perfection

thank you so much for writing this! i've heard advice similar to this but for some reason your explanations made it click for me. i've also been recently going through a tough time these past few we…

How do I put together a multi-product design system as a sole designer? — Hi all, my UX design journey has been chaotic but I suspect that’s normal. I was in visual/web design for about 8 years then 2 years ago I got my first UX role (after trying to pursue and study UX f…

I made $32 after 16 months of coding. Was it all a waste of time? — Over the last 16 months, I’ve done something that sounds cooler than it really is: I built a SaaS. In my free time, at night, on weekends, while everyone else was at the beach or watching Netflix, I …

I posted a while ago about being Fearful Avoidant and, since so many people reached out about how to overcome that style, I've decided to compile a sort of list of things that are helping me become more secure — (based on what is working in my life, what I've observed, what i've read, etc. They may not apply to everyone but even if it helps a couple of people I'll be happy) **These are things to practice in …

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

A Splash of Cold-Water for you — **Background** Hey everyone, I'm a contributor to this subreddit, and spend time lurking from time to time. I'm quite familiar with every attachment style. I, myself, had to earn security from my ow…

People whose parents only seemed to notice you when you achieved something and didn’t really accept you as you were — did you end up loving yourself once you reached real undeniable success? — Or did the inner critic never actually shut up? All my life I’ve thought that if I reach undeniable heights, then I’ll finally feel at peace and accept myself. But my perfectionism keeps me from ta…

SELF-CONCEPT BLOCKS MANIFESTATIONS! Here's my quick fix — Feeling unworthy of receiving what we want is the dominant vibration even though we've affirmed 300 times "I am worthy!" It's our self-concept silently preventing our greatest desires! Even though i…

Growing Up With a Perfectionist Parent Is Messing With My Sense of Self — Recently I’ve started noticing a pattern in the way my mom treats me and my siblings, and it’s been messing with my head a lot. I genuinely love my mom and I know she loves us deeply—she’s the kind of…

Healing from perfectionism taught me that I’m not superhuman — I’m just a regular person and everyone else is just as ordinary as me. Sure, we all have our quirks and differences but you’re never the only one with them or unique. I am not loved based on my achie…

A green flag that matters more to me now than it did in my 20s — One thing I’ve started appreciating much more while dating now is emotional steadiness. Not perfection. Just someone who stays grounded when things aren’t ideal. In my 20s I probably paid more atten…

I spent years trying to fix my life with discipline. Therapy showed me why that didn’t work — **My Journey** I can’t remember not being depressed. I have some memories of the time before, but they are pictures, frames of a child enjoying life. But I’ve struggled with depression almost my enti…

Dumpers who were emotionally overwhelmed. — You didn’t break up because he cheated. You didn’t break up because he was toxic. You didn’t break up because he was violent. You had the most loving relationship but he’s human, not perfect. Maybe…

Should I push my psychologist to give me a diagnosis? — I recently had my first session ever, I am 23. I asked my psychologist if they could give me a diagnosis on what they think I suffer from (ADHD, BPD etc which I suspect). She said we should avoid lab…

Admitted to Stanford but at the cost of my childhood — I am a high school senior who has spent the past 18 years growing up in a middle-class Asian family in the Bay Area. My parents constantly complain that they have no money, no connections, and no adva…

Anyone analysed the spectral frequency of the gateway tapes? — https://preview.redd.it/ci1qzsip6zqg1.png?width=796&format=png&auto=webp&s=ecdbab108f8a3b5830c2fdf54c48129b329e5d2d I was making a loop of just the "silent" sections of the meditation tapes, so I cou…

M30, no direction, no future. Just surviving on autopilot. Have I wasted my entire life — Hi everyone, M31. Since childhood I grew up in a dysfunctional family: my mother was always absent because of work, and when she came home she was stressed, irritable, angry at the whole world, and v…

Uncomfortable being seen — I think the reason therapy or even having a friend group feels uncomfortable to me isn’t just social anxiety it’s deeper than that. It’s like those situations force me to actually be present in myself…

She turned sunlight into homework. I left her house years ago. My mind still hasn't. — The sun came out today. And the first thing I felt wasn't warmth. It was guilt. A full-body, immediate, almost chemical reaction: *you should be outside. You should be using this. You're wasting it.*…

The way i am raised affect the way i do everything and its so annoying — I can't tell people im busy sometimes. I remember the first time I said "mom, im busy i got to finish homework. I can do it after I read" my mom hit me so hard i bled. I can't stand up to for myself…

Why are koreans so class/status conscious? — \*\* here, 'koreans' mean korean-koreans or first gen korean immigrants, not korean americans who tend to be more chill in my experience. I'm a first gen immigrant. I'm posting it here in a hope to ge…

Why is it so hard for people to do something this simple? — I’ve been trying something small recently. I started a notebook that gets passed from person to person. Each person writes one honest line about themselves and then passes it on. That’s it. No pr…

"You have to be hungry enough for your desire" — Well, I can bet many people here are NOT HUNGRY enough for their desire. When Neville expressed his desire to go barbados... He straight told Ab... "I have a *burning* desire to go barbados this time…

Perfectionism is just procrastination wearing a smarter outfit—start messy or stay stuck. — Perfection is the reason nothing starts—messy action is the reason everything grows.

