old me

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

Happy New Year and Bye-bye 2024: 6th Kill - $20,000 from Futures Trading — # 6th Kill: $20,000 Money Mission **Mission**: To make $20,000 from futures trading **What I achieved:** I made $20,000 from futures trading **How long did it take:** 5 and a half months **Backgro…

Does attachment style start to shift after cutting out toxic family members? — Recently, I removed a toxic family member from my life after years of emotional turbulence and manipulation. This person liked to gaslight me, hold past mistakes over my head, and blame me for everyth…

I got ghosted and I feel blindsided — I (26F) met a guy (26M) 3 months ago who was in every sense of the word my dream guy. We spent 1 week together before he left back to his country. Ever since we have Facetimed every single day, and we…

Wanted to share a website I recently made for small business in Croatia — I'm really happy how this one turned out. I both designed and coded it myself. Client told me I went above all of his expectations - but I'm wondering what do pros think? Link to the site if anyone …

My co-founder decided to quit: I'm stuck and could really use some advice | I will not promote — Hey All, A few months ago, I shared my story here (original Reddit post in comments) about starting an IT consultancy business in the Netherlands with a friend right after graduation. At that time, w…

Can the COO set meetings for the CEO for investors/VC? I will not promote — Curious to know as we’re planning to reach out to investors and get into introductions, would that be ok if I as the COO/Co-Founder cold message investors to meet with our Founder/CEO? Or do I email…

Which Hosting to choose for a website with ~100 pictures uploaded per day by users — The website is mostly of the pictures posted by users. Please advice any good cloud storage that is easily scalable. My dev told me to go with digital ocean. They have so many pricings and I am lil co…

Shopify Bill Pay - international vendor payments cannot be funded by Shopify Balance anymore — Im not in love with Bill Pay as its so sloppy and support is lazy. Plus they lock down accounts left and right and don't tell anyone. Once the new balance account numbers went out I saw that they were…

Business told me they would ship my package today, should I contact them tonight? — Ok so basically I’m in a bit of a time crunch but I ordered a package based on the stated TAT of the company. The business owner told me she would have the package shipped out by today yesterday and i…

Being an Entrepreneur is bloody hard — That's a quote from Dan Pena and it's absolutely right. The bum boys on Instagram, YouTube and all the rest that pretend like it's easy are 1000% full of it. The true life of a business person and e…

Do push/pull dynamics happen even when you’re not participating in them? — I (F, 32, originally AP, now definitely more secure) have just gone through a very confusing dating experience. 3 months ago I started seeing this man (34 met on Hinge). He started off very interested…

After raising for 7 startups, my pitch decks have fallen into three categories (I will not promote) — Over the years, I've raised funding for 7 startups. I've also raised for startup funds and stare at a hundred pitch decks a month. Based on the patterns, I've realized my pitch decks have fallen into …

"I quit my engineering job due to anxiety and built a small business—how do I scale from here?" — Hi everyone, I wanted to share my journey and ask for advice from those who’ve scaled small businesses. I studied chemical engineering and got placed in a great company right after graduating from S…

Stolen merch — I sell handmade keychains at a local coffee shop. Recently two have been stolen and the owners told me they don’t have cameras. I’m assuming it was a teenager that stole them. My question is how can…

I found a digital marketing course that teaches 10+ income streams—even if you’re starting from ZERO. — Hey y’all, I just wanted to drop this here in case anyone’s been looking for a way out of the 9–5 grind (or just wants to make real money online without all the sketchy stuff). A few weeks ago, I sta…

W2 without running payroll — I just converted my self from a sole proprietor to an llc electing Scorp. My cpa told me I don't need to run a payroll just pay myself a w2 at the end of the yr and I was the same thing. Does that so…

Manifestation coach hired me and fucked me over — Hi everyone, this is my first post here and I’m writing because I’ve exhausted every other option. And I am FUCKING DONE WITH IT. I hope some of you will see this and help me to hold that person accou…

Think I found a secure woman, and almost immediately self-sabotaged. — In my social club, there’s a woman who had consistently shown signs that she was into me. I was direct and asked her out. She said she was interested but couldn’t date for a few months because her j…

In an avoidant-anxious friendship, how much space should I be giving before I reach out? — The last 2 posts on the sub are about friendship and that encouraged me to post here as well. This is my friend of 5 years. We’ve gone from talking almost everyday to me being given the silent treat…

This is what happens when your FA ex comes back — This is my personal experience for those who are curious. Of course everyone will be different but I thought it might help those who are waiting or wishing (APs I'm talking mostly to you) Firstly the…

