emotional neglect

FAQ on emotional neglect - For anyone new to the subreddit or looking to better understand the fundamentals — **What is emotional neglect?** In one's childhood, a lack of: everyday caring, non-intrusive and engaged curiosity from parents (or whoever your primary caregivers were, if not your biological parent…

Unsent letter to a prior ex, in the midst of a current breakup. — I am in a crash course on my own nervous system while in the midst of a breakup with a dismissive avoidant man I've loved for almost five years. I'd known about the anxious-avoidant trap for some time…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

Will I ever not feel so lonely? (Seeking input from older folks on this platform) — I am nearly 47 years old and the emotional neglect I suffered as a kid and still suffer at the hands of my parents, still has such a profound impact on me. I know there are people of all ages in this …

Coming to terms with possible childhood emotional neglect - curious how others turned out — As I’ve gotten older and started reflecting on my life, I’ve slowly worked backwards and realised that I might have experienced childhood emotional neglect (CEN). What’s funny is that it actually sta…

Why did it take me so long to realize the neglect? — I was always a fairly gifted child and after puberty I started to question everything in the world, society, meaning, etc. I was aware that I was depressed at the time and having clear symptoms of lo…

Does anyone else feel they can tend to be unsympathetic to those who grew up without emotional neglect? — I feel this often. When I see online posts of someone with a familial problem (I judge as) banal. And pretty often in the PHP group I used to go to. It makes me feel awful and like I’m being unfair to…

Does anyone else struggle with telling people your plans? — I don't know if this is just me or possibly a symptom of emotional neglect in childhood, but one thing I've noticed about myself is that whenever I have plans to go somewhere or do something, I strugg…

Found out my husband resents me a lot for my mental illness — Let me start off by admitting I did something wrong. I looked at his Reddit history after seeing his username on his computer. Yes, that was wrong of me. Basically, I found his post on depression\_pa…

For the adult children with emotionally immature parents.. now what? — Okay, we've established our parents are emotionally immature and neglectful. They don't care to know us as adults but they expect us to care about them. Now what? Is this just how it is now? …

Is it emotional neglect to have to get yourself ready for school/prep breakfast/lunch from a young age? — I cannot remember my mom ever being awake for morning wake up. If I missed the bus and had to come home and wake her, she'd be very mad. Except the first day of school each year til I was in middle sc…

Why does it take years to realize you’re traumatized? And why does "standard" therapy often miss the point? — I’ve been thinking a lot about the "lost decades." For 30 years, I thought I was just "the nice guy." I thought I was just "lazy," "unmotivated," or "heavy." I went through life thinking these were m…

What's a statement from your parents that sounded good back then but has aged like milk once you realized your emotional neglect? — As in something your parents often said about you that at first sounded good but you look at differently now that you are aware of the emotional neglect you experienced. I have one. And it's pretty h…

[Partner] Wife’s suppressed severe trauma surfaced. She’s in extreme ‘flight’ mode, refusing therapy, and I am burning out. Need honest outlooks. — \*\*Added some new context at the end Hi everyone. I’m hoping to find some perspective, hard truths, or shared experiences from those who have navigated severe PTSD/CPTSD dynamics. I am completely e…

Best Advice I Ever Received — "You cannot obey them into loving you correctly." What is the best advice you have ever received regarding emotional neglect/parental neglect?

The deep scars of emotional neglect. — I am the 4th, and youngest child of an emotionally unstable, single mother. Growing up with her was hell. You never knew what you were going to get. One day she would be distant and completely unrespo…

question (that may be stupid, sorry in advance if it is) — so, i've essentially never really felt close with my family, especially in the past years, but haven't really thought much about it until maybe about a year ago and, lately i've been roleplaying, whi…

ex feels too guilty to be fwb — he says he wasn’t a good boyfriend & feels it’d be wrong of him to reap any benefits of affection since he hurt me & feels like he wasted my time. i tried to assure him that it’d be okay & i wouldn’t …

What is the point of emotional support groups when they're taken over by trolls? — Would be nice to have a place to talk about stuff without some bot telling me to "go to therapy" and thrown into that endless loop of "potential friends weaponizing therapy to tell you to go away" > "…

I still feel like all the abuse was normal — Three months ago I had a realization that my mother was abusive my entire life. Verbally and physically. Silent treatments. Emotional neglect. Hitting me in public as an adult. About a week after tha…

I was loved but I was emotionally neglected? — I was recently diagnosed with CPTSD, the cause being emotional neglect, but I don’t get it as I love my parents, they loved me and seemed like they cared for me, in school they’d always stick up for m…

I just don't get how mild, unintentional emotional neglect has got me so messed up — I am hyper-sensitive to perceived rejection, I jump at loud sounds and my body physically jolts itself awake from whatever stress is in my body when I try to sleep. My mind is warped in a way that I t…

