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Why does he do that

r/relationship_adviceUpdated 30 days ago
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my (36 F) bf (48 M) has anger issues: do I leave?

Yes, get out. He won't get better. That he doesn't even see that he is the problem should show you that he will never change. That he gives you the blame for his behaviour "you made me do this!"... h…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/12/2026
Has anyone reached out to their nex’s exes for the truth?

Has anyone reached out to their nex’s exes for the truth? — I’ve been thinking a lot about how my ex framed all of his former partners as mean, crazy, narcissistic, or toxic, and now that I’m out of the relationship, I’m questioning how much of that was ever t…

r/NarcissisticAbusepost3/30/2026
Soon to be divorced ?

Soon to be divorced ? — Alright Reddit , I’ve been married for 12 years , I’m a 35 yr old woman and husband is 36 yr old male . We have 4 beautiful children . My marriage has been bad since day one , he yelled at me for ask…

r/Divorcepost4/8/2026
What are the signs to spot a DA or FA in early talking stage?

Oh sure, I really love "The Child In You" by Stefanie Stahl (a German author). "Attached" is being recommended here often, also "Why Does He Do That" by Lundie Bancroft.

r/attachment_theorycomment5/20/2025
Do fearful avoidants "split" or "idealise" and then "devalue" when triggered? Or is it more likely to be a sign of something else? (Eg BPD/NPD?)

I’ll second what the other person has commented- that you gotta stick to your boundaries. Though I’m picking up on things that may be concerning here. I am not accusing anyone of anything, but are y…

r/attachment_theorycomment11/14/2025
Do fearful avoidants "split" or "idealise" and then "devalue" when triggered? Or is it more likely to be a sign of something else? (Eg BPD/NPD?)

I understand. I can relate to these feelings *a lot.* I understand not wanting to label someone you love as an abuser, I think it can prevent so many people from actually healing because… I mean I cou…

r/attachment_theorycomment11/16/2025
Do fearful avoidants "split" or "idealise" and then "devalue" when triggered? Or is it more likely to be a sign of something else? (Eg BPD/NPD?)

Thank you so much. I started reading "why does he do that" last night and I started crying because I saw so much of him and our dynamic in it. I feel like I'm in this state of sickening shock. The jus…

r/attachment_theorycomment11/17/2025
Looking for advice on how to stop being an avoidant

If it were me, I would continue to be avoidant of men and prioritize friendship with healthy women. And maybe try to see if you get an inner bisexual hiding in there to explore romance with women. Jk…

r/datingoverthirtycomment2/17/2026
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - March 03, 2026

as a woman I have to be friends with a guy for a while before I'll date him. I'm not dating a complete stranger... that's so insanely irresponsible to me. Lundy Bancroft, the author of the infamous *W…

r/datingoverthirtycomment3/4/2026
my(F28) bf(M30) thinks themed bridal shower of my friend is stupid and my costume is stupid.

Read “Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft.” There is a few pdf online. I just don’t like the way he demeans you.

r/relationship_advicecomment3/7/2026
I Genially Think My (35F) Husband (36M) is a Psychopath

Please read this book as soon as you can; his behavior will start to make sense. ###Why Does He Do that - Lundry Bancroft https://dn720006.ca.archive.org/0/items/why-does-he-do-that-inside-the-mind…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/9/2026
I ran into my ex and his new girlfriend. Crashing out.

There's every chance things AREN'T going well and she was outside your apartment trying to get the nerve to talk to you to ask if what he's doing to her, did he do that to you. OP let's pause, take 1…

r/NarcissisticAbusecomment3/10/2026
My husband (36M) told me (33F) that I don’t deserve love until I’m 140lbs again?

You being healthy, happy, and confident is so more important than numbers on a scale. This is not how someone who genuinely loves and respects you would ever speak to you. Please check out the healt…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/12/2026
My cop husband cheated and now I can't trust him when he leaves for night shift.

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. It's absolutely unbelievable he would do this after what his parents went through. He's but embarrassed. He's upset he got caught and his fun times aren't fu…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/13/2026
My boyfriend (31M) is upset I prioritize money and don’t want kids, even though I (24F) told him this from the start

He doesn’t listen to you because he thinks he’s superior to you. He doesn’t respect you. Now he’s gaslighting you and trying to turn this around when he had no intention to respect what YOU want for…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/14/2026
I (26F) told my boyfriend (26M) I sometimes miss the freedom of being single and he broke up with me on my birthday

