ideal

How do you enjoy what you have now without worrying about where it's going? I've been talking to someone and genuinely enjoy the time I spend with them, but I have this nagging thing in the back of my…

Donald Trump & the LOB — JM sub, It has been talked about Trump and the LOB a few times on this sub, and I wanted to remind you about how Donald Trump has used, and still uses the LOB in his favor. Recently, I've seen an in…

Do things you want always have to be created in the mind first, or can you manifest things you want in a more generic way? — For example, I don't have an idealized vision of the car or house I want, but would be very pleased with several different brands of cars, and several different types of homes that are already on the …

Donation-Based: Visualization Meditation Workshop on Repairing Insecure Attachment: Sunday 13th of April — The course will cover basic Ideal Parent Figure Protocol (IPF)/attachment repair. This course is good for people who want to learn about IPF/Attachment Repair. 9am to 1pm this Sunday 13th April on…

Sharing my learnings as a mid-seniority job seeker — I started job-hunting in April. After two weeks of sending applications and receiving zero feedback (only ghosting), I scheduled a few calls with my mentor. Based in Eastern Europe and looking for a f…

Inappropriate Design Task — I recently did well in an interview and have been given the most wild design task to date that I was made to feel stupid for pushing back on and would like some opinions. I was presented with a 9 pag…

Thought experiment – What if OpenAI had followed classic startup advice? I will not promote — Let’s have some fun with a thought experiment. What would OpenAI’s journey have looked like if it had followed all the usual startup advice from the Paul Graham / YC / generic playbook? Things like:…

I’m looking for recommendations on a good Front-End course/certificate. Ideally for UX designers — I’m looking for an easy to follow, front end coding course that will teach me the basics on building a single page prototype. I’ve seen some job postings for UX designers asking them to use code to …

Why do people in LOA communities ALWAYS go to Reddit for their problems when JM advised against that? — Hello everyone. I've been into JM's (and NG's) teaching for quite some time. I enjoy it thoroughly and dipped my toes into the subreddits, so hence why I'm here instead of the NG subreddit since I wo…

Etsy integration that allows products not listed on my Shopify store? — Hi all, I'm trying to get started with Etsy integration with my Shopify store... Would like some suggestions on which app to use. I've looked around myself and maybe I'm misunderstanding how this who…

Seeking Technical Co-Founder for Fantasy Football Punishment Platform (I will not promote) — Hey everyone, I’m in the process of building an exciting startup focused on **fantasy football** and I’m looking for a **technical co-founder** to join me and help bring this idea to life. The core i…

Ibm Event notification question — Hello everyone, I am having difficulties to configure my alerts with different templates. Maybe can someone help me? In Event-notifications i have created a Source. In this sources i have 2 …

How to Build a Site for Both Art and Ecommerce? — Hi everyone, I’m a freelance graphic designer and currently have my portfolio site on Squarespace, which also includes a small e-commerce shop for art prints. I originally chose Squarespace because …

What are the best channels to promote your product this year? — What are the best channels to promote your product this year? I know every product and audience are different, so there is no perfect answer. But what would you guys say are the best channels to be a…

Co-Founder wanted — Me: a decade in acquisition marketing for top brands in Europe. Responsible for P&L, decided if I’m responsible anyways, might as well be responsible for the whole damn thing, and the benefits it come…

Marketing for startups (I will not promote) — (I will not promote) Proven strategies to take a startup from zero to scale ($10M+ ARR). As a 3X startup CMO, I have experienced tremendous success and a ton of failure.  I have been involved in th…

How do you persist data across pipeline runs? — I need to save key-value output from one run and read/update it in future runs in an automatic fashion. To be clear, I am **not** looking to pass data between jobs within a single pipeline. Best solu…

Common sense from an actual founder [fully boostrap 10M$ company] about startup studios' playbooks [i will not promote] — I don't post on reddit but I've recently seen an increased influx of post or people talking about X or Y playbook about how you should startup. i will not promote Let me get this straight, I won't cr…

using AI for repurposing our pillar content generated 4 million impressions and hundreds of leads — I recently led a Reddit content repurposing campaign that got over **4 million impressions** and **hundreds of new user signups** for my client. Here's exactly how I did it. # Why Reddit, and why use…

What back-end tools should I focus on to become a marketable full stack developer using .NET? — Hey everyone, I've been a front-end dev for a while now, and I’ve recently started diving into back-end development. I'm interested in becoming a full stack dev using React on the front and making my…

What’s the smartest business to start today with $50k–75K? — I’m 18 and looking to start a serious business with a budget of $50K–$75K. I’m not interested in quick flips or side hustles. I want something solid and long-term. Ideally, a real business with a phys…

Theme Suggestions- simple, visual oriented, for events/non-profit — Hello! I run a small nonprofit that produces low or no cost music shows for the community. Part of our mission is to be as supportive as possible to the creatives "on both sides of the stage"... So w…

