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Evidence
Citations (101)
I am trapped in a cycle of trauma, fawning, and complete emotional dependency: How do I survive when my past won't let me breathe? — **TL;DR:** I survived a horrific childhood witnessing my mother’s repeated sexual assault and suffered years of severe bullying. Today, I’m struggling with AuDHD, Bipolar, BPD, and what I suspect is s…
This is a support sub. Be kind to each other. — Almost everyone who comes here is here because they are going through a very painful and difficult time. We're not all at our best. If you go into someone's topic, remember that they came here askin…
Victim Blaming will not be tolerated — Hey all, Codependency can lead to a ton of behaviors and relationship styles that are less than healthy, but as we all strive to better ourselves and shed these old habits that no longer serve us, it…
Afraid of the "how" — Hi to all. I have been studying the law and this sub since many years, then left, then (1-2 months ago) came back. I had my fair share of watching coaches, reading the content proposed here (and more)…
A letter to my FA Ex — I don’t even know why I’m writing anymore. I don’t know why I still pour my feelings onto paper when the person they’re meant for has emotionally switched off. Maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe it’s jus…
March 2026 Astrology: Transits, Key Dates, and More — **Last month’s write-up, I ended with this,** *“Let’s just say we end the month in a chaotic state of energy. Nothing seems real while at the same time, there is a sense of urgency that something need…
Another real life example of how clear communication can be distorted into a victim narrative. Emotions can rewrite history, too. There are two sides to every story. — Receipts! Slides 1-2: Their version of events Slide 3: only a snippet of all their comments on vent/rant threads and others. Removed by automod for not having a user flair (a clear rule and automod …
The post-abuse life is rarely worth it — Losing your youth to abuse, coming out extremely fragmented and almost disabled when it comes to forming relationships, chronic illness that prevents you from work that prevents you from money that pr…
„Did you forgive them yet?“ — I stood my ground and said NO. — I opened up about my abuse to a 'spiritual friend'. His first question was: „Have you managed to forgive them yet?“ I said NO. And it's NOT my duty to forgive. He said „But forgiveness causes healin…
Covert narcissists are drawn to people with a strong instinct to help and care. — I grew up early. Owning Responsibilities that weren't mine. I learned that love was earned through being useful, stable, and selfless. I became the person people brought their chaos to. The one who a…
DO NOT GIVE UP — DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!! I have so much to say. But ima try to keep it short ish. I just wanted to make a quick post about my journey. I’ve been “manifesting” for five years. I actually have not. Those f…
Why do most victims survive the harm, while perpetrators can’t cope with a slither of accountability? — Victims live with the pain. The fear. The long-term fallout. Not being believed. No justice, or having to fight for it. Being made the aggressor through DARVO. The loss of safety. The way it rewires y…
Gray rocking for over a year has made me see how really crazy he is — I still have to stay in touch with my ex covert narcissist because we have a child together. On my end I keep things extremely civil, I only talk to him about things that I have to talk to him about r…
Who else was taught to people-please or be a pushover? — I was taught by my parents from early childhood to make others happy, and I often found myself last on the priority list. Perhaps the overemphasis on reputation in many Asian cultures contributed to m…
Think them being in therapy is a good sign? Think again. — Mine was in therapy for 10+ years. He even invited me to a couples session at 5 months in (red flag here) but she basically called him out and said yeah you treated her bad, you are wrong. He backed i…
Blood is no longer thicker than water — Blood is no longer thicker than water. This toxic Filipino family culture where, if you’re poor, you’re looked down on, and treated like you don’t matter. Where money decides whose voice is heard and…
HUGE tantrum from my NDad due to my recent success. Hilarious but also depressing. 🥹 — My ndad is currently throwing a tantrum - screaming, stomping around, making threats etc whilst telling my mum and I that it’s my fault, and that I know what I did, therefore avoiding/refusing to expa…
