protecting

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

Announcement Regarding Community Safety — Dear SEO Members, We are reaching out to address a serious issue that affects the safety and well-being of our moderation team and our community as a whole. It has come to our attention that the CEO …

With the recent judgement on Apple will this finally stop Apple from stalling PWA progress in favor of protecting their App Store? — I’m guessing they’d want to focus on mobile web payments with Apple Pay (the bigger play here)? Or am I wrong?

Should I purchase multiple domain TLDs for my brand? What’s your opinion? — Hey everyone I own the main .com for my brand, but I’m wondering if it’s smart (or necessary) to purchase other TLDs too like .net, .co, .io, and so on. Some people say it helps with branding, trus…

How can I let devs update their lower environment terraform while protecting production environments? — I know the title is a rather open ended question, but let me lay out where I am now, in the hopes of getting ideas on how to do this better. For a given service, we'll have one directory for environm…

Manifestation coach hired me and fucked me over — Hi everyone, this is my first post here and I’m writing because I’ve exhausted every other option. And I am FUCKING DONE WITH IT. I hope some of you will see this and help me to hold that person accou…

A message to earnestly curious skeptics and non-experiencers: How to engage experiencers within this community and learn about the topic. — We are seeing an increase of activity from people outside of experiencer circles in threads as time has moved on and more and more people are starting to understand there really is a "there there" and…

Detachment or deactivation? — Me (23M) and my ex (22F) broke up one month ago because she was feeling overwhelmed by some arguments we had due to changes in our lives (new place to live, new work). She's FA. I was secure for almos…

Any podcasts and/or books on toxic workplace from avoidant perspective? — Most things people keep recommending include gray rocking, which I'm already prone to. I'm cordial and actually fairly social, but there to work. The person that I'm having issues with expects me to…

Avoidant conversation patterns are confusing me - should I address them? — I’m (secure leaning anxious) getting some confusing conversations patterns from an avoidant friend. And I don’t know if I should address it or just let things continue to play out. Context; we disco…

I (28F) cut off my in-laws after how they treated me before and during my wedding, but I get anxious when my husband (27M) still talks to them. How do I move on? — TL;DR: My mother-in-law and sisters-in-law insulted me, fat-shamed and color-shamed me before our wedding and caused major drama during the wedding itself. Now they act sweet in front of my husband. I…

Healing is noticing abuse in REAL time. — One of the signs of healing is, noticing abuse IN REAL TIME. When I mean abuse I mean the manipulations, passive aggressiveness, taking jabs at us, gaslighting and anything that is harmful or disrespe…

The Exhaustion of Being Someone — Most people think they are tired because life is hard. But there is another kind of exhaustion that sleep does not fix. It comes from maintaining a self. All day we manage an image: explaining ours…

As a child I was always the one protecting others but no one protected me in a severely abusive household and I was the youngest, how does my chart reflect that?

My mother sent my childhood abuser to my home, after I have been successful at making sure he never knows where I live. — Conversation is below. I have been very careful making sure my brother never knows where I live, as he beat me as a child so much police intervened and I was such a mess I was mandated to go to thera…

My parents raised me to just serve people — I'm 22(F) and have moved away from my parents place but might have to go back because it has become too expensive to live alone and my parents bought a bigger house so it would all work out for me if …

need help protecting + restoring — so due to a family emergency about a year and a half ago, my partner, 2 kids and i moved in with his family. he’s always lived in a multigenerational home—culturally the norm. i’ve been so anxious &…

Energy Exchange: How We Give, Take, and Protect Our Vital Force — Energy exchange is, essentially, communication. The energy a person generates is given outward. But, in accordance with the laws of conservation of energy, a person must receive energy from outside. …

the narcissist catchphrase bingo list — edit 1: jesus christ my initial 32 I wrote already look like they arent a lot lmao (the comments in total added 45 UNIQUE PHRASES HOLY JESUS) , okay heres the updated list (most of the updates will be…

32 years old, 4.5 years into the healing journey I've literally JUST realized I was sheltered — I can't believe this has only just hit me. I'm 32 years of age. THIRTY-TWO! It's literally just in the past hour hit me that I was extremely sheltered growing up and it's lead to me lacking the skills…

I don’t know how to understand what’s happening in my family (mom vs sister & husband) — This is a long read, but I’d really appreciate any insights or thoughts. I feel pretty alone in all of this. I’m trying to figure out how to even classify what’s going on in my family, because it fee…

UPDATE: I found out my fiancé slept with his ex a year into our relationship 3 years ago — [Here is a link to my original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/s/2ArIlwSYpf) A while back I posted about a relationship filled with betrayal- sexual, financial, and emotional. We t…

