out of the blue

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

A little positive reflection for anyone feeling they’re in the trenches right now. — I only learnt what attachment theory was during a breakup with my most recent ex 2 years ago. When he dumped me seemingly out of the blue because ‘I deserved better’, ‘he needed to be alone.’ Etc etc …

Starting over — Heya, I don’t want this to be a negative thread— looking for some positivity and hope maybe? I (34F) am recently out of a one year relationship. It was my first secure relationship in my entire adult…

I don't want to cry all day and feel lonely anymore. I don't want to fear abandonment anymore. I want to improve myself. — In 12th grade I became very close to a classmate of mine. Both of us bonded over shared trauma and basically became inseparable. We texted each other 24/7 and became very VERY affectionate which then …

Feeling “off” after trust rupture — attachment system or intuition? — I have been dating my current partner for about a year now. Long post incoming. I’m posting because I’m noticing a significant avoidant shift in myself and I need perspective specifically on my own at…

DDay - 2/19/2026 - Online Emotional Affair Led to Full Blown Infidelity — I found out my wife was going on “solo” concert trips, but was also using them as a way to vacation with a guy she had been talking to online for years. Seventeen years together and seven years marri…

If You Get to the Center Time Stops; Sun as the Center — During yesterday morning's tarot card reading, I received the message, "if you get to the center of the wheel, time stops." My interpretation was that getting to the center means *perceiving* time as …

My husband (29M) and I (29F) have a dead bedroom because he says I dont initiate — My husband (29m) and I (29f) have been together for 8 years, married for 1. For the past 3 months we went from a very active sex life to a dead bedroom out of the blue. Every other aspect of our relat…

Does anyone else just not tell their mother anything — I have too much trauma to write here but in short I stopped telling my mum anything from about the age of 16 (now 31) because I learnt the hard way that anytime I was brave enough to share my true tho…

Some men have questionable hygiene and it has made dating even more challenging than it already is. — Dating is already challenging enough. I (43F) am completely exhausted from conversations about hygiene before a date - because I don’t want something like hygiene to prevent us from getting to know o…

Avoidant advice needed. I '28f' am worried my partner '29f' is distancing away — To start, we have lived together for 5-6 years and I believe my partner has an avoidant attachment style whilst I am anxious, although I have learnt and am learning to regulate it. Currently my partn…

How to deal with an avoidant person — As I've read it's really normal that me and her would have an intense connection deep talks future talks like all good she's deflective me being sweet but she joins in just light jabs but she has alwa…

Coping with anxiety — Hi! I am a 26 yo doctor who is about to give a presentation on Sunday at a medical conference. Last few years (out of the blue, I didn’t struggle with this before the age of 21-22) I developed some s…

I (23F) was too nervous to finish a threesome and now my boyfriend (27M) seems to hate me — My boyfriend (27M) and I (23F) have been together for three years. I thought everything was fine, but about a month ago, he said he was a little bored and that we needed new stimulation. He said we sh…

Have you had any experiences where your beings saved yours or someone else's life in some way? — *(Added this image as I thought it was fitting given the title - its one of my favourite sculptures which is called The Ecstasy of Saint Teresa by Gian Lorenzo Bernini, finished in 1652)* \------- P…

Broke 6 months of no contact — I(26M) texted my ex(24F) on her birthday just to be nice. It was a stupid idea I know. Basically I broke no contact of 6 months through this text and we didn’t exchange a lot of words she just thanked…

Divorced WS is doing a lot better after 5 years of no contact after divorce for cheating — An ex cheating partner is thriving after the divorce. He confessed out of the blue and he took accountability for all the bad choices that he has done. Before the divorce he confessed to my parents an…

I (f 22) tested positive for an std after years of being clean and consistent testing and my bf (m 24) of 2 years says it’s “impossible” it’s because of him despite not being tested for 5 years and now we’re not okay. — \*\*\*UPDATE\*\*\* After a long 3 days my results came back and they were all negative. I, of course, told my boyfriend and he was relived much like I was. He was supportive of me and he apologized …

Why do I suddenly want him back — Four months ago we stopped talking, he ended things out of the blue for the third time now. I was so angry and disappointed by his actions that I never really greived the break up. We have been no con…

I lost the perfect relationship, will she come back? — Me (18M) and my ex (17F) had been dating for exactly two years in a long distance relationship, where we both loved each other and things were going great before she dumped me last week. last monda…

I need advice — So I \[20f\] am with \[20m\] have been with him for about a month and a half. I really do love him i just dont feel a deep connection that i have felt with my ex \[20m\]. little back story... my ex an…

My sister admitted that mom responds differently to her than she does to me — For years I always felt like my parents but most especially my mom never took anything I said seriously or just didn’t listen to me. If I was arguing about something, she’d tell me I’m wrong and to sh…

