book
styles
Evidence
Citations (101)
It sounds very likely that you have a preoccupied (aka anxious) attachment. You can certainly take an online quiz, read "Attached" and maybe even watch some Youtube videos, or even take an online…
Victim Blaming will not be tolerated — Hey all, Codependency can lead to a ton of behaviors and relationship styles that are less than healthy, but as we all strive to better ourselves and shed these old habits that no longer serve us, it…
Post-quality time cool down? Is this a pattern for DAs? — My (FA) therapist and I (lol) may have noticed a pattern with my partner (DA); after an increased amount of quality time together (compared to our usual 1+ times per week), or increased amount of mess…
Other attachment styles — I know the normal 4: Secure, Anxious/preoccupied fearful avoidant, dismissive avoidant, plus disorganized, which is just sort of an "all of the above" In doing parts work, I've been trying to figure…
Why do most tech billionaires avoid flashy lifestyles—are there any who embrace extravagance? I will not promote — I’ve always noticed the contrast between how different the tech entrepreneurs are compared to the others who are in finance, fashion, entertainment, or property. It is almost the expectation in the ot…
WooCommerce CSS Best Practices with Block Editor — I need advise/help with best practices when implementing CSS for WooCommerce using the block editor. WooCommerce warns against writing CSS based off the block name classes but the current default Gut…
TransferForge – Convert Oxygen Classic to Oxygen 6 Without Rebuilding — Hey builders, We've been working on a tool called **TransferForge** to solve one of the biggest headaches in our community: migrating from **Oxygen Classic (4.x)** to **Oxygen 6**. As you know, O6 …
Is this normal? CSS — I was taught there are three main styling approaches: CSS Modules, CSS-in-JS, and utility frameworks like Tailwind. I also learned that it's important to write clean, organized styles with good class …
"Locked" Inspector Stylesheet — So, I recently was modifying and testing something in CSS via inspector-stylesheet and all of a sudden it got... Locked?? I don't know how else to explain it. I can create a new inspector-stylesheet …
Critical CSS Generator Tool — I searched online for tools to extract the critical css of a website for one of my clients, I couldn't find one that did the job, I managed to get the result I needed after using Puppeteer locally and…
A great copywriter is worth their weight in gold — I've been building brands for 15 years. If you just got your first $20k-$100k budget to build your brand/web/app, let me humbly offer you a tip: # In 2025, the #1 thing that will affect how 'pro' you…
Are there any free themes or plugins that facilitate creating layouts and styles for custom post types? — I am trying to build a website that is very simple in terms of content and styling. The only catch is that it has a custom post type. I created the custom post type and fields using the free version o…
tailwindcss-github-markdown – GitHub Markdown styling for TailwindCSS — I was frustrated with the default styles of tailwindcss/typography, so I created a plugin that ports GitHub's beautiful Markdown styling to Tailwind CSS. The plugin (\`tailwindcss-github-markdown\`)…
Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…
Hello from your new mod — Hello from your new mod! 🤓 I’m someone who’s been on my healing journey for a long time, and I’ve had gotten so much out of communities on Reddit in my own process. The intention is to keep this s…
Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…
We should keep in mind that its a spectrum.. — I realized something in my relationship and it is not much shared in this way so maybe it helps someone else I am anxious and my fiancee is avoidant. He is very introverted and trying to deal with hi…
Friendships — Hey, super random, but a while back, my friend and I had this conversation. I was just sort of thinking about romantic relationships as friendships. It occurred to me that I was no anxious when it cam…
Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…
Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…
Working on becoming secure has made me more susceptible to toxic relationships — I think. Here's the thing, I'm fearful avoidant, and before I was aware of attachment styles at all the moment a person I was interested in made me feel at all rejected in the slightest (took too lo…
READ THIS if you want to POST here — This is a new thread with the SAME GUIDELINES as the previous post which is now archived. THIS THREAD IS ONLY FOR APPROVAL TO POST. You don’t have to be an approved user to comment or lurk. ONLY som…
Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…
Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…
