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Citations (101)
To begin with, actually suppressing emotions is impossible. In ancient texts, Seneca tells this so many times. Another important premise: emotions are NOT a bad thing for a stoic. There are positive …
How to heal avoidant attachment? — Uhhhh hey gang. Formerly severe fearful avoidant here. The attachment quizzes put everyone somewhere on a quadrant, with the bottom being high avoidance and the right high anxiety. So I was farrrr in …
The "and" theory... — I saw this a few days ago and started to implement it, I can't tell you how much it has allowed me to have more compassion for myself, create a clearer head and process my emotions. The and theory is…
What are good examples of “How will you acquire users?” i will not promote — From what I hear, YC advice kinda scoffs at paid ads — the logic of “you need to own your acquisition” makes sense to me, but I wonder what’s the answer they’d love to see? Offline events? Founder pe…
Founders, Seriously, Please Don't Quit your Day Job (I will not promote) — I say this as a lifelong Founder who spends all his time trying to make other people lifelong Founders - **"Please don't quit day job" ... at least not yet.** Seriously, hold on to that steady incom…
Turns out I needed a "middleman" to have a successful relationship with a DA — Now the title may sound wild, but stick with me. # The Story So I (26M) have been dating someone (24F) who, as I came to realize, is a dismissive avoidant. It's been about a year now - though truthf…
Attachment Theory & Free Will? — Dear all, I'm very intrigued by the relationship between attachment theory (&, I supposed, any psychological theory) & free-will. They seem to me to slightly conflict. Certainly, it is a difficult p…
Workshop On Sunday, July 20th: Basics of Attachment Repair Meditation: donation based. — This course will cover the basics of Attachment Theory and Attachment Repair Meditations. There will be a strong emphasis on the meditation practice [https://attachmentrepair.com/online-events/2025-…
Anyone Else Feel Relationships just Aren't for them? — Hello all, I'm basically pretty severely A.P. , & so far I've been unable to get close to anyone (romantically) in my life without just exploding with terror that I'll be abandoned (or feeling a stro…
A little positive reflection for anyone feeling they’re in the trenches right now. — I only learnt what attachment theory was during a breakup with my most recent ex 2 years ago. When he dumped me seemingly out of the blue because ‘I deserved better’, ‘he needed to be alone.’ Etc etc …
I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …
The New Agora: Daily WWYD and light discussion thread — Welcome to the New Agora, a place for you and others to have casual conversations, seek advice and [first aid](https://modernstoicism.com/two-types-of-stoic-therapy-by-john-sellars/), and hang out tog…
Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…
Why do I get upset when bad stuff happens to my partner and it doesn't even impact me? — I'm struggling to understand my pretty intense reactions to certain things. I don't know if attachment theory can help explain this part of my brain. For context: Me (38 F) and partner (44 M) have b…
Unsent letter to a prior ex, in the midst of a current breakup. — I am in a crash course on my own nervous system while in the midst of a breakup with a dismissive avoidant man I've loved for almost five years. I'd known about the anxious-avoidant trap for some time…
The most painful relationship/breakup I've ever had, cracked me open for healing. Plot Twist: The text message llm tool said I was an FA, I ignored it for 5 months before I figured it out. — For five months I was absolutely certain I was dismissive avoidant. Monthly attachment coaching—as a DA. Studied obsessively, could recite every AP/DA/FA trait. I even built this text analysis tool, a…
Least talked about method from POSM (question) — In the section where Murphy talks about techniques, one is the "argumentative technique". "In brief, the argumentative method employed according to Quimby consists of spiritual reasoning where you …
Recovering DA trying to reconnect with FA wife — For context: * I (40M) am a DA, my wife (41F) an FA. We have three children. * Together for 17 years, married for 13 years, distant/no-touch for over 10 years but stable and no deep conflicts. * Cont…
Studying attachment theory — I’ve been studying attachment theory for a couple of months now, and I’ve only recently started to REALLY look into it. I started reading a book called Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for…
RSD potential cause of AA? — Hey fellow AA folks, Since discovering attachment theory 2+ years ago, life has improved quite a lot. However, for the sake of anyone else who might be fresh to attachment theory, I want to spare yo…
Half Day Meditation Workshop For Anxious Preoccupied and Fearful Preoccupied: Focusing on the sense of "unpredictable threat" or "uncaused anxiety', this Sunday 7th of December 2025, Donation based. — Half day meditation workshop on healing "anxiety without cause". It's this Sunday December 7th 2025. Donation based. If you can't make a donation due to finances then you can apply for a scholarship…
The monster jar theory of FA or avoidant attachment. — So I was talking to a friend of mine and supporting her and my own feelings of shame and I was reiterating somethjng that isn’t anything new at all but hit on an analogy that really worked for both of…
Is casual sex compatible with secure attachment? — I feel like I have a solid grasp of attachment theory after reading a fair amount of the literature over the years, but there’s a philosophical question I can’t quite resolve. Can someone who is secu…
8 Week Attachment Theory and Repair Course Starts this Thursday 15th of January, Donation Based
What qualities to look for in a therapist — Previously, I had been working with a somatic therapist for 6 years (on trauma healing, not specifically attachment related) and a few months ago they closed their practice for personal reasons on *ve…
