in love

4 Years of despair. — I known this girl 4 years, from day one it was sunshine, sparks, and rainbows. The first thing that made us drift apart was trust, we both had a past, more so me than her, and i just got out of a re…

Freelance in SEO or full-time remote job: Am I making a mistake by still applying? — Hey everyone, I’m at a bit of a crossroads and could really use your advice—even if it goes against what I’m currently thinking. Since I was 18 (I’m 20 now), I’ve been building websites just for fun…

Freelance in SEO or full-time remote job: Am I making a mistake by still applying? — Hey everyone, I’m at a bit of a crossroads and could really use your advice—even if it goes against what I’m currently thinking. Since I was 18 (I’m 20 now), I’ve been building websites just for fun…

Shopify Bill Pay - international vendor payments cannot be funded by Shopify Balance anymore — Im not in love with Bill Pay as its so sloppy and support is lazy. Plus they lock down accounts left and right and don't tell anyone. Once the new balance account numbers went out I saw that they were…

Aspiring Dance Studio Owner - First Steps? — ~ TL;DR: Aspiring dance studio owner (currently in school). Active in the dance community and planning ahead. Looking for first-step advice, financial tips, and mindset guidance from other small busi…

The song Wicked Game by Chris Isaak sounds like an AP singing about falling in love with a DA — A few weeks back I wrote about "I love You, I'm sorry" by Gracie Abrams sounding like the pov of a DA. Well, I was listening to Wicked Game by Chris Isaak today and it occurred to me that the lyrics …

I’ve failed at startups, lived on the road, and I still believe I’m successful — I was 19 when I started my first startup. I led a team of 15 people, wanted to change the world. And I failed. At 21, back in 2016, I left home without any money, hoping that traveling would help me …

What are the signs to spot a DA or FA in early talking stage? — Hi, I am myself something of a FA leaning towards secure (I was anxious but became the secure one in my previous relationship with a DA after some years). My previous relationship was pretty bad beca…

Anyone Else Feel Relationships just Aren't for them? — Hello all, I'm basically pretty severely A.P. , & so far I've been unable to get close to anyone (romantically) in my life without just exploding with terror that I'll be abandoned (or feeling a stro…

Would this mistake keep me from manifesting — I am on a task towards manifesting my sp. I am successfully able to go in the alpha state by sh. But during my scene I have a am able to focus on a part of actions like holding hand with it being ver…

If I could just stop deactivating!! (FA) — Follow up from some of my previous posts. I’m deactivating again. I think? Or maybe lost feelings for my partner and I’m just lying to myself and not wanting to let go. The thought of that makes me cr…

This is what happens when your FA ex comes back — This is my personal experience for those who are curious. Of course everyone will be different but I thought it might help those who are waiting or wishing (APs I'm talking mostly to you) Firstly the…

Question to anxious/avoidant couples — I’m a dismissive avoidant in recovery I’ve been working on myself since October’23 I read a lot of self help books, went to therapy, watched youtube videos on attachment, listened to On Attachment,…

Help me to recognise my attachment style please! — I (26F) am struggling with this a lot, since my patterns of romantic behavior don’t seem to fit neatly into any of the four categories (AA, FA, DA, SA). On the one hand, I clearly crave intimacy and…

Detachment or deactivation? — Me (23M) and my ex (22F) broke up one month ago because she was feeling overwhelmed by some arguments we had due to changes in our lives (new place to live, new work). She's FA. I was secure for almos…

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

Unsent letter to a prior ex, in the midst of a current breakup. — I am in a crash course on my own nervous system while in the midst of a breakup with a dismissive avoidant man I've loved for almost five years. I'd known about the anxious-avoidant trap for some time…

FA breakup & prolonged limbo - does avoidance calcify over time or can it still reverse? — I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve been through something similar, FAs, or anyone who has opinions on this. I was in a 2 year relationship with someone I later realized is fearful avoidant (I didn…

I'm starting to disconnect with my first real love — My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 months now and have known each other for a little over 6. When we got together I felt the feeling of really being in love for the first time …

If my nervous system is used to interpreting intensity as chemistry, then...am I just supposed to settle for love where I don't feel any "fuzzy" feelings? Like is love supposed to be boring? Then how do I even know the difference if a relationship is boring but good vs. boring but bad?? — Like I really don't want to be stuck in an anxious-avoidant loop again, and I get that secure love seems more boring to someone with an anxious attachment, but then...like...are all romantic feelings …

"Love bombing" and anxious attachment — At tonight's Anxious Attachment Healing Group meeting, we read the following reading: **1. “Love bombing” and anxious attachment**  “Love bombing” is a pattern of excessive, intense affection and at…

feeling numb in dating but longing for intimacy — For the past few years, I've been mostly numb in dating. I don’t really feel anything romantic. I don’t feel sparks. I don’t feel excited about anyone or attached. I don’t miss people when I’m not wit…