Seeking a low-maintenance frontend/CMS stack for modernizing 10+ year old sites — Hi all, I’m looking for advice on a conservative, low-maintenance frontend and CMS stack for modernizing a couple of old but still functional client sites. **Background:** I’ve got two long-lived s…

Need recommendations : TMS or similar solution for a GatsbyJS site — Our GatsbyJS website (in the works to be migrated soon-ish) is partially translated into 5 languages (French, Spanish, German, Japanese, Mandarin) with just a few pages being translated into 5 other l…

Best low-effort analytics tools for Shopify optimization? I'm drowning in data... — I'm struggling to make sense of all the analytics data from my store. The native Shopify reports give me tons of information, but I'm finding it difficult to determine what metrics I should actually f…

Junior sysadmin looking for project ideas to modernize a simple infra — Junior sysadmin looking for project ideas to modernize a simple on-prem infra Hey everyone, I’m a junior sysadmin working with a fairly basic on-prem infrastructure with about 45 users, and I’m look…

Thoughts on Password Protection for Portfolios? — I wanted to share my solution based on feedback from hiring managers being frustrated with portfolios that are password protected (especially when you can’t find the password on your resume). Ideall…

What is the ideal way to instruct a web programmer on how you want the page to function? — Hello, Im trying to start an online Store and ive a few programmers willing to work with me. Ive seen some programmers here telling their Experiences with some customers saying to them “I want to bui…

Looking for a technical co-founder I will not promote — Hey all, I'm working on a B2B SaaS platform targeting a specific form of fraud that's draining revenue from e-commerce and logistics companies. It's a blind spot for many, but the financial impact is…

“No Referring Sitemaps Detected.” — **Why your web pages might not show up on Google — even if they’re indexed** I ran into this issue while checking Google Search Console and thought it might help others here. Many of our indexed pag…

Wordpress custom REST API — I have a WordPress-based learning portal with various user roles including Administrator, Tutor Instructor, HR Manager, Accounting Manager, and Academy Instructor. Students are able to log in and view…

Looking for WP setup: searchable listings + user edit access — I'm working on a project using WordPress and I'm looking for advice on the best **theme or setup** to make this work easily. # Here's the concept: * A **homepage with a search bar** where users can …

Way to protect a page, give access only to certain users with passwordless login — Hello, I am looking for a way to add a page to my WP site, accessible only to certain people. Ideally they would have access without a password: enter their email, and if this email is part of an au…

Log / Metrics / APM for SaaS Solutions with minimal / no Selfhosting — I'm currently looking into a tool for our developers to get metrics and logs from our Azure App Services and Azure SQL services into. I'm currently using Azure Managed Grafana for Alerting and Datadog…

Looking for Shopify Apps to Sell Products from Other Shopify Stores — Hi everyone! I'm looking to expand my Shopify store's product offerings by selling products from other Shopify stores. Ideally, I'd like to integrate their products into my store seamlessly, handle …

Would you find cash flow planning helpful? — Just coming up with different service packages for clients and want to know if annual cash flow planning and modeling would be an appealing offering to add on for existing clients. Would you like it …

Small business idea for neighborhood store — Hi everyone, I'm based in europe, greece and I’m looking for feedback on starting a small, neighborhood-oriented business that I can run mostly on my own. Here’s what I have: A 110 sq.m. ground-flo…

How to fix my own FA attachment (ideally without therapy)? — I've been aware of my attachment style for a while now but only recently been annoyed with it enough to want to fix it. I've never been in a relationship because of it and done some admittedly very se…

Is detaching the same as telling yourself that you already have what you want to manifest? — I’ve been trying to manifest an ideal job. Every time the thought of lack of money or a job comes up, I tell myself that I don’t need to worry about it any longer because I have what I want.

Afraid of the "how" — Hi to all. I have been studying the law and this sub since many years, then left, then (1-2 months ago) came back. I had my fair share of watching coaches, reading the content proposed here (and more)…

Why hold out hope for other people to meet my needs when it feels more productive and ultimately better to want nothing from other people? — I try my best to be the most attentive friend I can be no matter my internal state. I don't mind doing this for the people I value, and it makes me feel better to be helpful to other people, although …

Women I’m dating is afraid I’ll lose interest when I learn who she really is. Seeking FA perspective. — I’m ramping up my dating efforts because I’m doing well—both financially and mentally. Things have been going really well with a new woman I’m dating. We shared a nice moment on our last date, and I’m…

Help me to recognise my attachment style please! — I (26F) am struggling with this a lot, since my patterns of romantic behavior don’t seem to fit neatly into any of the four categories (AA, FA, DA, SA). On the one hand, I clearly crave intimacy and…

