Loving

"Mom wants to visit you with baked goods, do you mind?" — This morning I woke up and first thing I've seen was a message from my grandma. She sent me a fb link, I thought it would be some Happy Easter card, that's what elders do. But it was some sugary sweet…

Victim Blaming will not be tolerated — Hey all, Codependency can lead to a ton of behaviors and relationship styles that are less than healthy, but as we all strive to better ourselves and shed these old habits that no longer serve us, it…

Helping my partner — I (40f) looove my partner (36m). We've been together almost 9 months. When he isn't triggered, he presents as very secure. Loving, consistent, communicative, vulnerable, empathetic, self-reflective. …

Is this new? Loving the Reddit micro animation. — Loving this loading micro animation!! Haven’t noticed it before so wondering if it’s new. Great job Reddit🌟 Thoughts?

I am solofounder and I love it — Sure, it can get a bit lonely sometimes. But there are a lot of upsides! * Fast execution * Total decision power * Absolute creative freedom * No back and forths on colors or small things * You can s…

When I want to deactivate I swing too far to the other side to preemptively "sooth" my partner, just in case. — (I'm Fearful Avoidant btw) Does this make sense? Anybody else do this? Like, because I'm so aware of when I want to shutdown/avoid/or am feeling a huge ick, I overcompensate by reaching out more and …

Pouncemonial: 9th Kill - 30 Successful Trades — **Mission**: To accomplish 30 successful trades **What I achieved**: Accomplished 30 successful trades and learned how to execute and manage trades well. **Background**: With the previous kill, …

I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …

A little look into how fearful avoidants operate (aka, how one of my relationships ended - twice - because I was unaware of my patterns) — When I was 21 and *severely* fearful avoidant I dated a secure guy who was wonderful in every way, but obviously not for me. I did everything stereotypical of a fearful avoidant attachment does in a…

Help me to recognise my attachment style please! — I (26F) am struggling with this a lot, since my patterns of romantic behavior don’t seem to fit neatly into any of the four categories (AA, FA, DA, SA). On the one hand, I clearly crave intimacy and…

Law of Belief - Relationships — I have read the POSM by Joseph Murphy and gone through the index, but one thing that keeps coming up and seems to be rather controversial within the JM community is how law of belief affects other peo…

For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? — For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? I began therapy 4 months into our situationship because of how strong he came on,…

Overcoming my anxious attachment — Hi I've successfully combated my attachment style and offer some of the resources I've found. I've dealt with anxiety and insecurity across my romantic and platonic relationships throughout my life. …

This situation is too messed up — Hi everyone, I (20F) really need some guidance about my SP (19M). We’ve been on and off for the past 2.5 years, and our relationship has always been very messy constant fights, unnecessary arguments, …

How to soothe myself when they say they aren't upset. — I am very fortunate to have consistent, attentive, loving people in my adulthood. I haven't conquered my unhealthy habits that come from my attachment system, however. My husband is wonderful. He st…

Life is too short to live in fear — Life is too short to live in fear. The fear of saying the wrong things and earning their scorn. The fear of ~~asking for~~ loving too much and being branded 'suffocating' again. The fear of a co…

Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…

learning to trust with new potential partners — What do you think are some healthy ways to slowly trust someone again in a romantic context so if things go wrong it doesn't feel like moving on is like an impossible task emotionally? I don’t mean t…

Trading book recommendation! For those trying to fix attachment issues. — “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” -by Lindsay C. Gibson, PHD This book helped me realize that, at my core, I struggle with dating and attachment because it’s hard for me to comprehend …

A letter to my FA Ex — I don’t even know why I’m writing anymore. I don’t know why I still pour my feelings onto paper when the person they’re meant for has emotionally switched off. Maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe it’s jus…

A letter to my fearful avoidant ex — 31st December 2025 So here we are. Another night, another thought. It’s been nearly 25 days since Eddie left me. Recently, so many emotions have been running through my mind. I never thought I would…

Letter to my ex — **7th February 2026** “You will find me, right?” That sentence is the last sentence. The one that always stays with me. Every single day I think about it, and I think that’s why I know what I have t…

Bf of 14 months hasn’t said I love you — My bf (35M) and I (33F) met December 2024 on a dating app and became exclusive immediately after our first date. On our first few dates he asked what I was looking for and I said I was looking for som…

I'm not sure about my attachment style but I want to discover it right now 'cause I want to start healing!!!!!! — Sorry for the long text, I want to be thorough. So, I just ended my first ever relationship. I'm 20, I'm a lesbian from a conservative background and had a lot of internalized homophobia and religiou…