Feeling conflicted, I don't know if I don't love him and I am settling or if I love him and the "cons" are avoidant deactivation? — I 33F have ve been dating this guy 32M for 8 months. He's chased me for years and eventually recently I started to feel attraction back, he figured it out and kissed me. For some months I didn't feel…

My Experience Being an Avoidant Woman — I 27(f) am a lesbian who has a fearful avoidant attachment style. I have almost no control over my attraction; I can be really into/attracted to and excited about someone but then something happens/th…

Tired of my own inability to connect — I try my best, but even my best really isn’t that much connection. Sometimes I wonder if my childhood and young adult experiences permanently destroyed my ability make attachments at all, let alone h…

I'm not sure about my attachment style but I want to discover it right now 'cause I want to start healing!!!!!! — Sorry for the long text, I want to be thorough. So, I just ended my first ever relationship. I'm 20, I'm a lesbian from a conservative background and had a lot of internalized homophobia and religiou…

Is this an emotional affair? — I (36F, single), have a good guy friend (40M) who has been dating a new woman for 2 ish months now. Full disclosure I don’t like her very much and I think they’re moving super fast (already saying I …

Women keep telling me I need to date younger and now my daughter has too. — I (39m) look young for my age and have been dating for the last 4 years. I have mostly dated women in their 30s and about half of them have told me to date someone younger after things didn’t work bet…

Is there a way to manifest myself to STOP being attracted to someone? — I’m curious if anyone here has used manifestation or LOA techniques to intentionally lose attraction or romantic interest in someone. There’s a guy in one of my classes that I find really attractive.…

Life's expectancy for life & love — Unfortunately, I think for the rest of my time on this planet, I will carry a quiet fear. Even in the midst of real, full-blown love, I may never truly trust that one day I won’t be lied to, cheated o…

My boyfriend and I had an argument over his marriage demands, and now he claims he means none of it... — Tl:dr: My boyfriend of two years has a list of requirements from me after we get married, and after our argument over it, which lead us to break up-- he said he didn't mean any of it and wants to go …

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

i dont know what to do (relationship) — Im 22 and my dating history is very sparse because i always suffered with rather low self esteem and mental issues. Over the past years ive been opening up and evolving personally, also trying out the…

I’m the problem. — My husband is perfect; amazing Dad who does half if not more than half of the school runs. He cooks every night, he brings me a cup of tea in bed every morning. He is supportive of my job (I’m C Suite…

Ex of 6 years dumped me and after two months he is already seeing someone new. I'm so hurt. — I had my closure earlier and he told me he was seeing someone new, I'm still in love with him.Thr thought of him being intimate with this new person is nerve wracking but I know I can't do anything ab…

I made the worst mistake ever — Me (47f) and my partner (45m) met in April 2024, started seeing each other in August 2024 & moved to a serious status in March 2025. I had moved in as a roommate but now we share a room as partners. …

Getting married soon help me pls — We met in high school and I have spent my entire adult life loving her. I’ve (30m) moved across the country for her (28f) career 4 times, leaving all my friends and family behind. I’ve worked 60-70 ho…

I am amazed that anyone would ever get married again after divorce - help me understand! — I am in the process of legally separating (which in California is essentially the same as a divorce) from a man who I was with from the age of 20-31. We have a toddler and I separated from him while p…

I (28F) care deeply about my fiancé (28M) but feel like the romantic connection has faded after years of imbalance. How do you know when it’s truly over? — From a burner account. I’m looking for some perspective because I feel like I’m at the end of a long internal process and I don’t know if I’m being unfair or if this is just the reality of where my re…

Do not break No contact — Don’t judge me. When you are in love you do stupid things. After long no contact. I did send a text if they like to meet up over the weekend. Why did I do that?! I saw them, they are active in socia…

Broke up with me because his father didnt want him to be distracted from his career. Why cant I forget him? — As the title mentions. I (DOB 30.12.1993, first chart) was best friends with this boy (DOB 13.10.1994, second chart) from 2013 and we started dating in 2014 beginning. The relationship was a very good…

Did anyone else leave a good partner because you just werent in love anymore —  Ive been with my wife for almost a decade and shes genuinely a good person. She loves me deeply, supports me, and has never done anything wrong. But I dont feel the same way anymore and havent for a …

Manifested a $32K scholarship with accidental SATS!!! — Hi all :) I have a pretty amazing success story that I’d love to share, and I hope it may motivate some of you in your manifestation journeys 😊 Basically, I accidentally manifested a $32,000 scholar…

Why I am so unlucky in love and always alone?

