Calm

I’m trying to be healthy through a deactivation.. — I have somehow managed to be in a relationship for about 9 months. My partner is an anxious attacher so it has been tough, and I have currently hit a huge deactivation state. Obviously my social media…

Handling another crush as a FA — Hello all, spring is here and so is a new crush. I really can't get used to how excited but anxious my butterflies and fantasies make me. Sometimes they make me so anxious to the point I get dysfuncti…

Helping my partner — I (40f) looove my partner (36m). We've been together almost 9 months. When he isn't triggered, he presents as very secure. Loving, consistent, communicative, vulnerable, empathetic, self-reflective. …

A Modest Proposal — A Manifesto for Metrics-First Everything — Picture it: Q1 FY 2025. A Medicaid patient opens an app to request mental health services. The screen is sleek—gradient buttons, playful microinteractions, and conversion-optimized flows. A calm anima…

Ever feel like you’re doing all the right things in business, but still wrestling with doubt, decision fatigue, or just low-level burnout? — You’ve got the strategy. You’ve read the books. You’re pushing forward... but something’s off. What I’ve noticed in myself (and in others I work with) is this: It’s not always about more knowle…

Set out to launch my first e-commerce brand, feedback? — Looking for advice on a health and wellness business, A transdermal nootropic patch designed for biohackers, deep workers, and anyone looking for clean, all-day cognitive enhancement without the stim…

Think I found a secure woman, and almost immediately self-sabotaged. — In my social club, there’s a woman who had consistently shown signs that she was into me. I was direct and asked her out. She said she was interested but couldn’t date for a few months because her j…

In an avoidant-anxious friendship, how much space should I be giving before I reach out? — The last 2 posts on the sub are about friendship and that encouraged me to post here as well. This is my friend of 5 years. We’ve gone from talking almost everyday to me being given the silent treat…

Learning to take space, self regulate and set boundaries as an AP earning secure — I have always leaned AP but working on security and now in a relationship with an FA leaning heavily avoidant I've realised a big goal for me is learning to self regulate and set better boundaries. Fo…

Self-soothe tips during ruptures? — I am the anxious partner, and my husband is the avoidant partner. He is also an addict, which has been traumatic in our relationship and in my trust in him. He is currently sober and working recovery.…

Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…

Detachment or deactivation? — Me (23M) and my ex (22F) broke up one month ago because she was feeling overwhelmed by some arguments we had due to changes in our lives (new place to live, new work). She's FA. I was secure for almos…

This situation is too messed up — Hi everyone, I (20F) really need some guidance about my SP (19M). We’ve been on and off for the past 2.5 years, and our relationship has always been very messy constant fights, unnecessary arguments, …

I posted a while ago about being Fearful Avoidant and, since so many people reached out about how to overcome that style, I've decided to compile a sort of list of things that are helping me become more secure — (based on what is working in my life, what I've observed, what i've read, etc. They may not apply to everyone but even if it helps a couple of people I'll be happy) **These are things to practice in …

Can a FA-DA relationship work? — My partners have been dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant, so I have always leaned anxious ig. In my last relationship, I felt secure at the start, it was nice, we set boundaries.. till it happene…

How to soothe myself when they say they aren't upset. — I am very fortunate to have consistent, attentive, loving people in my adulthood. I haven't conquered my unhealthy habits that come from my attachment system, however. My husband is wonderful. He st…

🕊️ Community Reminder: Respectful Dialogue & Open Exchange — Hey everyone, We just want to take a moment to thank all of you for helping make r/AstralProjection one of the most interesting and supportive spaces on Reddit. Every day, people from around the worl…

does anyone know of any meditations that focus specifically on calming/healing anxious attachment? — sometimes i feel like ill get my attachment issues triggered by something random and then spiral. im trying to not do this or at least handle it better. i also wanna get back into meditation. does any…

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

What are good books or podcasts to consume if I’m early in a great relationship and trying not to let me anxiety ruin it? — I’ve been dating a really amazing and supportive partner for the last few months. I thought I had done the work to heal my anxious attachment style, but I’m quickly learning there is a lot more work …

Does this have to do with my attachment style or is it normal? — I used to score as anxiously attached when I was in my last relationship. I feel like I still have some anxious tendencies in my relationship now but I also sometimes feel avoidant and for the most pa…

Unsent letter to a prior ex, in the midst of a current breakup. — I am in a crash course on my own nervous system while in the midst of a breakup with a dismissive avoidant man I've loved for almost five years. I'd known about the anxious-avoidant trap for some time…