I have anxious attachment but I don't know how to break this loop of getting attached to people with insecure attachment styles? — My therapist keeps saying that childhood events made me like that but I also keep saying that when I can't even remember that, what can I do to unwire my brain? It has been more than 2 years now but I…
First Time Serious Connection With an Avoidant — I was in a relationship with an avoidant for around 3 months and everything was going well and we weren't moving too fast in my opinion. We had gone on dates and met each other's families. They had be…
Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…
Updated Rules — Hello, your mod here. The rules for this sub have been updated slightly, check them out at your earliest convenience. Basically: 1. Please remember this is not a space to make blanket statements…
Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…
Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…
For those hurting, advice for your 2026 and my story — Hello everyone, **Preface** I am an anxious attacher, so my experience by-and-large is with dismissive avoidants and fearful avoidants. It is not my intent to villainize these attachment styles; thi…
Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…
Is casual sex compatible with secure attachment? — I feel like I have a solid grasp of attachment theory after reading a fair amount of the literature over the years, but there’s a philosophical question I can’t quite resolve. Can someone who is secu…
FA breakup & prolonged limbo - does avoidance calcify over time or can it still reverse? — I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve been through something similar, FAs, or anyone who has opinions on this. I was in a 2 year relationship with someone I later realized is fearful avoidant (I didn…
The pain of being unmet... — I'm never sure whether to consider myself anxiously attached, or mostly secure, because I generally do fine if I feel really loved in my relationship. But where I fall apart easily is when I don't. I …
Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…
Asking for input from those who are avoidant — (Forgot to add user flair.) Last paragraph has the question. But for context, I have someone in my life who has acknowledged they are avoidant. When I started looking into attachment styles I found t…
A letter to my FA Ex — I don’t even know why I’m writing anymore. I don’t know why I still pour my feelings onto paper when the person they’re meant for has emotionally switched off. Maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe it’s jus…
Dismissive - Anxious dynamic catch 22, how could we make it work? — I'm having issues with a relationship that's really important to me. It's someone who I dated last year for 6 months. We have very intense and wonderful attraction and connection in a way that is rare…
aromantic, avoidant, or both? — recently i discovered i'm definitely on the asexual spectrum and this lead me to also wonder about whether i was aromantic or not. looking into my romantic feelings (or lack thereof), i found out abo…
Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…
Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…
Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…
Feeling alone because my partner lives in his own Fantasy World — Recently I discovered I am a Codependent. I've been with my boyfriend for about six years, and he has this habit of always engaging and interacting by talking a lot about marvel or superpower fantas…
Endogenous DMT activation in sleep? Spontaneous breakthrough-like state with fractals, death sensation, head pops, high-pitched noise — [](/r/DMT/?f=flair_name%3A%22Experience%22)So this is going to sound stupidly insane but… I need to put it somewhere for someone who might understand. Background: had a 6g mushroom trip a while back.…
The absolute dearth of any kind of help for victims of polyamory under duress — Nobody understands. There is literally nobody to turn to. Since the APA mandated that polyamorous relationships be accepted this has become a topic I cannot bring up anywhere. Nobody wants to talk ab…
Avoidant advice needed. I '28f' am worried my partner '29f' is distancing away — To start, we have lived together for 5-6 years and I believe my partner has an avoidant attachment style whilst I am anxious, although I have learnt and am learning to regulate it. Currently my partn…
How to deal with an avoidant person — As I've read it's really normal that me and her would have an intense connection deep talks future talks like all good she's deflective me being sweet but she joins in just light jabs but she has alwa…
Does the intellectual chemistry ever get better? — 45f, I’ve been dating a wonderful guy ( 45 m) for about 7 months now. We are in a committed relationship, and for the most part, things have been great. We have common interests, similar lifestyles an…
Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…
