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Why Does He Do That?

r/NarcissisticAbuseUpdated 30 days ago
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Citations (51)

Has anyone reached out to their nex’s exes for the truth?

Has anyone reached out to their nex’s exes for the truth? — I’ve been thinking a lot about how my ex framed all of his former partners as mean, crazy, narcissistic, or toxic, and now that I’m out of the relationship, I’m questioning how much of that was ever t…

r/NarcissisticAbusepost3/30/2026
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - March 03, 2026

as a woman I have to be friends with a guy for a while before I'll date him. I'm not dating a complete stranger... that's so insanely irresponsible to me. Lundy Bancroft, the author of the infamous *W…

r/datingoverthirtycomment3/4/2026
I ran into my ex and his new girlfriend. Crashing out.

There's every chance things AREN'T going well and she was outside your apartment trying to get the nerve to talk to you to ask if what he's doing to her, did he do that to you. OP let's pause, take 1…

r/NarcissisticAbusecomment3/10/2026
My husband (36M) told me (33F) that I don’t deserve love until I’m 140lbs again?

You being healthy, happy, and confident is so more important than numbers on a scale. This is not how someone who genuinely loves and respects you would ever speak to you. Please check out the healt…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/12/2026
I (26F) told my boyfriend (26M) I sometimes miss the freedom of being single and he broke up with me on my birthday

“I often feel like I’m walking on eggshells around him. He can be very strict and when he gets angry he sometimes gives silent treatment or holds things over me for a long time.” It probably doesn’t …

r/relationship_advicecomment3/14/2026
The trauma bond is wild

I’m also in the thick of trying to untangle a trauma bond from my nex that’s been built up over years now. I’ve found the book Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths by Shahida Arabi t…

r/NarcissisticAbusecomment3/14/2026
I (26F) told my boyfriend (26M) I sometimes miss the freedom of being single and he broke up with me on my birthday

> I begged him not to give me the silent treatment > I often feel like I’m walking on eggshells around him. He can be very strict and when he gets angry he sometimes gives silent treatment or holds …

r/relationship_advicecomment3/15/2026
When it’s finally over with a narc or NPD person

Npd isnt about maturity. It's their coping mechanism and value system. Its VERY rare to change a person's value system. The book why does he do that? explains why abusive people dont change

r/NarcissisticAbusecomment3/15/2026
What can I do when my (20F) husband (20M) is convinced I cheated on him because I’m pregnant again and refuses to listen to me.

If you abort, he can hold it over your head and forever call you a cheater. He knows you will have zero proof then. If you admit to it to stop the fighting (don'tdo this please), even when the child i…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/16/2026
I (36F) want to eat dinner together every night. Husband (37M) is resisting.

ADHD is not the issue here. He makes obvious plans to stay away from both you and his child. Find out why in therapy. Otherwise, I would just ignore him. It's an AH move on his part to order take-…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/17/2026
Fiancé 26 M shamed me 25F for my kink

No comments on the jealousy/possessiveness? You need the link to Why Does he do that? And to read it. Secure your birth control and delay the marriage at the very least. At best, break up. …

r/relationship_advicecomment3/17/2026
My husband (34M) told his friends about my miscarriage as a “joke” and now says I’m overreacting (32F)

I'm scared you are in an abusive relationship but don't realise. The joke itself is bad. Him doing it while you are away. His reaction. These are things an abuser would do. He doesn't seem to have a…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/19/2026
My husband (34M) told his friends about my miscarriage as a “joke” and now says I’m overreacting (32F)

Once again I am begging women to not be with horrible men and to not make excuses for them being absolute pieces of shit. Please leave 🫶🏻 And look up DARVO and Lundy Bancroft - "Why does he do that?…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/19/2026
My husband (34M) told his friends about my miscarriage as a “joke” and now says I’m overreacting (32F)

hi! here it is: [free pdf of Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That?](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)

r/relationship_advicecomment3/19/2026
My husband (34M) told his friends about my miscarriage as a “joke” and now says I’m overreacting (32F)

Please, please read "Why Does He Do That?" Do it in secret, sit with it awhile, and let it sink in. You absolutely don't have to live this way. You do not deserve to be treated this way. Complete str…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/19/2026
How I learned that a lot of women/girls are scared of men

I read quite a bit of the book *Why Does He Do That?* by Lundy Bancroft recently and it made me realize, "oh. THAT'S why women are afraid of men." It was very eye-opening.

r/CPTSDcomment3/19/2026
How do I (39F) forgive my husband (39M) for making a fake vet appt for our senior dog?

