compatibility

I can certainly understand the appeal towards living separately for the reasons that you point out. But ultimately when you look at it, things like "are we concentrating on each other right now" is a…

WooCommerce PayPal Payments Plugin issue — Hey I have a webshop with the Zephyr theme (version 8.35.2) and have installed WooCommerce (version 9.8.3) including some plugins. Now I would like to process my payments via PayPal (also with credi…

Question about desktop/mobile compatibility — I’m working on a portfolio site. I’ve had plenty of mobile/desktop compatibility issues already but that’s part of the fun :) Currently i have almost everything in place and working. Except from th…

If I could just stop deactivating!! (FA) — Follow up from some of my previous posts. I’m deactivating again. I think? Or maybe lost feelings for my partner and I’m just lying to myself and not wanting to let go. The thought of that makes me cr…

FA breakup & prolonged limbo - does avoidance calcify over time or can it still reverse? — I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve been through something similar, FAs, or anyone who has opinions on this. I was in a 2 year relationship with someone I later realized is fearful avoidant (I didn…

I'm not sure about my attachment style but I want to discover it right now 'cause I want to start healing!!!!!! — Sorry for the long text, I want to be thorough. So, I just ended my first ever relationship. I'm 20, I'm a lesbian from a conservative background and had a lot of internalized homophobia and religiou…

Women keep telling me I need to date younger and now my daughter has too. — I (39m) look young for my age and have been dating for the last 4 years. I have mostly dated women in their 30s and about half of them have told me to date someone younger after things didn’t work bet…

Do zodiac compatibility charts actually work in real relationships? — I have been curious about zodiac compatibility charts and how muchthey matterin real relationships. Many astrology sites talk about certain signs being perfect matches while othersare challenging. Fo…

What is even going on? — I (45f) have been single and dating for a a little over a year now, and there have been some frustrating patterns emerge that I just can’t make sense of. So I’m curious if anyone else out there has. A…

Something I noticed about emotional safety while dating — One thing I’ve noticed reading many posts here is that people often talk about chemistry, attraction or compatibility. But something that seems even rarer is emotional safety — the feeling that you c…

Differentiating deactivation vs genuine incompatibility — I (30F) have been dating my current partner (28M) for nine months. We spent a lot of the relationship long distance (everything except the first month) and my partner is now moving to the state I live…

29F. Having immense trouble in married life. Is there chance of separation? — 29F here. Married for three years. Husband has a lot of anger issues and bad language, finding it difficult to adjust. Compatibility issues too. Is there a chance of divorce/separation in our charts?

Being the good spouse doesn’t guarantee a good marriage — You can do everything right, communicate, support, compromise, be loving and attentive, and still find yourself in a marriage that feels distant, unfulfilling, or even toxic. Made me realize that marr…

I was the husband who didn't do enough. Sharing my perspective — It wasn’t a single explosion but a slow grind between two people who couldn’t agree on what a "good life" looked like. For a long time, I was admittedly the husband who didn’t pull his weight, a chara…

Is Marriage preferable? Guna milan 20/36 — Hi everyone, I’m seeking a genuine and honest opinion regarding a potential marriage match. My family has received a proposal for me through a family friend, and we’ve matched our kundalis. The Guna…

My (23M) girlfriend (26F) desires less sex and has slowly stopped initiating. When are things deemed as sexual incompatibility? — My (23M) girlfriend (26F) has, over the course of our 3 year long relationship, wanted less sex. At the start of our relationship, we were going at it like crazy. Daily, if not twice a day. Over time …

Trying not to get too ahead of myself with new partner — I need to clear my head a bit. About 8 weeks ago I (55F) cold approached a man (49) at a bar. He asked for my number and has been consistent and open with communication since. We are exclusive, see e…

Do people eventually want marriage/long-term partnerships, or is it mostly just dating at our age? — ​I'm a 42M, only a few months into my divorce. To be clear, I am by no means looking for a relationship right now. However, I've been lurking on this sub for a while because I knew my marriage was c…

