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I love you
Evidence
Citations (101)
34M and the future seems bleak — I'm 34 now and feel like an absolute failure at everything especially given the potential I had. I was always considered "gifted" growing up and I am a member of Mensa. I also graduated from an Ivy Le…
Post-quality time cool down? Is this a pattern for DAs? — My (FA) therapist and I (lol) may have noticed a pattern with my partner (DA); after an increased amount of quality time together (compared to our usual 1+ times per week), or increased amount of mess…
The song “I love you, I’m sorry” by Gracie Abrams makes me think of the POV of a DA — I'm DA, and I just listened to this song. It feels like a DA talking about how they sabotaged a good relationship, and they regret it. This line particularly hits: "I like to slam doors closed, trust…
The song Wicked Game by Chris Isaak sounds like an AP singing about falling in love with a DA — A few weeks back I wrote about "I love You, I'm sorry" by Gracie Abrams sounding like the pov of a DA. Well, I was listening to Wicked Game by Chris Isaak today and it occurred to me that the lyrics …
What makes an anxious attached person feel loved? — I’m a dismissive avoidant in recovery. That means I have been working on myself. I would consider myself slightly secure but not secure enough to call myself secure Anyway, my boyfriend is anxious…
I need some FA to give me insights on this situation — Break up with a FA need some insights Hi guys, i really need some insights as someone whos desire is to be a safe space for a FA girl. Breakup context: I (M, 23) was in a 2-year relationship with my…
Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…
A letter to my FA Ex — I don’t even know why I’m writing anymore. I don’t know why I still pour my feelings onto paper when the person they’re meant for has emotionally switched off. Maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe it’s jus…
A Splash of Cold-Water for you — **Background** Hey everyone, I'm a contributor to this subreddit, and spend time lurking from time to time. I'm quite familiar with every attachment style. I, myself, had to earn security from my ow…
Letter to my ex — **7th February 2026** “You will find me, right?” That sentence is the last sentence. The one that always stays with me. Every single day I think about it, and I think that’s why I know what I have t…
Bf of 14 months hasn’t said I love you — My bf (35M) and I (33F) met December 2024 on a dating app and became exclusive immediately after our first date. On our first few dates he asked what I was looking for and I said I was looking for som…
Is this an emotional affair? — I (36F, single), have a good guy friend (40M) who has been dating a new woman for 2 ish months now. Full disclosure I don’t like her very much and I think they’re moving super fast (already saying I …
Is "good on paper" a thing for guys our age? — I can't help but feeling like I'm good on paper and that's why my boyfriend is with me. I'm conventionally attractive, I make really good money, I take care of myself (and him) and my things, I'm kin…
Please help — Hey there! Found this community a few days ago and I seriously need advice on how to push thru the panic/ anxiety. I know I'm an avoidant. All my life I've never wanted people to see me. All my life…
Broke up with DA after a year. — Met her a year ago, almost to the day. Things started well, relatively slowly which was nice for a change compared to other situations I have been in around that time. After two months, we became offi…
My boyfriend (M35) and I (F27) have not said i love you, over a year of dating — TLDR; My boyfriend (M35) and I (f27) have been together for over a year, he hasn’t said I love you despite having talked about marriage, kids, future together. In a conversation he said he was apprehe…
What are the most infuriating sentences your ex has said to you during or after the breakup? — For me it would be : "I have no hatred or resentment, and I don’t regret the year we spent together." Cool. I’m glad it was such a pleasant memory for you. Personally I was still trying to process ho…
My husband (29M) and I (29F) have a dead bedroom because he says I dont initiate — My husband (29m) and I (29f) have been together for 8 years, married for 1. For the past 3 months we went from a very active sex life to a dead bedroom out of the blue. Every other aspect of our relat…
Alone — The loneliness gets you. Not having those goodmorning texts,"I love you" "be safe" or ""l miss you" after hearing it everyday is crushing. It's lonely and sad. I don't miss them. We split a while ago…
Quick bit of sadness I need to get out... — My cell phone needed a good cleaning. It's been a while. Definitely longer than six months ago when my wife left me after three years of marriage. I took the phone case off and realized I still had …
You’re Allowed to Forgive Yourself — That’s it. You aren’t the same person anymore and that’s huge. It’s amazing that you want to change (and already have!). I love you :) I’m with you on this journey.