The "Manosphere" — Last night my wife and I watched the new Netflix documentary on the Manosphere. It was entertaining and informative, but also quite sad. My first reaction, honestly, was that with the exception of th…
The absolute dearth of any kind of help for victims of polyamory under duress — Nobody understands. There is literally nobody to turn to. Since the APA mandated that polyamorous relationships be accepted this has become a topic I cannot bring up anywhere. Nobody wants to talk ab…
My mom who disowned my for being gay is ready to forgive me, oh and for me to financially support her and my dad after he retires of course. — I don’t speak to any of my family anymore because they disowned me for being gay after i was outed. It hurt at the time but honestly the more time i spent away from them the more i realized how awful …
When it’s finally over with a narc or NPD person — I said this in a comment to someone else’s post but I feel like I should post it here, just in case it helps someone. There’s no way of truly knowing whether or not a person with narcissistic traits…
Letting go is liberating — Letting go is liberating. I’ve learned that if you don’t break the cycle with a narcissist, they will always find a way to pull you back in. Each time you think it will be different, but it only gets …
Finally admitting I have an attitude of entitlement. — Need to get this off my chest: I’m realizing that at 35, I’ve spent a lot of my life operating with a mix of entitlement and a victim mentality. The short version is that growing up, I had a lot of t…
Us who were child victims — Do you absolutely melt when you see a parent go above and beyond to protect or avenge their child? I was not believed by my mother when I told her I was raped at 9 years old by a family "friend." When…
Considering divorce from my husband. I need perspective. — Hey everyone, I've been lurking, but it's my first time posting, so sorry if this is inappropriate. For starters, I'm not asking for advice, as in "what to do", but more like perspective in case I'm …
Anyone Ever Just Start Hitting Them Back? — Very politically incorrect of me I guess 🙄 but I hate how all of the advice given out to victims never suggests hitting them back. It's like it's almost a taboo to suggest that you do anything but co…
THINGS TOXIC "SHIFTERS" SAY/DO (they are more normalized than you think) — Soo days back I made a post voicing frustrations about my shifting experience and mentioning a few a of my roadblocks. Two days ago I shifted successfully to the Odyssey and when I came back to my cr…
How do you take your power back or create it? — I had all the time this passive role in determining my reality .things are happening to me rather than me choosing them.This victim mentality but stemmin from feeling powerless and defenseless. I know…
How do you deal with resentment toward a parent who “did their best”? — I’m in my 30s and just now fully realizing I was emotionally neglected growing up, and it’s honestly messing with me. I was raised by a single mother. I know she loves me, but love wasn’t enough. I d…
Yellow fever is a result of purity culture — Men with yellow fever tend to be far rightists who praise Asian people for being racist, ethnonationalist and "clean" of "degeneracy" and "inferior races" and therefore view Asian women as "clean" of …
A Narcissus is an empty shell with no real existence — "A Narcissus, such as Ovid's Narcissus, is someone who thinks he has found himself by looking in the mirror. His life consists in searching for his reflection in the gaze of others. The other exists, …
The one trait that predicts narcissism more reliably than anything else — I spent years trying to figure out why some people drain everything around them while others don't. After a lot of research and painful personal experience, I found one principle that predicts it more…
Signs you dated a narcissist — This goes for both girls and guys and I realized all this after breaking up with my ex. 1. They replace you immediately they cannot handle being alone, they need someone to uplift them. aka their …
IF YOU ARE 30+ USING NC — If you’re 30+ using the “no contact” method as a means to “Get your ex back”, DON’T. This is long. I just met up with my ex for the first time in 3 months. I was nervous, worried & genuinely conce…
Why do people always say “everyone has trauma” — “Everyone has a sob story” “everyone has had struggles” Yes, everyone has experienced something difficult in their life but that’s not comparable to people who actually had tortuous, traumatising chil…
My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out — About a month ago I shared a [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/1qyh9x9/at_age_40_i_finally_found_what_works_with_my_nmom/) here how I visited my NMom after 3 years of NC and…