Women I’m dating is afraid I’ll lose interest when I learn who she really is. Seeking FA perspective. — I’m ramping up my dating efforts because I’m doing well—both financially and mentally. Things have been going really well with a new woman I’m dating. We shared a nice moment on our last date, and I’m…

What makes an anxious attached person feel loved? — I’m a dismissive avoidant in recovery. That means I have been working on myself. I would consider myself slightly secure but not secure enough to call myself secure Anyway, my boyfriend is anxious…

Struggling with losing my best friend/coworker, anxious attachment + limerence making it unbearable — Hi everyone, I apologize in advance for this long post. I’ll just post the TL;DR at the start. TL;DR: Lost my best friend/coworker of 7 years after a conflict. He’s now cold/avoiding me but friendl…

Help me understand-anxious now ex bf + part avoidant ex gf — My anxious ex and I met in ‘22. Online I was a full dismissive avoidant I began to work on myself in October’23. Since October ‘23,I have been a dismissive avoidant in recovery Recently,I have …

I need some FA to give me insights on this situation — Break up with a FA need some insights Hi guys, i really need some insights as someone whos desire is to be a safe space for a FA girl. Breakup context: I (M, 23) was in a 2-year relationship with my…

Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…

Ignoring after an argument. Deactivating or disinterest? — I’m not really sure if this belongs here or in my Taurus subreddit, because he’s a Taurus, as am I, and we can be stubborn. But he also leans very avoidant, and has started ignoring me after arguing.…

For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? — For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? I began therapy 4 months into our situationship because of how strong he came on,…

Will my ex FA ever stop resenting me? — I was with my ex (FA) for 2 years, amazing connection and relationship. She broke up after a rough period (lots of changes + frequent arguments, not too intense) saying she was overwhelmed. Later she …

Mostly healed, but I can’t stop walking on eggshells before I trust a new date (anxious-ambivalent) — Edit: I’m single but I’ve dated guys online. I’ve changed almost all of my symtoms from anxious-ambivalent to secure attachment. When I first start text someone romantically however, it’s all good un…

The most painful relationship/breakup I've ever had, cracked me open for healing. Plot Twist: The text message llm tool said I was an FA, I ignored it for 5 months before I figured it out. — For five months I was absolutely certain I was dismissive avoidant. Monthly attachment coaching—as a DA. Studied obsessively, could recite every AP/DA/FA trait. I even built this text analysis tool, a…

Is deactivation the real her? — When my FA and I started dating, she said, “I’m afraid you won’t like me when you get to know the real me.” She was sweet, caring, thoughtful, and made a real effort to be part of my life. We were i…

Stress over him smoking — So I don’t really understand this anxiety either but I really don’t like smoking. I don’t smoke but I’m okay with whoever wants to, unless they pressure me to do the same thing. So I’ve been with my p…

Looking for DA perspectives — I'm with my DA partner for 4 years. Two weeks ago we had a conflict. Since then, communication has slowly faded. He told me he wanted to give us “another chance” and that he was open to talking, but…

Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…

For those hurting, advice for your 2026 and my story — Hello everyone, **Preface** I am an anxious attacher, so my experience by-and-large is with dismissive avoidants and fearful avoidants. It is not my intent to villainize these attachment styles; thi…

FA breakup & prolonged limbo - does avoidance calcify over time or can it still reverse? — I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve been through something similar, FAs, or anyone who has opinions on this. I was in a 2 year relationship with someone I later realized is fearful avoidant (I didn…

A letter to my FA Ex — I don’t even know why I’m writing anymore. I don’t know why I still pour my feelings onto paper when the person they’re meant for has emotionally switched off. Maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe it’s jus…

a song about longing for something that never was - disorganized attachment style edition (cathartic release) — Lyrics: I’m standing at a wishing well, One coin trembling in my hand, A promise pressed against my palm, A truth I barely understand. They told me I was unworthy, Long before I learned my name,…

Feeling conflicted, I don't know if I don't love him and I am settling or if I love him and the "cons" are avoidant deactivation? — I 33F have ve been dating this guy 32M for 8 months. He's chased me for years and eventually recently I started to feel attraction back, he figured it out and kissed me. For some months I didn't feel…

Deactivation or undisclosed breakup? — I'm a FA woman...in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant....all was good, until past Christmas holidays , his bday and all situations when they deactivated.. he was the one who planned being wit…

When does the relationship clock start? — I (42F) met my bf (36M) in September on a dating app. We dated for five weeks, then I ended things because he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship (mental health struggles). We didn’t talk for two …

Bf of 14 months hasn’t said I love you — My bf (35M) and I (33F) met December 2024 on a dating app and became exclusive immediately after our first date. On our first few dates he asked what I was looking for and I said I was looking for som…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