Idealization vs Devaluation: how it looked like for me — Tldr: Just read the Idealization and devaluation parts. ## Idealization * You're a king! * You sexy tiger, handsome god of a man * You're the best! * Gives gifts early on in the relationship * On…
Update 3 months later — A little more than 3 months ago, I discovered my wife was having an online affair that was more than sexting, it was full of I love you and a whole bunch of things I don’t want to dive back into. I’v…
My mother sent my childhood abuser to my home, after I have been successful at making sure he never knows where I live. — Conversation is below. I have been very careful making sure my brother never knows where I live, as he beat me as a child so much police intervened and I was such a mess I was mandated to go to thera…
Goodbye... — I feel so awful for hurting you. I never meant for this to happen. I never meant for you to burn out from me. Not a single day goes by that I’m not thinking about you. I wish I wasn’t a burden. I wish…
My (M38) wife (F34) has been very quiet since a conversation we had of why I love her. Confused about her silence. — So I'm a little bit confused about this. A couple of days ago, my wife came to me asking the question that has been asked many times during our marriage. "Do you still love me? And why do you love me?…
I (32F) trusted my partner (34M) completely until I discovered he lied about a “friend” he talks to daily and that they were texting very appropriate. I’m shaking and feeling lost — I’m a 32F and my partner is 34M. We’ve known each other for many years and have a long history together. We were apart for a while in the past but recently decided to try again because we both felt th…
Married 9 years and just found out my wife has been cheating on me. — Last week I caught my wife chatting with a guy in a mobile game, saying "my love this", "i love you", "I want to kiss you everywhere". So, I confronted her about it. No screaming or anything, I wanted…
My mother is super affectionate now that I'm an adult and she has dementia. It disgusts me. — My mother doesn't remember the screaming, my mother doesn't remember her calling me stupid everyday, she doesn't remember her telling me to get out of her house. She talks to me now in a baby voice, s…
My Dearest Love, — This is my goodbye. I have kept the door cracked and the light on for you since the night we said goodbye. Sadly, I have come to the tragic and hollow realization that I am the only one holding on to …
Is it a thing that when you find something out that they did, they become almost fake normal with you? — But it feels off. It feels different. I have discovered my partner has been sleeping with massage girls and was on tinder at some point. Since discovery, he says all the same things, but in person, …
I (21M) have survived two decades of severe physical, emotional, and financial abuse from my Indian parents. I'm finally exhausted and need to tell my story. I am not free yet. — # TL;DR: I'm a 20-year-old only child in India who has endured severe physical, verbal, emotional, and financial abuse from my parents since toddlerhood. They have beaten me, medically neglected me, …
I BROKE NO CONTACT — I broke it and I’m the one who said I wanted it. I’m sorry for crossing that boundary, for possibly confusing you, but I’m not sorry for still loving and longing for you. I’m not sorry for wanting to …
the narcissist catchphrase bingo list — edit 1: jesus christ my initial 32 I wrote already look like they arent a lot lmao (the comments in total added 45 UNIQUE PHRASES HOLY JESUS) , okay heres the updated list (most of the updates will be…
I feel like I’m in a full relationship, but not fully chosen — is that sustainable? — I (M) am in a relationship with a woman who is separated but still legally married and going through a divorce. We’re very close emotionally and spend a lot of time together – it feels like a serious …
BF of 3.5 years broke it off. I'm so happy and free. — Sooo these last couple of days were a lot. I (29M) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for 3.5 years. If you asked me a week ago, I'd say our relationship had its ups and downs, but we were generally ha…
Blue Therapy Mike and Yasmin — Wow. Literally. This man is unbelievable. He’s a lazy, liar. Sitting around all day expecting his partner to not only work her arse off but deal with EVERYTHING alone, kids, home, financially. H…
Was my therapist blaming me for abuse? — My husband and I went to marriage counseling. I had an affair and afterwards he became very controlling and abusive. He had very strict terms for me to follow in order to remain married. He had my loc…
He’s pulling away, and now he’s asking for space. — Hi. I’m 21M (bi and closeted). I met a guy last year, and at first, it was just something casual. Early on, after 4 meetings, he told me he has a girlfriend. Then he blocked and ghosted me for about a…
Had my second lucid dream and it was completely different from the first , man it's so fkn cooool!! — Okay so this time was nothing like the first. After my first lucid dream, I tried a bunch of times to do the same thing, you know, masturbate, listen to the same music, all that. Didn't work. Tried …
26[M] and my 23[F] me and her just recently cut things off. — Things were going really good in the beginning, she was sweet and nice but I realized she was a very different and strange. Like maturity wise, she had so many issues she was very controlling when I’d…
This was what I said when we met up a week later after she said she would’ve married me while breaking up with me. Only reason we met up was cuz I asked if she was serious ab what she said and she said “yes. I would’ve married you” — I’ve had a lot of time to really think about and indulge in what happened to cause this. You are right. I shouldn’t have added her back. But what you’re wrong about is what you think what was said aft…
