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book

you didn't ASK

r/datingoverfortyUpdated 30 days ago
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Citations (36)

Thoughts?

Omg me too.  6 months almost on the dot. The point where the dopamine runs out.  And then it was "I KNOW I'm late because I have ADHD!" and "I KNOW I didn't call when I said because I have DEPRESS…

r/datingoverfortycomment3/17/2026
It’s frustrating how often I run into women with Avoidant tendencies.

how come you didn't ask if she was attracted to you before asking her on a date? how come you didn't ask her if she'd like to go on a date?

r/attachment_theorycomment6/16/2025
Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup

> I think this is an anxious trait so I want to know if this also happens to you? Why am I reacting like this? Is it justified or is it my insecurity talking? How do you communicate, instead of pullin…

r/AnxiousAttachmentcomment12/4/2025
How do I ask for support in a secure way? (Hyper-independent)

You should check out the book Nonviolent Communication!! There are free PDFs online if you want to try before you buy. I'm moving from AA -> Secure and it has been super helpful. The basic idea is: …

r/AnxiousAttachmentcomment12/16/2025
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here!

You didn't ask her friend name just to be sure you don't end up in an awkward situation?

r/datingoverthirtycomment2/13/2026
Feeling “off” after trust rupture — attachment system or intuition?

If you just want to focus on yourself, you still have work to do around vulnerability being used against you triggering such a strong reaction. It is self protective, it serves a function. But the fac…

r/AvoidantAttachmentcomment3/2/2026
Stuck In My Head After Affair

Yeah this scenario is what will drive someone toward insanity for an entire lifetime... this reason (amongst many others) is why cheating is blatant abuse. Now you forever question everything, her, yo…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/8/2026
Stuck In My Head After Affair

Yeah this scenario is what will drive someone toward insanity for an entire lifetime... this reason (amongst many others) is why cheating is blatant abuse. Now you forever question everything, her, yo…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/8/2026
Stuck In My Head After Affair

Yeah this scenario is what will drive someone toward insanity for an entire lifetime... this reason (amongst many others) is why cheating is blatant abuse. Now you forever question everything, her, yo…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/8/2026
Stuck In My Head After Affair

Yeah this scenario is what will drive someone toward insanity for an entire lifetime... this reason (amongst many others) is why cheating is blatant abuse. Now you forever question everything, her, yo…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/8/2026
Stuck In My Head After Affair

Yeah this scenario is what will drive someone toward insanity for an entire lifetime... this reason (amongst many others) is why cheating is blatant abuse. Now you forever question everything, her, yo…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/8/2026
Stuck In My Head After Affair

Yeah this scenario is what will drive someone toward insanity for an entire lifetime... this reason (amongst many others) is why cheating is blatant abuse. Now you forever question everything, her, yo…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/8/2026
My parents (48F and 48M) feel offended as I don't have income to gift them anything.

Your last sentence told you everything you need to know. 'They hate DIY gifts so they are not an option'. They hate DIY gifts that their child put their time and effort into making for them? Look. Y…

r/relationshipscomment3/16/2026
Does the intellectual chemistry ever get better?

I'm sure he is curious and interested in your life... He cares for you in many ways. But he is probably like myself... If you had something interesting happen he figures you would tell him... This i…

r/datingoverfortycomment3/19/2026
I normally don’t like to talk about my issues outside of therapy because I just want people to see me as normal, but I’m 36 and still can’t get past the effects of trauma from my childhood.

Ok, i struggled with my inner critic for EVER! (I edited this because it sounds like I don't still struggle...I absolutely do). I saw this example of turning your inner critic voice into a voice of so…

r/CPTSDcomment3/20/2026
My [28F] husband [37M] wants me to deliver bad news to his mother. How do I get out of doing this without hurting feelings? TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ mention of miscarriage.

OP, you didn't ask for advice about birth control, # of kids, etc. You only asked about telling your MIL. You absolutely must insist that your husband tell HIS mother. He needs to understand that…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/26/2026
Your birth is seen as a debt that you must repay

Tell her you didn't ask to be born. Then send her an invoice for "pain and suffering".

r/raisedbynarcissistscomment3/27/2026
Apartment

I know you didn't ask me but I will add on to Sandi. What I did back in 2024 around this time was remember the reason for the event I was trying to change was due to an "error." It my case it was do…

r/nevillegoddardcomment3/29/2026
My wife (f38) wants me (m42) to be okay with her going speed dating with friend?

