← Back to Resources

book

borrowed

r/AvoidantAttachmentUpdated 32 days ago
7
mentions

Evidence

Citations (72)

Attachment and intelligence

Attachment and intelligence — [https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Marco-Del-Giudice/publication/365106961\_A\_new\_look\_at\_the\_relations\_between\_attachment\_and\_intelligence/links/637e2eb92f4bca7fd084f79c/A-new-look-at-the…

r/AvoidantAttachmentpost4/6/2026
Just realized how damaging people pleasing and not being able to say “no” really is

Just realized how damaging people pleasing and not being able to say “no” really is — Let me preface this post by saying that I have my own issues with codependency and have spent many years working on it in therapy. I also have issues with saying no, and I completely understand how ha…

r/Codependencypost3/15/2026
Worth the wait

Worth the wait — About 6 years ago, I (34F) hit rock bottom. My life was in shambles after an abusive relationship, so I had no other choice but to go back to live in my mother’s house for a while. At this point, I wa…

r/raisedbynarcissistspost3/18/2026
My wife left a year ago

My wife left a year ago — My wife left a year ago I got divorced about six months ago. We were together for eight years and married for four. She cheated last year. It wasn’t anything dramatic. One random day, borrowed her l…

r/survivinginfidelitypost3/23/2026
My wife left a year ago

My wife left a year ago — I got divorced about six months ago. We were together for eight years and married for four. She cheated last year. It wasn’t anything dramatic. One random day, borrowed her laptop since my office one…

r/Divorcepost3/23/2026
Coda Slogans

Coda Slogans — I've been attending a meeting for about 2 months and realized last night that Coda doesn't seem to have slogans the same way Al-Anon and other Recovery programs do. Or maybe there is just a lot of cr…

r/Codependencypost3/23/2026
Only child (30F, Indian, US). Parents financially exploited me and my husband for years. Set boundaries. Now they’re trying to destroy my marriage.

Only child (30F, Indian, US). Parents financially exploited me and my husband for years. Set boundaries. Now they’re trying to destroy my marriage. — **The financial fraud:** My father retired with 1 crore and started building a house. Behind my back, he took a loan using my husband’s documents — claimed 45 lakhs, was actually 80 lakhs (POA fraud)…

r/AsianParentStoriespost3/25/2026
I thought I was "bad at mornings" for years – turns out, I was just fighting my own biology.

I thought I was "bad at mornings" for years – turns out, I was just fighting my own biology. — 1. You aren't tired – you're chemically blocked. Brain fog is a chemical siege happening inside your skull, and most people pour coffee on it by default. 2. You're never "too dependent on caffeine to …

r/selfhelppost3/31/2026
You have the answers

You have the answers — ​ Hello folks, hope your day is going well! Below i'll post the final chapter to a short work I put together. while out of context it does provide some useful tips on how to be. A dedicated …

r/selfhelppost4/3/2026
The dreaded day has finally come

The dreaded day has finally come — I've been low contact with them for years but one of my literal nightmares has come to fruition, dealing with my parent's hoarder house. They're in their 70s, increasing mobility issues, and have fill…

r/raisedbynarcissistspost4/4/2026
Turbulent year. Opinions on the worst year of my life?

Turbulent year. Opinions on the worst year of my life? — I got into a relationship at 16. Within the first two years of our relationship I discovered he was cheating by having sexual chats and sending explicit pictures online to other women. I forgave him a…

r/Divorcepost4/4/2026
Transcendental meditation

Transcendental meditation — Hi everyone. This is a bit of a tough one. About 35 to 40 years ago when I was growing up in London I borrowed a book from my local library on meditation. I think it was a beginners guide but it also …

r/Meditationpost4/6/2026
Narcissistic trap

Narcissistic trap — So I have a brother who is clearly a narcissist and his spouse is a narcissist with machiavellic tendencies. I’ve been manipulated and abused by them when I was a teen and I flew over to visits them d…

r/raisedbynarcissistspost4/6/2026
My first of several DDay’s was the day I gave birth 19 years ago today. Reflection post…

My first of several DDay’s was the day I gave birth 19 years ago today. Reflection post… — My first DDay (of several) in my 20 year marriage was the day my daughter was born 19 years ago today. I was about 8 months pregnant when I noticed my husband of about a year was acting strange. Wou…

r/survivinginfidelitypost4/6/2026
Went to Disneyland & got a $2K bill from parents…

