parentification

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.  Your mother sounds like mine in many ways: I am her de facto second therapist and I must constantly shield her from my own discomfort with that role and the con…

Feeling Manipulated [tw: emotional manipulation] — My mom sent me this guilt trip of a meme today. Yikes. I grew up in a deeply codependent family. I don’t know what to call what I grew up in, what name could describe the type of dysfunction. The co…

32 years old, 4.5 years into the healing journey I've literally JUST realized I was sheltered — I can't believe this has only just hit me. I'm 32 years of age. THIRTY-TWO! It's literally just in the past hour hit me that I was extremely sheltered growing up and it's lead to me lacking the skills…

23 year old college grad AuDHD son will not stop going on about how we "drugged him up and weaponised therapy to ruin his life" — He went to UW. Graduated with a degree in computer science. We're all so very proud of him. Yet he just won't stop bringing up the past and how we "ruined his life and threw away his mental health". Y…

Parentification is sick and effed — Idk just needed an internet space to metaphorically scream it from the rooftops I am very grateful for this subreddit Parentification is so sick and effed. It was so dehumanizing. I have put effort…

Closing the door on the sources of my parentification — I had a very eventful last week and finally told my mom and ex-husband that I don't want either of them to be a part of my life anymore. It took a lot of self reflection, introspection, empathy, and r…

Right now I feel extremely alone, emotionally exhausted, and unsure how to move forward. I’m hoping to connect with others who understand parentification, narcissistic abuse, or rebuilding after losing support systems. — TRIGGER WARNING: Emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, sexual assault, relationship abuse It took me a long time to realize what had happened to me growing up and I’m still trying to understand. As …

FAQ on emotional neglect - For anyone new to the subreddit or looking to better understand the fundamentals — **What is emotional neglect?** In one's childhood, a lack of: everyday caring, non-intrusive and engaged curiosity from parents (or whoever your primary caregivers were, if not your biological parent…

I didn't realize until I bottled up so much and got depression much later- completely non-functioning and non-productive. Like falling face down on the floor. There were warning signs since I got high…

Yes. There's some parentification in there... Maybe some stuff about loneliness or feeling like other people wouldn't understand that turns what should feel like a failure to protect a child into a sh…

Yes, the way I understand this is it’s basically a form of parentification, where the kid is expected to take on more responsibility than the adult at a given moment.

Late to the party but I wanted to add my perspective. I didn’t find the book to be blamey and I agree with many of the other comments here, especially the points about how unhealthy a society many if …

you have to feel it. those feelings of anger and resentment are justified and part of your healing journey is to realize that you have every right to feel that way, and to let yourself feel it. as y…

My Dad found me behind the dryer after my mother smothered me with a chenille bedspread when I was an infant. She had left me for dead. I was always focused on the event of him coming home and rescuin…

1. Therapy 22 to 33, finally at 38 can acknowledge homicide is what fucked my life up. 2. I thought being the “strong one” having to emotionally hold the family together was just something I needed t…

Yep, mom and dad were very emotionally unstable and neglectful, and honestly most of what I had to go through was their fault, including the really really bad RTS that I had coming from a traditionall…

you sound like me. Except I thought parentification was how my brother was more of a father figure to me than our own father. And our mom always had me give her advice, or talked to me and I offered, …

I actually said this to a friend the other day. She was talking about struggling with her own parents aging, her younger sibling passed suddenly last year and their health has declined quickly. She w…

I just want to say how much I relate to this comment. You are not alone, and I'm so sorry it happened to you too. It's one of those things that was so normalized in my youth that I struggled for decad…

Keep reading the book. Your describing parentification, she made you parent her. Its still immature behavior. And its one of the things also mentioned in the book, and you handle it the same ways. Kee…

this is known as parentification and the book covers it well. keep reading!

I agree with you it is their responsibility to take care of your sister while she is still underage. This is classic parentification. Do not believe they're hype if they say things like you need to pa…

I don’t even know if I want kids cause of the parentification and a whole load of other stuff, and this bit also terrifying.

Parentification is horrible.. I hope you are doing better now? No kids due to almost everything which has been listed here. No transgenerational trauma!!!!!

In some ways I think I'm actually a better parent because of my CPTSD. Granted, I've healed a LOT and if I hadn't done that healing I wouldn't be a good parent. But I am SO vigilant with how I treat m…

They probably mean Lorelei and Emily, but the Rory/Lorelei dynamic hits a lot of the beats for parentification. A parent confiding to their kid about adult stuff, going to their kid for advice, and co…

The silent treatment, emotional outbursts, parentification

There is something very wrong with it. It’s called parentification. It is actually on webmd.  Don’t have four kids if you are a selfish person and don’t want to raise them all. 

Who the hell said anything about four kids? And no, there's nothing wrong with having an older child keep an eye on their younger sibling. It builds critical thinking skills and responsibility. …

Leaving children alone overnight is parentification. Why are you picking a fight with me over this? 

Cause you don't know what you're talking about and subtly shaming other parents for taking time for themselves. And FYI, this is parentification: >Parentification or parent–child role reve…

Yes, I understand your feelings. I had a similar situation with my mother. We did have indoor plumbing, but there was a lot of other stuff that was horribly abusive. Constant insults and rejection, …

I’ve got some boxes checked that look like achievement. I can also say a lot of it has fallen apart. None of it was really on my terms or has left me feeling happy, secure, connected to people, or lik…

As I am currently exploring this myself, how did parentification show for you?

So this boundary I set… I didn’t know setting it would trigger what it did inside me. But it lead me to see the original injury of why I let people dump their shame into me. I was emotionally parentif…

Thank you for bringing this theory to the sub for discussion. First question for you OP: can you explain in more detail your take on the overuse of chatGPT as it relates to this topic? One thing I…

I think being able to see the world through childlike eyes is an asset (now). The world will do its best to convince you it is a liability and chip away at it - especially the timeline we are living …

Yes! Definitely with the parentification especially. I think my mom wanted a born-and-bred best friend, not a daughter. To this day, she still tries to bond with me over her own insecurities. If I giv…

Yes, it took two therapists to get me to accept the true amount of damage that was done by the parentification and covert incest. I didn’t know it had happened. It was very normal to me, and very nor…

Omg redhead here. I've had basal cell carcinoma four times. First spot showed up at age 26. I've always considered if it was because of emotional neglect/parentification/etc. I burned so many times wh…

I know. I have also heard, "trauma is not what happened to you, it's what happened inside of you as a result." Somewhat less offensive in my opinion. But it still implies (or rather I infer) that ther…

I thought it was normal of the oldest to have to handle everything with the younger sibling. Turns out my parents just didn’t want to deal with it (it’s called parentification)

Personally my own realisation came from my dad sharing some very horrific information with me rather callously on his birthday that lead to a string of events where I had to report both my parents to …

I hear you and relate. I would question though if it's true that “nothing obviously abusive” happened. I hope this isn't patronising (I'm much older, 50, and have been healing for decades), but have y…

I think understanding our own programming would help us and help others having framework of how to handle enduring the narcissistic abuse (yes). The sad part of this... most people don't think this as…

They are allowed to be mad and direct ALL their angers towards me, but, nope, I'm not allowed to be mad at all. P.S. Is this considered a parentification? Like, I had to be available for my parent, …

Sometimes I think they have a child to make someone who will keep thinking about them. So, parentification. We were born to mentally ill parents but society doesn't recognize it as a mental illness, …

Its not wants, they firmly believe they are. They cannot see the abuse we were subjected to, the parentification, infantilisation, sleep deprivation, neglect, hunger, humiliation or anxiety they've pu…