book
The Silence
Evidence
Citations (100)
BF of 3.5 years broke it off. I'm so happy and free. — Sooo these last couple of days were a lot. I (29M) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for 3.5 years. If you asked me a week ago, I'd say our relationship had its ups and downs, but we were generally ha…
I got ghosted and I feel blindsided — I (26F) met a guy (26M) 3 months ago who was in every sense of the word my dream guy. We spent 1 week together before he left back to his country. Ever since we have Facetimed every single day, and we…
For having struggled with an anxious attachment in an earlier relationship, how does it feel for you to become more secure in a much different or more compatible relationship you are in now? — I am quite curious to hear if there are others who are at a place in their life still in their own "wound care" (healing) of being outside of an anxiously attached situation or of a previous unhealthy…
Experienced ego dissolution and timelessness while a friend spiraled into a bad trip believing we were communicating through “waves” — I wanted to share a recent experience because the contrast between my trip and my friend’s bad trip was extremely interesting, and I’m curious if others have seen similar dynamics in group trips. We …
How to Meditate (or at least one way to get started) — Intro: There are endless amount of intentions or, in other words, ways to focus your meditation practice. At the end of the day, your meditation practice is \*yours\*, so make it your own. This post …
When a tiny moment shows you the practice is paying off — I spilled my coffee all over the kitchen counter rght when I was about to leave the house. That kind of thing used to piss me off big time.. I’d rush to clean it up, cussing, mumbling under my breath,…
Met up with ex after no contact for over 10 months.It went pleasantly. — For anybody wondering whether they should reach out, it went well for me. I was also uncertain how it would go. The relationship ended very badly, we did therapy and it didnt help. I thought id never…
First Acid Trip (2 tabs) — This happened like a month ago and sorry if it comes off corny: At first, I was just lying in my bed, nervous. My roommate wasn’t back yet, and the walls slowly started to breathe and layer with col…
The quiet house is the hardest part and nobody warned me — Divorce has been final for about 3 months now and I think Im starting to realize what hits me the hardest. Its not the legal stuff. Its not even the arguments with my ex anymore. Its coming home to a …
She snuck out with a "friend" while we were at a party — Hello everyone, this is all still very new since I just founf out about everything 3 days ago. I (24M) am in deep intense pain in knowing that my girlfriend of 3 years cheated on me at least 4 times …
How do I “do” therapy? — I started therapy recently after being diagnosed for the first time with depression and anxiety, but I really don’t enjoy it. I show up and I feel like it’s always having the ball put in my court so t…
I spent years trying to fix my life with discipline. Therapy showed me why that didn’t work — **My Journey** I can’t remember not being depressed. I have some memories of the time before, but they are pictures, frames of a child enjoying life. But I’ve struggled with depression almost my enti…
Neurodivergence(?) and meditation problems — Hi there, I hope you are doing well. Ive had a bit of an existential crisis about a month ago, a sudden spout of dread that has been trickling away bit my bit through each day, like how a wave di…
No contact isn't about them. It's about teaching your nervous system that you survive without the response. — Nobody told me this when I started and I wish they had. I thought no contact was a strategy to make them miss me. Or a test of willpower. Or punishment for both of us. It's none of that. Your brain…
The Only Neville Archive You’ll Ever Need. — I finally fixed the fragmented Neville archives. Everything in one place. It's free, and I'm planning to open-source it soon. I just want us to have a quiet place to read. You can deep-link Neville’s …
A Friendship Breakup — Everyone’s talking friendship breakups, so here’s mine. In middle school, I was dangerously codependent on a guy named JJ(not his actual name). It ended abruptly when I asked if I was his crush, he li…
He drifted away… and I finally saw why — I trusted him so easily—without questioning, without doubting, just believing he wouldn’t hurt me. But for the past couple of months, something didn’t feel right. Our conversations became shorter, ni…
Would you choose the same situation again, knowing everything you know now? — If you could go back to the day you said "I do," but you had a crystal ball that showed you exactly where you are today, the arguments, the silence, the lawyers, the heartbreak, would you still choose…
I ignored my self-critic for a full week and boy was it exhausting — A week ago I decided that since behavioural activation therapy, CBT, other therapies, and trying to find ways to be productive or find meaning with others or by myself, and even low pressure advice we…
Having a hard time moving on — She was my everything at one point even though our relationship wasn't the best as we had a rocky one from the start. It's been 2 years since we broke up, but in that time we eventually started talkin…
They want to exorcise me ?! — Hey,, so a family member wants to exorcise me from my mental health issues. Im 25. I already made a post about this but ill quickly go over and link the post if i can figure reddit out. I got diagn…