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

Do fearful avoidants "split" or "idealise" and then "devalue" when triggered? Or is it more likely to be a sign of something else? (Eg BPD/NPD?) — I am curious about whether "splitting" is something that is an FA behaviour or if it's a separate issue associated with other mental health disorders. As an FA, do you feel yourself "idealising" or p…

I earned secure attachment in 4 months... — I can't believe I'm writing this. I did this without dating a secure person and without spending money on courses/apps. I promise I'm not selling anything. Big disclaimers: * I am only mostly secure…

Half Day Meditation Workshop For Anxious Preoccupied and Fearful Preoccupied: Focusing on the sense of "unpredictable threat" or "uncaused anxiety', this Sunday 7th of December 2025, Donation based. — Half day meditation workshop on healing "anxiety without cause". It's this Sunday December 7th 2025. Donation based. If you can't make a donation due to finances then you can apply for a scholarship…

"Love bombing" and anxious attachment — At tonight's Anxious Attachment Healing Group meeting, we read the following reading: **1. “Love bombing” and anxious attachment**  “Love bombing” is a pattern of excessive, intense affection and at…

A Splash of Cold-Water for you — **Background** Hey everyone, I'm a contributor to this subreddit, and spend time lurking from time to time. I'm quite familiar with every attachment style. I, myself, had to earn security from my ow…

Feeling conflicted, I don't know if I don't love him and I am settling or if I love him and the "cons" are avoidant deactivation? — I 33F have ve been dating this guy 32M for 8 months. He's chased me for years and eventually recently I started to feel attraction back, he figured it out and kissed me. For some months I didn't feel…

Please help my friend and I decide if we're unreasonable. How much time do you spend with your partner or spouse and if you live separately or together. — My best friend and I are pretty similar. I'm single, she's married. I was dating a guy similar to her husband off and on for fourteen years but everything came to a head at the end of 2024 and we went…

I've asked two different entities, and they gave me partly conflicting answers. The self-proclaimed deity said most humans and all animals go to an enormous astral...warehouse waiting room thingy. Th…

So moonlight, So i just finished POSM, And I'm wondering, with the powers I have, is it possible for me to manifest an ideal job I want that doesn't exist?

Really solid points and then there's space for legitimate concern regarding abusive relationships. Basically, the “Power & Control Wheel”, like instances of sexual harassment/ assault, emotional abuse…

You put yourself in the mindset to take inspired action and you achieved your goals. Sounds like manifestation to me. This sub encourages action.  As for SP...I might get banned for saying this b…

This is 100% a pattern for avoidant attachers. It’s referenced as the “vulnerability hangover” in our own spaces. It’s almost like taking an ice bath. You can do it for a while, like 10-20 minutes, an…

To me, the book doesn’t so much denigrate avoidants as it highlight their challenges in relationships, to help anxious types recognize patterns and seek stability—often with secure partners as an idea…

Yeah I think that too but I'm sure Swift is an FA through and through. Her lyrics are so highly charged, often moving between stages of idealization and wanting outright distance from her partners, so…

Didn’t even know that was an actual theory but wrote something like this in my journal yesterday with regards to my feelings towards the end of a relationship with a DA. I wrote “the patterns that of…

One way to avoid over reliance on a therapist is to internalize a new set of secure parents that fulfill your needs and re-wire your internal map. The protocol, if you want to learn more about it, is …

Frankly the fact that you got so invested and attached, idealising someone whom you met for a whopping WEEK, tells me that your attachment issues are the problem here.

All the nice words he said are just that: words. And excuses. When two people are away and didn't really have much time to really create a strong bond, anything can happen. First, once you saw he's le…

By ‘phantom ex,’ I mean that the most recent crush is serving as an idealized image of someone they can never have, which makes it easier to compare others to this unrealistic standard. It’s common in…

i think you are idealising DA.

God, I relate to this SO much. Meeting people in person leads to me idealizing that person but anytime I match with someone online, I get the ick and ghost (not proud of it but that's the truth). Do …

That is a very interesting refelction! As someone more anxious, I tend to do similar things. The only difference is that I place people on a pedestal, more so when I haven't met them. I always have an…

200+ products, mostly hardware or hardware with software, and a dozen startups .. Great post.. so... Prove it. Make a sample, prove it works. I've been using 3D printing since they were fragile potat…

Your health checks ideally should also be business impact A metric showing something like % of successful vs failed requests in a system should correlate to business impact/service availability for c…

We run a product development company helping inventors go from a sketch in their notebook to a fully marketable product. We have had a few successes and are confident we can perform the work we …

I don't have much to share , but like to know how you came up with the idea to start your side hustle and what was your plan like step by step ? Can you give those? I'm currently trying to work on a s…

A lot of DAs come on strong in the beginning. We tend to have an ideal partner in our heads, and we get really excited when we think we may have found that person. I know I’m no exception. My bf, also…

