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Citations (101)
I (21M) need help with a sticky situationship with my best friend (23M) — TLDR Depressed gay best friend rarely texts me after I ask whether we could date, and now I cant cut off this situationship because I will be too sad and we already planned an expensive trip together …
My current case study - Instagram Automation - is working! But how to make money? — I have a company that is doing quite well and I often have time left over. During this time, I try my hand at various case studies. This time it was Instagram's turn. I had often seen videos about Mak…
I’ve failed at startups, lived on the road, and I still believe I’m successful — I was 19 when I started my first startup. I led a team of 15 people, wanted to change the world. And I failed. At 21, back in 2016, I left home without any money, hoping that traveling would help me …
What I'm realizing: I relate closest to others with deep trauma and that is a troublesome recipe. — TW: addiction, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, CSA. I have CPTSD, routine struggles with depression and anxiety and the corresponding executive dysfunction. I grew up with an alcoholic parent…
Studying attachment theory — I’ve been studying attachment theory for a couple of months now, and I’ve only recently started to REALLY look into it. I started reading a book called Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for…
Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…
A letter to my FA Ex — I don’t even know why I’m writing anymore. I don’t know why I still pour my feelings onto paper when the person they’re meant for has emotionally switched off. Maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe it’s jus…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here! — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - February 23, 2026 — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - February 24, 2026 — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - February 25, 2026 — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - February 26, 2026 — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - February 27, 2026 — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - February 28, 2026 — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - March 01, 2026 — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - March 02, 2026 — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - March 03, 2026 — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - March 04, 2026 — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - March 05, 2026 — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - March 06, 2026 — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - March 07, 2026 — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
F**CKKKKKKKKK — I don’t really have anywhere to say this, so I’m just putting it here. I was with someone for a long time who I truly believed was my person. From the beginning, there was just something about her th…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - March 08, 2026 — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
Coming to terms with possible childhood emotional neglect - curious how others turned out — As I’ve gotten older and started reflecting on my life, I’ve slowly worked backwards and realised that I might have experienced childhood emotional neglect (CEN). What’s funny is that it actually sta…
Six Months of Dating in Europe as an East Asian Guy — Honestly Better Than I Expected — Today marks my sixth month living in Europe. Looking back at the past half year and all the European girls I’ve interacted with, I thought it would be fun to do a little reflection—what I did well, wh…
Getting rid of nihilism/pessimism — I (24M) am a pessimistic person, it is a really bad thing and i'm struggling to get rid of this thing. A lot of things happened these last years that chopped my illusions about life, such as losing my…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - March 09, 2026 — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
My (29F) brother (34M) asked me if he ‘still has a sister’ because I’m not excited enough about his baby. How do I fix this? — My (29F) brother (34M) and his girlfriend (31F) are expecting a baby in May. I’m happy for them because I know they really wanted a kid, but I don’t feel particularly excited about becoming an aunt. W…
Every time I post on social media, I feel less and less like there’s space for me on the Internet. — I grew up on social media, beginning on Xanga and MySpace at 10 years old. Then, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, as I grew up and entered adulthood. I’ve always over shared my life on the Inter…
Would you stay in a relationship with someone like this? — I’m in my first relationship post-divorce after 20 years of marriage. We’ve dated for a year and I love and care deeply for this man, but I’m struggling with whether I’m ignoring red flags. The good:…
How do you stay present even when you are feeling the pressure to run? — My bf and I are long distance and he's very very very loving and sweet. The best bf I could have ever asked for. He understands and accepts my feelings even when I'm feeling avoidant, but right now I'…
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - March 10, 2026 — This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own. T…
The Guardian today [ps. I'm a totally lucid dreamer though can't choose what I dream, however every night is movie night and as graphic, in colour and sometimes I can change the dream by waking or sle…
*Can i lucid dream* *Without waking up in the* *Middle of the night* \- complex\_blacksmith94 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.…
*I just wanna smash in* *Lucid dreams tbh, how* *To do that real quick?* \- BloodsoldierRB --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.red…
That’s how you see it though. Some people are different and do not have the capacity to consider that, especially if they had a stressful day. Normally I respond to my friends, but the other night aft…
Well said. Honestly not only that, but I think in a lot of cases a bad relationship actually harms the ability to sniff out red flags (unless someone does a lot of work to process). Bad relationships …
Hey there, first off, I really feel your burnout. I've been in that same spot where you have something with potential, but just don't have the energy tank to push it forward. It's brutal. A few thoug…
I’m not a DA but I do need space. Fortunately, my friends have always understood that, and I haven’t had to communicate it. I feel like they are kind of the same and everything just feels super natura…
I was in a similar position, ruminating for more than a year excessively about a relatively short relationship, feeling guilty about not being understanding and patient enough. And that’s the point I …
I feel for you, I’m in a similar position at the moment. I’m caught up on what was a relatively short lived but very intense connection I shared with a guy late last year. It ended with him ghosting m…
Okay, this is long and it might sound harsh, but I relate to a lot of what you're going through and acted much in the same way as you did, and I've gone from anxiously attached within a friendship to …
Literally exact same thing happened to me! Is there some DA handbook we're missing?! Can't agree with this comment more, though, people like this will have very elaborate and sometimes extremely con…
I used to struggle with this and at times I still do. I was very honest with my partner from early days about my issues and he is so supportive and kind. I think honestly is important! I also try to …