Sadness over lost childhood — This probably isn’t as serious as most other posts on here, but reels about Polly Pocket showed up on my Facebook feed and I was just overcome with sadness. We weren’t poor by any means, my father wor…

I am so confused. — My parents are so nice, they told me they loved me all the time, food was served everyday, I got what I needed in terms of entertainment too, I felt love and I love them too. I’m so confused on how a …

Severe emotional neglect and yet unable to let go of the fantasy of family — I am wondering if anyone has been in this position? My husband was severely neglected, not even spoken to as a child and just passed around and left to fend for himself. As an adult he lived various p…

Movies That Accurately Portrayed How Parental Neglect Effects Somebody? — Looking for movies that actually show how emotional neglect by parent/s can affect children. Especially as they get older (tween/teen) and their future relationships with friends and partners. Doesn…

Codependency/Enmeshment and emotional neglect — I've heard "codependent" thrown around with a lot of varying definitions, and it's not an official term in psychology. But, to my understanding (and Wikipedia), it can be used to describe a relationsh…

Advice with my parents in the past — I don’t know if this counts as emotional neglect or bad parenting so lmk. Pretty much I’ve been dreading coming back home from college to a point I’m staying on campus for summer. I’m nearly 19 and…

Self isolating for 40 years. I'm more at home when I'm alone. — I have worked almost entirely alone (and at times completely alone) for the entirety of my working life and home life has been much the same. My childhood was marked by isolation and emotional negle…

It was so hard being the perfect child everywhere but home — I don’t know if this is a common experience of emotional neglect but for as long as I can remember every single teacher, friends parent, stranger that interacted with me would always praise me to my p…

Afraid of everything - What you think i could do? — If i was going to use archetypes, im a child of a devouring mother and an absent father. **Most of my attitude in life is a combination of flight-freeze but also some fawn.** Anima, Animus and Shadow …

Afraid of everything - What you think i could do? — If i was going to use archetypes, im a child of a devouring mother and an absent father. **Most of my attitude in life is a combination of flight-freeze but also some fawn.** Anima, Animus and Shadow …

Afraid of everything - What you think i could do? — If i was going to use archetypes, im a child of a devouring mother and an absent father. **Most of my attitude in life is a combination of flight-freeze but also some fawn.** Im essentially afraid of…

Can just emotional neglect cause CPTSD? — TW: SH I'm not looking for a diagnosis, but I'm just wondering if this can cause CPTSD, since nothing really happened, it's more about what was missing. During my early childhood my dad was away ex…

Awkward feelings from blocked out past — Hello, I need your help, you ever just get the feeling that there is some form of inappropriate sexual contact during childhood with a parent? Likely between ages 2-4, and severe beltings and spankin…

All abuse is physical. — Many of us struggle to reconcile the fact that emotional neglect is abuse. Maybe you grew up in a nice neighborhood with a roof over your head, decent clothes, and food on the table. You weren't hit o…

"Growing up emotionally neglected is like nearly dying of thirst just outside the fenced off fountain of a parent's kindness and interest." — The dichotomy of existing in a home where my mother said, "I love you," and even kisses and hugs before bed or on the way out the door while simultaneously never asking "how are you?" or have any curi…

Would anyone else be interested in a book club to read the books suggested for emotional neglect? — As the title says I am interested in a book club for the books suggested for emotional neglect but I cannot find one. So I thought about starting one. I want to read them to help me work through …

Being emotionally unavailable — (29f) (34m) we have 5 years together, moved in together last year and the lease ends in a month, I had some trauma from previous relationship, I always thought my current gf would leave me like the pr…

Roadmap or resources — Hit a bit of a brick wall, overwhelmed by different resources, models, concepts, looking for a clear path forward. In a rut with moving towards a life I actually want, feel intensely stuck, isolated a…

I figured it out — I've known about emotional neglect for a while now, but despite knowing this I've been stuck in this deep dark pit for a decade. I've been living at home with my parents ever since I dropped out of co…

Help 💔Living in a house where I’m stuck between my parents unresolved pain and it’s affecting me — ​ I don’t even know where to start, but I really need some outside perspective. I am a student trying to focus on my studies, but my home environment makes it really hard. My parents have had…

I'm the bad guy! And I admit it! But I'm growing. — TL;DR I did dumb shit but I've learned & grown & I want some insight from guys who've accepted accountability & made the best from the worst. So I'm gonna get this started with some backstory. STBXW …

Discovering even more aspects of neglect that seemed good at first. — Hi everyone. First time sharing progress here. It's not that big of a progress, but still relevant. It's about aspects of emotional neglect that I didn't quite grasp at first. For a bit more backgrou…