3 years in. Bro, it gets wild. — Okay, so a large part of this community seems to use SATS as a high-preparation, ritual method and yes it’s very powerful in that way. But you’re literally God. Why keep yourself so limited? Nevill…

Mom self harms in front of us since I was 8 yrs old. I haven’t been able to stop doing the same. — My mom would start beating herself whenever something tragic happened to her (failing an exam, fight w father etc.) or even because of me sometimes, she’d tell us (when my siblings and I were still ki…

Why Manifestation can FEEL Forced and Unrealistic (Success & Guidance) — Today I came upon a realization that many people do not have for most of their lives. It was the realization that our feelings and the meanings that we attach to them are also affirmations. Right no…

i dont know what to do (relationship) — Im 22 and my dating history is very sparse because i always suffered with rather low self esteem and mental issues. Over the past years ive been opening up and evolving personally, also trying out the…

Coming to terms with possible childhood emotional neglect - curious how others turned out — As I’ve gotten older and started reflecting on my life, I’ve slowly worked backwards and realised that I might have experienced childhood emotional neglect (CEN). What’s funny is that it actually sta…

People whose parents only seemed to notice you when you achieved something and didn’t really accept you as you were — did you end up loving yourself once you reached real undeniable success? — Or did the inner critic never actually shut up? All my life I’ve thought that if I reach undeniable heights, then I’ll finally feel at peace and accept myself. But my perfectionism keeps me from ta…

I (28F) had an affair and don’t know what I’m doing. Please help. — I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, married for 2. He is genuinely the best person I know. Kind, safe, loyal. He’s my best friend. When I cry, he’s who I want holding me. When something funny happe…

When did you finally realise, your life would never be ‘normal’? — I am 47M I grew up in an EXTREMELY dysfunctional household, with every type of abuse you can imagine, and death of a parent at 12. I’ve had to fend for myself since that age, whilst being used and a…

My Fiancé kicked me out with only a few hours notice — This is the situation I am in. About a week ago my fiancé (25 M) brought up how he has some problems with me (25 F). We have been together for almost three years. He said he cant bring up sensitive to…

How do you stay present even when you are feeling the pressure to run? — My bf and I are long distance and he's very very very loving and sweet. The best bf I could have ever asked for. He understands and accepts my feelings even when I'm feeling avoidant, but right now I'…

6 month mark, can't progress further right now, but pausing feels shitty too. Leave? — In September, I cautiously decided to start seeing the father of my daughter's best friend. It's been really great, and has helped me work through a lot of emotional stuff including heavy grief. Aft…

First Acid Trip (2 tabs) — This happened like a month ago and sorry if it comes off corny: At first, I was just lying in my bed, nervous. My roommate wasn’t back yet, and the walls slowly started to breathe and layer with col…

Spiritual Awakening & Instant Manifestation (wtf???) — So as the title says, wtf? I've been using multiple different ways of manifesting, manifesting with feeling, robotic affirming, and I've realized one thing. Manifesting is an act of creation that …

Does anyone else just not tell their mother anything — I have too much trauma to write here but in short I stopped telling my mum anything from about the age of 16 (now 31) because I learnt the hard way that anytime I was brave enough to share my true tho…

Update to my previous post. Tis not a good one. — [https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/1q4sw3v/before\_i\_43m\_delete\_her\_44f\_number\_and\_move/](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/1q4sw3v/before_i_43m_delete_her_44f_n…

How to permanently stop feeling romantic love for anyone? — wasn’t sure I needed a TL;DR here, but I’ll put it anyway: how do I turn off my ability to feel love for anyone, ever? hi all, I (M,33) have not had a whole lot of luck with dating. I try to stay s…

Getting married soon help me pls — We met in high school and I have spent my entire adult life loving her. I’ve (30m) moved across the country for her (28f) career 4 times, leaving all my friends and family behind. I’ve worked 60-70 ho…

UPDATE: My (32f) fiancé (28m) repeatedly does not clean the house — Hello lovely reddit. First relevant links. My first post I deleted (so you can peruse the comments if you are interested): [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/18yjl0g/my\_32f\_fianc%C3%…

Related advice from Alan Watts — In this short talk, I learned a lot. Mainly regarding one of my frustrations with trying to " achieve focus 12" he discusses how meditation is not meant to be goal driven. He relates it to music when …

I hate narcissists! — I tried so hard to forgive. I even made a comment here months ago about forgiveness. I was trying to delude myself. Narcissists deserve to rot and burn in the lowest depths of hell there is. How can y…