I earned secure attachment in 4 months... — I can't believe I'm writing this. I did this without dating a secure person and without spending money on courses/apps. I promise I'm not selling anything. Big disclaimers: * I am only mostly secure…

How do i stop the cycle of freaking out when im away from my partner? — When me and my partner dont see eachother for a long time, i just shut down. Everyday were apart the urge to pick apart every message is so strong and eventually when its too much, i just break down. …

Recovering DA trying to reconnect with FA wife — For context: * I (40M) am a DA, my wife (41F) an FA. We have three children. * Together for 17 years, married for 13 years, distant/no-touch for over 10 years but stable and no deep conflicts. * Cont…

For having struggled with an anxious attachment in an earlier relationship, how does it feel for you to become more secure in a much different or more compatible relationship you are in now? — I am quite curious to hear if there are others who are at a place in their life still in their own "wound care" (healing) of being outside of an anxiously attached situation or of a previous unhealthy…

How do anxious attachers know when they are truly ready to date again, rather than just trying to soothe anxiety or loneliness? — I was talking with a friend recently and we were comparing how hard it is to get an honest gauge on your own readiness to date again when you have anxious attachment tendencies. Everyone tells you to…

Looking for DA perspectives — I'm with my DA partner for 4 years. Two weeks ago we had a conflict. Since then, communication has slowly faded. He told me he wanted to give us “another chance” and that he was open to talking, but…

Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…

For those hurting, advice for your 2026 and my story — Hello everyone, **Preface** I am an anxious attacher, so my experience by-and-large is with dismissive avoidants and fearful avoidants. It is not my intent to villainize these attachment styles; thi…

What did you notice changed when you began leaning secure? — I'm pretty happy with my progress. I notice I have a much lower tolerance for unaware dysregulation (no matter what kind it is whether it's someone push-pulling or an anxious type dumping on me). I d…

What do secure bids for connection and co-regulation look like? — I am a dismissive avoidant trying to get better about reaching out to others for connection, co-regulation, emotional support, etc. I am really struggling to figure out what's normal/healthy/reasonabl…

Anxious Attachment and Hypervigilance — I’m wondering to what extent AA is correlated to high levels of hypervigilance, and how is the experience for different people? I struggle with hypervigilance (confirmed by my therapist) a lot, in re…

Anxious Attachment Injury - Nervous System Stuck in Fight/Flight — TW: attachment injury, trauma-bond withdrawal, panic attacks, obsessive rumination I think I’m in severe attachment-injury / trauma-bond withdrawal and I’m struggling to function. I’m asking for nerv…

Avoidant conversation patterns are confusing me - should I address them? — I’m (secure leaning anxious) getting some confusing conversations patterns from an avoidant friend. And I don’t know if I should address it or just let things continue to play out. Context; we disco…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

Specific Person (SP) Manifestation: No Magic, No Supernatural Forces. Just Proven Science — Hi everyone, It’s been a long time since I last posted, and honestly it was overdue. I keep seeing the same recycled LOA bullshit everywhere. Endless manifestation porn, more unqualified people calli…

Avoidant wins! 🎉🎊 — Meant to put this in thr weekly vent but it's kind of late now. It's amazing what consistency of safety can do to your nervous system. So the main reason I have no real friends is because I fear the e…

One month of Neville’s teachings and I finally feel at peace about money — I’ve been in this community for about a month now mostly reading, learning, and celebrating everyone’s wins. I have to say, it’s been a real game changer for me. I’ve always been someone who worried …

Experienced ego dissolution and timelessness while a friend spiraled into a bad trip believing we were communicating through “waves” — I wanted to share a recent experience because the contrast between my trip and my friend’s bad trip was extremely interesting, and I’m curious if others have seen similar dynamics in group trips. We …

Has anyone noticed becoming extremely aware of people’s energy or reactions over time? — I’ve been smoking occasionally for about 4 years now, but around 3–4 months ago I started noticing something strange. I began feeling much more aware of people’s vibes, expressions, and body language.…

A lot more people are hurt/traumatized than evil — A lot more people are traumatized/ in pain than are evil. And I won’t say that evil people simply don’t exist, they do, but there’s fewer truly evil people than there are hurt/traumatized people who d…

Any clue what could have happened? — I took a heroic dose of dmt last year. I had every intention to communicate with whatever I may have seen during the experience. I hit my rig until I couldn't anymore, I had been sitting on my brother…

When is emotional control actually suppression? — In reading Epictetus and Seneca, I’ve been reflecting on how Stoicism distinguishes between emotional mastery and mere suppression. the texts emphasize that destructive emotions, anger, fear, resentm…