Can I get some assurance from reformed people pleasers 🥲? — And some advice? Not necessarily on "what to do" because I know how to set boundaries in theory. It's managing the guilt and fear of fallout that I struggle with and I do because all my life any time …
Deactivation or undisclosed breakup? — I'm a FA woman...in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant....all was good, until past Christmas holidays , his bday and all situations when they deactivated.. he was the one who planned being wit…
I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …
How can I become more consistent in my relationships? — I recently learnt I'm fearful avoidant and I've been in therapy for 3 years so I know how I stopped being inconsistent in many areas of my life I used to be – I learnt to be consistent with studying b…
How can I become more consistent in my relationships? — I recently learnt I'm fearful avoidant and I've been in therapy for 3 years so I know how I stopped being inconsistent in many areas of my life I used to be – I learnt to be consistent with studying b…
Are pre-birthday discards the norm? — I’m trying to understand this through attachment theory because I genuinely don’t know what just happened. We’re both women. I was 23 with a grad degree, she was 38 and just got her culinary degree w…
What is this sign on the Aspect Grid? — [aspect sign](https://carrotcake50.tistory.com/18) Hello! I am researching various astrological symbols used in aspect grids and encountered a few that are unfamiliar. I would appreciate some technic…
DA’s - Do You Know When You’re Deactivating? — When you’re deactivating, do you know that’s what’s happening? If you were unaware of your attachment style or attachment theory, would you still have a sense of what’s going on? Had some intimacy …
Input wanted — avoidants, what has helped you heal? — Hi everyone! This is my first post here. I’m looking to hear from other avoidants what, specifically, has helped you heal (more detail than just “therapy”). I’ve known for a while that I’m avoidant, b…
Did Saturn in Aries correlate with the “heroin chic” era of the late 90s? Wondering about parallels with today. — I had a random thought earlier today while watching some video on YouTube, and I’m curious if more experienced astrologers see anything in it. There’s a lot of discussion right now about the return o…
When is emotional control actually suppression? — In reading Epictetus and Seneca, I’ve been reflecting on how Stoicism distinguishes between emotional mastery and mere suppression. the texts emphasize that destructive emotions, anger, fear, resentm…
DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…
The day has come! — For more than 50 years, the Monroe Institute has been quietly pioneering a systematic way to explore human consciousness — beyond meditation, beyond belief, and beyond theory. I’m excited to share tha…
Permanent Enlightenment — I’m curious about something and would love to hear from people with long-term meditation practice. Many traditions talk about enlightenment or awakening as something that can stabilize. But in my own…
What if manifestation is actually people waking up inside a simulation? — I’ve been thinking about something and I’m curious if anyone else has had this thought. I came up with a theory that reality might be a simulation or something similar to a “matrix.” If that’s true, …
We’re in a computer simulation — I’ve lived my entire life experiencing all sorts of inexplicable illnesses, and I always thought that they were just coincidences or due to bad genetics. However, after I started reading into **religi…
NHI that Stop Time and Timelessness of the Oversoul; More Research that Supports how Aliens Obscure Human Memories. — Hi everyone. This is [me](https://www.reddit.com/r/Experiencers/comments/1ai4nzi/i_had_26_physical_contact_events_with_grey_aliens/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_c…
Finally Got a Lucid Dream... So I Tested your Queries in it — Hey guys, this is gonna be a bit of a long one lol. \[CONTEXT\] For a while, I've been trying to lucid dream, but was too lazy to consistently do training, write in journals, or set multiple alarms …
I feel mentally chaotic and lost. What has actually helped you find clarity? — My mind feels chaotic almost constantly. I struggle to know what I want, what I need, or even what direction to move in. I drift between ideas, feelings, and moods without much grounding. And undernea…
Unintentional reality shifting? — Unintentional reality shifting? I came across this posted on tiktok. I’d heard about this before but never seen the full thing until it came up on my fyp today. I wondered if anyone else here has see…
Does anyone have experience with Mexican dream herb? Trip report. — I met with 2g of tea brewed in 2 cups of boiling water, steeped for 7 minutes. I wasn’t able to fall asleep, not really, but I didn’t dream, either. What the tea showed me was a lucid, waking dream. …
Chiron as an aspect, and as a Jungian archetype. — I’ve been really interested in trying to understand Chiron’s full role in a tropical chart, as the ‘wounded healer’ and subsequent traits. I’m also interested in correlating that to Jung’s theory’s o…
The Astral Plane: its Nature, Structure, and the Unseen’s Map found in world religions — *Disclaimer: The views expressed here are my personal opinions, except where excerpts are quoted.* # Nature of the Astral Plane The Astral Plane is the wider dream world. It’s a constant place that …
Does dating get harder the more you actually know yourself? — At 25 I had no idea what I was doing, but somehow that made dating easier. You just showed up, saw what happened, and moved on. Now I actually know what I want. I also know the patterns that don’t wo…
My Orb experience as a kid and what it did to me — Hello everyone, ive been lurking here for a while and i thought id finally share my first and only ever orb experience. i remember this day very vividly and i have pretty much 0 recollection of any m…
How can I practice stocism? — I'm 15 y.o high school student. And I'm quite interested into the stocism. I did read something about the stocism and it's theory, but I was never able to put it on practice. Where and how do I start?