I am fucked totally (17y Male) — Originally i wanted to post this on r/selfimprovement but couldn't due to having a New account. (read the full story to understand the whole issue please) TL;dr :- The person is struggling with sever…

My story, just have a need to vent somewhere — 25 years old desperately trying to finish his uni to maybe finally have some independence, crying in the bathroom stall at the internship again. I guess I'll just put my story here to cope. Througho…

Beginning to practice, hoping to find peace and awareness or something — I have depression, a sleep disorder, likely adhd, perfectionism, I’m exhausted and overwhelmed and postpartum, either working 12 hour shifts or with my 2 kids. It is what it is. The many competing pri…

An open letter to my wife — I want her to know this but I know it wouldn't be healthy so I'm writing it here because if 1 person sees it then maybe I will feel seen. To my 'wife', When we met we were smitten with each other. …

Please help me - Highschool senior rant — This is my first time posting in here, so sorry if the tag is wrong or if this is overly long or something. I also aren't very good at putting my thoughts into words, so I don't think this will even b…

Meds?? More therapy? — ​ I (30F) have anxiety and have always managed it pretty well through therapy and what not but lately i just feel out of control of my thoughts and I never feel calm and honestly I dont know w…

How do you stop overthinking and just start, when perfection is holding you back? — I feel stuck in a loop and I don’t know how to break out of it. I really want to learn things properly and become technically strong—like actually build skills, understand them deeply, and be able to…

Why is everyone obsessed with kintsugi, forest bathing, and Japanese philosophies? — I’m Japanese American. I never learned about kintsugi, forest bathing, or wabi sabi growing up. Yet I see so many people using kintsugi as an aesthetic metaphor for personal healing, arboretums and mu…

When you couldn't find any single trace of ex in your life — It's more than overwhelming to me. I am left with the person before I met my ex, which is me myself. The unreasonable imperfections left behind, came back with all the perfection, just without him. W…

GF of 3 years broke up with me because cause I couldn’t open my life to her. Should I broke up no contact early? — We were together for almost 3 years. She broke up with me in early March because I never introduced her to my parents or family. I wanted to, but fear of rejection and “damaging” the relationship para…

The letter I will never send. — # I'm not looking for sympathy, I just need to get this out there. I’ve spent countless hours sitting, pacing the house, going for late night walks and drives, pondering my thoughts, feeling stuck, …

When everything you say or _don't_ say is weaponized — It's been years since I distanced myself emotionally from my mom. It worked very very well. I stopped relying on her for any form of validation and kept our conversations to normal generic exchanges. …

Anyone else actually make it in life, only for it to fall apart? — The great sham of my life is that I was successful. THE SHAM: I got all As most of my time in school. I had a website at 19 that made me six figures for nearly five years. I was able to drop out o…

want to know where is the meaning of life ? — Practical Explanation ( For Example ) :- \`1st of all can you tell me every single seconds detail from that time when you born ?? ( i need every seconds detail ?? that what- what you have thought and …

Roadmap or resources — Hit a bit of a brick wall, overwhelmed by different resources, models, concepts, looking for a clear path forward. In a rut with moving towards a life I actually want, feel intensely stuck, isolated a…

What's your actual daily manifestation practice right now - not what you think you should be doing, but what you're actually doing? — I feel like there's often a gap in manifestation communities between the elaborate ideal practice people describe and what they're actually doing consistently Right now my real practice is simple: fi…

i want kids and most likely will not have them — I'm 15 and I've really wanted to be a mother my entire life. I was neglected in various ways and I decided because of that I will most likely never have kids. I wanted kids so I could make them feel …

I wrote a goodbye letter today. I am not there yet, but I fear I am getting closer everyday. — I would like to start this off by saying that I am sorry for my actions. They were somewhat selfish in the sense that I am not the one that has to live with the pain and suffering that my actions have…

Seeking advice for feeling like I’m not being sexually heard by my longterm parter (22M) as a relative virgin (20M) — I was sent here from another advice thread! Sorry for the long post! How do I make my sexual discomfort heard by my boyfriend after multiple attempts to not treat everytime we have sex like it’s a…