I am, Im not sure on their end. There seems to be flickers of romance but its too soon to truly know. But this is perhaps the struggle, I dont know what to make of their actions. Sometimes they reply …
I struggled with this for years. First of all what I learned is that when I get anxious from not receiving texts, I remember that that is a response caused by seeing texting or the lack of it as a “t…
Maybe I think of it differently, but it's really hard for me to believe what you're saying about putting someone else first never works/lasts. I want to though! A few of my friends are securely atta…
This definitely resonates with me a lot. I'm a massive people pleaser and sometimes feel myself mould into the person I think my friend expects me to be. Never really worked for me to be honest, only …
Why does it need to be your fault it didn’t work out? It might be something with them. For your own part all I’d say is to keep in mind too that people can sense effort, and sometimes that can misread…
I think my boyfriend (33M) and I (30F) might break up and I can’t tell if it’s my fault. This might be a long story so I’m sorry in advance. My boyfriend and I usually text most of the day, every day…
I struggle to hear my automatic thoughts and beliefs… i can hear them if im alone in my room but in day to day interactions i definitely don’t and im not sure how i can hear them better. Im in therapy…
This is probably the toughest thing for me. For one, if you have a partner that does this type of thing often, they could be avoidant. There's a reason we often don't do well w avoidants bc they don't…
I appreciate how much time you put into this. It’s well written and you’ve got some genuinely interesting ideas here. That said, it’s important to add some context so people don’t mistake this for set…
I been out my last relationship for 3 months. Looking back I can see I was anxious and codependent. With that I was a caretaker trying to help become more open, share more, make more decisions, and so…
I feel like our levels are compatible because we're both just freaking exhausted all the time and more often than not, both fall asleep on the couch watching TV. He really doesn't initiate very often,…
I’ve been doing that as well, problem is I have trouble believing outside of sessions and sometimes I don’t believe the affirmations I’m even saying during the sessions at all even though I’ve tried t…
About a year ago, we got new seasonal hires at my job. One of them ended up being this woman. I usually chitchat with new hires if they have questions regarding the job and that’s about it. I would ch…
Hi, with all due respect - I'm formerly disorganised, and with some secure-leaning (work in progress). This being said, I have been in therapy with regularity for 11 years (I had seen therapists and …
Love being reminded that I deserved the abuse because they were anxious and I have enmeshment trauma and sometimes needed a day to myself.
Agree It seems handy at first when you’re in need but it’s a major yes man/ enabler it’s geared to appease you and sometimes will fight your side even if you are wrong… can lead to wrong decisions b…
Text of original post by u/f1rstpancake: TW: addiction, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, CSA. I have CPTSD, routine struggles with depression and anxiety and the corresponding executive dysfun…
I relate having tended to attract chaotic or traumatized people for some reason. It’s so much better on the otherside with someone stable, secure, etc. At first I was like “me, really? Don’t you want …
I’m hoping someone will say it’s not bad and it’s not a big deal and it’s just my anxious attachment style. But I also want the truth. She apologized for this type of behavior years ago. She told me …
(Tried to post this as a solo post, but couldn't due to not enough karma) *Does Thinking About Death Really Help Us Live Better?* In this post, I want to question the practice of Memento Mori, becau…
First taking people off pedestals, slow the attachment until you get to know them. Take into consideration am I attracted to this person because my hormones are high or am I low on dopamine. Do I just…
In an anxious avoidant cycle with my fiance, we've been dating for 7 years. Some times we are better at navigating the ebbs and flows and sometimes all hell breaks loose . In general I've stepped int…
Thank you so much for this detailed response! This was very helpful. I think you may be right about the place he is at right now. I like the idea of just observing behavior at this stage instead of ma…
Hi everyone, curious to hear other people's thoughts on my situation since I'm not sure if I'm "stuck" so to speak I (29m, AP) have been talking to a woman (27f, FA) for almost a year now after meeti…
I do understand, and like i said, great work so far. Not detracting from that all! Like i said though i think its hard to simply extrapolate these results into a relationship, because a relationship …
Urgh. Two months ago I asked my ‘friend’ (who I think is DA - known him for 1.5 years) how he saw our connection, because I was confused if he was interested or not. We mostly texted because of time d…
Agreed on all points, but when I tried it (as someone securely attached) it never turned out well: I don't think any of my partners had secure attachment, themselves, because they all had strong emoti…
This was not my experience even when I was heavily DA. I think it could almost seem that way from the outside because it did take me a loooong time to warm up to people (still does! though not nearly …
Even though I'm FA, as a person whose almost exclusively avoidant in friendships, I don't think this is true at all. My secure friendships all followed a pretty distinct trajectory of periods where I …
>Likely: You’re not in alpha, or deep enough SH when practicing. This is the same as when you lie on the couch imagining - that’s daydreaming. Hey, thanks for the comment, but I am not sure how to a…
I'm an FA also and just wanted to say, dating didn't work for me, either. This'll sound weird and probably cocky but it felt like shooting fish in a bucket. I think I've often been attracted to unavai…
Something I have found that helps me quite a bit with AA and hyper vigilance is ‘journaling’ my thought spirals with ChatGPT. This obviously isn’t for everyone, and it definitely takes some getting us…
**My (28F) girlfriend (25F) and I have been dating for 6 months. I have an anxious attachment style, and she has an avoidant one.** I knew from the beginning that she was avoidant, but only about 2 m…
You seem to have self-awareness which is not exactly common these days. I would assume you've probably went to therapy about this stuff as well and talked it out with someone who is impartial and migh…
This isn’t necessarily the case. You’re regularly talking to multiple people on the apps, and sometimes you just click with someone else more. Or maybe even one or two people. So they become the prior…
I think we all want to "just click" with someone and sometimes we do and it IS intoxicating. There are not a lot of romantic movies about two More Or Less Compatible adults working hard at communicati…
I kinda-sorta get it. It's just not something I'd ever do to my partner and he wouldn't do that to me. But everyone is different and sometimes people sacrifice things for the sake of their relationshi…
Follow up once, no triple texting. If no response, write it off and move on. People get busy, life happens, and sometimes people just need a reminder. That's my rule anyway.