Went to Disneyland & got a $2K bill from parents… — My narcissistic mother was upset that we didn’t give her enough time to arrange joining us for our trip to Disneyland 3 weeks ago to celebrate my 3 year olds birthday…that she demanded that I repay he…

r/raisedbynarcissistspost4/6/2026
Lingering

Lingering — I thought maybe if I let someone else touch me the past would loosen its grip that your name would fade between breaths, between skin and silence. But love doesn’t leave like that. It lingers …

r/BreakUpspost4/10/2026
My bf is a gambler

My bf is a gambler — My boyfriend (24M) and I (23F) were together for almost five years. We started dating when I was 17 and he was 18. Because of the war, we moved to another country together. About a year later, there …

r/Codependencypost4/10/2026
Need some advices

Need some advices — I’m a seafarer and i had a girlfriend for a year, we live in different provinces and it’s really far that i need to go on a ship and ride a bus just to get there. We met in tinder and honestly i was …

r/BreakUpspost4/11/2026
boyfriend (M31) canceled my (F26) birthday dinner reservation because of ongoing car issues

boyfriend (M31) canceled my (F26) birthday dinner reservation because of ongoing car issues — Yesterday was my birthday. I (F26) met with a friend for coffee in the morning, visited my dad and brother in the afternoon, and had plans to meet my boyfriend (M31) later in the evening for a fancy, …

r/relationship_advicepost4/11/2026
My Nmother likes to steal my stuff

My Nmother likes to steal my stuff — My mom likes to steal my stuff. Yeap. Never steal from any of my siblings. Just me. First was my makeup stuff, then my perfumes, the jewelry my fiancé bought me, then my money. Whenever I confronted h…

r/raisedbynarcissistspost4/11/2026
Reddit, decide for me

Reddit, decide for me — Options: A) leave her B) get contracts in place and work together C) divorce but date afterwards D) sue the shit out of her We met when we were 8. I moved away. We were close to being together w…

r/Divorcepost4/11/2026
Ex kong iniscammed ako ng 120k

Ex kong iniscammed ako ng 120k — The time that I am asking for the money to repay, I cannot reach her so instead, I contact her sister’s niece and nephews aunt and uncles, but then again they refuse to respond on my approach. So that…

r/ExNoContactpost4/12/2026
No contact but want my stuff back

It's reasonable to want your things back despite them being replaceable. My last relationship my ex kept a bunch of things that she borrowed when moving into her new place ( nice shop vac, drill, step…

r/datingoverthirtycomment2/21/2026
The term lunar new year was first used in British Hong Kong to quell Anti-colonial anti-imperialist sentimemts

in the ph it is “Bagong Taong Tsino”, the last word borrowed from spanish. chino, chinese. better than “ch!nk new year” or the other slurs often thrown at us

r/AsianAmericancomment3/10/2026
One of the loneliest things about being single is no significant human touch.

I don't really have the same issue, and when I've needed a hug I've turned to friends and family (and I've borrowed a weighted blanket before and thought it was amazing), but would getting massages wo…

r/datingoverthirtycomment3/11/2026
The term lunar new year was first used in British Hong Kong to quell Anti-colonial anti-imperialist sentimemts

Those words exist although academic and not widely known. I have not yet seen them used to refer to the calendar. For example Vietnamese is not classified as a Sinitic language but does have a large S…

r/AsianAmericancomment3/11/2026
Anyone find narcs to be entirely boring?

They might have been „borrowed“ though

r/NarcissisticAbusecomment3/13/2026
My (F28) partner (M28) gave me an ultimatum: him or my birds. Idk what to do

I see this relationship is on borrowed time to the point even *your boyfriend* is admitting the relationship isn’t working. Choose the one not giving you an ultimatum. It’s sucks to start over but you…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/13/2026
Just realized how damaging people pleasing and not being able to say “no” really is

Sorry to hear that was frustrating for you. I actually … kinda agree with her. This doesn’t really feel “borrowed” to me personally. But that’s mostly an aside ; my opinion (and hers) are irrelevant…

r/Codependencycomment3/15/2026
Just realized how damaging people pleasing and not being able to say “no” really is

Yes that’s a good point! I prefer direct communication so it was incredibly awkward, especially because it was clear she was beating around the bush instead of just saying no. I was looking up low s…

r/Codependencycomment3/15/2026
Just realized how damaging people pleasing and not being able to say “no” really is

Well, wait a minute. Remember, it’s something borrowed so it would be returned, not given to me. Like I mentioned in the post, I’m no stranger to having issues saying no and I understand how difficu…

r/Codependencycomment3/15/2026
Just realized how damaging people pleasing and not being able to say “no” really is

The second last paragraph is peak people pleasing. There's no reason it had to be uncomfortable and there's definitely no reason to preface it with all that fluff LOL. I think you're reading too far…

r/Codependencycomment3/15/2026
Just realized how damaging people pleasing and not being able to say “no” really is

Then that would be a reason to say no and explain why not. But id probably be hurt if my friends assumed I wouldn't give back something I borrowed from them, given we had that relationship of trust an…

r/Codependencycomment3/15/2026
Just realized how damaging people pleasing and not being able to say “no” really is