1. Mental thoughts don’t become physical reality. Beliefs do. Repetitive mental thoughts turn into beliefs. 2. People in your world reflect your beliefs. Perhaps upon meeting someone you had an origi…
that is fine and acceptable. I’m not really going to try move you other than to so you will likely never experience or understand it. and that is ok. you won’t get a gravity or E=MC2 science theory p…
The aim is not to be convinced. OP wants to "debunk" all manifesting communities. To quote a comment OP made in another post made on a Neville Goddard Critic sub: >We need to do something to grow thi…
Tbh you’re allowed to have your viewpoints but this is attention seeking behavior judging by your posts meant to get a reaction out of the people here. Also, why go on a Murphy sub for this? You alrea…
I have many, many personal anecdotes that prove our beliefs create reality. Some goals/desires achieved are beyond the realm of mere coincidence and far exceed a free cup of coffee. My response to th…
I am in a similar position to you OP. I've been seeing my fiancée for over 2 years. We live separately due to circumstances at her end, and we see each other roughly once a week, usually at weekends…
Fearful avoidant is much harder to fix than dismissive avoidant, because you have the problems of the anxious and the avoidant. To fix the anxious - I only know about this in theory/hypothetically si…
Irritating the ones you love, polysecure (because it deals with a lot of attachment education), women who love too much, polyvagal theory and exercises, legit anything to do with different therapies— …
Thanks for your opinion on my 10% figure. Besides that, I did not say partners should be at my convenience. I said other aspects of life can throw a relationship’s typical patterns out of balance. Ha…
Well said. People can definitely overthink attachment theory—arguing about DA this or AA that—when really it should be a framework for understanding how to give and receive love more fully, not a way …
Do you have a therapist? These are questions someone who specializes in attachment theory can help answer better than a redditor comment. Also, it’s been a week - you don’t know a lot in a week.
Why would you post this topic in the attachment theory sub? This is dating 101. I see you’ve been dating for a while now - what’s stopping you from realizing people don’t have to reply back right away…
Something might have come up in her life. And this is where attachment theory comes in. If you have doubts about her non-actions, ask yourself - Why are you thinking of her disinterest when she did…
This is all good but I just hope people would stop slapping “theory” on each and every insight they have and make a buzzword out of it sigh
It's a theory, as that'd what it is. It may work for some, it may not for others. Its essentially a basic CBT method to help you break a loop of rumination and understand you can have 2 opposing thou…
It's a theory, as that'd what it is. It may work for some, it may not for others. Its essentially a basic CBT method to help you break a loop of rumination and understand you can have 2 opposing thou…
One of the most powerful things the "and" theory / method does, it stop you from suppressing negative emotions. Feel them. Say them. Write them down. Your brain is programmed to remember the good tim…
There are so many Taylor Swift songs that I relate to Attachment theory. The Bolter is clearly about an avoidant woman. Quite a few of the tracks on Tortured Poets are about exes that seem highly avoi…
I love listening to music and analysing the attachment style the song is coming from. Since learning about attachment theory I analyse it in music, films/TV, personal relationships. I find it fascinat…
Didn’t even know that was an actual theory but wrote something like this in my journal yesterday with regards to my feelings towards the end of a relationship with a DA. I wrote “the patterns that of…
I am in the same boat. Had my FA (maybe DA? I never knew about attachment theory until her. She was extremely committed and IN. LOVE. for 2 years and was much more anxious and attached. Then she was j…
Thanks for sharing the reel. I really liked how it acknowledged the full range of the trauma spectrum. It was both enlightening and validating. I wonder if I should find a therapist who specializes i…
I think your therapy must be working? Does your missing her feel destructive since you’re anxious? To me it sounds like you’re really working through your childhood wounds. I’m DA to everyone. I was …
Thank you for offering this for a donation and scholarship - my husband and I just started getting in to attachment theory, and its the only approach to our challenges that made sense and created more…
I don't think it's hate, it's just a 'ok that's done now' door close moved on. Heidi Priebe on YT (video: avoidant blindspot) talks about the idea in her videos about avoidant behavior of having the …