Seattle man who killed pregnant asian woman and shot her husband found NOT guilty due to mental illness — [article](https://komonews.com/news/local/seattle-man-cordell-goosby-found-not-guilty-by-reason-of-insanity-in-2023-killing-of-pregnant-woman-eina-kwon-belltown-shooting-case) [article 2](https://www…
I truely believe that their unwillingness to adapt to western life is the cause. — As the title says. I've been lurking here for a while (27M) and honestly from what I seen most of what happens could literally be from their stubborness to not adapt to western life. My uncles and the…
"Men Can't Be Men Anymore" — A week ago, I [posted about the Louis Theroux documentary on the “Manosphere,”](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/1rtveyg/the_manosphere/) noting my surprise at the scale of the phenomenon, u…
Husband (46M) keeps "helpfully" rearranging, hiding, and disposing of my (46F) stuff--what tactic or wording can I use to stop it? — **I'm getting private messages now so I'll add: please don't repost or use this anywhere else.** TL/DR: husband keeps "helpfully" rearranging, hiding, and disposing of my stuff--what tactic or wordi…
the narcissist catchphrase bingo list — edit 1: jesus christ my initial 32 I wrote already look like they arent a lot lmao (the comments in total added 45 UNIQUE PHRASES HOLY JESUS) , okay heres the updated list (most of the updates will be…
Art and study of the Gateway tapes and general connection to the Universe (with my own experimentation) — \- I WILL BE UPDATING THIS POST EVERYDAY. LINKS WILL BE AT THE BOTTOM OF POST WITH LOG NUMBERS AND DATES - 🌠 Log. 00 \[Tuesday, March 24th, 2026\] So far, I’ve been repeating the same first 3 tape…
1.5 Years Update 💀 My predictions became true — No, I do NOT want my ex back—like ever 😭 but I do have a story + some lessons from how everything played out. So basically, about 1.5 years ago, my ex randomly broke up with me out of nowhere. Like……
Ex-Wife Still Difficult Post Divorce — Hello Reddit! I divorced my ex-wife in 2024 after I caught her cheating. The divorce process with her was very difficult and she wanted to litigate everything in the courts, acted like a victim hersel…
Let avoidants heal themselves before they destroy you. — Hey everyone. This is my last post on this sub because I honestly don't even want her anymore. But before I leave, I want to tell all of you, guys and girls of any age: DO NOT GO AFTER AN AVOIDANT PAR…
How do I F21 fix my relationship with my F21 twin sister after her M22 fiancée SA’d me? — I don’t really know how to do this I apologize in advance. A bit of back ground. I am a F21. My twin sister obviously the same age. We both live with our parents. She has been seeing this guy M22 for …
SF to name street after Chinese-American woman who saved thousands from human trafficking — I was happy to read this news about a street in San Francisco being renamed after a brave Chinese-American woman named Tien Fuh Wu who saved thousands of women and girls from human trafficking. With r…
Only child (30F, Indian, US). Parents financially exploited me and my husband for years. Set boundaries. Now they’re trying to destroy my marriage. — **The financial fraud:** My father retired with 1 crore and started building a house. Behind my back, he took a loan using my husband’s documents — claimed 45 lakhs, was actually 80 lakhs (POA fraud)…
I think I’m a female narcissist and it’s ruining my relationship — I’m a 29 year old female and I think I’m a covert narcissist. It’s ruining my relationship with my partner, a 28 year old male. I constantly feel overly sensitive to criticism, have the “victim mental…
I finally stopped begging my toxic Mom. Her "Extinction Burst" over my sister's wedding is insane. Has anyone else experienced this? — Hi everyone. I (M) and my two sisters have spent our entire lives tiptoeing around our emotionally immature, highly controlling mother. She uses guilt, silent treatments, and the "I'm a terrible mothe…
Tired of toxic connections.. can my birth chart help me finding the right people? — I’ve been trying to understand how to not stay stuck in what hurt me + somehow still find people I actually feel aligned with. I also wonder if some of these patterns make sense through my chart, lik…
Don't forget that humans can be the victims of that as well because humans can also feel pain Everything in physical reality has its time but the soul lives on eternally
Best advice EVER. Thank you, yes, we are all flawed ...in relationships, esp Break ups, the parties both act like victims...sheesh, none of us are perfect.