See I thought the "that would be strange" was them denying the possibility of the idea or saying they didn't want to do it pre emptively. I still think it's on the friend to say I'm honestly not comf…

r/Codependencycomment3/15/2026
Just realized how damaging people pleasing and not being able to say “no” really is

Not a weird ask! [Brides.com - Something Borrowed](https://www.brides.com/history-something-old-new-borrowed-blue-wedding-tradition-11796825) Something Borrowed The "something borrowed" item usuall…

r/Codependencycomment3/15/2026
Just realized how damaging people pleasing and not being able to say “no” really is

Maybe nothing would count as borrowed? Everything would be too much of an ask.

r/Codependencycomment3/16/2026
My boyfriend blew our savings. (F32) (M34)

look OP he scammed you. if the money is invested he can get it back or he can cover it. if you can't get it back then he stole your savings without your consent. there's probably nothing you can do fo…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/16/2026
The way trauma shapes your attachment system...

Thank you for sharing this so honestly. The part that really stood out to me was how you described feeling suspicion or even disgust when someone showed interest in you when you were younger. In hinds…

r/attachment_theorycomment3/16/2026
[Update] She [F25] withdrew consent after the act, how do I [M26] move on from this?

>the person who borrowed it gets into an accident you would expect some measure of recognition and amends. Irrelevant >If they bring it back with lots of trash inside you'd want them to clean it up.…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/16/2026
Just realized how damaging people pleasing and not being able to say “no” really is

I don’t think it’s a weird ask, but for whatever reasons your friend obvs doesn’t want to go with it. Just send her a little message saying hey it’s all good, have sorted something else out. That way …

r/Codependencycomment3/16/2026
Gambling Epidemic Among Asians in North America

my bro lost 600k playing short term expiring day options. He lost 300k of his life savings and borrowed embezzled 200k against his business line of credit without his business partner knowing. He h…

r/AsianMasculinitycomment3/16/2026
Something mentioned but not talked about, Serotonin.

> we literally still have no clue the science behind meditation, it is largely newly or even un tested we just have what we feel. I guess we have different orientations. As a practicing Buddhist I co…

r/Meditationcomment3/19/2026
What is 'not' meditation?

That's a good question. I'm repeatedly surprised by how many people here don't define meditation. People talk about meditating and often ask for advice, but without explaining what they mean by medita…

r/Meditationcomment3/20/2026
Thinking More and More About Just *How* Boring They Were

Yep. Can confirm, my parents fit this to a T. Woke up, went off to work, came home, sat on the couch / did chores, went to sleep, repeat for the rest of time. Another example is they rented a mobile…

r/EmotionalNeglectcomment3/20/2026
The way trauma shapes your attachment system...

"Borrowed self-worth" is the perfect description! I've always been super curious about what makes me tick and in the longest break between partners it gave me time to process everything and question:…

r/attachment_theorycomment3/22/2026
Are meditation retreats worth it?

It really depends on what you want from it. If you just want to feel a bit more focused and what you're doing works, then you don't need anything else. My own background is Tibetan Buddhism. Most pop…

r/Meditationcomment3/23/2026
Have you had any experiences where your beings saved yours or someone else's life in some way?

Too many times to count, but I liked this art piece from my art history class and was inspired by it for another art piece. I never got to that , but I did met too many angels to count. I'll say this…

r/experiencerscomment3/24/2026
Your birth is seen as a debt that you must repay

My nmother once borrowed money from me and when I asked it back, she did give it back but spent a week without talking to me. I was around 15 and it was the first time I earned money from my own work.

r/raisedbynarcissistscomment3/27/2026
Manifestation isn't working for me.

Have. More. Fun. Be the FIRST person to get carried away pointing out all the reasons you like THIS or THAT, Be the LAST person to complain or give any detail about things you don't like. Your …

r/lawofattractioncomment3/28/2026
The fatalistic overcorrection of the dichotomy of control.

You misunderstand what prohairesis is if you think it's automatic. For one, it's a term borrowed from Aristotle and it means anything but automatic triggers of emotion or what gets angry at people. Yo…

r/Stoicismcomment3/30/2026
How do I (35F) handle my soon-to-be-ex-husband (38M) asking me to change my name back?

He can't fight you on jack shit. It's your name, not one you borrowed. Do with it what you want.

r/relationship_advicecomment3/30/2026
I am heartbroken for my son!