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

Read! if you were anxious ! — I am going to write this with neville goddard lectures quotes. I know it will help some of you :) **Feel the wish fullfilled :** I know some people can't generate the feeling of wish fullfilled and b…

You can reality shift just by washing your hands — Hey everyone, I’ve been obsessed with this idea lately and I can’t stop thinking about it: what if the simple act of washing your hands, when you actually slow down and get fully present with it, bec…

Want to hurt a covert narcissist? Tell people the truth (but be smart about it) — **DISCLAIMER:** Only do this if you are physically, financially, emotionally, and psychologically separated and safe from a narcissist. The following will probably not be applicable if you have to mai…

I was able to communicate with someone….. — I don’t know if this the correct sub… let me know I’ll explain my situation hoping some one can orient me : A few days ago, I had a weird dream/astral projection experience—I don’t even know how to …

Covert narcissists are drawn to people with a strong instinct to help and care. — I grew up early. Owning Responsibilities that weren't mine. I learned that love was earned through being useful, stable, and selfless. I became the person people brought their chaos to. The one who a…

Gateway tapes and life changes — I began the tapes around the end of December last year. I’ve spent a lot of time on each tape, sitting with them for a while so I can absorb as much as I can from each one. I’ve been alternating betwe…

Headspace is great. I also used BetterHelp for online therapy and the Calm app for sleep stories.

Hello I just had the weirdest dream and I don't know how to look up my specific type of dream and was so shocked I decided to come here and write. I remember going to sleep around 12:30pm after wakin…

I used to find myself lucid dreaming back when I wasn’t aware what lucid dreaming was. however on the rare off chance I do lucid dream the sheer acknowledgment off this always wakes me out of it. Any …

Try to stay calm and impartial; it's most likely your mind tricking you. I recommend reading this: [http://obeoutlook.blogspot.com/2017/10/the-guardian-on-threshold.html](http://obeoutlook.blogspot.co…

Thank you all. I am new here and hope to learn as much as i can Edit: I’d like to add how i ended up here. Just the other day i was in a state a where i nearly achieved what i believe could of been m…

a) law of assumption, not law of belief. And where did you get the other descriptions from? I've been on Neville sub for a while, literally noone describes the law in those words or speak in a spiritu…

Don’t Try focusing on controlling too much immediately or getting Carried away trying to do influence it strongly at first . Try just remaining calm by focusing on your environment and exploring as yo…

Hi, I do lucid dream most of the time. But last night I knew I was lucid dreaming and I was stuck in a loop where I couldn’t wake up for real. Like every time I woke up I was still in a dream. I was r…

Thank you so much for saying this. I said some things, calmly and collectively to my soon to be ex husband last evening, which were all true, but reflecting back today I wondered if he may have thoug…

You don’t “ignore” the negative thought or brush it aside. You deal with the negative emotions using whatever means necessarily (sit and cry if you must, get therapy,etc ) and you continue to do your …

Salam, I am a Muslim too. Here are the references: *“Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” (Quran 13:11) ☪️* *“Allah would never change a blessin…

Omg twins. Hi! Yeah I hadn’t been in a romantic relationship at all for six years before I finally tried with this FA guy. In my last real relationship I was targeted by a psychopath and it fucked me …

If you want to talk, I invite DMs but I'm only here sporadically. I'm a healed avoidant. I say that, but it's not black and white. I measure now for mostly secure. I still experience the initial resp…

The problem with DA people in the end of a relationship is that they cause the other persons wounds to be activated. The feelings of not good enough kick in and people are desperate to find a reason t…

I'm also a recovering FA and I recently realized a few REALLY important things that are actually really simple. Figure out your boundaries and enforce them from a calm place. Our anxiety builds in our…

Yes this is my default mode. I need calm after engagement. Relaxation after stimulation. To unwind / recharge. The best thing an AP person can do is realise that other attachment styles don't need to…

What have you done to resolve your fear of commitment, your emotional unavailability and the inferiority complex? Why are you searching for excitement from a partner? What does that mean to you? Is i…

How you know is being able to sit with your feelings and feel them. Figuring this out in your thoughts won’t work. You have to take time to sit with yourself and ask yourself how you are feeling about…

You might want to look into relationship attachment styles, love bombing, and whether you're mistaking the slow burn as boring because it's stable and consistent. The excitement ppl often feel is actu…

Yeah I don't really agree with their point at all. There’s a big difference between a slow burn that feels a bit boring and something that stirs up anxiety, usually because someone’s bringing anxious …

Thanks! Crazy how we are conditioned to think this anxiety and nervousness as genuine attraction and love. I've calmed down since then and getting to know this person with clear mind. Yes, the wrong…

As a man who has been on both sides of the coin… bear with me cause this is a long read but it has relevance I promise.  I’ve been the anxious wreck begging and pleading. Saying stuff like “you don’t…

I burn every relationship I get into. Friends, family, lovers, jobs... you might like me now, but the only safe ones are those who love me from afar. If I care about someone, I tell them not to let m…

Yep. The honeymoon was over and I calmly told him my concerns and he ghosted me. Came back 4 years later. What a joker.