He said he doesn’t have to pay for his past sins. — We have had a disrespectful marriage given we both cheated on each other but always tried to reconcile. Most recently my husband was lying and cheating with prostitutes and chatting with women on What…

How to disconnect from sensory distractions, transforming external noise as preparation for AP — I want to share a perspective on sound and "noise" that might fundamentally shift how you approach the vibratory stage and the meditative stillness required for projection. Often, we view external sou…

I still love him after he cheated - should I stay or give him a chance? — I’m having a hard time processing my breakup. My ex and I were together for three years, and it ended because he cheated. He never became physical with anyone else, but he talked to people on a dating…

Mind is a time machine — Here’s my reasoning. Please don’t think I am crazy. While I was grieving a lost one, I started to have an obsession with the past. I was dreaming, daydreaming, overall imagining myself as my old sel…

Worried I'm a Sexual Abuser — I (F) have a therapist but don't feel comfortable sharing this with her, so I thought I'd make an anonymous post here. I am trying to understand things and work through my shame and guilt. I remem…

Which career should I pursue — I am ready to work hrd but I'm confused about my career I'm currently studying engineering I don't know for what reason from childhood I have a connection with lord shiva in dreams in real life…

I have lived in codependency my whole life — parents, sister, now husband. I don't know how to make myself matter. — I am a 28 year old woman, PhD scholar. From the outside my life looks accomplished. But inside I have been struggling my whole life with one pattern — I lose myself completely in other people. First …

How can I do better — My Story — A Journal Entry Where It All Began I grew up in a joint family — grandparents, cousins, relatives all around. On the surface, there was warmth and togetherness. But my immediate family wa…

Relationship anxiety — one of the hardest things in life is, dealing with heartbreaks. I had few painful heartbreaks before my marriage. so when I got married, I literally winged it to marriage during honeymoon phase of ge…

I (34M) recently cut all contact with her (26F) when she said she only wants friendship. — I’m looking for honest opinions because I feel really conflicted. I met this girl on a dating app. At first, we didn’t pursue anything because of some character differences. Later on, when I moved to…

A whirlwind — Last year, I watched my “wife” have a psychotic episode resulting in her hitting herself multiple times in the face. I had the strong desire to video record her, but didn’t because my mom had mental h…

The guilt is consuming me and I don’t know what to do in my life situation. — My life conditions are pretty wild and I’ve been living in it gradually realising how messed up everything is. Not to be too long, I would say that my family has bad hygiene like really bad to a poin…

[29F] My boyfriend [29M] expects me to move across the world for him, but treats our relationship like a "performance review" and says telling my parents about us is a burden. — I \[29F\] have been with my boyfriend \[29M\] for a little over a year in total, but our history is a bit complicated. We met in September 2024, but broke up in April 2025 because he felt "uncertain" …

Planetary Answers from a Lucid Dream "Tom Cruise" — I've had lucid dreams sporadically for a while with a group of dream characters/people in them who I've dubbed 'the family.' Most of them look unfamiliar to me (just regular looking people, though man…

I (28f) can’t tell if my anxiety is affecting my relationship or if something is actually wrong (Partner 28m) — TLDR: I don't trust my thoughts and feelings and want to know if what I'm going through is a normal couple emotional relationship bump. Summary: I’m in a generally loving relationship, but I struggle…

Am I (28F) overreacting or is my partner (28M) unsupportive? — TLDR: I don't trust my thoughts and feelings and want to know if what I'm going through is a normal couple emotional relationship bump. Summary: I’m in a generally loving relationship, but I struggle…

Alone — I was raised by narcissists. They abused me in multiple different ways, did not allow me to see my friends, blamed me for things they literally did, encouraged me to harm myself, stole my identity, an…

Healing slowly and noticing how much care I have to give, with nowhere to put it — Going no contact with my mother after years of her not protecting me and being emotionally unavailable has been one of the clearest but hardest decisions I’ve made. Holding that boundary, especially …

I ruined everything and couldn’t face it for over a year. Lately it feels like things are changing, but… — She was right. About everything. She had me dialed. It’s been too painful to face and admit for a long time, I refused to look in the mirror. What’s embarrassing is when she left, I told her to do tha…

I ruined everything and couldn’t face it for over a year. Lately it feels like things are changing, but… — She was right. About everything. She had me dialed. It’s been too painful to face and admit for a long time, I refused to look in the mirror. What’s embarrassing is when she left, I told her to do tha…

