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Citations (78)
A prose writing about crying one too many — He's someone sensitive. Her verdict is that he's a gentle animal. Clearly that sensitivity is why he wept so often, and clearly it's because of why she's sensitive that he's sensitive. Sensitivity mea…
Victim Blaming will not be tolerated — Hey all, Codependency can lead to a ton of behaviors and relationship styles that are less than healthy, but as we all strive to better ourselves and shed these old habits that no longer serve us, it…
Girlfriend told me she was going to kill herself on my birthday. My attachment was almost healed or so i thought - all of that is in shambles now. — There were a lot of other red flags I have previously chosen to ignore, but this is what made me wake up. I suppose after hiding from people and feelings for so long, I felt like if I just broke it of…
Questions on Seneca's Letters — Hey everyone, I am working my way through Seneca's letters to Lucilius. The translation I have is by Margaret Graver and A. A. Long. I am a bit confused by what Seneca's views on feeling emotions ar…
My (31M) GF (28F) Informed Me That She Kissed a Stranger At an Outing While Playing Truth or Dare 2 Months Ago. How do I navigate this? — While having a conversation with my girlfriend today, I joked that I have magic powers. To which she stated rather casually that if I did I would have seen that she kissed a guy two months ago. I tho…
New relationship, slipping — I have started a new relationship with a guy and things are going really well. He’s sober and has worked the steps a couple of times which is really attractive to me since I’m also sober and a member …
Decidedly Single? — Have any of you found that it’s just better to be single and to not get romantically involved with anyone? I (34f) recently ended things with the last guy I was talking to for over a year and with wh…
Taking a break in relationship — Me and my gf of 1,5 years where having some problems in our relationship. Such as fighting over little things, being too attached to each other to the point where we couldn’t spent a day not texting. …
breakthrough trip & the bigger picture — Hello, it's me again. I know that there are people here who enjoy reading my experiences so thus my posting. Obviously a disclaimer is this experience is under the influence of a psychadelic, but it t…
Feeling conflicted after he confessed — My boyfriend and I were together for a little less than a year and a half. I thought we had a really healthy relationship. I never felt jealous or insecure and genuinely trusted him completely. I love…
An open letter to my wife — I want her to know this but I know it wouldn't be healthy so I'm writing it here because if 1 person sees it then maybe I will feel seen. To my 'wife', When we met we were smitten with each other. …
My life is about to get extremely busy, any tips — I'm about to go from a very sedentary life style to working alot of hours for hopefully the next few months that will require alot of physical movement. I am a bit honestly scared but I'm highly moti…
My life is about to get extremely busy, any tips — I'm about to go from a very sedentary life style to working alot of hours for hopefully the next few months that will require alot of physical movement. I am a bit honestly scared but I'm highly moti…
I’m trying to be healthy through a deactivation.. — I have somehow managed to be in a relationship for about 9 months. My partner is an anxious attacher so it has been tough, and I have currently hit a huge deactivation state. Obviously my social media…
I need us to find each other again — My boyfriend( 20 M) and I (20 F) have been together for 1.5 years, we are so amazing with each other and we have been together since freshman year of college, now we’re juniors. he has always been a …
I feel stuck — Hey hey, Im 25m, autistic and have experienced trauma my whole life. I struggle greatly with appreciating the amount of work and success I have achieved in the past, to still keep on going. Every li…
Me 22m and my ex 21F what do you guys suggest — I’m looking for some honest advice on whether a second chance at a relationship can actually work, and what it genuinely takes for it to be healthy again. Me and my ex recently broke up after a perio…
Should i contact her back? — Its been one year no contact and our love was so strong. I feel like a big part of it was that she was the first person i met that i truly loved and saw as family. It’s just so hard for me to find a c…
How do I help my partner with his phone addiction? — TL;DR - How do you best support your partner who is struggling to break out of his phone addiction, around which he is self-aware and feels a lot of shame? I (38F) and my partner (34M) have been tog…
I've turned to porn to fill in the gap after we split — Not much to explain. She was the love of my life, she split up cause she wasn't ready for me and now i've turned to porn and I want to stop. Does anyone know a good way to, y'know, stop. I don't wan…
I [31M] have been seeing a woman [29F] for 5 months, we say I love you and are exclusive, but she still does not want to fully label it. — I am 31M and she is 29F. We have been involved for about 5 months. Basically, from the start I made it clear I had feelings for her. She said she had feelings for me too, but needed time and wanted t…