My husband led me to believe he almost never drinks alcohol. 2 years into our marriage I find out it's a lie. — My husband (32m) and I (30f) have been married for 2 years. During our courtship and dating I stated many boundaries around values - one being that I was at the time 5 years sober - and I didn't want …

1.5 Years Update 💀 My predictions became true — No, I do NOT want my ex back—like ever 😭 but I do have a story + some lessons from how everything played out. So basically, about 1.5 years ago, my ex randomly broke up with me out of nowhere. Like……

Anxious (me) + Avoidant (her) breakup — still stuck after 1 year, need honest perspectives — Hey everyone, I really need some honest advice. I’ll try to explain this clearly. I was in a 2-year relationship where I now see a strong anxious (me) + avoidant (her) dynamic. Looking back, I also …

Just three months of dating and I'm having a tough time getting over it. — Hey everyone. So, I (28/M) met my ex (43/F) about three months ago. I was a bit fresh out of my previous relationship, which I ended after almost two years because of sexual incompatibility. I was j…

Beginners Guide: UL (Upapada Lagna) & A7-The Hidden Layer of Marriage Astrology Most People Miss — Most people start marriage analysis with Guna Milan or basic compatibility. And while that gives a surface-level idea, it often fails to explain what actually happens in real relationships over time. …

My ex (30F) and I (30nb) broke up 6 months ago and I want to vent about it — After dating for almost 2 years and living together for 6 months my ex broke it off and I had to move out. I am a trans nonbinary person (AFAB) and the day we met my ex knew I would be pursuing gender…

Struggling with comparison and self-worth in a new relationship (35M) — 35M here. Recently got back into dating after a long gap (UPSC prep, divorce, career reset). I’m currently rebuilding my career: underpaid relative to my potential but steadily improving (atleast I th…

Help me understand why he did what he did — This might be long but I’ll try to keep it concise with enough detail. Me (25F) and my ex (30M) broke up very recently, and it felt very sudden. In fact, we were on a staycation together when it happ…

Any stories that you found someone better than your ex? — I broke up with my ex and been 4 months of NC because he cheated. I was miserable, because i thought he’s the one after my last two exes. We have a lot in common, even our sexual compatibility. No one…

24M marriage pressure is starting i don’t want to get married now — my parents started marriage pressure, i may want to get married in future but my parents are starting to put pressure on me to get married soon, i believe due to forcing i may have compatibility issue…

I’ve put down my thoughts as to the reasons why I (m53) want to ask my wife (f52) for a divorce. — We’ve been married for 23 years. We’ve got 3 kids: 22, 19 and 12. We own our home, halfway through a 30 yr mortgage, with a low apr. Wife was majority earner, but recently lost her job. I’m inte…

You can in fact break up with someone you still love. — It seems to be a common theme on this sub that if someone dumps you they clearly don’t love you anymore, because no one leaves someone they love. A perspective I don’t see enough that you can truly lo…

Stuck over lifestyle differences and can’t reach a compromise — I’m trying to think this through before I initiate anything, and I’d really value perspective from people who’ve been in similar situations. I’m in a long-term marriage with kids, and we’ve been stuc…

Sudden break ups — Just need to vent into the void a bit. My girlfriend ended things suddenly on Thursday and I've got such bad whiplash it's almost physically painful. I realize these are never quite so sudden for th…

32M Desi in the US—marriage pressure, “optimize your image” advice, and feeling like I’m never fully heard by my parents — Hi everyone, I’m a 32-year-old South Asian (Pakistani background) guy living in the US, and I just wanted to share something that’s been weighing heavily on me. This feels very “Asian parent expectat…

What’s a subtle pattern you only noticed after dating multiple people, and now won’t ignore?me I’m 29m her 30f — Over the years of dating, many of us have gone through experiences that taught us what *doesn’t* work in a partner, or even in ourselves. What are some behaviors, patterns, or personality traits you …