Hey. How would you explain DA almost never being attached in early stages of a relationship (first months lets say) why is it so common for them to act loke they are the most attached to the other per…

[We just had a discussion about this in the AvoidantAttachment subreddit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AvoidantAttachment/comments/1kp4duk/the_hottest_hot_take/) What you're describing is very indicativ…

So maybe the best strategy is to set some rules for dating. Here's some suggestions: Make it clear on the first date that dating for you is an exclusive engagement. While you are dating one person, y…

I get what you're saying with respect to people taking responsibility for their actions, but I think it's unrealistic to expect everyone to be at the same point in their healing journey as you are. If…

By not chasing and instead matching their pace. Absolutely reply when they text you, and match the energy if you can. Ideally you’d want to be perceived as safe, so when they text you should be detach…

Attachment issues aren't medicated: source I work with people with insecure an attachment. Psychologists/ therapists don't prescribe medications anyway, at best they can give you a referral to a psych…

Look into the Ideal Parent Figure protocol. DM me if you need facilitator recommendations.

Love this comment. I’ve found it to be so true. For a regular ex I was with for nearly a decade and we had a fairly normal/stable/secure attachment to each other, maybe a little bit dependent on each …

Well, ideally, we would have a completely open conversation in which we both apologised to each other for hurting each other, and shared any of our own development that had happened since (& possibly …

I say this with kindness because reading through your posts, you remind me of me from 5-6 years ago. I think your feeling of shame is clouding your judgement a bit here. It sounds like you were just i…

you sound exactly like someone I knew once. how do you know she is avoidant? are you inferring this on your brief experience with her or is this because she told you? how do you know she just wasn't t…

It sounds more like you’re drawn to avoidants than the other way around. I don’t know about FAs, but DAs don’t really seek out people to date. We tend to have an ideal partner in mind, and we spring i…

While I understand your motivation, the dating scene has changed, and situationships are now part of it. You must find a way to incorporate it into your mating strategy.  You should come up with a ti…

OP I just think it's important you don't idealize her. It's not a good start when you create a mental binary that basically goes "I'm FA (dysfunctional and in the wrong) and she's secure (healthy/al…

People who are securely attached are often more than their attachment style because their behavior isn’t constantly filtered through anxiety or emotional defense mechanisms. They’re not performing saf…

I think that no one can get healed overnight and pushing oneself to be affectionate would only create resentment long term. I think it's better to ask space and explain the attachment pattern, and the…

Like anything in life, you cannot master a skill without practicing. So find out what attributes a secure man looks like & practice them until you embody being secure. It’s been proven that are brains…

OP your self-insight is great and this on/off again pattern (while unique to each individual relationship in its own way) is reassuring to read because of just how many similarities we all share. Th…

Honestly? It's mostly up to her to resolve that issue, not on you. But somethings you can do to help is tell her you like when people are being real, it doesn't matter if that's a bit imperfect. I al…

Yes, you are supposed to reassure him. And ideally, it's best to have a videocall if not every day, then at least a few times a week. But that's up to ya'lls preference. What i'm trying to say, reg…

I agree with this!  But be careful about jumping to conclusions too... "Ironically, her vulnerability in sharing that actually made my infatuation deepen into a real crush." I would go as far as s…

That is interesting. I would say he is also leaning avoidant, but during the relationship, maybe because I lean anxious. Once we broke up it seemed his anxious side took over and he missed me. Do you …

Oh I see, interesting. I don't think he had BPD but he definitely would idealise me in the beginning and then devalue me in the deactivation stage. I definitely noticed his black and white thinking an…

I'm sorry for the stress you feel and everything about it. It sounds like your life now revolves around him: \- You continue to have regret and remorse about the past. \- You are actively checking…

I'm AP, there is something which helps me detaching (it might be unhealthy though) I basically try to think how wrong other person did to me. Objectively speaking, your friend is at fault here. Confl…

I'm a FA femdom and you sound pretty boilerplate FA to me. Classic. I once heard a therapist describe FA as "basically anxious attachment but so far on the spectrum that they circle around and do beha…

I think you might have missed the "symbiosis" aspect of what OP is describing as their ideal relationship. Being close is one thing, but what it sounds like OP is talking about is a whole other ball g…

Help me to recognise my attachment style please! I (26F) am struggling with this a lot, since my patterns of romantic behavior don’t seem to fit neatly into any of the four categories (AA, FA, DA, SA…

I'd be curious what's going on with the guys you date that pull away after a few months. The knee-jerk reaction you describe is useful information but it would be more useful to see if you're somehow …

(Jsyk I edited my original comment a bit while you were typing.) Without the presence of any kind of protest behavior or chasing, I'm doubling down on my DA hypothesis. I think the AI roleplay fits i…