No crumbs. — I am done. I finally pulled the plug, and vanished from the grid without a single word. There were no long paragraphs and no final arguments, but instead, just a clean, hollow silence because the disr…
How to disconnect from sensory distractions, transforming external noise as preparation for AP — I want to share a perspective on sound and "noise" that might fundamentally shift how you approach the vibratory stage and the meditative stillness required for projection. Often, we view external sou…
The "other" is just vibration & how to use non-resistance for stable contact and AP — The boundary between "self" and "other" often dissolves in the presence of pure vibration. In the realm of the experiencer, where phenomena challenge our linear narratives of order, the distinction be…
i feel like since i started meditating consistently, i can’t handle noises the same way i could — i feel like i have to explain this further. i came here to discuss about it and also because i wonder if others have experienced the same. i started meditating consistently almost a year ago. it chan…
My husband threw my childhood trauma in my face during an argument. Something feels broken and I don’t know what to do. — I don’t even know where to start. I’ve never posted here before. I just need to hear from people who’ve been through something like this. Some context first. I (F27) grew up with a narcissistic abusi…
Does anyone else feel like their thoughts get way louder the second the room gets quiet? — This is something I’ve been noticing a lot with night anxiety. During the day, even if I’m anxious, there’s usually enough going on around me that my brain doesn’t fully lock onto it. But at night, w…
Letting you go is the best decision to protect myself — My final act of love won’t be a hundred missed calls or text messages. It will be the silence you always wanted. Not because I stopped caring, but because I finally learned to care for myself. I won’…
Maybe I envy the love my T has for her children — I told my T that my mother used to spank me, hit my face, hit my mouth, give me the silence treatment, etc. Every time we talk about this it is very hard to me since I am just now starting to leave a …
they told me being a 30yo single mom would be my "end," but I’m realizing it’s actually my beginning. — After months of checking out mentally (like I mentioned in my last post), i’ve finally stopped asking who will choose me and started asking "Who is worthy of me it’s terrifying starting over with two …
Day 8 of NC. I walked away from the girl I wanted to marry because of family interference and her playing games. The urge to break NC is killing me tonight. — I’m a little over a week into strict No Contact, and it's hitting me incredibly hard tonight. I’m posting this here because I'm genuinely struggling not to unblock her just to hear her voice, and I ne…
It has been two years — Exactly two years ago she ghosted me (f27) meanwhile marrying the guy she said she was only friends with and not to worry about, but confessing her feelings to me back in our friendship (I was in love…
I’m not really sure how to approach this, so I’m hoping for some outside perspective. — I’ve been with my partner for 9 years-we do not live together, and recently things have felt really off. Communication has become inconsistent, he responds when I reach out, but he doesn’t initiate an…
Sonic boom: Almost woke up — While dreaming I made a new friend who was extremely nice. After we talked and laughed together , she shared with me candy she called “sonic boom” candy. (This part reminded me of Harry Potter where …
42F and 51M (but he acts and looks a lot younger) I lied to my boyfriend twice and now I’m terrified I’ve ruined everything — I’m devastated and crying as I write this. I really need advice from people who’ve been through something similar. On Friday, my boyfriend called me while I was picking up some “party favors.” I didn…
Help please — I know everyone here has their own things going on, but I really need to say this somewhere because I feel extremely alone right now. I’m going through a breakup and I’m not handling it well at all. …
Help me please — I know everyone here has their own things going on, but I really need to say this somewhere because I feel extremely alone right now. I’m going through a breakup and I’m not handling it well at all. …
Neville Goddard literally helped a woman get her husband back — In the lecture “The supreme ideal“, Neville shared a case story of a lady who got cheated on by her husband and wanted him back anyway, therefore Neville helped her with his imagination, here is the e…
I spent 30 years playing a role just to survive – and now the mask is finally shattering. — Hey everyone, I need to get this off my chest because I’ve just had a realization that is both soul-crushing and incredibly liberating. I’m sharing this in case anyone else feels like they’re living …
Feeling the loneliness tonight — My ex-wife (28F) ended things in February and I moved out last week. I (31M) have the dogs during the week and she gets them on the weekend but I let her have them today until tomorrow because she ask…
Just silence — I’m trying really hard not to reach out, but the urge is hitting pretty hard today. I had something pretty intense with someone for a few months. We both caught real feelings for each other, said it,…
I hate this — I don't really want to put my entire story out there. Not right now at least. All I really want to say is that I hate this. I am not divorced... Not *yet*. It is in the proceedings. I wish I could sto…