Need advice on fixing looks — https://preview.redd.it/h6tne57xs6qg1.jpg?width=2304&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=45c599cd550ebaa5754b5d591c9bf6555f4542de Lost 20 lbs, need to lose 60 more. Anything else besides weight, glasses, and ha…
Hey there! It’s great that you’re so self aware. I would say (since you asked for advice!) is that you could work on your anxious type behaviours, otherwise they tend to just push us avoidants away ev…
>I have had conversations with my partner over time about attachment styles, and they eventually determined that the descriptions of Avoidant Attachment sounds awfully familiar to them. They have star…
I’ve experienced all of the attachment styles in one way or another. What has been working for me is finding security in my friendships first. I’ve become so severely avoidant that im not pursuing a r…
I think it really depends on the partner and how willing they are to communicate. In my last relationship I was avoidant leaning secure and my partner was preoccupied. There were certain things I thou…
Sometimes avoidants are with secures. It's not a hard and fast rule that secures only are interested in secures. There are varying degrees of all these attachment styles
Yes I agree it’s an important topic. My issue with how you’re addressing it is that you’re creating some sort of behavior hierarchy that simply doesn’t exist. I’m not AP, for the record. I am in the…
This is the one. I'd also add that attachment doesn't just stop at partners — it's also at play at work, friendships, family relationships/siblings, and even children. It's really fucking hard to be …
Thanks for your opinion on my 10% figure. Besides that, I did not say partners should be at my convenience. I said other aspects of life can throw a relationship’s typical patterns out of balance. Ha…
I do understand and I can agree it’s not a behavior that can cultivate a long standing relationship with someone who is secure or anxious. But the same can be said about other attachments aswell (no…
Hey I understand what you are saying. I’m with you. It’s a battle of who is more damaged. I look at it this way. No matter what the DA or AA has done, both attachment styles are insecure. Digging to f…
All this to say, anxious, avoidant, something in between. Neither style will be a great partner. They will be selfish to ease their insecurities cause they don’t have proper coping skills. Villainizi…
Yes this is my default mode. I need calm after engagement. Relaxation after stimulation. To unwind / recharge. The best thing an AP person can do is realise that other attachment styles don't need to…
You might want to look into relationship attachment styles, love bombing, and whether you're mistaking the slow burn as boring because it's stable and consistent. The excitement ppl often feel is actu…
I’m actually more of a football fan than a Taylor fan. I wondered if the difference is he’s just “a guy” personality wise- albeit a hugely successful pro football player- and not like another Harry St…
Attachment styles are not the sole factors for attraction we create. But cutting off people we have known for a long time - especially family members, to which we are bound to biologically - is a sig…
You can have different attachment styles with different people. I an slightly Dismissive Avoidant with my Ex and Father who both may have quiet BPD. With everyone else I am Secure. IMO we all have al…
There are many factors to consider with regards to attachment styles, especially towards different people / situations a specific style might be more prominant. There is also a spectrum - mild, modera…
You are welcome, you do sound healthy. I cover mostly attachment wounds / relational trauma in my IG series if you want to read more about that. I think an attachment therapist might help if you ar…
It’s good that you’re reflecting on past relationships - that’s what transforms them from painful failures into learning experiences. 1) In confronting your deep sense of unworthiness (which I totall…
Welcome. There's the other two which are: DA - Dismissive Avoidant (Avoidant attachment style) AP - Anxious Preoccupied (Anxious attachment style) Sometimes when researching attachment theory,…
As a female FA, I have felt when dating that many men expected me to lead the emotional parts of the relationship which is difficult for FAs. I worked through the shame I felt about that in therapy. T…
I dont know if necessarily this would have to do with attachment styles. It may moreso be because your therapist's role is to be that safe haven for healing, in places you are hurting more you will wa…
I think this is running the course of over pathologizing. Attachment styles are not personality types. They are trauma responses that are triggered by relationships of many kinds. Not wanting a relati…
Let’s not turn attachment theory which is scientific in nature into some zodiac nonsense. If the non traditional attachment styles you speck of aren’t backed by peer reviewed theories it’s nonsense. …