Is it possible for an FA to reach out after initiating no contact with finality? — Have any FAs reached out to an ex they had dumped with finality? If a fearful avoidant dumps you and, when you reach out after a couple of weeks securely for closure, responds harshly that it’s over …

Heartbroken — Hi reddit, I could use some comfort and I need to write this out After a slew of bad dating luck and heartbreak in the past few months, I organically started developing a connection with a woman. O…

Heartbroken and Need to Move On.. But How? — Hi reddit, I could use some comfort and I need to write this out After a slew of bad dating luck and heartbreak in the past few months, I organically started developing a connection with a woman. Onl…

I need help, is this the end. — I need help https://imgur.com/a/qfRDDXW Dated for two years, ups and downs here and there. Broke up once last year in January and got back together Felt like our connection was strong before the t…

My husband 30M shuts down in stressful situations and it comes out in his tone toward me 30F.. compatibility issue? — I’m trying to figure out if this is normal relationship stuff or something I should actually be concerned about long term. My husband gets really overwhelmed in certain situations like crowded places…

28F and 28M sex drive incompatibility, feeling stuck? — This may be rambling and I’m sorry for that. Also sorry for formatting, I’m on my phone. I 28F and my boyfriend 28M, have been stuck in a rut. A month ago I told him that we are incompatible with …

My (24M) girlfriend (24F) and I struggle with intimacy issues — TLDR: Long-term high school couple nearing engagement, but they’ve never had sex. She avoids it due to birth control concerns, and broader physical intimacy is minimal. He feels his needs aren’t being…

27F Guidance on Marriage - Timing & Outcome — Hi everyone, I’m a 27F currently living in the US, and I’m seeking some guidance regarding my marriage prospects. I’ve known someone (27M) here for a long time, and we’re now seriously considering mar…

Day 4 — I knew the end was near but I was having a hard time accepting it. His birthday was at the beginning of march and we had a great time with his friends and I bought him concert tickets. A week later I …

We want a future together, but my fear of pregnancy is kind of becoming a dealbreaker. — My boyfriend(27 M) and I (26 F) are dating for two years, and honestly, he’s incredible—respectful, caring, and someone I can truly see a future with. We are at the point where we want to "settle dow…

I [30F] and my boyfriend [30M] are struggling with recurring drawn-out arguments and communication issues — My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 years, and the last 2 years have had a lot more ups and downs. I care about him, and we’ve built a life together that I really value: we have a home i…

Leaving a Messy ‘Situationship’ — I (25m) dont think I have the emotional maturity to end a nearly 2-year situationship with a girl (25F) with whom a future with seems uncertain I met this girl when we both started grad school, and w…

Lying by omission, 28F and 35M — I’m a 28-year-old woman who has been dating a 35-year-old man. Two months into seeing each other, I found out he was separated- something he hadn’t mentioned until I asked directly. When we discussed …

I (24M) love my girlfriend (24F), but our sex life is almost nonexistent—what do I do? — I (24M) am contemplating breaking up with my partner (24F) and I really do not want to let her go. We have been dating for three (3) years and she is like my other half. She is very beautiful, kind, s…

I used AI to generate synastry compatibility reports, do these actually make sense to people who know astrology? — I've been building a tool that generates detailed compatibility reports from two birth charts, which covers sun/moon/rising synastry, house overlays, aspects, and the whole thing. I'm not an astrolog…

Dumpers please enlighten me — I’m gonna make this as short as possible. Context: I (34F) got dumped 2 months ago (him 33M). We were together for 5 years and lived for 2. Without going into details his reasons were ‘incompatibi…

I feel like I'm too much for for my best friend and I don’t know if I should step back or try to fix it (31F / 29F) — I’m trying to understand if this is an attachment mismatch or if I’m just… fundamentally too heavy for people. I’m 31, she’s 29, and we’ve known each other for over 10 years. She’s not a casual frien…