Seeking support with emotional regulation and anger. Will meditation help? — Hello, hope everyone's doing well today. I've never really found myself on this subreddit before, but I've been thumbing through it this afternoon and really feeling intrigued and inspired by a lot of…

Was so delulu but got shocked by the results so far — PLEASE HELP 🙏 So I was with someone for 3 years, and when we broke up we kept being in a situationship where we kept together but our surroundings didn’t know about us! and lately, we stopped talki…

How to be happy single? — Hi all. Im a 20 year old male, never had a gf, and not a very attractive bloke. Ever since I was a wee lad (start of puberty) I had always thought that I'd just be in a relationship out of the blue, …

Having a hard time moving on — She was my everything at one point even though our relationship wasn't the best as we had a rocky one from the start. It's been 2 years since we broke up, but in that time we eventually started talkin…

I (21M) recently broke up with my gf of 3 years lets call her Mori. We have been fighting for over a year at this point and it reached a tipping point in where she cheated. Anyway fast forward 2 months I have been planning to message someone I have a history with. Let's call her Mela. — I (21M) recently broke up with my gf of 3 years lets call her Mori. We have been fighting for over a year at this point and it reached a tipping point in where she cheated. Anyway fast forward 2 month…

How did you cope when you realized that the person you loved was never really "there"? And that what happened between you, was mostly in your head? — An eerie and disturbing feeling crept in the moment the mask slipped. At first I was confused, but during the next days I came to the harrowing realization that she was wearing a mask all along, and t…

I’m afraid — my girlfriend broke up with me one month and a week ago. we only dated for about that same time so it was really short. however, I did not expect the break up at all, and it was completely out of the …

What's something your parents did to you that YOU had to apologize to them for that still makes you angry? — As in, situations where despite you being the victim, you were forced to be the one apologizing. I know mine too well, unfortunately. I've told this in comments before, but now I'll tell it here. So…

Part of me wants answers and part of me wants her gone forever — After being discarded with no explanation and treated like her worst enemy for no reason other than trying to love her, something inside me wants to text her if any of it was real. If she ever loved m…

Thoughts 3months post discard. — Its been 3 months since i was discarded by my cheating, lying, gaslighting, manipulative, psychotic, evil, pos boyfriend, who love bombed and promised enough to keep me so hooked because he knew i was…

Success Story: "I make $55/hr" 2 week streak F20 — To preface, I've had the knack for manifesting money here and there for around 5 years now, and I'm still in the process of fully realising my power and being in total control (ie having it come more …

Is Love worth the pain that follows it ? — I am going through my first heartbreak , and i am feeling like is all this relationship and marriage stuff , are they worth the pain they cause , and how abrupt and out of the blue shit can go down, a…

Am I dealing with a fearful avoidant — I’ve been dealing with a coworker for months. She has a heavy history: 4 high-stress jobs, and a very deep shame she carries which a lot of people judge her for ( but I didn’t),and 4 cheating exes. I …

To all dumpees… what would make you guys regret losing a person? — A little context: me and my ex were in a ldr for 2 years. Everything was going grt, but one day, completely out of the blue, she told me she wanted to break up. She didn’t give any reason, just said t…

Should I just leave my father and move back to my home country with my mom? — Tl.dr Should I(17f) just leave my dad(40sM) and and move back to my home country with my mom(40sF) (who isn’t in this country btw) bcz things are really messed up. My mom is thinking of getting a divo…

Why is she just messaging me out of the blue? — I moved out almost a month ago. I told her before I left I was going no contact to help myself heal and that it's not that I don't want to message her all the time but I am giving her the space she wa…

My ex wanted me back — I'll start when it all started (last year when i was 17 and now I am 18) . So when my ex and I first met she had joined my friend group at college and we all were hanging out and just chilling walking…

I cant find anyone else I’m interested in — Ever since my ex from my 3 year relationship broke up with me out of the blue (7 months ago) I have not been able to be interested in any other guy. I don’t even have hope we will get back together an…

Fresh Breakup Vent — i have a love-hate relationship with breaking up on good terms. good term breaking up means you have to accept what happened. there is no anger to cloud your loneliness. you’re left with almost a void…

Vent — i have a love-hate relationship with breaking up on good terms. good term breaking up means you have to accept what happened. there is no anger to cloud your loneliness. you’re left with almost a void…

Am I wrong on this — TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**. So my partner works with this girl who I had no problem with at all. She started bein…

my ex texted me out of the blue at night — not saying that it was bad , i really liked talking to her we talked alot , like just random talk , she said she wanted to talk to me because she doesnt have much friends and i get that , we broke up …