I dumped her, we reconciled but she rebounded with someone else... what do I do? — Ive been dating this woman for 8 months. She’s 12 years younger than me, I’m 37M shes 25F. It started off as a casual/hook up but she wanted more as it prolonged so we eventually started dating. I do …
I actually need physical proof or an admittance of guilt? — Pretty sure I already know. My profession involves data analysis and pattern recognition. Unfortunately, I also have residual trauma that provides a substantial foundation for self doubt, projection,…
I'm 17, And starting therapy soon, what should I say and what should I not? — So I'm starting therapy soon this year and I'm worried about what I can and can't say. I'm extremely worried a CPS case will start if I spill too much. I went through a really rough childhood, my dad …
My gf [18F] sort of cheated on me [19 M] and now I don't know what to do with my feelings even tho I can't break-up. We have been together for 3 years. She doesn't seem to realise the depth of my trust breach.How do I tell her to resolve my trust back? — So for a broader context and the complete story you can read my previous [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1q74nwz/my_long_distance_girlfriend_might_be_cheating_on/?utm_source=share&utm_…
parents divorce — so lately my parents are going through a nasty divorce and i want to manifest the back together and having their relationship be healthy, but it’s been difficult as my mom might have someone new and i…
Not sure why I need to know about the dog's bowel movements — I do not live with my folks anymore, I have my own place. however sometimes they go on vacation and I will go to their house to watch their dog for them. The last two times this has happened I don't…
Why do healthy break ups hurt more? — Tonight I had the healthiest and most mature break up I've ever had. Neither one of us wanted to breakup, and we've been avoiding the conversation for a long time. Unfortunately we're a longer dista…
There aren't many but as far as I can tell there are a couple which could qualify. 1. Escapism. Just like anything fun, let alone of the "reality substitute" type, there is the potential to use it e…
Of course, you're welcome. It is painful and sobering to be grieving yet again for the same person after a tumultuous 3 years. I wish I had realised things wouldn't change even with therapy because un…
I agree with others that it sounds very AA, I think the need for dominance that lets you break off easily is likely something outside of the current scope of attachment theory, or at least doesnt fit …
What the other user guessed is also what I was thinking. You said she didn't explain and you're not sure she knows. Have you flat out asked her to explain? Not allowing a partner to get support like …
All of that sounds very anxious attachment related. When you are operating out of fear (basically anxious attachment) your priority becomes to make that feeling go away, and you put it on the other pe…
I think the problems and risks come up more when it’s YOUR kids and it’s not something you can just walk away from. My mother is a DA leaning FA and she is a teacher. She is great with students but is…
I went through a devastating break up three years ago. My ex was a dismissive avoidant. We were in couples therapy before the breakup. I kept seeing the same therapist after the breakup and that’s whe…
They do come back from this but it's so so so hard 💔 I went through an avoidant discard. There was no writing on the wall, 2 very happy years. He used to say he sees us being together forever becau…
Maybe not :). For me,, in-between 'love bombing' and 'healthy attraction" is "infatuation ". Infatuation and love bombing can be very difficult to distinguish but infatuation can still be healthy and…
I understand that your experiences have been what has formed your beliefs. And at one point in your life the coping mechanisms you used to survive, worked. But as we get into adulthood those coping me…
Seems like you spent the better part of a year not actually seeing each other. This behavior may very well be consistent with him seeing other people and not being straightforward about it. You didn…
Then you are not relating to her as a person or a romantic relationship that requires certain things to be healthy and function well. You are seeing her as a problem to solve. You are focused on how i…
This feels really toxic to me, from all parties. OP, a few things you said raised red flags, namely your criticism of their saying "I love you" 2 months in, which is not that uncommon if two people a…
It sounds like it's the anxious speaking to me. You didn't do anything wrong, but you're assuming she's ignoring you when her circumstances just might have changed. New job, new life stressors, sudden…
I(m) went on a few dates with someone when I was separated about 6 months but not filed for divorce yet. No kids are shared properties. I was 100% not ready to see new people, but we met at a party,…
Well, same, 42…unemployed 3years, used to be healthy, got into addiction young, got sober and have been for so long but with no life. Never planned a life, didn’t think anything was possible. Poor, no…
Well, I am just handsome and feel sorry for what you had to go through. I have had quite attractive girlfriends, with controlling, manipulative behaviour. Now I realised that actually its a pattern I …
Why do you work so much? I’m assuming the NYC thing has to do with it but that can’t be healthy!