Girlfriend told me she was going to kill herself on my birthday. My attachment was almost healed or so i thought - all of that is in shambles now. — There were a lot of other red flags I have previously chosen to ignore, but this is what made me wake up. I suppose after hiding from people and feelings for so long, I felt like if I just broke it of…

Found out he has a wife back home. Now what? — Went on a couple of dates with this guy (31M) who travels to my country every few months for work. Told me he’s single and hasn’t been in a serious relationship for the last 3 years. Dates were good, …

Should I meet up with my ex? — Back in November 2024, I went on a couple of dates with a guy from my friend group, “Frank” (41M now). Looking back, it’s obvious to me that he was a rebound, but I genuinely didn’t realize it at the …

I'm not sure about my attachment style but I want to discover it right now 'cause I want to start healing!!!!!! — Sorry for the long text, I want to be thorough. So, I just ended my first ever relationship. I'm 20, I'm a lesbian from a conservative background and had a lot of internalized homophobia and religiou…

Are pre-birthday discards the norm? — I’m trying to understand this through attachment theory because I genuinely don’t know what just happened. We’re both women. I was 23 with a grad degree, she was 38 and just got her culinary degree w…

Women keep telling me I need to date younger and now my daughter has too. — I (39m) look young for my age and have been dating for the last 4 years. I have mostly dated women in their 30s and about half of them have told me to date someone younger after things didn’t work bet…

Okay, thanks. About all I know in regards to this it's that I'm a Leo. Lol the post that you shared this link to I had asked my mom what time I was born and she told me 10:58 p.m.. I just looked at m…

About point a, moonlight, oh, sweet, old memories, I actually hallucinated about 1 year, trying to act as if. No, it was not rough, it was hell, but I did it. And it kinda worked, but I don t recomme…

I have a question. My mom has told me various stories of when she was a child, that she would just dream that she was floating outside her body, going through the window, etc. She is a very spiritual …

I understand. Just a week before my wife left me she said “I’m so glad we are such a strong couple that if we needed counseling we would go to couples therapy” however what she really meant was “ plea…

Wow I’m so sorry you’re going through this! It’s nuts how common our stories are. I always felt like I was being dragged around by Eric and he could never just tell me “it’ll never work out” Just brea…

One other pet peeve of mine is people who argue in the comment threads but don't try to give the OP any advice of their own. Like you have told me before you think what I said is stupid.....but you a…

Hello, I'm Kale, and Im 34. I was just married 3 months ago after being in a loving 8+ year relationship with the kindest person I've ever met. Three days ago she told me she had developed a relation…

This is the way. My ex broke up with me last week on the phone before my dentist appointment. I had to cut the call short because I needed to make my appointment. I lied about watching a sad show on m…

This is a REALLY old comment, no idea if you still use this account, but I had something similar happen recently. Some kind of entity appeared at the beginning of my dream and told me I was going to h…

Noone told me that.. Either you feel it's true (by experience, life, affirmations, a scene etc) or you use your five senses as a live VR making it as real as life. Not talking by any coach, neville or…

So pardon the length (I haven't told anyone yet) and thank you for reading. I might have a crush on a good friend ("Steve") who I've reconnected with after a few years of not hanging out. We didn't …

I had my first experience 2 nights ago. During the experience I first saw the color red and then felt a pulsating sensation all over my body. Similar to a heartbeat. I initially felt fear then immedia…

To me, the book doesn’t so much denigrate avoidants as it highlight their challenges in relationships, to help anxious types recognize patterns and seek stability—often with secure partners as an idea…

Take time to actually get to know someone, go slow, keep things light at first, don't jump into a relationship. Instead think about true compatibility in things like communication, lifestyle, values, …

I've been experiencing something similar, broke up in December. In my mind, it's almost as if the person I knew and loved severed (like from the show Severance) themselves and returned from a trip as …

I manifested working remotely after i started a new job in the office. Well let me explain. Since i came to the us i been a housekeeping.. first in hotels then housekeeping in a hospital. I started im…

I've been there! I'm bordering between being a DA and a FA, personally.  For me, it happened somewhat quickly after I opened up to my therapist and it was i n t e n s e. Like, I had never in my life…

What you are describing is punishment. And while it’s understandable to a degree, it can also cross into territory that is incredibly toxic. For example, one situation that caused this “escalation” w…

As a man who has been on both sides of the coin… bear with me cause this is a long read but it has relevance I promise.  I’ve been the anxious wreck begging and pleading. Saying stuff like “you don’t…

I've been reading people's experiences with partners who have borderline personality disorder, and I keep wondering... Is it possible for someone to not have a meltdown for a whole year before it happ…