Channeling Moses- but is it actually Loki?? — Hey everyone, I’m not sure who to turn to for advice on this, but I’d really appreciate some insight or guidance. This is a long post but it gets weird: About 8 months ago, I had a spiritual awakenin…

Learning how to heal — FYI, this gets long but I guess I'm needing to vent or get second opinions from people who are in a similar boat. My mum is a narcissist and for as long as I can remember she's been putting myself and…

My (30F) husbands (30M) friend (28F) confessed she has a crush on him and wants to sleep with him. What is the best way to handle this? — This is super complicated and ridiculous in a lot of ways. My (30M) husband and I (30F) are content and have no intentions of divorcing. However, my husband does have a free pass. He can sleep with w…

I [18F] just got upset with my [18M] boyfriend. Could someone help me find out if I’m in the ahole? — Hey guys! I just got upset at my boyfriend, and if someone can help me out that would be great! So, earlier we were both together at my house but hanging around when my boyfriend got a call from one…

I (24F) found my FWB/BF's (26M) tinder account after we agreed to become exclusive. Help? — I want to ask about a situation I’m going through right now. I (24F) met a guy (26M) in my martial arts class. We met at the end of November 2025, we hadn’t been friends prior, we just acknowledged ea…

DAE feel like they miss skin layers? — I have learned the skin has 3 layers. But everytime I dare to relax my muscle tone, there are always white christian men who think they can walk right through and take the opportunity to kiss me out o…

I’ve read all Nevilles books several times over, but I’ll check out the lecture you’re referring to. About my successes, I manifested more money than I had ever seen before. Prior to that, I thought…

>About my successes, I manifested more money than I had ever seen before. Prior to that, I thought I’d always be broke. I even had to take a screenshot of my bank balance to remind myself of that amaz…

As I said above, it's for people who has tons of disbelief, to start small and BUILD up. You, as in most people need faith to be built. Well.. My first moneymission I had 80k out of the blue, it's one…

Exactly, for example for someone who wants a partner, the more you program, the more you will feel it real for yourself, your confidence will jump. And if you are a dude seeing a hot girl staring at y…

I had a quick glance at this on my break and will chip in more later, just by point 1 alone I see you haven’t grasped it, feeling is the secret indeed. But the feeling isn’t emotions. 2 That knowing…

Love these arguments. Point 1: There is a difference between hypnosis (true authentic feelings of experience of here and now of the desired outcome) and daydreaming. When you give your mind and your…

I think it really depends on the partner and how willing they are to communicate. In my last relationship I was avoidant leaning secure and my partner was preoccupied. There were certain things I thou…

I'm so sorry, this sounds so hard. If you can, I think it would be amazing to focus on yourself right now and what you need. My long distance boyfriend dumped me out of the blue after one disagreement…

I've been in this exact situation when I was an FA in a LDR with another FA in another country. And our f2f time was very little like yours but we spoke daily, intensely and talked and had plans. I kn…

This picture was taken in Marseille, where my ex and I had our first (unforgettable) date a couple of months ago. We were walking around the city at night, so in love. It felt like we were perfect for…

This is so tricky and difficult for you to manage, because the message itself appears genuine and heartfelt. But remember the bigger picture here, beyond the words...this is someone who just pretty mu…

I'm still very new to this forum, but from I can see people here tend to explain the totality of events solely based on the attachment theory. While it does explain why someone with insecure attachmen…

I get it. My last partner was the one I made so much progress with, and he ended up being extremely avoidant and discarded me out of the bluea year in. It was very painful. But honestly the amount of …

Your story might be my story if he didn’t break up with me (of course, with having a mature conversation). It lasted a month, and we were thrilled until we first met and it became real and fantastic –…

Sorry to hear you're going through this. I've been through something similar. Overall the biggest thing that helped was accepting that they can break up with me and my obsessing won't change that. I…

Text of original post by u/Positive-Entrance193: In 12th grade I became very close to a classmate of mine. Both of us bonded over shared trauma and basically became inseparable. We texted each other 2…

How long have you been married? If you know he can be relaxed or at ease and his resting face is serious looking (which I imagine is the case for most people), why do you need additional reassurance? …

This is all valid, thank you! We've been together for 17 years, this Halloween 😁 He is extremely familiar with my trauma, and could probably tell you exactly what is going on in my head during these…

I [28M] recently started dating a wonderful woman [24F]. We talked for about two months, and finally became official at the end of September. I’ve dated seriously before (my last relationship being 5 …

I associated it with a freeze response because that's how he's described it before when it happened in the past. I injured my foot but had no crutches. He watched me crawl around the floor to get to …

>I associated it with a freeze response because that's how he's described it before when it happened in the past. To be clear, what I said before was that it *is* a freeze response, just that it's n…