“I often feel like I’m walking on eggshells around him. He can be very strict and when he gets angry he sometimes gives silent treatment or holds things over me for a long time.” It probably doesn’t …

r/relationship_advicecomment3/14/2026
The trauma bond is wild

I’m also in the thick of trying to untangle a trauma bond from my nex that’s been built up over years now. I’ve found the book Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths by Shahida Arabi t…

r/NarcissisticAbusecomment3/14/2026
My husband cheated and is now the meanest person I’ve ever met

Two reasons I think: 1) coping by making you the bad guy so they can rationalize their poor decisions or 2) When you discover a vile behavior and they realize they can’t fool you anymore, that you’ve …

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/15/2026
I (26F) told my boyfriend (26M) I sometimes miss the freedom of being single and he broke up with me on my birthday

>When you're single you don't have to think about another person in every decision you make Umm... that's still true for when you're dating. At least to a certain degree. You shouldn't have your life…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/15/2026
I (26F) told my boyfriend (26M) I sometimes miss the freedom of being single and he broke up with me on my birthday

> I begged him not to give me the silent treatment > I often feel like I’m walking on eggshells around him. He can be very strict and when he gets angry he sometimes gives silent treatment or holds …

r/relationship_advicecomment3/15/2026
When it’s finally over with a narc or NPD person

Npd isnt about maturity. It's their coping mechanism and value system. Its VERY rare to change a person's value system. The book why does he do that? explains why abusive people dont change

r/NarcissisticAbusecomment3/15/2026
What can I do when my (20F) husband (20M) is convinced I cheated on him because I’m pregnant again and refuses to listen to me.

If you abort, he can hold it over your head and forever call you a cheater. He knows you will have zero proof then. If you admit to it to stop the fighting (don'tdo this please), even when the child i…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/16/2026
I (36F) want to eat dinner together every night. Husband (37M) is resisting.

ADHD is not the issue here. He makes obvious plans to stay away from both you and his child. Find out why in therapy. Otherwise, I would just ignore him. It's an AH move on his part to order take-…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/17/2026
Fiancé 26 M shamed me 25F for my kink

No comments on the jealousy/possessiveness? You need the link to Why Does he do that? And to read it. Secure your birth control and delay the marriage at the very least. At best, break up. …

r/relationship_advicecomment3/17/2026
A simple example of how narcissists create no win situations.

Narcissists do this thing where they act like the perfect partner at the beginning of a relationship. It’s called getting “new supply”. Look into reading “why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft. I a…

r/NarcissisticAbusecomment3/17/2026
I (19F) told my boyfriend (19M) it’s not my job to prove I won’t cheat.

Red flags are showing. He’s trying to manipulate you into doing what he wants. Please read “Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft. https://ia601407.us.archive.org/6/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/18/2026
My husband (34M) told his friends about my miscarriage as a “joke” and now says I’m overreacting (32F)

I'm scared you are in an abusive relationship but don't realise. The joke itself is bad. Him doing it while you are away. His reaction. These are things an abuser would do. He doesn't seem to have a…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/19/2026
My husband (34M) told his friends about my miscarriage as a “joke” and now says I’m overreacting (32F)

Once again I am begging women to not be with horrible men and to not make excuses for them being absolute pieces of shit. Please leave 🫶🏻 And look up DARVO and Lundy Bancroft - "Why does he do that?…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/19/2026
My husband (34M) told his friends about my miscarriage as a “joke” and now says I’m overreacting (32F)

He dismisses you and then gets mad at you for his abhorrent behavior. Read the book, Why does he do that By Lundy Bancroft It’s free online and it will help you see his manipulation and motives.

r/relationship_advicecomment3/19/2026
My husband (34M) told his friends about my miscarriage as a “joke” and now says I’m overreacting (32F)

hi! here it is: [free pdf of Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That?](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)

r/relationship_advicecomment3/19/2026
my boyfriend always talks about my body as if he’s settling for it :( (20M 20F)

I understand how you feel 100%.  I too had a relationship like this when I was young twenties too, and it took me some time to leave too.  What happened for me is that it started small, like this - li…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/19/2026
My husband (34M) told his friends about my miscarriage as a “joke” and now says I’m overreacting (32F)

Please, please read "Why Does He Do That?" Do it in secret, sit with it awhile, and let it sink in. You absolutely don't have to live this way. You do not deserve to be treated this way. Complete str…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/19/2026
How I learned that a lot of women/girls are scared of men

I read quite a bit of the book *Why Does He Do That?* by Lundy Bancroft recently and it made me realize, "oh. THAT'S why women are afraid of men." It was very eye-opening.

r/CPTSDcomment3/19/2026
How do I (39F) forgive my husband (39M) for making a fake vet appt for our senior dog?