My concern has been 3 years of astral staking by a person who abuses the astral. They have been taken over by a negative entity. And now energy harvest daily. This has taken energy workers many goes a…
This is the way? Who’s talking, the abuser or the victim?
Hi! So one thing I can tell you from lots of therapy and recently spending time around her is I realized I had been only remembering her good qualities and putting her on a pedestal in my mind. When w…
Any of the mods can, all are responsible for making sure this is a safe environment. That's what Moderators do. "Setting community rules, norms, and expectations that encourage positive engagement." -…
It's so easy to resent and want to blame your parents, but don't you think the way you where raised where how your grandparents raised them? Finding compassion, and understanding that your parents did…
There is victim blaming and then there's some attention whore showing up to make sure actual victims voices are never heard. You can easily tell the difference and most subs are filled with them pushi…
I honestly agree with this post. So much. It is hard to be "victim-blamed". I victim blame in my own personal life, and I know I have been victim blamed as well-- it does not feel good. Bravo for co…
Doesn't seem to account for that there are bad actors who'll say any attribution of responsibility toward them (on what they can control) is them being victim blamed simply as a way of maintaining the…
None of this announcement caters to how the 'bad actor' is receiving anything. The onus is entirely on the person giving feedback. Even the sentence 'if someone reports something' ends with 'and it se…
Really solid points and then there's space for legitimate concern regarding abusive relationships. Basically, the “Power & Control Wheel”, like instances of sexual harassment/ assault, emotional abuse…
Victim blaming MUST DIE. How could something this corrupt be so deeply ingrained in our society when all it can ever do is case immeasurable harm and ruin our right to live a just life?! We must purge…
What is the consensus on telling someone they have a victim mentality? I feel like that is an instant tell that someone is an abuser. It could be true, but coming from almost anyone but a therapist - …
Fair question - the way I see it, victim blaming = "this is actually your fault" but victim mentality = "the way you are approaching this/life is hurting you/holding you back" ~~~as long as the commen…
The only thing I would really recommend is learning about internal family systems. That kind of work *can* be done on its own but I did the majority of mine with a therapist. The book “No Bad Parts” b…
sure but at what point is repeated “venting” just victimizing yourself/validation seeking? if you really do the work, you wanna live your life and invest your time in things that are interesting or …
Now THIS is the kind of conversation we need to be having. As a fearful avoidant who leans both anxious and dismissive avoidant I have to say I love this sub but I’m getting tired of the victimhood co…
If you believe people shouldn't be victimizing themselves then you should also believe people who cause others pain should step up and be accountable instead of victim blaming.
I think that we are talking about different points in our healing journey. I think we first recognize we’ve been betrayed and victimized, which I’ve gotten really stuck there before, then it moves to …
Oh yes, I mean, why are people on reddit being "victims" and complaining. I just realized I didn't add my comments to someone's comment so it seems out of context lol
Before you post about an avoidant ex, ask yourself: Did you guilt trip them into only sleeping 4 hours a night because you need constant reassurance for hours on end? Did you blow up and verbally a…
My intention is not to victim blame! I am sorry it came across that way. Understanding you were a victim of abuse if powerful, but I believe there are ways I can set myself up as not to attract abuser…
Avoidants aren't victims
Avoidants are victims of their past trauma. They tend to make victims of non avoidant partners in their present life. This is a generalization and every relationship is different.