Thank you. This research at least is not wedded to what is seems to me to be a very over simplified model. I've just read the abstract and will chew through the rest of it. Then look at what else …
My lil cousin(20F) was having relationship issues- she is an avoidant and he is an anxious. I pointed this pattern out and she said, "My therapist said the same, does having this attachment mean I'll …
Your partner sounds Fearful avoidant, is he aware of his attachment style? I think all you can do is let him know in as blame-free way as possible that you notice a pattern in his behaviour that con…
I think the attachment styles in place work well. I know it was studied exhaustively on thousands of children in the 70s/80s/90s and had there been more definitive styles we would have caught them bac…
So he's great when he's not triggered, but he gets triggered every couple of weeks. That's not a rare occurrence, it's very often. Replace this with any other issue whether attachment related or not…
I just finished reading “Attached”, and it gave me such a better understanding of attachment styles and myself. One of the ways my anxious attachment style has been manifesting post-break up with an a…
Hmm. My experience so far is that I will use different attachment styles depending on circumstance. Most people I think have a default, e.g. A person who comes from a secure background will be willi…
Yeah, you might want to learn more about the attachment styles before commenting. FA and Disorganized or Anxious Avoidant are the same. The mix up of names are ok bc it's literally how we are on the i…
FA and Disorganized are the same, but Anxious avoidant is dismissive avoidant. Cause all three insecure attachment styles are anxious anyways
“It shifts your worldview to think that some people can love and care about you, but still fee nothing about hurting you.” WOW wow wow. I’m going thru this with someone I believed to be chosen family…
Correct me if I’m wrong, but your comment has me confused from the tons of reading I’ve done on attachment styles. Am I missing something?
By ‘phantom ex,’ I mean that the most recent crush is serving as an idealized image of someone they can never have, which makes it easier to compare others to this unrealistic standard. It’s common in…
Sorry, the more correct term is fearful avoidant leaning avoidant, and DA and FA are their own categories. However, there are a number of variations among FAs, including whether we lean anxious or avo…
I hear attachment styles in songs all the time but the #1 most obvious is “Fences” by Our Last Night.
I'll leave this here: [Indian management style](https://www.worldbusinessculture.com/country-profiles/india/business-management-style/) and [The conflict between foreign and Indian management styles](…
This is a great question and I could totally dive into this. But I was just thinking, I host a podcast about attachment styles and if you want to really dive into this with an attachment focused coach…
People’s own attachment styles will do what they will do. By entertaining that connection at all, you’re participating in a dynamic, yes. But he probably does like you *and* does have awareness of his…
They’re not fully categories in the sense you’ll never have different behaviors. FA might be thought of as a sort of blend between AP and DA. Some schools of thought have all insecure styles on a spec…
I think it's interesting that DAs often say it feels exhausting having to communicate this, yet again it's your behaviour that leads to misunderstandings. It's fine if you don't want to communicate yo…
Thanks...yes it's not easy. It's a shame that nobody has even heard of attachment styles until they are in a mess...
Dismissive Avoidant. It's an attachment "style", and very challenging to be in a relationship with(as all insecure styles can be,) as many of the things that build connection in a normal relationship…
Heidi Priebe videos cover this alot, the hyper focus on fixing others to get our needs met Ultimately it's about accepting that sometimes people we like are not meant for us and we aren't meant for …
I love this. I’m autistic. I don’t have time to unpack how attachment styles play out for autistic folks but a nutshell version is - prettt much the same , just more extreme and indelible/harder to ch…
Y’know, avoidant people are completely capable of healing their attachment styles and learning to stop fearing love within healthy and patient relationships just like anxiously attached people are. Yo…
The demonization of avoidant people really annoys me. I'm fearful avoidant so I see all perspectives in this and yeah avoidance is hurtful, neglect is painful, creating space through fights is toxic a…
What does your therapist say to this question? The thing is, there's always some risk involved in learning to know someone, especially as people's attachment styles are not fixed and can fluctuate f…