Evicting my narcissistic mother out of my basement — I'm 35 and just now realizing how deep the abuse goes with my mom. When I originally moved out of her home as a young adult it was easy to forget the hell of living with her because she changed into t…
Loss of dignity after moving back home during pandemic — The relentless quintessence of a flickering shadow danced across the marble floor, weaving patterns that held no purpose other than to occupy the silence. Somewhere in the distance, a clock chimed thi…
Going through it M (23) please give feedback!! — I (23M) got dumped after 3 years by my girlfriend even though everything looked perfect on paper. Still struggling and trying to make sense of it. We were together for almost 3 years. We came from ve…
Miss you, love you, exhausted — If He Wanted To The silence is the loudest thing I’ve ever heard. Louder than our fights. Louder than the words I wish I could take back. Louder than every “I love you” that once felt like oxygen.…
I love my mother; I do not like her. — My (20f) mother (42f) is the kind of person who thinks that talking poorly about someone is funny. The kind of person who thinks she can treat people however she wants. My whole life, I have heard my …
He Doesn't Seem To Care About The Break-Up, What Now? — If you have ever thought, “He seemed totally fine after the breakup, so maybe I meant nothing,” I want to gently push back on that. Some people do feel the breakup later. They distract themselves, bu…
Me (M) ex (F) reached out after 4 months NC to return "stuff". We walked and hugged, but she says it’s complex. Need advice. — ​ My ex and I were together for a year. We both have kids from previous marriages. She is currently navigating a divorce from an extremely controlling and abusive ex-husband. Last October, she…
Long-term girlfriend left me for someone else, struggling as a lonely freelancer — Hey everyone, My long-term girlfriend recently told me she started liking someone else, had been talking to him for a week, and then broke up with me. It hurts a lot, especially knowing it happened w…
What if I’m the one being eaten by the silence??
IMO depend on the situation… if she was a REALLY good person, and you did some mistake, u might wanna get her back. Then the silence radio can either make her regret, either help her to move on. So it…
The silence will eat them up in what sense sorry?
Let the silence eat those parts of you that made you stay there. Be angry, be ashamed, and grieve. Question all those nasty feelings and learn what they try to tell you. They usually are out to have t…
Will the silence ever bring them back? Or are they gone for good?
The silence is the most effective against people who don't values your words.
I’ve felt mine hated me. When I finally let go I realized it was more likely something I came up with on my own. The silence leaves us with so much space to make assumptions. For my situation, I thoug…
Worst thing I heard my FA say was their excuses for the silent treatment and stonewalling. "Can't you just enjoy the silence for once?!" Trying to make toxic behaviors a positive is a red flag for me …
I have just learned about attachment Theory and believe my partner is avoidant( not sure if da or fa as still a bit confusing to me) I felt like my avoidant partner was putting me through test. At the…
Agree with most everyone else who has commented here. I don't know that the act of giving 3-4 weeks of space is either secure or AA. Instead, I'd look at the motivation behind it and what the space fe…
Text of original post by u/BornEducation4428: I am quite curious to hear if there are those who are still in their own "wound care " (healing) of being outside of an anxiously attached situation or of…
Such an important reminder! It's something I've also been trying to remember that with my current partner, I think the hardest part for me is managing the hypervigilance during the silence. Is there a…
I’m going through a really painful situation with someone I love, and I’m hoping to hear from people who have been in a similar anxious–avoidant loop. My ex(?) and I were slowly reconnecting after a …
The silence is the verdict. Leave him in the past, what a shitty thing he did to you
So I initially thought I was anxious attachment, when I got with my now partner (avoidant) it led to me being anxious. We started this push and pull away dynamic about a year in, where they would want…
What you're describing is common DA deactivation, the overwhelm, pulling away without ending things and asking for space while staying socially active elsewhere. The issue isn't whether it's "normal" …
Should I be asking for clarity or let the silence be the noise? I’m genuinely confused…
Yes the silence is what is getting me today. Why bother to bring up the issues if you aren’t willing to sit with it later? Idk maybe he changed his mind on wanting to date me. He kept saying during th…
Sounds like an absolute dick move on his part, not even a clear breakup, so I can see why you'd message. But I'd take the silence as your answer. As much as it hurts, someone who can't even be honest …
"Enjoying" the silence from the guy I am seeing. How "fun". But at the same time making posters for our animal rescue association (the association got approved, yay!) and a great support from my fr…
They make noise canceling headphones that deaden outside sound into a void (aka the silence you're looking for)
This is hard to say without more context. If he emotionally checked out long before the breakup, the silence makes sense. For some other people, no contact is the only way they know how to move on. M…
Yes that’s the sad part. They have gone forever and the silence will be double confirmed when they are happy with someone new.
