it's like the most socially acceptable thing to ask a stra…

It makes it hard to live in the world! And I feel like I'm lying. Like I have an ocean inside me but my public facing side is just the socially acceptable bits that are what others assume make up my l…

That’s what people don’t get a lot of ‘mature for your age’ kids were never mature, they were just neglected in a way that looked socially acceptable

Sex seems to me that it is implied. Coffee 1st date, no sex. Lunch 2nd, no sex. Dinner with drinks 3rd, it's a possibility and socially acceptable (like that matters). Dinner at someone's house with w…

I don’t think he hated them. I think it was more like if he made it like a joke first he would preempt us busting his balls about it which, being 21 year old assholes in the late 1900’s, we absolutely…

Try multiple people in the sub and wider trauma community. Most common statements include: "Physical scars heal." "I'd much rather be struck than abused emotionally." "Sexual abuse is the greatest vio…

I'm really sorry you are going through this, OP. The best way I can describe this is like a type disenfranchised grief. Sometimes we might grieve for something that we never had, often because of our …

It’s socially acceptable to look at social media accounts. That’s why they’re there and show past pictures. Stalking is a whole different thing. It’s ok to engage with people lmao.

I know exactly what you mean OP. My nMother is also fake nice when she’s around people she wants to impress but she’s so over-the-top, it’s off putting. Even if other people don’t see through it, I do…

You’re French - I’m pretty sure most things are socially acceptable over there, go for it.

That sounds like a horrible experience in sorry you had to deal with that. I have been coming out of a long period of isolating survival mode so I'm learning a lot recently to try to stay safe in new …

Holy shit my mom did the grocery cart thing too!!!! She one time straight up rammed a lady for cutting her off then pretended it was an accident, I was mortified. She would talk trash about strangers …

I think the desire for minimalism is a counterbalance to modern frenetic consumption + chronically online culture. Whether Japanese culture truly has elements of mindfulness and simplicity or not, I c…

On a similar topic, I used to have a babysitter, and my dad slept with her when she was 18/19 and he was like 53-55 or something. Their families had been friends for a long time so it certainly feels …

That's cool that you did a deep dive on this! Omg the sundown towns and lived experiences with gangs is crazyyyy. Did people try to recruit? Was it common to be in gangs? Did ppl get in trouble with …

Ugh I’m sorry, that person likely secretly (or not so secretly lol) wants to be racist and just wants a target that’s currently “socially acceptable”. Also lol at more privilege than white ppl, even i…

You're overthinking the "white adjacency" label.  It is just prejudice rebranded to be socially acceptable. It's secular original sin, nothing we can do to shake the label, and if we did, they would…

Because it’s not as socially acceptable as tailgating, partying at bars, skiing. I don’t care, I have my hobbies and you can like it or not.

I think that's pretty standard. Any time I feel like crying, I start smiling and laughing. In my case, I think a big part of it comes from not wanting to be "too much". So my emotions have no space in…

Honestly thank you for sharing this because now I understand where my dad picked this behavior up. He grew up in the 70s and acted very similar towards me when I was growing up in the 2000s. My dad is…

No, but NMom is bitter about paying for my college degree. I'm the older of two, I applied and was accepted to selective private college. My younger sister (the GC) applied early and was rejected fr…

Well, I’ll admit around that I started dating someone jan1-2020 3am that I was bonkers for. They had a job a couple years before that, that had them come into my workplace (art supplies) as a custome…

I agree with you. It took a while before I started to realize that my emotions simply seemed to scream more loudly and for a longer length of time compared to others. You end up reaching a point (at …

Omg the very first gal I dated after my marriage ended...we went to a local boutique theater to watch something. I picked a seat halfway down to actually watch the movie. She just looked at me and s…

I think it depends on what you mean by “talk a lot”. Talking a lot can be a sign of anxiety or other unmanaged mental health problem and it doesn’t have to mean they’re being disrespectful. Being unco…