How to deal with constant anxiety while meditating . (please read the body) — I am bombarded with frequent thoughts of whether I am doing meditation correctly or am I intentionally controlling breatahing when i focus on my breath etc.. How to deal with such questions while medi…

I am addicted to restarting my life and I don’t know how to stop — For a love of God, if you have the same experience, let me know. I feel so lonely and crazy! TL;DR: I keep restarting my life every time something isn’t perfect, deleting my progress and starting fro…

life has brought me so down low im starting to be vulnerable — EDIT: And just to clarify this, before this I was the kind of person that people would always assume my life was perfect and i sort of held a highly perfectionistic public face for many reasons but al…

My girlfriend’s severe depression has led to extreme hygiene and living conditions, and I don’t know how to help without hurting myself — Hi Reddit, English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes, and this is my first time posting here. I (19F) have been with my girlfriend (19F) for about 4 months now. Before we start…

I feel like I'll never find someone who I can truly feel safe with — I just want to be seen, held, and understood by someone. I would happily give that to someone else, but I can't find the right person. My person. The people I've met who understand my struggles are to…

The best summary of cptsd ive come across — someone commented this and I think its really helpful overview of cptsd for us What CPTSD Actually Is CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) comes from prolonged, repeated trauma, especially…

What is the one comment that you’ll never forget? — My mother when I was a child: “Can’t you do anything right?” I’m almost 40 and still struggling with perfectionism.

Me(F22) and my ex(M21) broke up after 5 and a half years. — my ex bf who I still love and admire broke up with me 2 weeks ago and it hit me as a surprise. It was really all of a sudden after we had a small argument about having children(he doesnt want them, an…

You apply as much as it makes sense for the people and time. Making those decisions for now while maintaining a long view is an important part of DevOps. It's a process that introduces people into th…

This is a very interesting experiment 😅😅 Please don’t discourage OP. I’m def following him to see how things pan out. I personally think he should eventually talk about therapy with his gf. I also…

Honestly, yours is the best comment here. Online pop psychology has REALLY distorted what secure attachment is. To some, it’s some sort of stoic perfection where your actions must always match their i…

While I agree with the idea of having empathy for others, that empathy should also extend to ourserlves. If someone is unaware and hurting us, we still get hurt. I think at the end of the day, we ha…

I say this with kindness because reading through your posts, you remind me of me from 5-6 years ago. I think your feeling of shame is clouding your judgement a bit here. It sounds like you were just i…

I'm like you. I think for APs a few embarrassing collisions and losses are necessary to wake up to the fact that life can't be lived this way. My parents are both extremely anxious people and my mothe…

So, you're looking for someone who possess emotional maturity, but the reality is, I also don't think you really possess it either based on your post? And that's not an insult to you, just an observat…

I could agree with you if not for my AA ex🤔 He wasn't perfect at all (for example i struggled a lot with him quitting his job and sabotaging finding the new one), but I still stayed because he was gi…

Baby, you need to accept your own humanity. Say something uncomfortable you want to say to someone, get a mirror and say it to your own face and see yourself saying it and cringe at your own expressio…

This might be due to a lack of internal confidence perhaps. I know that when I was younger and would get involved with someone with an anxious attachment, they’d internalize almost everything while tr…

Hey - you’re definitely not alone here. A big part of anxious attachment truly comes down to the fear that abandonment is always lurking around the corner. Making mistakes or getting into difficult mo…

You have posted before about this and have gotten some great advice. I think you are being too hard on yourself. Progression is not linear. It takes time and practice. There are a lot of layers to hea…

All you can do now is reflect and learn from it. Explore to find out what your real need was. What were you trying to soothe with reaching out? What is still in need of soothing because it didn’t pl…

I can relate to this and give you some hope. You will get better. It’s not a quick journey. I am still struggling with it, but I get better every day. It is going to be hard, especially at first. Yo…

The DMM lists common behavior strategies found in the anxious and the avoidant attachment systems. Avoidant behavior strategies: >A1 (Idealizing): This behavior strategy omits negative affect regard…

The idea of being “ready” is an illusion. It’s a way perfectionism can sneak in and steal our joy. It skews our perception on what we can handle. Address the fears. What is the root of the fears? Wh…

I feel really conflicted about this post. Enough to come back to it days later. On the one hand, everyone is entitled to their own boundaries and enforcing your own boundaries is empowering and health…

okay so I actually think I lean more towards anxious preoccupied attachment now… not that ChatGPT is always right but I used it not too long ago when I questioned my attachment style tbh and it made s…

It is unfortunate that as we get older we do tend to grow apart from old friends. It is a normal part of life. It still sucks, but it helps to keep the perspective that all people (even secure ones) g…

I think AA and hyper-vigilance, they are all coming from the same place. AA is hyper-vigilance regarding abandonment. You don't want to be abandoned by your partner. One or both of your care givers li…