To me, the book doesn’t so much denigrate avoidants as it highlight their challenges in relationships, to help anxious types recognize patterns and seek stability—often with secure partners as an idea…

How you know is being able to sit with your feelings and feel them. Figuring this out in your thoughts won’t work. You have to take time to sit with yourself and ask yourself how you are feeling about…

Take time to actually get to know someone, go slow, keep things light at first, don't jump into a relationship. Instead think about true compatibility in things like communication, lifestyle, values, …

I almost commented on this earlier in the week because I was dating someone who made me feel the same way but I’ve since ended things and I’m pretty sure what you’re feeling is a sign of incompatibili…

Well to be fair, even tech-savvy adults get tripped up by email. That’s why the whole idea is to skip the complexity. Just open the app, swipe through clear photos with short descriptions, and if ther…

You say you want an anxious one until they’re crashing out on you all the time for minor stuff.  Honestly a lot of avoidant aren’t bad people. I too can be both so I know how both sides act and react…

I agree with this. I also agree that it’s fine to talk in theory about what someone is looking for in a relationship as soon as you want and there is sufficient basic rapport/compatibility. Asking if …

Do not enter into communication, do not rekindle. There are many more people out there with whom you would have compatibility with who don’t have attachment issues.

Understood, but my point is that a securely attached person would have taken those early signs as indicators of incompatibility as well as a lack of emotional safety and removed themselves from the si…

That last sentence is something I’m working on. If we have a mismatch of emotional capacity in the past I would essentially wait to see if that would change or if I could change their mind by acting a…

It’s possible that this is a compatibility problem. But you are also personalizing his extroversion as if it has something to do with you. Like you are not good enough and that is why he gives other p…

It sounds more like you two basically are experiencing an incompatibility in life styles. He doesn’t have to adhere to a schedule and you do. I would stop focusing on the whole how often he texts or w…

Just suppressing your avoidant side does not necessarily make you secure or healed. Secure people enforce boundaries and vet for compatibility.

When you notice yourself being hypervigilant about signs they may no longer be interested, ask yourself "so what?" So what if they really are pulling away and are losing interest? That's ok, you'll de…

Slow down with people if you're moving fast. Hormones and infatuation cloud judgement and make it harder to make calls on incompatibility when they should be made. Secure people make these calls for g…

I'm not a texter, and I keep my phone on silent if I'm not expecting a call or in the middle of a text conversation. I reply to messages when I see them, it might be within minutes or a few hours if I…

Idk what your attachment style is but you sound somewhat hyper independent and like you expected him to read your mind. I bet you know he’s not someone very attentive but you want someone to take care…

Both things can be true. It sounds true that he is emotionally unavailable for a healthy relationship and could never give you what you needed. It is also true that the lack of deep connection activat…

Once we get past the attachement problem, then it’s just a normal relationship. My good relationships ended for normal compatibility issues

Honestly it sounds like you have a fundamental incompatibility. That is really the best way to see it. She knew how you felt beforehand and did it anyway and is not wanting to be any different. Your b…

> Now you're waiting for him to reassure you about crisis that doesn't even exist in his reality. > > You invented a crisis where there is none. I really really really agree with the first sentence.…

It could be he is curious, annoyed, unhappy, frustrated, or all kinds of feelings. But, it's not communication. It is him refusing to communicate with you when you've tried. Remember to focus on how…

*These are definitely* the conversations we should have for sure. I know from what I’ve deeply experienced, I understand that I, like many others who want to, I want to grasp *what is it* I’m attached…

I feel like I could have written this, word for word. I completely understand! Like you, I came to a realization that I was probably always going to live with my avoidant attachment and so, had to f…

Do you think it's possible to gauge long-term compatibility within a month or two of going out with someone? Even then, what does "long-term compatibility" mean to you? Because people grow and chang…