I'm 35 and I thought I would be healthy when I moved out too, but trauma symptoms just got worse. I found myself distancing from people more and more as time went on. Finally found a therapist I click…
Just this that don't compare your life with other it will only makes you miserable from the inside you will never know what they are going through and they will never know what you are going through t…
When I broke up with my previous exes, I never went back to them because they cheated on me. So I’m not sure why going back to an ex would automatically make things better for me. I feel like the only…
Do you feel out of options because you think only those diagnoses will get you help to get you better? Because it sounds like maybe there was a miscommunication. If you need specific diagnoses to f…
Personally in my situation no. I communicated the need for change more times than I could count and even broke up and got back together once before, so he had his chances.. If we were to get back to…
Dump him. He’s also a moron, 15% body fat on a woman is almost the bare minimum you can have as a woman and still be healthy. Your boyfriend is negging you and trying (and succeeding) to make you feel…
I had a similar experience when I was married. You are an adult and no one has the right to tell you how to live your life. For me it was a slow process of my husband getting more and more critical …
You sound very healthy to me, even 20kg more would be still fine as a woman. Women can have some rounds, it’s healthy still. When it comes to men it’s unhealthy for them to have a belly because that c…
I hear you on this. I'm starting to wonder whether my cuddle buddy is someone I want to keep seeing. Can't be healthy for the long term but once or twice a month cuddles should be ok right? I don't …
“there are no healthy people, there are only people who haven't been examined thoroughly enough” what a dark, cynical take. Sure everyone has things they’re working through to varying degrees but it…
You need therapy. Also, whether or not it’ll be healthy for you, there is nothing wrong with bringing it up. It’s part of your relationship going forward. And yes I did it for about 14 years. Came out…
A good book for you might be 'Healing the shame that binds us'. If I had to sum it up, it's basically a theory that we have replaced our authentic self with a shame-based self, and we need to discove…
I think your ability to self-reflect here shows you are a good person, OP. Romantic relationships are hard especially when you're new to me. As a society, we put a lot of expectations on them that r…
Yes absolutely. I’m not structuring my life around this but I’m fully open to it and a big part of me hopes for this outcome. But I know I’ll be ok either way. I’m in my early thirties so I can’t wait…
My ADD brain would nevere be able to live with that. A house should be clean enough to be healthy. Some cluster means people live there, and it's not a model house. There are a few options in my mind…
If you want to be petty - next time you get buzzed let slip a brutally honest but not so appealing truth about him and if he gets upset just say, “oh hun, don’t be so hard on yourself! You’re just so …
The truth is that when a relationship involves a pattern of abuse, there is an extremely miniscule chance of that abuse stopping while the relationship continues. These things get very baked into the …
Why are people so thirsty for conflict? This can’t be healthy…
For sure, and what I think is happening in this thread is people have had shitty partners and are assuming anyone ever who might not want to hear every detail about your day doesn’t love you. But rela…
You haven’t gotten to the bittersweet time yet. One day it will be though. You’ll remember the good times more than the bad. And you’ll miss them at times always, that’ll never go away. Also you may n…
to me it's different the head explosion instigates the vibrations, as if they caused it, that allow me to go out of body (back when I went out of body regularly long ago). I never got used to the head…
> The gameification of it makes it so that you engage with the app more, but never "win". Then don't play the game by their rules. Starts with "women I'm not into", yet were good enough for a first …
You are an absolute inspiration. I haven’t lived through half of what you did, and I still don’t have your grace and strength (and I’m older than you). Of course “you can’t get over it” - you grew up…
this is the same thing as mine but more broader, the reason why i keep imagining having healthy body not even perfect just healthy amount of weight, right amount of size of penis, not fat, someone who…
you're probably really enjoying work because you're simply not at home. i've been there. you don't really want to go home because it feels like you can't get anything right there! the coworker is a di…
I think wanting a healthy relationship is fine and it’s true that there are some real dangers with dating. At the same time the only way to know if a relationship will be healthy is to get to know som…
OP, I just want you to know that you deserve any kind of love that you want, and there are people on this planet who can be that kind of love for you. There are over 8 billion people on this planet wh…
Your husband is being kind of a jerk. You get sick because you are around kids a lot, and if your husband gets sick first, then HE gave it to you. Tell him you don't want to be sick, and would prefe…
For me, what kills me is being told those platitudes while having my life sabotaged. I deserve love - but I got parents who prevented me from dating in my youth, a job that overworks me constantly, p…
Oooo, sounds so familiar. May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe, may you live with ease. 🤞🏻❤️
That's probably a good reminder for myself. I had a fairly toxic relationship but I know he was mostly self sabotaging and needed to work on himself. I stayed too long for "potential" and told myself …
It takes a level of dedication and giving it some level of priority. It is normal for it to feel awkward and uncomfortable at first and it takes a while to get real benefits that will make it an easy …