Does anyone else who has a 'high' ACE score feel like a fraud for having that score? Like they bypassed the questions and are exaggerated to get this score and don't actually deserve it? — I want to get into this by saying that ACE test **extremely** unreliable, false and too constricted to cover everything that can cause profound trauma, they often don't include stuff like religious/cu…

Best type of therapy for CPTSD from age 2-41 while still in a severely abusive relationship? — I posted this in r/therapy but not sure if anyone will have an answer so posting here in case anyone here has experience with this. I have just recently become aware that my marriage of 17 years was…

Does anyone think they're the problem? — I recently moved back after almost 20 years on the other side of the world. through therapy I understood my issues relating to emotional neglect. My parents get so defensive every time I bring up inc…

Did anyone else feel completely blindsided when they realised how parentified they were? — I always thought I was “mature for my age,” but now I’m realising it wasn’t maturity, it was survival. I was managing everyone’s emotions, fixing things, being the “good” and capable one in a family t…

My parents love me and I feel bad every time I think about emotional neglect. — I was emotionally neglected as a minor, I felt unseen, ignored etc. while I have all the characteristics of emotional neglect, and I have been told the same by many professionals, I can’t help but fee…

My parents love me and I feel bad every time I think about emotional neglect. — I was emotionally neglected as a minor, I felt unseen, ignored etc. while I have all the characteristics of emotional neglect, and I have been told the same by many professionals, I can’t help but fee…

I feel as if this is emotional neglect and I don’t like it. — TW(Just in case): Mental Abuse I’m in my 20s and it’s making me feel like I’m crazy. It feels like they still treat me like a child. I get anxious when I am about to leave my room now. Since I was a…

Credit goes to /u/Amasov too since many of the descriptions under "What forms can emotional neglect take?" and under the question on common consequences come from his notes.

Early brain development is such an important topic. I'll be sure to look through more of your post history especially because it's an area I haven't delved into very much. What would you want someone …

Just found this sub, I know I'm a little late commenting. One thing that I think can be added in relation to how emotional neglect can cause PTSD: People think of PTSD as something that is a threat …

Thank you so much for this, it’s cathartic to see the traits childhood emotional neglect can cause. I always just thought well this is how I am like I was just made this way, and seeing them as result…

Hey there’s a Z code in the DSM 5 for emotional neglect, I’m sure. I haven’t looked but there’s a lot of different Z codes to help identify life circumstances, to give a bigger picture to the F code d…

Emotional neglect isn't just something a child experiences, it can be perpetrated on an aduld by another adult- their spouse/partner and family members.

I am a 40yo male with a partner who experienced emotional neglect. How can I be a better support person for her without sacrificing my own mental health? We have been together 5 years and we still br…

That's a good question. I'd like to know the answers, too. Does she acknowledge the emotional neglect she experienced? Does she recognize some of the ways it plays out in her outlook and person today…

Thank you for sharing this 🙏 I have a follow up question if anyone could help answer. I've been trying to heal from this, and I want to be able to share my journey with friends and extended support n…

Just found this sub and consider it a safe place. My mother is a narcisist and my father is just there. I suffer from complex-ptsd from emotional neglect, and verbal,emotional abuse. I just recently…

You sure they were secure? Back in the day I used to think some of my exes were secure until I realized they triggered my nervous system because they were triggering my trauma, more specifically my em…

Thank you for your supportive words :) I am definitely still an AP, but in comparison to some years ago I am able to identify my patterns and self regulate my emotions much more. This is the big diffe…

Childhood trauma doesn't always look like yelling or hitting; people mistake this a lot. You can have a lovely attentive parent who still didn't teach you emotional regulation, sent you in time out in…

This attachment style develops from trauma. Your posts shows that you are unaware of the trauma you experienced. Therapy would be a great place for you to build some insight. Many people are unawa…

Yeah, it's learning to be honest and open up to the therapist and developing a safe, nurturing relationship with them (often the first one we've had) that does the trick. You gotta do that somehow to …

This one is loaded, and I really feel it. As someone who's actively working through avoidant tendencies, I’ll say this: therapy *was* a must for me. I get the hesitation—there’s stigma, fear of being …

Sorry to hear of this situation. I can only imagine how frustrating it was or still is to you. I can't speak on behalf of this person, but from my own recent experience, Im only now coming into expl…

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you might be describing the 'Drama Magnet + The Citadel' trauma attachment patterns, which often come from emotional neglect childhood experience for you, and con…

It mostly comes down to what your childhood was like. If you had a good childhood but your parents were busy and didn't have a lot of time for you ect this could cause AP. DA have mostly good childhoo…

I haven't read a ton on attachment theory, but I've listened to hours upon hours of videos from Heidi Priebe (love her), Thais Gibson, and Teal Swan. I recently watched one of Teal Swan's vids on emot…