If he’s doing this when you appear to be mentally healthier, it would be worth examining why he wants to keep you in a state that reverses the progress you worked so hard to make, and your therapist w…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/20/2026
Text that Blew Apart My Entire Life

Run mate, run. Please choose yourself. She will do it again n again. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but that is the reality. Please read and or listen to Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do Tha…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/22/2026
​Husband (46M) keeps "helpfully" rearranging, hiding, and disposing of my (46F) stuff--what tactic or wording can I use to stop it?

He's doing it on purpose. He doesn't like you. He resents you and enjoys your upset and making things difficult for you. You should leave. You should read "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft

r/relationship_advicecomment3/23/2026
​Husband (46M) keeps "helpfully" rearranging, hiding, and disposing of my (46F) stuff--what tactic or wording can I use to stop it?

I got anxious just reading this. This is absolutely psychological abuse. Read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft.

r/relationship_advicecomment3/23/2026
​Husband (46M) keeps "helpfully" rearranging, hiding, and disposing of my (46F) stuff--what tactic or wording can I use to stop it?

And op, if you’re not ready to leave, let me tell you what I did to get here -I recognized that allowing someone to walk all over me was something I was accepting because I was not raised in a house…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/23/2026
I 27f pregnant can barley eat and my partner 31m didnt sleep because I ate McDonald’s

As a trauma therapist with a lot of experience in abuse dynamics, my alarm bells are going off. Controlling men rarely truly change, because real change requires specialized intervention programs, ove…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/24/2026
30F My 30M keeps commenting on what I eat with a magnifying glass. How do I go about telling him how this makes me feel?

I don’t understand why you would marry someone who bullies you, so I assume this is new behavior. Leave him. He thinks he has you locked down because you’re married. Keep your finances safe and sepa…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/26/2026
I think I’m a female narcissist and it’s ruining my relationship

Therapy is your best option, you can also read books like "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft. Staying in the present is hard after you've survive…

r/DecidingToBeBettercomment3/26/2026
30F My 30M keeps commenting on what I eat with a magnifying glass. How do I go about telling him how this makes me feel?

You would benefit from this free copy of Lundy Bancrofts [“Why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men”](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/26/2026
Boyfriend insults me in fights

OP, read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. It's available as a free pdf, and it will shed light on his behavior.

r/relationshipscomment3/27/2026
My boyfriend (39M) threw his bag at my (33F) face, refused to apologize "because he thought I would block it", then stormed out to leave after I said I just wanted to be alone

Please read “Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft. https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

r/relationship_advicecomment3/28/2026
My boyfriend (39M) threw his bag at my (33F) face, refused to apologize "because he thought I would block it", then stormed out to leave after I said I just wanted to be alone

Does he show a pattern of not being able to admit fault for anything? He blamed you because he knows he did something wrong but can’t admit that to himself or anyone else. Read [why does he do that](h…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/28/2026
My boyfriend (39M) threw his bag at my (33F) face, refused to apologize "because he thought I would block it", then stormed out to leave after I said I just wanted to be alone

let him go, angel. he’s abusive. you break up with him by text after he clears out all his stuff. never ever go back to abusers. [free pdf of Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That?](https://dn790007.ca…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/28/2026
Husband had an affair… is reconciliation even realistic?

I would put a significant amount of time up to see if he truly is committed to changing if reconciliation is even on the table. There are a ton of barriers to success here. Master manipulators like …

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/30/2026
Close friendship ending because I ( F26) became their (M 27) emotional punching bag

No. This is an abusive relationship. He is emotionally and verbally abusing you. You have given him chance after chance to change. He *knows* it hurts you. He *knows* it's wrong. He's *choosing*…

r/relationshipscomment3/30/2026
37/m. 3 months ago, I committed an act of domestic violence on my ex partner and I am trying to make sure the version of me that did that stays in the past.

R/anger is maybe also a good place Also read ”Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft if you’d like some perspective. It’s available as a pdf for free online

r/DecidingToBeBettercomment3/30/2026
r/relationship_advicecomment3/31/2026
Stop trying to one up physical abuse victims

In the book “Why does he do that?” The researcher acknowledges that the majority of women who have been physically abused said that the emotional abuse was worse than the physical abuse. All women who…

r/CPTSDcomment3/31/2026
My (23F) husband (26M) gets offended over EVERYTHING and I don't know how to handle it anymore?

The silent treatment is abusive and manipulative. Please read “Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft. https://ia601407.us.archive.org/6/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

r/relationship_advicecomment4/1/2026
My Boyfriend 18M won't stop calling Me 18F a foid, how do I stop this?

Also if I could recommend reading why does he do that by lundy bancroft it might save you one day ❤️

r/relationship_advicecomment4/1/2026