Have you ever been close to someone who also had CPTSD and it made both of you worse? — I didn’t know anything about CPTSD until last year. My first relationship was with someone who had BPD, but now I think she had comorbid BPD with CPTSD. It lasted 5 years and it was super toxic by the…

Is this real life? I wish I'd never started therapy. — Here we go. When I had my daughter, I promised myself I'd never do the things my mother did - namely, hitting her. That's back when I thought that was the worst thing my mum did to me growing up (lol…

My sibling was killed last week — my brother was killed by a car last week and my parents are being unbearable. I was extremely LC with both of them before he was killed. he was LC with them as well and on even worse terms with them…

i feel like im breaking and idk where to say this all — maybe there is a better more specific to what im saying kind of subreddit to put this on but i dont really know much abt reddits or what exactly im allowed to say where so: **tw: abuse, neglect, vio…

10 Tips That Actually Made No Contact Stick For Me (127 Days NC) — After seeing so many “I broke NC again” posts, I figured I’d share what finally worked for me. I’m 127 days in after a 3-year situationship that was slowly destroying my peace. No dramatic story today…

Should i just leave everything behind? — started my life living with my grandma. As long as I can remember, I was with her. She was the one who raised me, took care of me, and gave me the only real love and safety I had. With her, I felt li…

Heard a cry from the collective unconscious? — I am not a psychic by any means, I just had an experience and want to find answers to what had happened. I went asleep after a tough shift, ate prior so the carbs did a number on me but as I was hal…

Please help us — When my wife and I first got together, her mother was very welcoming. She spent time with us, smoked with us, and seemed supportive. Around that time, my wife (who was 16) wanted to become emancipated…

The only thing I would really recommend is learning about internal family systems. That kind of work *can* be done on its own but I did the majority of mine with a therapist. The book “No Bad Parts” b…

This is not a competition who is far less irritating or who is more evil than the other. Its about both parties should be taking accountability. I am more than agree with you that AP’s biggest challen…

FA here. While not full-blown DA, I can share some insight since I have avoidant traits. Not feeling good enough, like my efforts aren’t enough. That my authentic self will be shunned if I express it…

The first question is, why does the drugs trigger you? What are you imagining or feeling when they talk about it. Logically, it's just part of their past. If it was something that could happen again o…

I love this post and appreciate your ferocity in protecting the community and all of us in it. We need to keep this a safe space for us. I receive the occasional DM but usually don't respond because …

I'm am an exceptionally cynical person but that's by nature, and what I have noticed is that most cynical people are embittered and jaded romantics who have been let down too often and proceed to then…

Absolutely. Mental health deserves real care, not silence. Thank you for protecting this space 🌀

Wow, you have done a significant amount of research. I am just now learning about these Avoidant Attachment Styles. I'm not real sure what my SO has, and I'm also not sure which attachment style I hav…

What question do you have specifically. You are very focused on her. However, what is really at the root of this that is going on inside of you? Are you hoping to save her as a way to earn her love? D…

Also, my ex would do similar things like you described. If I voiced I was concerned I had BPD and shared “why,” he would be supportive in the moment but the second there was conflict he would weaponiz…

Sure, here is a portion that resonated with me a lot and made sense on what attracts me to the avoidants or unavailable or troubled people. Shall share more if you are interested: The need to be need…

This is bang on to how I operated back when I was more DA. And really, it just comes down to the fact that even though it doesn't show on the outside, we are so, so scared of other people even as we l…

>Do you feel the need to protect your peace? If Soo dismissive avoidant, 100% of the time, and borderline narcissist. Why is protecting one's peace a bad thing? It doesn't necessarily mean dismissin…

Avoidants typically harshly assert distance when their subconscious feelings are coming the closest to being exposed though. They will also often keep people they have genuine feelings for in their or…

Yeah, probably part of it. I’m emotionally open and secure which is why he couldn’t be in a relationship with me and maybe why he struggles with the friendship at times. Needs to tell himself we aren’…

Feels like safely sinking into myself... like I am a cave of warmth and everything I need protecting me from the dangers of the outside world.