Advice on how to deal with parent giving ultimatum over my relationship — I'm a 28 year old gay Asian male currently living in an East Asian country for my job, away from my home country and my parents. All my life, I had a great and loving relationship with my parents. I w…

Some Pointers after 12 Years of Meditation — Meditation is an invisible skill, which makes it especially prone to confusion and obfuscation. I wanted to jot down some pointers and opinions about meditation that have served me at one point or an…

My ex called me a “walking green flag” when we first started dating, and then I ruined it all — I can’t live with myself. I hate how relationships sometimes bring out the worst in people. I went from the best boyfriend (my first relationship too) and now it’s been 3 months since the breakup and …

I hate how sheltered I am due to my parents. — I've never been to a party (except the occasional birthday party). I've never been in a relationship. I don't know how it's supposed to work aside from just loving and spending time with each other. A…

How to have a helpful conversation when you feel something is wrong. — I am working to become a therapist and I have run into a situation in my life that I don't know how to have productively. My fiancee is Catholic and has decided to wear a cilice. For those of you who…

Being the good spouse doesn’t guarantee a good marriage — You can do everything right, communicate, support, compromise, be loving and attentive, and still find yourself in a marriage that feels distant, unfulfilling, or even toxic. Made me realize that marr…

A couple great tips for easier Revision. — Revision is an extremely important yet underrated technique. After going through an event that "future" manifesting just wouldn't solve, I knew the only thing that would fix this situation is to chang…

Just found this sub, I know I'm a little late commenting. One thing that I think can be added in relation to how emotional neglect can cause PTSD: People think of PTSD as something that is a threat …

Glad it helped you in some way. I’ve felt like a whiny little wimp for getting PTSD from something that I saw as not a true threat to life. Babies and children absolutely register lack of affection…

Yeah I tend to agree with you, but the commenter above was saying they do think about you, often miss you and could still love you. Those things can be true in rare situations, but I don't think it's …

Much better at dealing with my emotions. I think of her every hour and it's been 11 months. My birthday was 2 days back and she didn't wish me. Sucks how easily replaceable/forgettable iam ,did I not…

You have the right to your truth! And accountability is needed at times for you and for them. I think there is such a thing as loving through high expectations. Avoiding the hard truth of things means…

My ex broke up with me, I only sent him one message and link discussing ED. Stated "read it or don't". After that I muted all possible ways he'd contact. Had fair share of bitter tears and lost weight…

Omg I relate SO much to what you are saying. When my ex's affair was discovered he was remarkably cruel to me. He wasn't sure he wanted to continue in our marriage and refused to cut things off with h…

Hello, I'm Kale, and Im 34. I was just married 3 months ago after being in a loving 8+ year relationship with the kindest person I've ever met. Three days ago she told me she had developed a relation…

True. About 7 weeks almost NC. I can feel it leaving. Sure I still feel down sometimes. But I haven’t felt as deep anymore. I’m loving and picking myself first now. I can feel the detachment. It isn’t…

It’s kind of saddening/comical to see how majority of these posts go “my partner / ex is avoidant. They are the best thing since sliced bread and I’ve already read 102839172 books on their attachment …

You think you don't owe your partner, someone who's entered into a loving partnership with you, anything? That you can just walk away from that righteously, whenever? Sounds like a paltry, wispy comm…

Didn’t even know that was an actual theory but wrote something like this in my journal yesterday with regards to my feelings towards the end of a relationship with a DA. I wrote “the patterns that of…

Happy for you. Nobody asks to have an attachment style that’s dysfunctional. I’m working through mine and try so so hard to have compassion for others. But a big part of self love is learning how to h…

Reading over the threads it’s apparent that lack of communication is a key component in the avoidant flip and leave confusion…If they actually communicated how they felt and what they needed and wante…

You are correct. Your perception of love is warped. And thus it can be really hard finding it without accidentally finding yourself in shit relationships. As many have commented, avoidants typically …

I dont know but I know that my DA told me he felt guilty for hurting me. He said hearing me cry got to him.  Even if I doubted his love (because of how he treated me) I still trusted him. He was not…

Not loving them in such a way as to make them feel free.