Address the fear. Why would you be stuck? You are allowed to change your mind any time. Maybe those are the type of affirmations that you need to say yourself. If anything think through your boundar…

I over think these things a lot, to be honest I just allow myself to think, I just don't act unless I need too. I think long term compatibility is important to think about. Originally my partner talk…

Lifestyle alignment is pretty easy to assess. Whether their emotional system is compatible, now that's the harder part. If you attach hard, apply strict process. Observe consistency. State your baseli…

Two thoughts: As an adult I’ve always had an abundance of friends, but I feel distant from them. As shitty as it is to admit, I feel like people think we’re closer than I do. Sometimes I think this …

I think it might be helpful to define what “socially stimulating” actually means to you and check it against what others think it means. As well as what you identify as “boring”. I think this can be h…

New here. I have known for a while that I am an anxious attacher. In a previous relationship my husband cheated on me. I stayed way too long, but finally was able to make the break and it was great. …

It sounds like there might be some codependency issues going on here. I suggest doing some research on that so you can work on healing it. You can’t “figure out” incompatibility. And trying to force…

You are very focused on his thoughts and feelings. But your thoughts and feelings are just as valid and you seem to be minimizing them as if he has all the control. Do YOU have compatibility concern…

Well, that's what I'm trying to discern. But I'll have the clearest view of what is a pattern that can be worked through, and what is fundamental incompatibility, if I approach my relationship and rep…

Very happy to share :) A few years ago I worked with a life coach to work on self-esteem and managing/setting boundaries. I still touch base with her when I need 1:1 support. After the avoidant discar…

I completely agree that nothing is owed irrespective of my efforts and she is allowed to change her mind at any moment but the emotional whiplash is catastrophic for the other person who has been made…

A general compatibility issue I'm having lately is with "big texters".  I work on a hospital unit and I don't text while driving. This absolutely infuriates big texters, and I've had the experience …

I know, during the argument she tried to clarify she was somehow being more abstract (?) and I said I don't believe it and I thought she was projecting.  After that I stuck to being patiently valida…

Because you're not compatible with someone to be their partner doesn't mean you can't be friend. But in your case it looks like you can't handle that due to past experiences so it's just a compatibi…

>he is not “fun.” Are you trying to make things "fun"?  If you haven't really done much yourself, that's not just a him problem, it's also a you problem. If you have and he is lukewarm or negative …

Absolutely. I didn’t really find out the extent of the smoking and gaming until we moved in together, although there were definitely some incompatibilities in our lifestyles already from the get go. I…

Regardless of whether people disagree or not, the situation upsets you. You need to determine whether it's an incompatibility or not. If you're not interested, that's fine. If you are, then you'll hav…

The first year of an adult relationship imo is the honeymoon period This should be the smoothest period of time for you, not to say that problems won't appear, but they should reside mostly as an int…

You’re confusing chemistry spikes with compatibility. Healthy relationships are not supposed to feel exciting all the time. If they do, it’s usually because there’s instability, uncertainty, or interm…

Good sex is amazing, but it doesn't mean good compatibility or good relationship. You need to think more about how you two communicate and act around each other when you're not doing the hanky-panky.

If a guy on an app is already trying to change me that’s kind of a red flag imo. The point of apps is to determine compatibility, why waste time with people you’re not compatible with?

I'm mildly DA, mostly with immediate family, not really in romance (though I still have some traits). What makes me feel most safe is feeling that I'd still find stability and happiness in most bad s…

I hope and think he will work on what he lacks, except for sexual midness which I fear is incompatibility.

Well. Like everyone in this sub I seem to have anxious attachment tendencies. While I do not externalize them I do struggle with periodically reoccurring „attacks“. These attacks aren‘t substantiate…

Granted I'm really not a fan of people hijacking clinical psych terminology and assigning people they barely know with personality issues, how is this him being avoidant vs. just not being as into you…