You are correct. Your perception of love is warped. And thus it can be really hard finding it without accidentally finding yourself in shit relationships. As many have commented, avoidants typically …
Welcome. There's the other two which are: DA - Dismissive Avoidant (Avoidant attachment style) AP - Anxious Preoccupied (Anxious attachment style) Sometimes when researching attachment theory,…
I really appreciate your creative blend of attachment theory and parts work. BeeDee as "Invisible-Avoidant" reminds me of a part of myself that likes to go full hermit. I believe outcomes matter more …
Let’s not turn attachment theory which is scientific in nature into some zodiac nonsense. If the non traditional attachment styles you speck of aren’t backed by peer reviewed theories it’s nonsense. …
Given that insecurely attached people tend to date people or get involved with people that feel familiar to them, you just date the opposite of that familiarity. Harder than it sLundy, I know. Plus i…
Your partner sounds Fearful avoidant, is he aware of his attachment style? I think all you can do is let him know in as blame-free way as possible that you notice a pattern in his behaviour that con…
I think the attachment styles in place work well. I know it was studied exhaustively on thousands of children in the 70s/80s/90s and had there been more definitive styles we would have caught them bac…
Well, I could read several books on attachment theory and the words made sense but I couldn’t put it into practice. I was an Anxious Preoccupied and reading about how I had a fear of failure, rejectio…
Oh honey, please step away for a bit. This is not good for you. He ignores you, shows you affection, ignores you. I think this could go beyond attachment theory, we may be dealing with psychological a…
Try mise https://mise.jdx.dev/ it's pretty good to keep tools and deps at a project level In theory it supports setting up variables and stuff like that, but I've found it lacking in that area.
" I just see a completely different thing on Reddit but when I read the teachings it's so simple lol." Honeybunch, if it was SOOO simple, you and most everyone else on reddit would have their mill…
Maybe set up a lab and start studying the stuff you don't know well. That's my best suggestion because it's what works for me. I spend a lot of time inside and outside of work hours studying, both han…
Umm.. I think your % is off and there are way more lurkers here and some real people out there. I thought about doing posts, a podcast, or a book as an entrepreneur about how hard it was for years ru…
Someone’s gotta be on the other end. He might be pushing, and looks like he usually is, but you’re pulling every time you entertain him. Because most people wouldn’t keep letting him in again, which y…
Thank you for sharing your perspective :) And I do totally see your point about over applying attachment theory. I think I feel hurt by these hot and cold dynamics and probably as an anxious person I …
A lot of the times and I wanna say like 60-70% of the time this is usually the case. Attachment theory is good to gauge connection on a more longer term basis people may say “I knew he was DA in the f…
I would put money on him being a FA because a DA wouldn’t be so emotionally vulnerable and forthright by expressing his feelings upfront without any prompting in a new relationship. A DA is not in tou…
Thank you for your supportive words :) I am definitely still an AP, but in comparison to some years ago I am able to identify my patterns and self regulate my emotions much more. This is the big diffe…
I’m not a DA, but I have dated several and I also have a long term relationship with a securely attached introverted person. When my DA exes wanted space, they didn’t just physically distance themse…
Sorry to hear you’re struggling. You must be experiencing challenging circumstances. I’ve said this over and over again. Our parents can’t teach us these skills if they haven’t learned them themselv…
I hear you and I can see that your comment is grounded in past experiences. Fair enough. The only reason I chose to pursue this was because I had new found knowledge. This was the first time I've date…
Humm, this is very interesting and I can see myself in that fear But I did something weird, I wanted to feel close and vulnerable but did not know how and still feel sometimes so afraid of intimacy th…
>But if you were me and you had just discovered attachment theory, wouldn't you at least try use that new information to work on a solution? I think EVERY anxiously attached person in an anxious/avoi…
If you recently found out about the attachment theory, I would highly suggest you to use it to work on your own attachment style instead of working on hers.
So instead of replying individually and repeating myself, I'm just going to make a comment addressing it all. Firstly, it was interesting to read all these perspectives. I see where some of its comin…