Yep, I would have. He knows I don’t have the cash the drop it all at once though, he would have to let me make payments. He isn’t going to do that. And honestly, I’m glad that wasn’t an option. I’ve b…

r/raisedbynarcissistscomment3/31/2026
How I finally hacked meditation with an extremely loud inner monologue

That's an awfully lot of theorizing. It sounds like you just learned from the wrong sources. Meditation is not about watching thoughts in any tradition. The basic practice of shamatha uses the breath …

r/Meditationcomment3/31/2026
Seneca Letter 41 - we push one another into vice

Seneca's point here is often flattened into "be self-sufficient" — but that misses the deeper move he's making. The actual argument is that **most emotional suffering comes from borrowed opinions**. …

r/Stoicismcomment4/1/2026
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - April 01, 2026

I said the other day that I wanted to play a harmless little April Fool’s joke on the guy I’m seeing. Last weekend we were at a festival and he bought some candy from a vendor that we both ended up no…

r/datingoverthirtycomment4/1/2026
I 32M got asked out by 21F

Cute how we are pretending you didnt ninja your way into this position. Well done, I guess. She is looking for security, cause its a big bad world and the safety of college and borrowed money is com…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/2/2026
How do my brother and I tell our mother that our dad is cheating

I know it’s not easy for you and your brother right now too. It feels like the whole world is shattering, like none of it was real. I knew early on since pandemic when I borrowed my Dad’s phone that h…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/2/2026
I (28F) want a divorce from my wife (39F) after she gambled again tonight?

The total was $2,394 to move in. We had to put down a $300 pet deposit which would also hold the unit for us. I did that with my check. We got our state taxes back that helped towards the total but we…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/3/2026
Is It Wrong to go for Koreaboo/weeb girls?

Koreaboo is just a lazy borrowed term from ''weeaboo'' . To be specific .

r/AsianMasculinitycomment4/4/2026
The year before being discarded via divorce- was there signs?

Yeah i put it down to stress, a rough patch or just plain old life with a toddler. Figured we'd pull the through it as i really didnt know what the root of the issue was (i still dont fully tbh) and i…

r/Divorcecomment4/4/2026
Any other Wasians get a ton of looks everywhere they go?

FYI, "Hawaiian" is an English word (as in, originating from Hawai'i), and therefore does not use the  ʻokina. The purpose of the ʻokina is to indicate a glottal stop, which would be present if you sa…

r/AsianAmericancomment4/4/2026
My (29F) husband (35M) got me nothing for my birthday… again

If you're determined not to leave him (which it sounds like you are): I see next year is your 30th. Send yourself flowers with an unsigned note that contains a compliment, something like "You are bea…

r/relationshipscomment4/4/2026
Is it possible to do too much meditation as a beginner?

The method matters. And it's very easy to do meditation wrong, wasting time or worse. Some people are trying to open their "3rd eye". Others want to astral project. Some are trying to stop thoughts. …

r/Meditationcomment4/5/2026
M41, F33 spent and returned money from a joint account, any advice ?

There's something very wrong about his reaction. Its incredibly controlling. Are you not usually allowed to access funds from your joint account? (Which you presumably pay into etc.) The fact that y…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/5/2026
M41, F33 spent and returned money from a joint account, any advice ?

She returned the funds in the same exact day. She did not spend, she borrowed for a few hours due to a family emergency. Your examples are different and if they applied here, I’d agree. But there wa…

r/relationship_advicecomment4/5/2026
Seeking advice about my wife's actions

Let’s stop pretending this is some complicated limerence vs crush psychology puzzle. Your marriage didn’t almost break because of a crush. It’s been dead for years, you just didn’t have the guts to ad…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/5/2026
Narcissistic Abuse

That girl was not a sweet little angel. She was a performer. She sold you a dream in the beginning, and you bought it with both hands. The cheerful no swearing no smoking act was a costume, honey. Tha…

r/BreakUpscomment4/5/2026
Breaking up with my Gf might ruin her life

She used to live with her mother and stepfather. Her mother abandoned her when she was only 3 and in 2018 offered my gf to come live with them in the US. But they are toxic. They all borrowed money f…

r/relationshipscomment4/6/2026
Talk me out of unblocking him, please.

He's also left bruises on me, "borrowed" over $10K from me, called me white trash, an ungrateful bitch, a conniving piece of shit, etc. And turns his love on and off on a dime. And is an alcoholic, ga…

r/NarcissisticAbusecomment4/7/2026
Found a brand story that credits Britain and Japan for tea, but skips China entirely.

oh, if you accept wikipedia, then go read [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etymology_of_tea](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etymology_of_tea) >The pronunciations of the words for "tea" worldwide mostly…

r/AsianAmericancomment4/7/2026
Were we all always 'liars'?

I have been NC for over 10 years. My ndad is still going on and on about BS on FB calling me, my wife, my in-laws, etc. liars. He even made some big post the other day about how he hates liars. The…

r/raisedbynarcissistscomment4/7/2026