Idealization vs Devaluation: how it looked like for me — Tldr: Just read the Idealization and devaluation parts.  ## Idealization * You're a king! * You sexy tiger, handsome god of a man * You're the best!  * Gives gifts early on in the relationship * On…

Wife Wants Divorce so She Can Be With Affair Partner — Wife insists we divorce after I caught her having an emotional affair with her coworker. Of course she has all sorts of lies and manufactured reasons why we need to divorce and insists it has nothing …

Husband suddenly wants to end our marriage and says it’s because of sex. We have a toddler. I also discovered he’s been dishonest about where he’s been. Looking for perspective. — I’m 39F and my husband (34M) and I have been married a little over 3 years. We have a toddler (2). Recently, completely out of nowhere, he told me he thinks we’re “not compatible” and started talking…

House of Danube/Deneb & The Tuatha Dé Danaan — I have just had an unexpected and seasonally apropos experience with St. Patrick's day right around the corner. Meditating in a hypnopompic state yesterday morning I heard a man's voice speaking to m…

I’m new to the practice and I feel overwhelmed and need guidance — I picked up the “discipline is destiny” book recently and fell in love with the practice. However I feel extremely overwhelmed with the amount of information there is on the internet and in bookstores…

Why did I always have such a hard time making and building solid connections with people? — Ever since I was school-aged, I've known myself to have issues with connecting to people. I could get along decently, but never really had a "best friend". So no one paid attention to me or wanted to …

I wish I left after the first affair — I feel so stupid for trying to reconcile after I caught the first affair. I was too much of a coward. I was too afraid to be alone. I was still in love. The hurt, the pain, the betrayal, everything wa…

I had a really concerning dream just now and fear of my boyfriend didn't wake me up something bad was going to happen to me.. It started off in a house I've never seen before the kitchen was upstairs…

It’s hard moving on when you’re still so in love w/ them. I can’t get him out of my head. Idk how to move on and thinking about it hurts more bc I never wanted it to end to begin with. I lost my soul …

Those who don’t add value to your life the way you add value to theirs will always be leeches feeding off your energy and your love. Mourn them cause they’re figuratively dead to you and remember that…

This is so hard to do for me. It’s only been a week or so now but I would end my life if not for my 3 little kids. I can’t believe the woman I’m still in love with thinks so poorly of me she wanted to…

I got the "I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you." Makes me wonder did he ever? Were the last 33 years all a lie??? Not sure I want to know really...

So I just wrote a comment today on another post that might help too: You’re being too hard on yourself. Your divorce is completely fresh and you need to give yourself grace and allow yourself to feel…

This is the hardest thing... the hardest thing I felt I have ever done.. because I actually fell in love.

You put yourself in the mindset to take inspired action and you achieved your goals. Sounds like manifestation to me. This sub encourages action.  As for SP...I might get banned for saying this b…

Love the question!! You don’t need a relationship to grow, that’s the beauty of it (you can but it will be slower, depending on what kind of partner you end up with) You could try to explore being mo…

This is where "and" is super effective. You can feel both opposing emotions! "I miss the person I fell in love with ANDi know that person no longer exists!" I miss the things we used to do AND I kn…

Everything. They are some of the most sensitive people on the planet. I heard a psychologist say that when you feel numb it's not actually a lack of feeling, it's too many feelings at once that you ca…

I think the statement "it doesn't take much" is both true and a simplification. The truth is, there's probably a greater part of them that still wants to see you than a part that pushes you away. They…

Mmmm... I think it sounds more like a DA falling in love in general. What you describe as being APs "neediness" of a romantic relationship I see as the first stages of a relationship for a DA aka DAs …

> Also DAs fear closeness and vulnerability so it makes more sense that they don't wanna fall in love. 😉 This is a very good point as well!!

>Also DAs fear closeness and vulnerability so it makes more sense that they don't wanna fall in love. 😉 I think a lot of DAs DO want to fall in love, like anyone. That's why they can be intense at f…

I agree, sounds very DA to me. Not FA either cause they would actually love the falling in love part. I have always seen falling in love as a weakness and it is scary when you lose control.

Avoidants avoid falling in love in the first place, a sure sign.