If he’s doing this when you appear to be mentally healthier, it would be worth examining why he wants to keep you in a state that reverses the progress you worked so hard to make, and your therapist w…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/20/2026
I 27f pregnant can barley eat and my partner 31m didnt sleep because I ate McDonald’s

As a trauma therapist with a lot of experience in abuse dynamics, my alarm bells are going off. Controlling men rarely truly change, because real change requires specialized intervention programs, ove…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/24/2026
30F My 30M keeps commenting on what I eat with a magnifying glass. How do I go about telling him how this makes me feel?

I don’t understand why you would marry someone who bullies you, so I assume this is new behavior. Leave him. He thinks he has you locked down because you’re married. Keep your finances safe and sepa…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/26/2026
I think I’m a female narcissist and it’s ruining my relationship

Therapy is your best option, you can also read books like "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft. Staying in the present is hard after you've survive…

r/DecidingToBeBettercomment3/26/2026
30F My 30M keeps commenting on what I eat with a magnifying glass. How do I go about telling him how this makes me feel?

You would benefit from this free copy of Lundy Bancrofts [“Why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men”](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/26/2026
My boyfriend (39M) threw his bag at my (33F) face, refused to apologize "because he thought I would block it", then stormed out to leave after I said I just wanted to be alone

let him go, angel. he’s abusive. you break up with him by text after he clears out all his stuff. never ever go back to abusers. [free pdf of Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That?](https://dn790007.ca…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/28/2026
Husband had an affair… is reconciliation even realistic?

I would put a significant amount of time up to see if he truly is committed to changing if reconciliation is even on the table. There are a ton of barriers to success here. Master manipulators like …

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/30/2026
Close friendship ending because I ( F26) became their (M 27) emotional punching bag

No. This is an abusive relationship. He is emotionally and verbally abusing you. You have given him chance after chance to change. He *knows* it hurts you. He *knows* it's wrong. He's *choosing*…

r/relationshipscomment3/30/2026
r/relationship_advicecomment3/31/2026
Stop trying to one up physical abuse victims

In the book “Why does he do that?” The researcher acknowledges that the majority of women who have been physically abused said that the emotional abuse was worse than the physical abuse. All women who…

r/CPTSDcomment3/31/2026
My (23F) husband (26M) gets offended over EVERYTHING and I don't know how to handle it anymore?

Another good book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. That book has saved me SO MUCH TIME. It’s a must have. Good luck, OP.

r/relationship_advicecomment4/2/2026
My partner (23M) makes it extremely difficult for me (24F) to sleep

I think what he is doing is abusive and controlling. I'd recommend you read *Why Does He Do That?* by Lundy Bancroft.  Sleep disruption is often a coercive control tool by abusers. He literally gets…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/2/2026
My [F 33] boyfriend [M 42] is jealous of my brother [M 29], how do I address this insecurity in my bf?

Sadly, u/aurum_argentium17 is 100% correct. Therapy isn't going to work bc this is manipulative abuse/coercive control used by someone who is behaviorally narcissistic in his relationship style (I'm …

r/relationship_advicecomment4/2/2026
My 23M bf gets a panic attack every time i ask him to pick up after himself 22F am i the problem?

You are not the problem. He is being manipulative. Trying to medicalize his urge to exploit you for free labor. If he is really so mentally ill that he can not tolerate typical daily-life conversatio…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/2/2026
Husband (45M) Jealous of Stepchild (16F)

Who has the link for a free copy of "Why does he do that?" Great insight. Easy and knowledgeable read

r/relationship_advicecomment4/3/2026
Told my husband (37M) my life (34F) would be easier without him following a disagreement about household chores.

Please read 'Why Does He Do That?' by Lundy Bancroft. It breaks down abuse tactics like these and makes everything so crystal clear. Getting out of the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) and seeing clearly…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/3/2026
Is this a valid reason to cheat?