I don't know your situation, but it reminded me of my own, so I'll share in case it might be relevant. (Also: I'm sorry you had to go through that-- that sounds horrible. There's no excuse for that ki…

Brush up on the company, what they do, their market, etc. Why do you want to be there specifically. Have that answer solid. It’s really important to convince them you’ll like it and therefore try hard…

>am I dealing with a DA/FA or this man is just making a fool out me? Por qué no los dos? He is textbook FA and he is absolutely bsing you. You are well off not participating in those hot and cold ga…

FA here. While not full-blown DA, I can share some insight since I have avoidant traits. Not feeling good enough, like my efforts aren’t enough. That my authentic self will be shunned if I express it…

Every two weeks for nine months sounds more like a red flag to me. You need to protect yourself from these fallouts and give him a lot of space without asking questions or prodding. My partner is th…

The first question is, why does the drugs trigger you? What are you imagining or feeling when they talk about it. Logically, it's just part of their past. If it was something that could happen again o…

A lot of times it’s important to take a break from an argument because when you or the other calm down, they suddenly see the other perspective more clearly and simply apologize and make up. Staying i…

I'm sorry you are dealing with this, and I understand that point of desperation. This was me, and some days still is. I still feel invisible and isolated a lot of the time. But me aside, I feel terrib…

I got this issue, the more I like the other person the more intense the fear becomes. It causes me to execute a lot of testing behavior. I’m still working through it but I notice regular intense exerc…

We desperately want reassurance in relationships because ultimately there is no real reassurance that can be given. People break up after 1,5 30 years! What our partner wants now in a relationship mig…

I’ve a real question, when things are really negative, bills are on your head and fear freezes you … how to stay positive, calm and think, feel all day that you have it ? genuine question

Seems like a person who got spooked and having escaped unscathed has calmed down, reflected, and realized that perhaps their anxiety was irrational. And that is a good indicator that when times get to…

After being away for some time, the nervous system regulates and they make decisions from a calm safe space. And realize that they should (maybe) not have left the relationship, they were too rash, wh…

This definitely feels familiar from times in my past as well. The problem is, when we are so inward looking, and introspective about things, while that carries some really strong benefits, it can also…

"The FA in me wanted to run wild and send a dramatic text, but I stopped myself. I reminded myself this was protest behavior." Wtf?! You had never even gone on a date with this woman but when she sho…

You are more than welcome champ. My advice here is don't have a talk while she is deactivated as that is more than likely going to push her further away. Emotional deregulation is a behaviour caused…

Yeah i think her nervous system needs to calm down for now and reset. I think she will run faster too. If that gives you a peace of mind then do it, but definitely don’t do it if you just want to get …

You always saw her as something more than a friend, it's just that now you need to realize it because she is out of your reach. Since she was always available before, you never bothered and was part o…

This makes me feel good. Like I’m working on becoming someone more resistant to burnout/stress by being assertive, calm, positive, embodying good energy and releasing negative energy. So I can just *b…

Yes, i think this is very common with FA. Try to ask yourself if you are reacting to reality or the past or imagined future outcomes. When you did that, you are going to be still triggered but will fe…

Practicing not doing avoidant behavior is the way to get out of being an FA, at least that has worked for me and now I'm mostly secure. Overcompensating can stifle that process because you're suppress…

Absolutely. When my avoidant stated his excuses for the fun being over, I wanted to cry and rage at the fakeness of his excuses, and unfairness, and how I didn't do shit wrong to him, etc etc. But I …

I'll look into this, some of what you said rang very true, I also have a lot of fears when things are too good, I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop so I'm always on edge, things can't be good …

I'm like you. I think for APs a few embarrassing collisions and losses are necessary to wake up to the fact that life can't be lived this way. My parents are both extremely anxious people and my mothe…

Hey OP, thank you for being so open, truly. That raw fear of abandonment, the intense pull-push of wanting connection while also feeling like you’ll be “too much” for someone is all classic anxious pr…

Your first suggestion of a form of mental dieting. You’re basically advising OP to replace a negative thought with another thought which is basically mental dieting and something that is ill advised o…