Plain "lost feelings" or might she be an avoidant?! — We were together eight weeks. No conflicts, no issues. She was fully invested, she initiated equally (or even more), said "I love you" first after one month, made future plans for the summer and easte…
I miss him so much — Today is its birthday! His 30th birthday. I had to plan to celebrate him so well. I started organizing this last year. He deserves to be celebrated. Our love was so special. Now, today, im in the pa…
Just trying to gain closure on my own... — This is something I wrote in my journal, trying to process emotions and gain closure. Lori, Since you would not give me the opportunity for closure, I'm going to do what I can to get it here. This…
Fiancé ended our 12 year relationship after meeting a new guy — Caitlyn, I'm sorry, and I miss you and still love you. I can't function. I can't sleep. I don't know what to do, and I don't know how much of this was me, and how much of this was him. Everyone has to…
Just figured out she was cheating today — So there's a long story, I met this girl a almost a month ago, she still to this day was the most beautiful woman ever, I love her so much. I was surprised I got her attention and quickly we got into …
Feel terrible for initiating NC — On an alt account for this. I was broken up with about a month and a half ago or so. 3 years together and it was a relatively amicable breakup, I wont go into details because the entire situation was …
Blindsided — My fiance and I have been together for 8 years. Rarely ever fight or even argue. Lots of plans for the future. Had been through plenty of situations that would have ended most relationships. He always…
I want to tell her how much I love you — I don't know what is happening to me she is calling me and saying can we be a friend but how can I tell her I can't see you as my friend my heart say ask her to come back my brain say's try one more …
Why are people so cruel? - Day 13 of Recovery — Had a bad day today... *Really* bad... People are so fucking cruel. First someone sees my scars at church of all places... Not that I'm Christian, but isn't it called a sanctuary for a reason? Anyway…
I got the "I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you." Makes me wonder did he ever? Were the last 33 years all a lie??? Not sure I want to know really...
Don’t know for DA, but I’m FA and I do this. Usually it has nothing to do with the person themselves, I’m just tired and cannot sustain that level of engagement long term. I’m also super sensitive to …
I'm FA and I identify with this. I value my alone time, and generally speaking, consider myself an introvert. A recharge period is definitely necessary, not just after a social interaction but at the …
Probably...I'm not fully DA especially now, but even when I first started dating my girlfriend, I never needed time away after spending time with her. In fact, I wanted even more. DA or not, it's a…
Both wonderful food choices! I love your outlook. We are complex human beings and the ONLY thing we can control is ourselves and our reactions!
Y’know, avoidant people are completely capable of healing their attachment styles and learning to stop fearing love within healthy and patient relationships just like anxiously attached people are. Yo…
That last part is what happens with my partner. It hurts so much that she feels me trigger a core wound. She will retreat for a few days, usually 4 or 5 and then come back when she's regulated. She …
My ex came back 4 times in 2 years. Every time the cycles were the same but condensed, like at first it was long nights of processing our breakup over text and finally meeting up and saying I love yo…
As someone who is a few days on the other side of the “I need space” deactivation, withdrawal whatever you want to call it. This will only end with an ugly break up (past week) I wish I had been stro…
I am AA. I think you do not really need to overcompensate, as that just makes more contrast in hold/cold dynamic. But open communication here is more important. "Hey, I feel like soon I might need a b…
How did you communicate your feelings of being apprehensive? Did you make sure to reassure him that it wasn’t about him, but your nervous system reacting to being vulnerable? There’s a world of differ…
Yes, you are supposed to reassure him. And ideally, it's best to have a videocall if not every day, then at least a few times a week. But that's up to ya'lls preference. What i'm trying to say, reg…
I don't exactly have advice, but this is very similar to what I experienced with a former colleague that I dated for a bit and developed limerence for. I'm still conflicted about whether I actually "f…
Thank you for your kind words! Actually you're very right and that's exactly the decision I've done a year ago - im purposely single for a year now, after the series of short relationships. It's actua…
This is so hard right. But logically we know that after the first 3-4 months the honey moon phase fades and back to reality. Try to remind yourself that she’s A: answering back, trying to incorporate …
How do you feel secure after pushing a boundary and hurting your partner? Even when they seem to accept your apology? Partner and I are in a rough patch, we are still repairing after a big argument. …
How do you feel secure after pushing a boundary and hurting your partner? Even when they seem to accept your apology? Partner and I are in a rough patch, we are still repairing after a big argument. …
The majority of a message (thought stream) sent to my significant other, after two days of receiving (what I believe to be) whimsical communication and apathetic tone, from someone I know loves me—am …
You're not someone who falls for people easily but you're having your attachment anxiety triggered after a month and are falling in love after 3 months? Hmmm. It took 3 years to get to "I love you" …