Well said, good description. Well my ex fell in love with the first new housemate he had after me (lol). He said he’d never go on apps. But he’s good at seducing and controlling and getting what he wa…

This is a very interesting experiment 😅😅 Please don’t discourage OP. I’m def following him to see how things pan out. I personally think he should eventually talk about therapy with his gf. I also…

Thanks for your answer. I am somwhat between anxious preoccupied and Fearful Avoidant. For example I know I feel insecure when some friends I cherish wont answer at my text for long time, I will feel …

Mostly because the information isn't necessarily what the person needs or may even be harmful or untrue. From all accounts people say it "tells them exactly what they need" and doesn't challenge them,…

Anxious woman here and there was one Secure guy whom I was extremely drawn to and was interested in dating but he didn't noticed me because he was in love with an Avoidant woman. Even during that time…

This picture was taken in Marseille, where my ex and I had our first (unforgettable) date a couple of months ago. We were walking around the city at night, so in love. It felt like we were perfect for…

Sadly, it doesn't always work like this!!! I experienced exactly this with my first DA ex. Learnt about attachment theory. Realized he was a DA. And thought just as you have written: ok, so I'll try t…

People who are securely attached are often more than their attachment style because their behavior isn’t constantly filtered through anxiety or emotional defense mechanisms. They’re not performing saf…

I think dating is for you and self sabotage is common. I think a key, a lot of the time is, is to go into most situations with no attachment to outcome. Find people you like, date and just see how …

I’d advise being in active therapy while working through this. I went to CBT for ROCD and my fearful avoidant tendencies while dating a good friend of mine and the progress I made was life changing. I…

The feeling of attraction by the way disappears with fear, and we are all afraid of good relationships. Thats why, since in the past Ive almost always been in avoidant mode, I dont trust my feelings o…

Im currently stuck on a guy who is doing this to me… it’s why I say please let her go. It’s been 8 months of this torture but I’m still in love with him lmao.

Pushing away is not a love, people don't leave you or cheat on you if they are so much in love with you. When people love they can't keep their hands off from another, and this applies to all relation…

I agree. Edit: but at the same time - I fell in love with him, despite him needing the work. He’s an amazing guy…just has things to work on.

Thank you for sharing this. I'm happy you're learning and improving.  I messed up and have too much space. Because he was used to me being the one to reach out and instigate and start the conversation…

The fact that she brought it up so early, to me, is a green flag. Those who have been repeatedly hurt by FAs would say it’s a green flag in a sea of red, but IMO to be able to openly have discussions …

I don't exactly have advice, but this is very similar to what I experienced with a former colleague that I dated for a bit and developed limerence for. I'm still conflicted about whether I actually "f…

I am sorry op. I did have smth similar, once with my colleague who was my work best friend, and we hung out outside a lot. But when he told me he is in love with me I told him no, I was really upset t…

Help me to recognise my attachment style please! I (26F) am struggling with this a lot, since my patterns of romantic behavior don’t seem to fit neatly into any of the four categories (AA, FA, DA, SA…

Thank you for your note, I really appreciated it. Yeah, it was something about her in particular as a FA that completely cracked me - unlike my other relationships, I actually fell in love with her an…

That makes sense. What is confusing for me is how FAs know the difference between something like core value differences and if it’s FA tendencies creating reasons why there isn’t a connection. The …

I'm sorry to hear that. I saw your post about it, that sounds rough. I was going through it in a big way when I wrote this comment. I'm back to some level of stable, if heartbroken lol. I did reach …

I am in the middle of a pretty un-fun cycle that is causing a ton of friction/pain/overwhelm in my current relationship, despite knowing for sure that we both love each other with such a great depth. …

Hi everyone, I’ve been practicing LOA since January and I’ve already seen amazing results. For example, I manifested a *free trip to Belgium for a conference*, I’ve received many free things, and eve…

On nice, didn't know it was a podcast! I'm actually reading her "Secure Love" book right now, was highly recommended to read after Attached. What lesson (s) have you learned from your breakup? For m…

I can relate to you, I think people don't talk often enough about how dark and suffering it feels to be at the other end of the spectrum. People tend to only discuss the aftermath of how you should pi…

I think from chatting to avoidant or secure people replace Limerance with daydreaming about themselves, their own career or hobby goals, in the time we spend daydreaming about another person. So you c…

I would say read the index and start practising, but I won’t. Because you should not be manifesting this SP. He sucks, he’s toxic and you’re not even in love with him, you just are addicted to this we…

I need to vent and word-vomit my story, in this community, as I just found it and it might really help me. Can someone tell me what they think? My avoidant attachment gf broke up with me (anxious att…

Already started therapy a couple weeks after breakup.  As far as engagement I thought that's what she may have wanted...I think she did in the moment, but it triggered something in her.  I was there f…

How do I survive getting broken up with when I’m so much in love? Hi! My bf (25M) just sort of ended things with me (22F). For back ground we have lived together for about a year and a half but have…

I'm a 51-year-old man, divorced twice, with autism and severe anxiety. I've been completely socially isolated with no friends. I met a woman online 6 weeks ago and we've had 1.5 in-person dates. I'm f…

I’ve been dating my guy for 5 months. He has been extraordinary. Patient, kind, loving, basically says all the things my soul has been dying to hear. He reached out to me, and by date number 2 said he…