I dont know but I know that my DA told me he felt guilty for hurting me. He said hearing me cry got to him.  Even if I doubted his love (because of how he treated me) I still trusted him. He was not…

Absolutely. My DA/FA ex told me this during the times he was most vulnerable and very stressed. He would go on stress filled tangents/spirals saying he hates how he feels, he hates hurting me, he hate…

I wondered about that myself. I don’t have experience with it, but after the breakup started researching, and concluded that he’s very avoidant, very afraid of any type of confrontation, something bet…

Got it. I only need serious invested connections. Six months was it. Her silence told me everything 🙂 but lack of even acknowledgment was maddening. As she seemed avoidant, initiated another interact…

I’m in the same boat as you. Also an FA, mostly secure but get sucked into anxious attachment with someone who is very avoidant. I’ve also said goodbye to some avoidant friends! I’ve done alot of hea…

Tbh I look for someone who is able to understand my POV when I tell a story, means show empathy not dismissing/judging, someone who is able to reassure me when I have my doubts, someone who doesnt tre…

Thanks for your answer it really helps. My therapist told me I was leaning towards secure she also said I made such an enormous growth when I put an end to the situationship I was in. She also said I …

I agree with you my DA had boundaries but I only learned them _afterward_ like I am talking as usual and suddenly he gets mad because what I say is not acceptable to him. Except he never told me befor…

Mine told me she never knew her dad. He walked out moment her mum was pregnant. Also told me she (32F at the time) had never lived with a partner before. Now if I have known about attachment theor…

avoidants (especially those that are actively working towards healing and becoming secure) may come off as secure in the beginning of a courtship. until they are met with some triggers which will lead…

This is great advice. DAs tend to repeat the same cycle over and over, from what I've read it's very rare for them to break it. They typically distract themselves with a new relationship, to avoid pro…

My ex broke up with his gf moments before asking me to dinner 🙃 We were both DA but I was pretty far along in my healing process, he hadn't even begun his. He was like the DA final boss in so many wa…

The "relationship was dead for awhile" is a key giveaway of someone with FA or DA attachment issues, imo. Mine so kindly kept it from me for over 6 months - until he told me our relationship was dead…

Thanks for your answer. I am somwhat between anxious preoccupied and Fearful Avoidant. For example I know I feel insecure when some friends I cherish wont answer at my text for long time, I will feel …

Hey I just wanted to say thanks for sharing your story and Im so very sorry for what happened to you 💔 Know that your little angel is having fun somewhere without experiencing the harshness of this w…

Thanks. Even if Im anxious or fearful, I usually bring up pretty quickly what bothers me because I hate mis understanding and I also hate to think badly of my partner. This way I am vulnerable even in…

I mean its not really a secure question.. You basically check for behaviour, anything that is suspicious like coming on too strong at the beginning, and past stories like a girl told me she has someti…

I have just learned about attachment Theory and believe my partner is avoidant( not sure if da or fa as still a bit confusing to me) I felt like my avoidant partner was putting me through test. At the…

This is hundred percent true. One of the most amazing things a client (he’s a healing FA) told me that I was his longest running relationship and that itself made him believe how he could form longer …

Me and my ex broke up 2 weeks ago. She told me these exact words. What should I take away from it?

She told me she's avoidant

On the car ride, we talked about AT and she told me she has a problem with being vulnerable. She told she has avoidant tendencies. We were sharing that stuff because we were talking about what we look…

My current gf has told me many times she’s avoidant but me just being a chill, aloof guy has made her crash out many, many times. People often mislabel themselves, or read an intro to attachment theor…

Me ex said he was “anxious attachment”, he proceeded to panic and freak out after he got me pregnant and dump and abandon me. Any time I talked about moving the relationship to the next level, or plan…

We never went on a date. There was Alot of flirting and talk of dating during that conversation about what we were looking for in a relationship AT came up, and she told me she wan an avoidant.

So you had a conversation about her past relationships (while coming back from a party, let me guess... alcohol was involved?), so? The other day some lady told me her life story while waiting at the …

Not all women will engage in situationship. I’d argue that confident and secure women who aren’t looking for something casual especially won’t entertain this type of situation. Unless they don’t take …

I honestly thought the same thing, but on our date, our goals seemed to match up. When she relaxed she told me about her struggles at work were so bad she's been thinking about switching careers. For …

Well initially I thought that about this 6-7-ish mark we'll make it official. However closer to those timestamps she began to feel overwhelmed with each week (she's autistic, was finishing her bachelo…

Truth is, I think I already see it more clearly, hence today she told me that she doesn't really want to meet with me in nearest time because she's feeling too much tension and guilt; as for talking s…