Separation/space/distance triggers feelings of loneliness and abandonment and even though you aren't breaking up, you may self sabotage to either reconnect to feel connected or to breakup first. Here'…
I am a 65 year old professional man, happily married to another man 25 years. Recently I started reaching out to make more straight "bro" friends because I really don't like the gay scene, (gay men ta…
People that are emotionally available would be able to say I love you. There would be no “waiting for it to unlock”. That is not how love works. And for sure you would not have to be wondering if you …
No one is attacking you. I was trying to explain myself so you understood what I was saying in my previous comments. No one in this sub is going to tell you how to survive not hearing I love you. Be…
Good, I’m glad 😊 I’ll also add—and maybe you feel similarly—but I was always freaked out by using the Love word and I often fretted, “How am I going to know I love him? How is that supposed to feel? …
For me, awareness came first, repair later. I actually know the exact dates. I'm not sure what the exact trigger was though. Our situation has been stabilizing, as the youngest has gotten settled into…
I (22F) have been in my first real and committed relationship for a month now. And I think I’m having anxiety over it and overthinking and thinking ahead way too soon. My boyfriend (24M) have known ea…
Long text but I would really appreciate any advice and support 💗 TLDR in the end. I'm meeting up with my avoidant partner after he shut down at the mention of a problem. So my partner (21m) and i …
To start as an anxious preoccupied attacher it helps to get into our heads. Avoidant types can have a disposition that leaves a more anxious person feeling unsure of their stance with them, leaving th…
Hi everyone. I’m posting here because I genuinely want outside perspective and grounded advice, not validation. Background I (male, 22) have known my partner (female, 19) for about 3.5 years. We are…
I recently have begun to notice that I have an anxious attachment style with my bf of one year. Every single time we encounter a little "normal" blip in the relationship, it feels like the end of the…
I stopped counting dates fairly soon because it sounds a bit strange saying ‘we’ve had 8 dates’, you tend to just start saying ‘we’ve been dating for 5 weeks’ etc. I did keep a note of all our dates a…
Chat (says the 38 year old man trying to sound young and cool) I have a silly conundrum question. With Valentine's Day coming up, I want to get my lady some nice flowers from a local florist. She love…
Back in college, my bf at the time made dinner and dessert (Thai red curry and vegan mint chocolate chip ice cream -- that's right, he MADE it...or at least claimed he did lol) and we shared it on the…
There isn’t exactly a right or wrong timeline, but 6 weeks with a gap in between, to “I love you”, I would definitely tell him to slow his roll
Three months is incredibly fast, in my opinion, to say I love you. Maybe at three months you should feel like you’re in love with them, or at least infatuated enough to think it, but feeling it and sa…
Really depends on how long you known each other and how long you actually “dated”. I knew my bf from high school, we reconnected as adults and dated for like a month before deciding to be exclusive.…
>But I slipped out the “I love you” about a week after the 1 month mark lol. That's no real comparison to OP though bc you've known your bf for decades before dating. OP is dating a stranger
Me and my bf just hit the 3 month mark. We have not said “I love you” to each other yet. Although, at 2 months into dating, it was interesting, we were on the phone and he was complaining about life …
If he's an adult he'll get it. I said I love you like a month before she said it. We've been together for almost 2 years now and getting engaged this year.
I think it depends on you and who you’re with. I act totally different with my now husband than I ever have with any other person I’ve dated. I quite literally want to be glued to my husbands side …
You're getting hung up on something trivial. No rush on the I love you if you don't meant it but I would communicate why you haven't said it, since he's probably wondering how you feel. It will be inc…
I’m planning to make a post about it. But basically, he hasn’t said I love you yet and hasn’t really initiated conversations (it’s usually me who does) about the future other than dates and trips etc
I didn't realize I was so touch starved that I almost blurted out "I love you" to my date last night after the second date... fortunately I stopped myself moments before disaster
A series of events: Met a man on Hinge. Went on a bunch of dates. Did lots of fun stuff. Defined the relationship (my first ever relationship). Went on a bunch more dates, and generally spent …
My ex was very selfish in bed and not very affectionate in general. Months after our breakup, I got back on the apps and hooked up with the most generous, sensual, amazing-in-bed guy. I was laying nex…
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This hurt me to read. I think you deserve so much better. It took him 5 years to say I love you to his ex???!
I met my wife on Hinge and when we started to get to know each other she told me that she had never been in love before. I was nervous about that but I really enjoyed our conversations and I felt lik…
I think saying “I love you” is the least of the concerns here. You’re looking for some validation in that phrase, but I think you need more validation in this entire relationship. You’re essentially a…
Wow, there are a lot of layers to this (especially the fact his parents never tell him they love him). My feeling is that if you're otherwise happy with the relationship and he shows you he loves you …