Living through this right now. Was dating a DA last year and I really liked her, but she would put me down and be generally disrespectful at times. She would often say things that minimized our relati…

*”It shifts your worldview to think that some people can love and care about you, but still feel nothing about hurting you. It’s a type of coldness that feels evil and makes it hard to navigate the w…

The first question is, why does the drugs trigger you? What are you imagining or feeling when they talk about it. Logically, it's just part of their past. If it was something that could happen again o…

I’m not a DA, but I have dated several and I also have a long term relationship with a securely attached introverted person. When my DA exes wanted space, they didn’t just physically distance themse…

Your comment along with the following elaboration below is really eye opening to me. I have a very hard time creating that space for myself in a healthy way and still be reassuring and loving towards …

Fearful avoidant attachment? It’s caused by chaotic caregivers that would alternate between closeness/being loving and distance/being cold. I recommend checking out the Thais Gibson YouTube channel …

The euphemisms. Are a very clear indicator. And before all others, *Harmony-loving* takes the cake here.

Also could you explain what Harmony loving means? Im not english native 

Alors je parle le français bien sûr. ‘harmony-loving’ littéralement c’est ‘qui aime l’harmonie’. De rien

Thanks for your answer. I am somwhat between anxious preoccupied and Fearful Avoidant. For example I know I feel insecure when some friends I cherish wont answer at my text for long time, I will feel …

Thanks. Even if Im anxious or fearful, I usually bring up pretty quickly what bothers me because I hate mis understanding and I also hate to think badly of my partner. This way I am vulnerable even in…

I think a secure attachment is really great for someone with an insecure attachment if they're willing to put in the work. I don't think that there's anything wrong with that per se but they should kn…

>pursuing people who have communicated they're not offering what you're after is a great way to not get what you're after. >I spoke to an AP woman about this on a thread elsewhere and she said that i…

\> "anxious individuals have a lack of self control, don't respect boundaries, and and don't realize how much damage they do because they just don't care" That would be basically correct, that's why …

I’m more anxiously attached and ending up with avoidants quite easily. so I can give you at least my perspective: When I’m in a relationship I’m fully invested. Loyal, giving, loving all of it. B…

OP, some helpful advice for once: start focusing on enjoying your life and loving yourself first and foremost. It's a sad reality but a reality nonetheless that most people in life -- in fact probably…

Hey there! Wanted to ask for some advice. Currently I’m trying to manifest a beautiful relationship. Does this mean I should go around thinking ‘I am in a loving and healthy relationship’ instead of ‘…

Yep, and in fact, the nicer you are, the worse you can make it. Because then there's a nice compassionate loving person guarding the exit door you have to destroy to escape. That can feel like an imme…

u/TTMI2 It’s really a shame to see sooo many cut throat answers here that leave little room for personal development and growth. These responses are missing a very important point; *attachment styles…

I would say becoming self-aware, reflecting about own unhealthy tendencies and applying secure behaviours definitely does something good however point of your comment is by my understanding that earne…

There’s probably a reason for the deactivation, like a boundary of yours was crossed or you felt disrespected or you think the relationship is moving too quickly— something like that. Imo the most i…

Yes I know this feeling. A big thing that helped for me was to actually notice when I'm picking my partner apart in my head or feeling some ick. I have to objectively observe those feelings and ask if…

Yes I understand, but sometimes this need to step away happens in the middle of a date or some kind of quality time, so it feels weird and rejecting to ask for space during those moments. I also don…

This advice is also not reasonable for long-term relationships, such as cohabitation/marriage. Do you feel like overcompensating has a fake it till you make it effect? I think this might fall in li…

i actually really like this. i think folks are quick to dismiss the perspective because they haven’t experienced someone genuinely working to understand them and meet them where they’re at. also becau…

Really its up to you if you want to live like that, because there's no guarantee he will change. There's no right answer. I made the decision to stay with my DA and now im emotionally exhausted becaus…

The past avoidant men in my life have traumatized me. Idk if I can ever have a relationship because I’m constantly waiting for something to go wrong. I think it is important to practice solitude and l…

No, I do set boundaries. I’m a very loving person and enjoy supporting people and don’t see it as transactional. My boundaries *are* that if I’ve extensively emotionally supported someone I expect, at…

Yes, that makes sense. I think we may be experiencing two different things honestly. I’m a very open communicator and will tell someone if I’m not comfortable sharing if they prompt me. My experiences…

How did you communicate your feelings of being apprehensive? Did you make sure to reassure him that it wasn’t about him, but your nervous system reacting to being vulnerable? There’s a world of differ…

To make sure I’m interpreting this right - you were loving one day, and then the next day you woke up feeling afraid that your trust in him was misplaced? Did he do anything between those two events t…

When someone stonewalls you, flips the script, seeks to erase your history together, the effect is traumatic. This is deep relational trauma. You need space to process the deep grief of loving someo…

What i alluded to at the end: I was very hot headed; i would not communicate properly and then either explode into an argument or just shut down; i was very nit-picky and always criticizing; i would b…