The conversation actually flows better during an activity, not worse. When you're sitting across from someone at a bar you're both painfully aware that you're evaluating each other and every silence f…
They **know** it’s not happening! You’ll try to confirm or maybe even sit with the silence in days leading up and get a “omg can’t make it” 15 minutes beforehand. At that point I don’t really care wha…
Do nothing means to find stillness. Not only in the body, but in the mind too. It’s definitely a practice to have the self discipline to have this level of stillness. Especially when most people don’t…
I dont copypasta much but this what I made for my void friend. I wrote the deck by hand i just run it using gpt The card you’re asking for is: C13 — Void Friend (ID: C13_friend_of_nothing) --- A…
Been there, but that’s definitely the answer of realizing you deserve better and to walk away. Sit in the silence of disgust and be compassionate towards yourself. You really do deserve better and at …
There are moments when the silence left behind is louder than any words spoken. I cannot pretend to know the weight you are carrying, only that it is real and deserves its space. Some people, when fac…
yeah this is painfully relatable. i spent like 3 months last year basically just working on my startup alone in my flat, barely talking to anyone outside of slack messages. then a mate from uni visite…
This just sounds like another thing to file under how Asian parents will do ANYTHING but apologise. I mean it could be shame, but it also feels a bit like DARVO. Like others have said, maybe enjoy the…
My mom is very loving and cares so much that I'm happy...so much that she won't believe me if I tell her that I am indeed, happy. She will bulldoze me, and in the past it has been so anxiety-inducing …
It's funny how great speakers can just pause. It adds gravitas. The rest of us are scared of the silence and use filter words to cover the gaps. I try to just pause. It's fine. Not easy to break habit…
I’m finding that the silence on the other end has been helpful but not the way I thought. It forced me to examine everything and comb thru years and years of raaampant infidelity. Disgustingly rampant…
the silence is deafening, isn't it
Yup. Day 2 of no contact and the silence is deafening. It will get better. At least that’s what I have to tell myself.
1 month for me as if yesterday, Ex is moving out this week, finalising this Saturday, and the silence and loneliness is exactly what i am currently most scared about. Hope you’re doing ok
The quiet house after 12 years of noise is something that no one prepares you for, you're human and your nervous system was used to a certain type of environment for over a decade. It needs time to re…
A year and 9 months out the silence is still there. I play music all the time but it hits like 3 in the morning.
The silence in the house killed me. It was scary. Missed my kids, not the ex wife. But today Im loving the silence when alone and the noise when the kids are there
The silence is the killer
I’m just starting the process and the silence is what I crave. Right now, I’m home alone, took off part of a day. Sitting in the house with no music, no TV, no nothing. Of course, I’m the initiator. I…
Imagine that same quiet and loneliness with your partner in the house. Could always be worse. I feel what you are going through and I hope you can find ways to fill some of the void you're feeling in…
Yes, it gets easier, but not in the way most people expect. Your mind racing isn't a sign you're doing it wrong. It's actually your nervous system doing exactly what it was trained to do for years. Y…
Maybe six months? The silence started to slowly feel like peace, not something to fear. It’s time to take for myself. If I don’t want it I’ll put on some music.
Think about it this way. Would you want to be with someone who didn't respect you? I think you know the answer to that question. Yes its hard and it hurts because you felt something real and that's ok…
If you have to wonder if it's worth following up, you’re already giving him too much of your mental space. Most people kill the vibe by trying to force a reaction when things go quiet. The best move i…
I think people have always avoided silence, the tools are just faster now. A phone fills the gap in two seconds. Twenty years ago you'd pick up a magazine or turn on the TV. The impulse is the same. …
That’s a really interesting way to look at it. I like the idea that the silence itself isn’t the problem, but what appears in it. It makes sense that many people instinctively reach for something that…
Haha, straight to the point. I like it. I'll have to practise being ok with the silence after that one 😅