Text of original post by u/f1rstpancake: I am in a crash course on my own nervous system while in the midst of a breakup with a dismissive avoidant man I've loved for almost five years. I'd known abou…

I dated a DA. I didn’t know what a DA was until I met him. His son was having a mental breakdown when we just started dating and he asked me to talk to him. I thought it was weird he couldn’t talk to …

In an anxious avoidant cycle with my fiance, we've been dating for 7 years. Some times we are better at navigating the ebbs and flows and sometimes all hell breaks loose . In general I've stepped int…

To an extent. As for how I feel? When I was younger, a lot of guilt and regret towards how I treated them. Now that I am older, I see those relationships for what they truly were. A transactional rela…

okay so I actually think I lean more towards anxious preoccupied attachment now… not that ChatGPT is always right but I used it not too long ago when I questioned my attachment style tbh and it made s…

Jonice Webb PhD Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect Ichiro Kishimi The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real…

Hi!! I highly recommend these: For core wounds and relationships : 📚Mathew Micheletti and 3 more The Inner Work of Relationships: An Invitation to Heal Your Inner Child and Create a Conscious R…

emotional neglect and abuse are enough to traumatize a child, insecure attachment is formed from trauma, deactivation is dissociation and dissociation is a trauma response under the category ”freeze” …

So I read the article, and it's pretty interesting. I'm definitely in the freeze+fawn group. Freeze from childhood emotional neglect, and fawn from my narcissistic, volatile, and controlling father. I…

That makes a lot of sense. What you’re describing doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings. It sounds like a nervous system shutdown when you’re pushed to go inward. When the body tenses and wants to run,…

It seems to me that you need external validation in order for you to stay in a relationship. It's like you don't value your own opinion or trust your own feelings. I had - perhaps still have a similar…

Hi, I am 29f and he’s 30m. Hi, how do I seek reassurance that doesn’t come off as manipulative or toxic? I’ve always been a needy, clingy girlfriend due to emotional neglect in my past. One of my b…

Happy to hear it helps, and it sounds like you're making good progress! In terms of blaming others for who I am, I'm taking an intermediate position. I understand now how my parents were shaped by th…

Hi I previously recommended these to someone so will copy and paste it here Book on understanding and healing trauma : 📚The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma…

I'm by no means secure, but I think these examples are pretty clear cut. Secure people know how to say "no". Our childhood emotional neglect taught us that it's easier or safer to just comply, but we'…

No not really taking energy out of me. It’s more just anxiety inducing. And no my social anxiety hasn’t really dulled overall. But more so in the last year or so but that’s also because I got less dep…

57 and absolutely relate. Apparently emotional neglect has lasting effects. Stumbled onto this in therapy.

I'm 57F and only realized the extent of my childhood emotional neglect following a complete breakdown a few years ago. Like you I have a devoted husband. Our kids love us in a way I find hard to compr…

Thank you for your encouraging words. My mom has been sober for many years, thank God. But her alcoholism defined many parts of my life and was a big part of the emotional neglect. Since she’s no long…

Remembering God's love and care for me, the dignity with which he created each of us -- even if our parents fell short. I'm also a practicing Catholic. My journaling is usually free form and usually …

Are you me? No but serioiusly its crazy how many parallels we have, emotionally overwhelmed mom, absent dad, also thought I had BPD for so long! And my friends would always say i had such low self est…

With the lens of emotional neglect, I have a whole new perspective. When I meet people and spend time with them, I can quickly see if they are a fellow sufferer. The opposite is also true. I didn’t f…

That is a hard and heavy burden to shoulder and I am sorry that you (and OP and so many others) are expected to bear it... going from unseen to invisible. The impact of gender norms and expectations i…

[spiritual bypassing](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-spiritual-bypassing-5081640) - spiritual bypassing is a form of emotional neglect where people bypass the grief, pain, and suffering of the t…

My therapist explained that emotional neglect is harder to notice compared to other types of abuse that are much more visible, i.e., physical abuse, having parents scream at you, having parents neglec…

I had been depressed since at least first grade, my parents just chose to ignore that part of the psych report. So I did what everyone else was doing and tried to repress it. And it worked until high…

For myself: there was no sexual abuse and no physical abuse, which were the only types of abuse my child / teen mind would have recognized. There was emotional abuse, but I was never educated on what …

I find everyone's comments here so interesting and so validating. When I was growing up, I knew my family wasn't normal and that my parents were depressed . I even could easily recognize the alcohol d…

it's so validating to read this thread. i've always been treated like an insolent, ungrateful child when i've tried to express how i felt harmed by my parents' behavior. it's really sad how normalized…

When I turned 30 it hit me I was emotionally neglected. I don’t know why then, but it was like the day after my birthday it was there. I went home for Christmas that year and I saw my parents so dif…