I would also not appreciate knowing I was being phased out instead of broken up with at the time my partner decided they didn't want to keep dating. Protecting my feelings would sound like a BS excus…

this landed hard because i've been there too — not exactly your story, but that feeling of being a burden before you even open your mouth. what hit me reading your post: "my needs were often put on t…

I'm so sorry you tried to heal with someone who obviously needed to do their own healing first. I know it can feel like you're back-sliding or like you've failed in some way. But you truly haven't. R…

I’m 33, single female, never married. I’ve done the apps. I’ve done the setups. I’ve done the “give him a chance” thing. What’s changed in my 30s is this: I’m no longer afraid of being single. But tha…

I think deactivation is a strong internal mechanism of protecting yourself from a situation where you are giving without receiving, and not getting your needs met. If you’re not balancing it out, payi…

>Very affectionate in summer and possessive if she felt I was seeing anyone else She probably was and thats why she was worried about you doing the same lol >I would never, those are intimacy behavi…

sounds like he's financially and emotionally enmeshed still. You did the right thing by protecting yourself

>Would you be okay with elaborating a bit on the wound triggering? I’m not sure if this is something I did *to* her or just happened to be around when it started. You didn't do anything to her, its n…

For me, the key has been not to try to "fix." The urges you have aren't the enemy, they're your system trying to protect you, and going to war against them or judging them will often result in entrenc…

Not sure if avoidant attachment generally extends towards avoidance of *tasks* and other responsibilities and such, but I’ve been dealing with avoidance in a lot of different places in my life. Work, …

You already know the answer. You should be excited after a first date, not worried about protecting your peace 

And that's exactly what's going to happen to you 99% of the time if you try to politely reject someone, especially if you're a women dating men (yeah I said it lol) They're going to want an explanatio…

I feel you so much on this post, you have motivated me and helped me see my life a little clearer, I’m so sorry for the pain you are going through and thank you for your perspective. -protecting our p…

Protecting your peace may look different than any advice you’re given, for me, knowing the patterns, but continuing to have hope and keep the distance is the only thing that really works for me, hones…

Thank you, you’re so kind! I think you are right, “protecting your peace” is key. And that looks different to different people, circumstances, and can change over time. For years now, not respondi…

I would not use it. I believe it broke bc it did its job of protecting you. Get another one.

This is the key point. You are protecting them by keeping her away. Try to remember you are doing the best thing by choosing them over her. She would choose herself every time by the sound

Or more accurately, they are committed to protecting themselves from a perceived threat, even if that means misunderstanding you. And yes, the threat they perceived is usually imagined, but there's …

as a spiritual person myself, i get so irritated when people, especially other “spiritual” ppl, say things like this. it shows me theyre not truly spiritual and use it incorrectly and to seem “better”…

The fact that he isn’t horribly upset about this (IMO) strongly suggests he’s lying. “Someone else” emotionally abusing his wife and he’s just cool with it?! Any half-ass man would be protecting her. …

So here's what I'm seeing, and I want to be straight with you - this isn't about technique. You've done technique. Twelve years, Monroe tapes, meditation, occult work, you can even read auras. That's …

I’d ask your dad (or another trusted adult) to handle the child exchanges if possible. Let him be the one physically present and communicating during drop-offs. It removes some of the emotional levera…

It’s ironic that you’re calling for 'productive discussion' while completely dismissing the actual, lived experience of a five-year relationship. If 'self-reflection' in this sub only means 'quietly…

You're 21 and he's trying to control where you sleep at night, so this isn't about protecting you, it's about control, and the sooner you stop apologizing for being an adult the better.

I feel this so deeply. Having a child (and my family’s lack of interest in them, too) illuminated just how awful my parental figures were to me and my siblings. I can’t imagine not centering, celebrat…

Radical acceptance! Grieve and get it out. Then live your best life! Scream kick if you have to! Don’t put violence in writing (just protecting you) It hurts but life is worth living!!!!

Learning to have establish and enforce boundaries is the first step to protecting your energy and well being. You say your main attackers are family so you cannot detach, and I would suggest this may…

Many states have laws about workplace harassment and safety even coming from clients. A coworker who was protecting you from harassment was doing the right thing. There’s zero reason you can’t be fri…

Adultery can impact custody/alimony in some states. Consider getting second opinions from firms like marble law, cordell & cordell, or mckinley irvin for strategy comparison. Focus on protecting your …

All of this & I wish I had done this DECADES ago instead of the impossible tight walk act of trying to keep her appeased while also protecting my own family. Newsflash that you all probably know it di…

I forgot getting matches on hinge doesn’t always = conversation 😂 nice reminder. Oh well. One thing I’ve learned in the past couple years is protecting my peace, not overextending myself , and not ch…

Go ahead fuck his brains out. Use protecting don’t get knocked up. Don’t want an std or drama either

Thanks for your response. You're right that if our relationship continues to progress and deepen emotionally, it might not feel as "stuck" as I'm imagining it will when holding off on practical things…

Thank you. Expressing myself more concisely and with more specificity seems to be a skill I need to work on. From another reply: My reason is basically that I need to be able to trust him to protect…