Stuck around birth family for three days, came away with loads of goodies of course but at the expense of my sanity. Holidays are superficial commericalized bull, people are stupid, unhealed careg…

I mean… imagine what it feels like from his side - you get broken up with and for weeks/months you are left alone to get over it and move forward with your life, maybe wondering if something is wrong …

I have never had a woman be this friendly/flirty to me out of the blue. Not even close. I didnt consider that she would wear a fake ring, though. I appreciate the insight. Idk why you are talking abou…

Currently in that "I'll be single forever" mindset. It's temporary, and I don't really believe it, but sometimes it just seems to be the loud, annoying thought that takes over, and I let it because it…

I am sorry…his words… Ask yourself - was this really out of the blue and over this relatively minor incident. Did you just not go to the party.  Okay, whatever you do - do not contact him. Do not exp…

It depends on how long the relationship is. Over 3 months, you really should be breaking up in person or by phone (so you should be able to actually talk about it and say you're surprised) . Over 6 da…

I feel this. My ex was a friend of many years who ended up breaking up with me out of the blue. Turned out he was *not* ready to be in relationship*,* in addition to being emotionally immature and ins…

I’m pretty sick this Valentine’s Day (and this whole week tbh). I wanted to celebrate with my partner but alas I’m coughing and throwing up phlegm so we haven’t spent the day together since I didn’t w…

Occasionally it can work, if you just weren't compatible on a romantic level but got along in other ways and there is honesty, especially if there is kids involved. My ex said he wanted to stay friend…

Yeah, never really got a response. No, I shouldn’t drop the friendship, right after I posted it my friend texted me because I hadn’t chosen walking dates with him for the next month. Every time I “tes…

Had dinner with one of my older friends last night, I’m 31m and he’s 56m. I’ve got a small close group of 4 friends in their 50s and it’s always interesting hearing their perspective on life and what …

It was one of my first online dates. I was super nervous and it was in a packed coffee shop. I was overdressed and spent the entire time sweating. Imagine if that guy got a rejection text from me out …

I got rejected a few days ago out of the blue lmao our first conflict ever (nothing crazy) she just dipped. Dated for 3 months total.

True, I could do that. But he introduced me to her today, and right now it's unlikely we will get time together away from her, so it's awkward lol. I kinda just want to ask him if he is dating her …

Agreed. Someone isn't suddenly going to grow an interest in your life out of the blue.

Since my last post about [diving into the world of matchmaking](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/g7AeBUgP7X), a few people have reached out privately to ask questions and for updates and I …

>I want to tell my boyfriend that I'll always prioritise my BFF That's how your bf turns into your ex. >I hope my boyfriend one day becomes something close to what my BFF is today You don't just "b…

i've had clients with sun-uranus transits and honestly? it's like they're being rewired from the inside out. sudden changes in their sense of identity, which can be super disorienting. one client had …

Rant incoming. F34, seeing a M32 for about a month, all going well, talking regularly, seeing each other 1-2 times per week. He’s introducing me to his hobbies, music he likes, we’re getting on well.…

The last couple lines of your second paragraph hit hard. Sucks when things end badly after opening up like that even if you're an oversharer like me. A girl and I just shared childhood Halloween costu…

How can you tell if you’re with an avoidant? I’m kind of spiraling— my long term relationship is in trouble and I have been trying hard to fix it. Even this dynamic is a little weird for me, everythin…

Dude, that's a tough one. She sounds like she's got some serious attachment issues, especially with the therapist mention. The whole "it isn't working" out of the blue after things seemed good is a cl…

I was with the love of my life for almost 4 years. Out of the blue, 6 months ago things/he changed. We’re not together. I’ll spare the details cause my point is, put yourself first. People can seem aw…

I hadn't seen my parents in about a year or so (we live in different states) and my mom just out of the blue tells me that she didn't think I'll end up getting an inheritance. My dad sputtered and was…

I love the fact that you packed and left, I'm sure most people reading it would be like dam I wish I did that. A freind of mine same situation, like yours out of the blue shocked everybody. He just…

Hi. So let me start by saying I'm almost 40 and I've been where you are. It was hard. But after time I healed. I thought I lost my person when my (at the time fiance) left me. Out of the blue. Kicked …

Last August my GF of 3 years was talking about marriage and how our life together would look. By Labor Day she basically ghosted me out of the blue. You will never know what ran through his mind or …

Hey u/Temporary-Shock-5339 People are coming at you on the basis of arguing the merits of your post. I also posted a comment arguing against your post. Based on comments you have made, you were **th…

Well said. What I don't understand, though, is that nothing led up to our breakup. I didn't do anything wrong, he made it explicitly clear that I was perfect and "the best girlfriend ever" after dumpi…