Your post leaves out the important little phrase "feels like", first of all. Secondly... I was left in the dark many times, in veryyy hurtful and disappointing ways. Not once have I felt or had a tho…
Exactly. OP is the one (yet another man) who hates women bc mommy didn't love him. This whole post is projection deluxe. Yet refuses to actually work on that (when so many of us do this SUPER painf…
Your feelings are valid, AND they are not facts. The above commenter is trying to offer you some wisdom; you can choose not to be reactive and take it personally and look again and ask “what can I lea…
Omg I think you just gave me a key to bring to therapy. Thank you! This resonates with me so much! I for sure victimize myself, but when you added the part about why do it beyond the point of the actu…
It just sounds like a vicious cycle of self victimization
He’s going to leave you. I’m sorry. I can guarantee this. He’s extremely immature, and you are trying to be his mother and his therapist. It will backfire on you spectacularly. He needs professional h…
Now I am sitting with the realization of how much I have victimized myself and made things worse than they really are, like when I take another person's behavior towards me personally when it isn't, i…
It's actually not uncommon for stalkers to follow their targets when they move. It's advised to stay/move near support systems. This all happened to me 20 years ago and I did 13 years of therapy, whic…
"If my communication style is painful for them" Say I feel entitled to treat people like shit and play victim without saying it. I would never throwaway a friendship where the other person said "Hey…
In my experience with DAs it's hard to have empathy for the ones who make themselves victims in every situation; especially those who take everything as a criticism or judgement against themselves.
Of course. What's your native language? That could help me explain it better, but harmony or harmonious means when everyone in a group is getting along - well, when they are not *showing* **visible** …
Just because I have empathy for them doesn't mean I have to allow them to victimize me. I treat them like I would any friend/lover. Secure or insecure I remove unhealthy people from my life. It’s not …
Before I say anything else, I want to say that there's no excuse for abuse, including emotional abuse. Ever. I'm sorry to hear you've experienced that. I also don't think an anxious person should sac…
It’s so absurd! This is a slight tangent but it is such a red flag when these people are “always” getting entangled with narcissists 😂 How is that even possible?! Are they going to Cluster B Mixers?…
>Better yet, many are up front and say they don’t want anything serious/don’t want a relationship. I lost count of how many times others will be like, “Avoidants use that as an excuse to hurt you late…
I'm not suggesting that sub is 100% bad (nothing is all bad or all good). But it's absolutely an echo-chamber that frequently becomes toxic and dehumanizing, conflates every negative behavioral trait …
Everyone on these boards has healing to do, so that's not some "gotcha", my friend. >for some reason you’re very emotionally attached and aggravated by this.This is just a personal rant on some perce…
You claimed that the most toxic things APs do is “have too much empathy,” which amusingly points to one of the primary hurdles APs have to overcome in order to heal. I claim that the most toxic shit …
Seems like a person who got spooked and having escaped unscathed has calmed down, reflected, and realized that perhaps their anxiety was irrational. And that is a good indicator that when times get to…
Therapy isn’t a guarantee bc an avoidant who craves validation will just lie/omit to the therapist and try to charm them into thinking they’re ultimately the victim.
Check his post history lol just two days ago he was lecturing women on how to date.i think he was ranting about a dating show but the mindset is the same victim mentality bullshit. “Dont kick a man wh…
i feel so seen and heard when i talk with people like you who is self aware ❤️ like you dont play the victim, you are not the villain. You reflect and take accountability for your actions and your par…
yeah, we talked about it a lot, and he's now in therapy for it. He didnt realize he had a problem at all until our break up because I kind of raised hell and forced him to reckon with it. He is a good…
that's a good point. I just don't want my brain to embrace the victim complex for too long. But you're right!!!! it's healthy to let out the poison.
Ugh so much this too. He always justified intentions and could never hold or truly understand the impact He could say the words “action matters. Impact is what matters in the end. I am going to show…