Honestly? I hope it’s just a memory distortion and, in a way, fear of intimacy and a coping mechanism for perfectionism. (“I’m not perfect and she loves me? Something must be wrong…”). And the avoidin…

Okay, so as someone who tends to lean more on the demisexual side of things. Physicality within a relationship is... everything. I don't mean that it's the center of things, I mean it's the accumula…

> and said that I am his dream person. Anyone else uncomfortable with the thought of someone telling you this? It's just such a cliché but maybe it's the whole idea of a partner thinking I was "perf…

I'm not the person you asked, but I think in this case it's coming off as nitpicky and perfectionist. A balding spot is something you won't even necessarily notice from ten feet away, and may not even…

Aw this is so sweet and I am rooting for you! Hope you will also give yourself some grace and not put pressure on yourself - we all have flaws and make mistakes sometimes and if it’s meant to be then…

Need help. Been dating for 2 years now, soon to move in together (yay!) and it’s been really great so far. But we’re going through a bumpy time and I need perspective. He’s having a really rough time…

Yes, to a degree. When I was younger, I was very strongly rooted in my Taurus, more specifically Venusian traits and interests. Beauty, luxury, money, food, comfort. Flashy things and soft, fine livin…

just finished my Saturn return in Pisces (Pisces rising, moon and Saturn in 1st house). Since I have 1st house Pisces, I for sure can tell I felt more like a Virgo( serious, perfectionist, overthin…

Yes! The one button I have to turn me on is through kissing. In the beginning, he kissed me often and was pretty good at it. But then he started to get really sloppy at it. He would just shove his t…

This is pure perfection 👌 ❤️

A triangle is perfection. A pyramid is unity. 3 points then extruded to 4.

Glad to find likeminded people!! My siblings are all perfectionists! I’m the rogue! Not always pleasant and am looked at as weird. I see them as so insecure that perfectionism in their homes is like a…

To begin with, actually suppressing emotions is impossible. In ancient texts, Seneca tells this so many times. Another important premise: emotions are NOT a bad thing for a stoic. There are positive …

I was a perfect little race horse. Ivy League degrees, a forking Fulbright, published books. The problem is once you perform so well that you outdo them, then they just go completely cold on you -- …

I was always "perfect", quiet as a mouse, performing my duties and beyond, outperforming everyone academically - yet never recognized anyway. Was always just told to do more and better, even when it w…

Their idea of “success” is not what you should be trying to achieve. You need to define success for yourself. For me, success means having a career that I enjoy and pays the bills while giving me the…

There were just eclipses, the last one in Virgo- your 10th. It was conjunct the S Node. The tail of the dragon. It eliminates and gets rid of what we don't need anymore.It's a perfect time to work on …

You either love or don’t love someone, regales of their imperfections or lifestyle. He basically already said that he doesn’t. Often people are just in relationships because it satisfies certain needs…

I haven't achieved half of what you have but could still relate to the themes of perfectionism. For me once I performed well academically in school, there was just an expectation of more pushed on me …

I think your view is certainly understandable! But I also don't think depriving yourself of satisfying your urges is black or white.. Is it possible to supplement with another form of stimulation…

That's your interpretation of what I'm saying, which is fine, but it's not what I'm actually saying.  I don't think most people are looking for perfection but they can still have unrealistic or over…

With them it's even if you're the best of the best you'll get hated, then you'll be arrogant full of yourself conceited perfectionist boring etc they'd find flaw in an actual angel

I really like your example about small things like being late or buying the wrong brand. Those reactions say a lot about how someone handles imperfection. I agree that emotional safety grows with tim…

Well I must be because reading that to myself i thought for sure no one would understand. Let me know what your therapist says! Lol and this is actual every day life. I also have hobbies that I over-a…

Wanted to write the same thing basically. Yeah, I’ve come to realize that I’ll have to face some unique struggles every day. Some Everyday tasks are definitely harder for me compared to other people. …

You need to tell your mom that she is exhibiting the maxim: Perfection is the Thief of Joy/Enemy of the good. She clearly can never be pleased anyway. Don't invite her shitty attitude. Low contact is …

I agree. As someone who has suffered from PTSD all my adult life overthinking was a huge problem. For me it came from my traumatized inner-child and the need for safety through perfection. There were …

Love a clean shaven guy. If he puts on a bit of muscle.... mmmm....perfection.

Hello, I had a similar perfectionist mother. Mine was a covert narcissist who secretly enjoyed pitting people against each other, but always under the guise of "kindness" and "what's best for her chil…

Well, I'm going to participate in this post because exactly one year ago, I received a Hashimoto's diagnosis, and I weighed 80 kilos, couldn't sleep, and was living like an old car on reserve fuel. I…