Everyone's already said it, but he's just a jerk. What happened in your life to make you think being treated this way is what you deserve, that it's acceptable behavior? If your mom was being treated …

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/3/2026
My(20F) boyfriend(19M) says our sex is bad and has made me insecure beyond repair

I’m a trauma therapist with extensive training in abuse dynamics, and I’m going to be very direct: this is abuse. What you’re describing is sexual degradation and coercive control. He is targeting one…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/5/2026
r/relationship_advicecomment4/5/2026
Boyfriend (m30) and I (f29) had a really bad fight and he told me he hates me

Read Lundy Bancroft: why does he do that? I’ve been trying to find a link, but for some reason can’t. If you live with him, do what you need to to stay safe (though your actions will likely have no …

r/relationship_advicecomment4/5/2026
My [27F] boyfriend [29M] goes through my phone regularly and says he trusts me but not "other people's intentions" -- how do I bring this up without it turning into me defending myself?

here it is, Op. you need to cut him loose, permanently. [free pdf of Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That?](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)

r/relationship_advicecomment4/5/2026
M41, F33 spent and returned money from a joint account, any advice ?

Money in the Joint Account is as much yours as it is his. I strongly suggest you read up on financial abuse and read Why Does He Do That? any Lundy Bancroft and see what resonates with you. This is n…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/5/2026
My (42F) husband (41M) grew a mustache that triggers my childhood trauma. He says I should get over it so he can do what he wants with his face. Am I being unfair in asking him to remove it?

Psychological abuse is still abuse. Abuse isn't always physical. [Please peruse: Why Does He Do That?](https://share.google/gA1UbtYVnA0RvQCkD), and make decisions that keep you healthy and safe. Lo…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/5/2026
I (49F)finally asked me spouse (50M) for a separation (after 20 years)and I am reeling a bit

He's a bad guy. Recommend reading Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, available as a free pdf download. It's the definitive work on abusive men, changed my life. https://freebooksmania.com/2021/…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/5/2026
My (42F) husband (41M) grew a mustache that triggers my childhood trauma. He says I should get over it so he can do what he wants with his face. Am I being unfair in asking him to remove it?

JFC does he like you? Tell him he can start touching you again when he shaves 🤷‍♀️ Here's some resources Is your relationship healthy? https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-heal…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/5/2026
29F 32M Fiancé and I got into life altering fight

You need to read “Why Does He Do That?” By Lundy Bancroft, it’s available as a free pdf. This dude has you all turned around and will never help you better yourself. He likes you feeling off kilter an…

r/relationshipscomment4/5/2026
Is this my breaking point or am I being dramatic?

you're not overreacting and not being dramatic. you're smart to second guess before starting a family with this person. Also, read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. he explains that that type …

r/Divorcecomment4/6/2026
Partner picks fights when we go out saying I look at other men - 46F and 43M

Let me metaphorically hold your hands and take a deep breath together. My Girl, he is only going to get worse as he ages, you do not deserve to have someone accuse you of cheating every time a man …

r/relationship_advicecomment4/6/2026
Partner picks fights when we go out saying I look at other men - 46F and 43M

breaking up repeatedly is a really bad sign that you’re not making any progress on communicating. lowering your head to avoid conflict? you are in an abusive relationship. read this: [free pdf of Lund…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/6/2026
My (25F) boyfriend (30M) invited his parents to my masters graduation and then called me entitled and selfish after I said that it made me feel sad to hear that they felt awkward at the invite.

yeah, do this! ⬆️ he’s a real piece of work, he’s *doing so got dam much for you*. don’t let him and his *awkward* parents bring down your whole ceremony and ruin the after dinner, too. spend it with …

r/relationship_advicecomment4/6/2026
My nightly vent session 26/F & 30/M

Recommend reading Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, available as a free pdf download. It's the definitive work on abusive men, changed my life. https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/7/2026
Boyfriend (M/25) told me(F/25) to “fix my life first” when I asked for reassurance, what does he mean?

I think it’s time to call it! you’re repeating a pattern now where he promises more, but delivers less and less. 5 years is enough of this. [free pdf of Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That?](https://…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/7/2026
Sidelined by my (F34) fiancé’s (M38) groomswoman (F37)

That post has really been making the rounds lately. I feel like it should be a pinned post along with the *Why Does He Do That?* book

r/relationship_advicecomment4/7/2026
Do I(21F) not have the right to break up with my bf(21M)?

STOP TALKING TO HIM! you need to get away from this abuser and break up from a safe distance. no person needs permission to break up a relationship. it’s not working. you’re tired and fed up with the …

r/relationship_advicecomment4/8/2026
[48F] Planning a secret exit from my highly volatile partner [56M] of 10 years. Seeking advice on safely executing a remote breakup under the guise of a work trip.

OP, I hope you have already seen it, but do read “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft. Available as a free PDF easily Google-able so you can read it on your phone. It’s life-changing. It will help…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/8/2026