You didn't ask a question or for advice so I think you needed some validation for your feelings and some feedback. I think most married men would be hurt if their wife was encouraging a friend to go …

r/relationship_advicecomment3/30/2026
Narcissistic collapse is terrifying

Babe the reason you want to unalive yourself is because you feel trapped and hopeless and you're probably developing CPTSD. But I promise you, your brain is lying to you right now. You are not mentall…

r/NarcissisticAbusecomment4/1/2026
I dont think most parents love their children. Attachment? Sure. But love? I dont think there is much love in this world.

I would say that 99.99% of parents do not love their children. Firstly, people have a perverted idea of what love is. Which, to delve into semantics, is relational, unconditional, and irrevocable…

r/EmotionalNeglectcomment4/4/2026
I'm wondering if others feel like therapy is a scam?

again, I wasn't responding to you, I was responding to the person who asked why you didn't ask for a certain type of therapy. not to your later comment saying they were trained and that you DID ask. m…

r/CPTSDcomment4/6/2026
28 F 38 M - Husband has asked me to stop taking my antidepressants. How do I do this safely?

STOP. You should never stop taking an anti- depressant abruptly. You need to wean off gradually and that's something your doctor can talk you through...and he/she is also in the position to tell you …

r/relationship_advicecomment4/7/2026
My bf made a secret X/Twitter account for yk what.

Op, wish I could tell you something nicer, unfortunately this is the early sign of a doomed relationship. I don't condone looking at someone's phone, but considering that you had to ask him to unfollo…

r/relationshipscomment4/8/2026
[25F] My boyfriend [28M] broke up with me because of constant arguments – but I feel like there were underlying reasons

Do not underestimate the power of resentment. It builds up and kills the relationship very slowly. You didn't ask for much. You sensed something was wrong and addressed it. Never ever settle for an em…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/8/2026
My (32f) partner (37m) says I “don’t let him talk,” but he talks in circles for so long that I can’t even respond

Part of your brain that loves him is telling you he's loving and caring and treats you like a princess. Be very critical of that voice and compare it to his *actions*. If being sick with *COVID* doe…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/8/2026
idk how im going to take care of her in her old age

You didn't ask to be born and it sounds like she did the bare minimum and was abusive to you. That isn't someone you need to feel guilty about feeling this way over but I know that is easier said than…

r/raisedbynarcissistscomment4/8/2026
What NOT to do after a breakup

I won't lie, in the past 145-ish days it's been since my breakup, I've probably been high/drunk or both for at least 110 of them. It absolutely helps in the moment, I'm not gonna lie to myself and act…

r/BreakUpscomment4/8/2026
BF (30M) doesn’t give me (33F) benefit of the doubt as he has a rule where he only explains twice. I think that’s unreasonable

I don't know any successful couples that don't remind each other of things. It's usually because they asked each other to. If you didn't ask It's more like nagging.

r/relationship_advicecomment4/9/2026
In R and having sad thoughts about the future just getting off my chest❤️‍🩹

Your fears are completely normal. He's untrustworthy and you nailed it when you said what would he do when things get tough (raising children are a stressor to even the best relationships) . You di…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/9/2026
Exhausted by my asian parents

I have so much to say but I'm just gonna keep it short. my AM is exactly like your AP. The blaming, guilt-tripping, berating, all of it. Every mistake is unforgiveable, every thing that went well …

r/AsianParentStoriescomment4/9/2026
Reverse Psychology

They ask do you Iike red or blue better. You like red more but you say blue because you know they'll do want you didn't ask for. Or you might get green because it's their favorite.

r/NarcissisticAbusecomment4/10/2026
My (36F) partner (37M) recently got a medical diagnosis and now wants an open relationship. Is it selfish of me to not want to? Or selfish of him to ask for one?

I know you didn't ask this for personal finance or whatnot, but one of the few reasons to do married filing separately (MFS) for taxes is due to income-based student loan repayment. Your student loan …

r/relationship_advicecomment4/10/2026
Am I, 43F, being ridiculous or is he, 45M?

Reminds me of a child who, when you ask them, "can you please get me this," they sneer at you and say "sure i CAN," but then they don't do it because you didn't ask them "will you get it" lmao.

r/relationship_advicecomment4/11/2026
35M bf wants to control how much I eat. I’m 25F

Tell him you didn't ask for his assistance and to stop.

r/relationship_advicecomment4/11/2026
How do I (30F) deal with angry/shouty boyfriend (32M)

You didn't trap him - you didn't ask him to move in he forced himself into your space, and you weren't comfortable with it. Look up the DARVO tactic. He is systematically abusing you, controlling you…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/13/2026